Two years, I took a bold step forward.

Wow, it has been two years since I last posted. Life has so much of changes in the past two years. I had been working full time for some time and now sitting at a (yeap, another one) crossroad again, trying to figure out what to do with my career.

I joined a MNC in online hotel bookings, decided it has reach bottleneck after somewhile and decided to leave to go after my passion - working with animals, aka animal relocation. Love the job, but money wasn't good enough to make ends meet, so I sort of jump into coaching line while maintaining my passion as a freelance sort of things. 

I get to travel, a lot in other business now, living like a nomad. I guess I just dont want to get tied down or get attached to anywhere or anything that comes along. That feeling of being alive, presents at somewhere but having people passing you around just sucks. Grew up being the second child doesn't help at all. Constantly living behind the shadow of your elder sibling and being the extra child ranked in front of the youngest one, getting pass on or conveniently forgotten of your existence until someone wanted or needed something, then suddenly people remember you existed. So why bother right?

People are realist at the core. First they see you, said hi, then as time flies they get to know you, then have expectations, then conflicts...blah blah. Might as well travel, move to a place, take a pitch stop, do business, meet nice people but dont get too close, then move on and repeat cycle. If I like a particular place I make a few more stop at the same place at a lenght of time, and leave soon enough not to let people to kaypoh.

Downside to this lifestyle? I miss Teh Pao, and of course the fuel price does affect a little of distance travelling. I cant really remember when was the last time I take a good, long stroll in local community forest with Teh Pao. I am able to provide a better quality of life with better purchasing power, but time spent with my girl at home is never enough. No one will overspend on time with their furry little friends wont they? 

Guess I am still that scared little girl that just hate to live that same old life trying to please and get the attention from people that I once loved. Difference now is that as I grow older, I am also losing the need for attention from home, earning myself inches of freedom. Oh, I have also freed the beast that ride on rages.

Who would have guess the skills acquired back in those days when I was the little shadow that never bloom in my parent eyes will come in handy. Those days of pushing myself to live up to the adults expectation, to speak, to eat, to read their body language and to force myself to enjoy doing things that I never like is over. While I am labelled as infidiel, loser, useless, ungrateful and what other deragotary words, at least I am now living my life as me, not a shadow to please others. There are times that it still hurts, I guess I just needed time.