Reflection

Aaaa!!
Its already 1.30 am here and i am still wide awake!!
something is wrong with me!!
and i wake up like at 8 something everyday...D***..
this is just not me...
if i dont get back to my normal time i'll be late for class everyday!!
anyone have any idea how to get ur body alarm back??

its in the middle of the night...and guess what??
i'm hungry...food i need food...
so boring nothing to do..

have been doing lots of reflecting on myself this week
well,i guess after more than half a year here
i have to let go of my secondary school life completely now
no more day dreaming of going back
talk to a friend about time machine once..
and he was watching documentaries then on time machines
and said it is impossible to go back into time..
i guess you are right my friend..
no point looking back..the past is what it is now..

For 1st yr here,
life wasn't as what i expected..
before i came family and friends
especially people who are older
will say enjoy your UNI life
its the 1st taste of the thing closest to freedom..

To be frank, i did not really enjoy ,my 1st year of Uni
honestly i think it sucks..
but there really is something i learn when i came here
that is not to trust and believe people so easily..
a promise is easy to make but to fulfill it is not..
u might have fulfilled your promise but others may not..
or it could also be the other way round..

For the 2nd semester for 1st yr was even worse..
i felt like i wanted to hide from the world and
just do whatever i was assigned with properly and get away
crawling back to my own little world ..
almost everything i do at school will be judged by people
disappointments seem to be lurking in every corner of my life then
i think the only time that disappointment did note really meant anything to me
was when results were out..
but it came back in a while..
when i just notice that...
so what if you got good grades..
there is just no one around who is going to celebrate with you
i think this is the reason why i have become anti social
and just want to isolate myself..
and not let anyone around me know what i am thinking or doing
maybe because i don't want myself to be disappointed again
However. i guess there are still one or two past times that i like..
beside the part where the results come out..
believe it or not..i love to conquer the law library where it become my secret spot
and just make my own notes even if it means writing till my hand hurts
sipping my coffee and just have some quite time..
but i guess there will not be another time like that..
as people already discovered my secret spot..

Although i have been here for more than half a year
i stay home or at school a lot,
the most frequently visited place besides school
are Safeway and Victoria Market..
and of course the train stations!!
so if you ask me..what is there to see in Melbourne
i really don't know how to answer you..
you will be better off going to the info center and ask.
i did try and go out and have a look what is out there
but there is just no one who either has the time or is willing to come with me..

i guess coming out here changed me..
i don't feel like the person i was before
where i could really just be happy go lucky
and forget about anything that is bothering me
and just smile on..
i am not as organize as before
and i don't have the enthusiasm to do things anymore..
it feels as if something in me died down..
and i really really become a couch potato this holiday
even an invitation to go for an outing or badminton won't even get me on my feet..
i don't really know why i have turn this way...
is it me that is changing or is this the real me?

Hopefully 2nd yr will be different...
looking forward to it..
but it seems like fear is already ahead of me leading first..
ok i really better force myself to sleep..its going to be 3 in half an hour..'
nitez!!