WARNING! This is what happens when you have too much salsa

This is not a very pleasant way to announce hockey...

“Like poop through a diarrhea-infected goose, Benn goes through everyone.”
 

—Dallas Stars analyst Daryl Reaugh, describing Jamie Benn‘s goal 

THIS is why punctuation is important!

Next time, try "NOT EATING. DIARRHEA." Via.

"That salsa sure was hot—I wonder if it will affect me."

By Helene & Kev.

I read some pretty weird articles for my research.

But who am I to complain? The more I know about "diarrhea management" the better!

What do you think of this painting?

It’s called 'Sydney Sun', and it sold for half a million dollars. So it’s good, right? Not so fast. Waldemar Januszczak wrote that it “successfully evokes the sensation of standing under a cascade of diarrhea.”

That’s cold, Waldemar Januszczak!

Want to know why this sign is necessary?

No, you don't. (Via.)

Well played, La Hacienda.

La Hacienda makes hot sauce. This is their ad campaign. (Via.)

This is actually a pretty good idea!

A friend spotted this sign at her local pool. "Persons having currently active diarrhea . . . shall not be allowed to enter the pool water." (Thanks, Cristina!)

Dude—learn to spell "can't"!

"My love for you is like diarrhea . . . I just can't hold it in!"

This book title sounds painful.

Bottom Turbulence, get it?

Who says oceanographers don't have immature senses of humor?

Want to see a really, REALLY bad ad placement?

Haha! That lady has explosive diarrhea! (Via.)

This miracle cure gives me great diarrhea!

From China:

Thousands of Chinese disciples seeking a cure from a so called holy spring said to cure any illness got to the bottom of its miraculous powers—when it gave them all diarrhea.

The spring, in eastern China, is famed locally for washing away skin blemishes.



But thousands of visitors during China's Moon Festival decided to drink the healing waters instead, only to find themselves stricken with upset stomachs.



"People were lining all through the night to get to the water but then they started to form another line—for the public toilets," said one local.

 "We warned them not to drink it but they thought we were trying to keep it to ourselves.

 When we drink it we boil it first."

That doesn't sound like a medical problem to me.

Ah, I see . . . there should be a comma there:

"UNABLE TO EAT, DIARRHEA"

"The Moose with Loose Poops"

The fact that Dr. Charlotte Cowan wrote The Moose with Loose Poops makes me very happy. Here's the plot synopsis:

Miles [the moose] develops a tummy ache... His planned camping trip with Papa is postponed when throwing up (oops!) and diarrhea (loose poops) develop . . . Of course, Miles recovers in time to camp with Papa under a special, star-filled sky.

I like how there's that helpful parentheses after diarrhea. (Those are loose poops, FYI.) A couple of the book’s reviews on Amazon are “jokey”, but this one is insightful:

Although the title of this book may cause a few heads to turn, The Moose With Loose Poops was written to help explain gastroenteritis to kids...I highly recommend this cute and informative story for all families with young children. 

Fair enough. Plus, it has five stars...the same amount as The Big Book of Gross Stuff!

Pop Quiz!

What person said the following:

“I do not take offense when you pour diarrhea on me day in and day out, and yet you have taken offense.”

A. U.S. Presidential wannabe Mitt Romney
B. U.S. President Barack Obama
C. Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin

Click “read more” to find out!

You know, maybe I like anime!

Via Keep Your Princesses.
(I'm pretty sure I've never tagged an item with
 "love" and "diarrhea" before!)

Mitt Romney and the Diarrhea of Seamus

From the Boston Globe

Politico has an article about Mitt Romney and his dog, Seamus. It goes like this:

In 1983, Romney packed up his family into a station wagon for a 12-hour trip from Boston to Ontario. Before starting, Romney put Seamus, the family’s Irish setter, in a dog carrier and attached it to the station wagon's roof rack. 
Was this cruel? The Boston Globe says Romney built a special windshield for the carrier, “to make the ride more comfortable for the dog.”



By Natasha d.H.

But poor Seamus must NOT have been comfortable, because he began to have horrible diarrhea. From the Boston Globe: 

As the oldest son, Tagg Romney commandeered the way-back of the wagon . . . he glimpsed the first sign of trouble. 

 ‘Dad!’ he yelled. ‘Gross!’   

A brown liquid was dripping down the back window, payback from an Irish setter who'd been riding on the roof in the wind for hours.

 As the rest of the boys joined in the howls of disgust, Romney coolly pulled off the highway and into a service station. There, he borrowed a hose, washed down Seamus and the car, then hopped back onto the highway.

What's unsaid is that Romney apparently put the dog back in the carrier, where it rode for the rest of whatever was left of their 12-hour trip. Yeesh.

What do Netflix and diarrhea have in common?

They both can stream instantly!

(You're welcome.)

Priests pray for criminal (to get diarrhea!)

Sometimes I'm lucky enough to see a story that is SO perfect, it needs no further explanation. THIS is that story!

In a rather un-Godly call for vengeance, the priests at a church in Florence (Italy) are praying that a dose of "the runs" will convince the unidentified pilferer of the error of his ways.

"We pray that the Good Lord will visit a strong bout of the trots on this thief and that this will help to convince him not to commit any more thefts," reads a sign put up by clergy at the Basilica of San Salvatore al Monte, a hilltop church which commands views of the Renaissance city.

The notice said that in addition to praying for a sudden loosening of the bowels, the priests were also hoping that the thief will repent of his crime and return the stolen holy books.

Two prized Bibles – one of them donated by a wealthy benefactor – have been stolen in recent days from the church, which is located near Piazzale Michelangelo, an esplanade with an impressive panorama of Florence and the River Arno.

They have been replaced by two new Bibles – one in Italian and the other in English.

"The language used by the brother who wrote the notice may not have been very clean, but the Lord, and the faithful, will understand," an unnamed priest told La Stampa newspaper.

Just in case the Holy Father fails to grant them their prayer, the priests have also taken the precaution of reporting the thefts to the police.

From the Telegraph.