CLEANED UP SWEAR WORDS

     I am finally home recovering from a short stint in the hospital for what they told me was a minor surgery. Well to them it may have been minor but for me it was like a few days in that hot place known as h___.

     After the operation they told me they were going to keep me overnight just to make sure that I did not have any complications. I thought that was a good thing, until I had lain in the “torture rack” that they called a bed for a while. The mattress was about one inch thick and the bed was three pieces of what felt like plywood that were somehow hinged to hold them together. When I got in they raised the top up at the top and down in the middle. Then the next section was down in the middle and up under my knees. The bottom section was up under my knees and down by my feet. Well I am a pretty big and tall guy so none of the joints in the bed fit where they evidently were supposed to. Of course no bending at the hips and the knees, but somewhere in between in each case. Just to be sure you do not get any sleep the bed parts moved up and down just a little all night just to make sure you would not go to sleep.

     In the morning a very nice nurse came and asked me if I thought I could walk half way down the hall and back. I asked her if I could, would that mean I could go home. She told me I very likely would be able to but I need to walk first. I told her if I could go home to my own bed I could probably walk to the Salt Palace and back.

     When they did decide I could go home they told me to get dressed and they would do the paperwork. I almost could not get out of bed. I hurt in every joint and every muscle. I could not straighten out my legs, my chest hurt and I almost convinced myself I had a heart attack.

     Well after being told I would be OK in a few days I got ready and my daughter came and got me and brought me home.

     The reason for the big long dissertation above was just to set the stage for some things that went through my mind while I was almost delirious that night of recovery.

     A couple of the interns (I think?) were using some of the modern (what I call cleaned up swear words) and to my tender 82 year old ears I have learned to hate them as bad as REAL swear words. I usually do not say anything to anyone when I hear them as I am sure they probably do not bother most people or everyone would not use them.

     However while laying on the rack I started to think that I and my friends had some of these words and phrases when we were young and we never thought anything about using them.

     Did you ever use these words when you were young and do you remember what they meant?

          Spaz                              Dibs

          Fuzz                              Eyeball THAT

          Egghead                 Made in the shade

          Split                              Go Ape

          Bread                            Zip It

     Of course different parts of the country had different favorite words and some were worse than others.

JUST SAYING (ha ha)

     By the way the Doctor’s and Nurse’s were right and I did start to feel better in a few days and I hope I am on the road to recovery.

     Wally Baldwin