Posts
Five months has passed.
Five menses. Haha.
And I thought we have passed that - the pressure of having a baby.
NOT!
1,2,3..counts of the happy news in the span of 2 weeks.
Last week:
My cousin-in-law finally conceived after four years - after few visits to LPPKN - after 4 years of waiting - but BEFORE making it to IUI. After HSG, she was diagnosed as having blocked fallopian tubes. They planned to do IUI after Hari Raya period but poof! the little fella finally made it through.
Last night:
Our instant niece-in-law casually told me that there is a baby inside her Mama's belly, and they think it's a boy. Her Mama was just married to Hunn's elder brother last 31st July 2010.
This morning:
The husband of one of my close friend posted a pic on his FB wall, pic taken yesterday morning.
The pic of a HPT strip with 2 lines.
They were, indeed, good news.
I was genuinely happy for our cousin, they've been waiting for sooo long. And she has gone through quite a lot. 3 of our cousins got married not so long after another, and they were the first. The 2 couples after that conceived quite quickly, within the first 6 months after the wedding. Imagine how she must have felt upon hearing the pregnancy news.....
which
has
now
become
my turn
to
go
through..
I would be lying to say that I am happy for them.
I was not.
So bad of me, but I still am not.
I've seen how my parents-in-law were happy whenever their cucu (although an instant one) came to visit. We've been staying with them for 1 year++, I swear they never looked happier. I feel guilty for not giving them grandchildren all this while..and to see what they have been missing. Although they have never ever bring up the subject of kids to us..I still feel guilty. I know that it's a very negative thought, which I shouldn't be having at all...but who am I kidding? This is the queen of all perasaan in the world! :(
I know that I must not stay this way, that I should be positive, be happy for them, be happy to see those bumps coming to the house, bearing the new additions to the family.
I pray that I will heal. I pray that I will find my thoughts to feel better.
And I pray that I will find that confidence that the time will come for us. That our turn WILL come sooner or later..
Love,
