Baby Steps

It's 2012 and it's been so so long since I've blogged. Not sure if anyone will ever read this or agree with me that they have felt this way but right now I shouldn't be complaining but these past few days I've been out of sync.

Well I know, I'm supposingly "so young", 23 going on 24, but already I am so so tired/bored of life, it's crazy. Maybe I need a break. I so so long to go on getaways to a serene place without cellphone, just me and nature, doesn't matter if I'm alone. Why? Cos life just generally seemed boring, same thing day in and out, alikened to a routine and I'm itching to get away. Few years ago I'm probably very comfortably happy with my routine life but well, not now.

My life had taken a turn and though I'm not used to it yet, I'm honestly happy, relieved bcos its not so crazy/stressful anymore. The change is probably for the best and I'm lucky to get that off my back. But I feel out of sync because I think generally, it boils down to the fact that I've not attained to that level where I have a peace of heart/mind.

But I want to.. Cos I only have one life and it sucks to feel sucky. Watching Machine Gun Preacher today woke me up though (it's not fantastic but it reminded me of what's important, why am I having that draggy attitude to life over something that's not worth it? Waste time, waste my life. Gosh, need more wakemeup films like that, never enough of that. Never enough of films like that that makes you realise you shouldn't be unhappy when people at another part of the world are worrying about their life cos its life and death. )

I just thought about it for a long time today and came up with my New Year resolutions. I never really believed in doing that because I thought what's the point if you're not going to achieve it? But I will try. Baby Steps. I have all the time in the world to achieve them, I am.. empowered. I can think what I want and have my own way of achieving that, the power is in me so its all good...

2012 Resolutions
1) To let go/put aside unhappy things and be happy and have a peace of heart/mind, to not overthink and be positive and strong. There's a saying that when a door closes, another door will open. No matter what comes my way, people have it tougher. In another part of the world, people are dying for their next meal, so what I face here can't compare. Everything happens for a reason and every challenge is a learning experience, however bad
2) To be confident and self-sufficient
3) To be more well-versed/knowledgeable, learn what I want to (guitar, violin, languages, etc), remember them and to be eventually, good at what I do (work)
4) To exercise, eat healthily, have restoration on the inside and outside
5) To save at least $500 each month to travel, etc and not spend so much on clothes, at most 1-2 pcs per month
6) Long-term wise, I hope I'd earn enough to have enough to give some $ to my parents and yet at the same time fulfill the above and sponsor a child + go on Mission project before I die

Baby Steps...

And age and fears catches up on us, all.

Back from KL and it's good to be back! Felt like blogging =D so, here I am!
I'm glad to be back to the comfort of my own bed, away from wet/dirty toilets, being copped up in the buses for 4.5 hours, to KL and back, wishing I have 2 bladders instead of one, and doing things like drinking less water or telling myself to take a nap and hibernate, so I won't wanna pee so bad..

But despite all that, plus the long waiting time (lucky I have my IPod with me!) because it's a MLM company sponsored/point rewarded trip to visit the new HQ, I enjoyed it.
I was happy to have spend time with my mom and to find out about somethings (although some are really random):

Firstly, I realised that I can recognise my mom from the back from her demeanor.. amongst a sea of aunties wearing same protective clothings for hygiene at the factory tour. I also realised she can't really taste well and that she's real pro at packing, squeezing things into the luggage.

Secondly, I realised I do have some weird/fearisome thoughts (that explained later*) of dying/worst case scenarios (Does that make me paranoid or a worrier?)

Fourthly, dad's always traveling, under the hot sun, so much from his job. Mom had followed him in his car before, and after that, she got a headache and that she couldn't stand it.. I felt quite bad hearing that though he's used to it. That dad toiled so hard for us, his family. And then I remembered this saying that states "It's a privilege to be able to take care of your parents". I agree. Not everyone can do that. And as I remember this saying, I pondered if they didn't really provide and aren't there at least, sufficiently enough for me in my growing years, whether I would even say this. After all, as an adult it's easy to be displeased. To want things.

What more an insensible child. I wasn't really a happy kid then and I'm not so now either. But I know I am lucky to be from a normal enough, intact family, and that when I'm complaining and wishing that we're closer as a family, I shouldn't let that affect me so much, and stop being envious and always comparing myself to others.

At the end of all that thinking, I thought, "I really NEED to grow up now".. I'm 22!
It's easy to get lost in the pace of life, think "oh I'm still young I can make mistakes!" but do I really wanna do that and regret? Feel shortchanged at the end of it all? I know, from now on, I should stop being so dependent on others. I should have a mind of my own too as well. There's just so much to improve. I'm at my prime age, and yet I am not living as I want to. I fall short of my expectations I set myself. I give up too easily. If I live like that any longer, when I'm supposingly having the most energy, what about later?

So many things I've got to get used to and change.
Everything changes, when I'm out of school.
And I know I should not be the old childish Iris anymore.
I would have to find work and decide on a career path, start saving when I work, give money to parents and at the same time, juggle the wants/expectations I have of myself, find personal growth, experience while maintaining the friendships, relationships I have. All that will grow harder with work cos that means having little time to myself. As I thought about that, I find it ironic. How ironic it is, when you're young you have the energy and time but no money, but when you're old, you have more money but no time or energy.. Time.. that is of the essence.. We all, we only live once. Now's the Only Time, you know?

Yet you can't have everything. It's scary. To grow old. Having to face all that.
So many responsibilities! I try not to get overwhelmed. OMG, wrinkles? Fine lines that shows my seniority in life? In life experiences? No thanks! (I don't wanna grow old! I can't imagine waking one day to see I have my first wrinkle like how I discovered I had my first armpit hair recently!) Oh!! I gotta buy supplements! And there's so many clothes/bags I want to buy! Clothes.. I know.. I have to make wise choices, on my shopping. Probably churn out internet shopping for good, and invest in quality sophisticated clothes, comfortable clothes that can bring me from work to outside, clothes I'm confident in, not those cheap internet bargain buys. I am determined.. To not spend my stuffs on useless stuffs anymore - just a bag and clothes for work and I'm happy I think?

The list goes on and on! And all I have are thoughts that needs to be gathered.
Things to be done.
Things I want to do.
All that, and no solid action plans. They're all kinda in the "Zilch" Factor.. how do I organise that?

Sigh..

And.. about the trip.. To sum it all up, well, with this trip being with my mom and middle-aged aunties and uncles, I imagined I would be anti-social or like =/ really "erhmmss" about their auntieness, but I wasn't. The karaoke-ing singing auntie bus idea didn't come true. And this trip was surprisingly interesting because besides the thoughts that were going through my head, I got to see the factory production process. Lotsa tasks are automated, but there's lotsa manual labor involved too (So I guess robots aren't replacing us soon a la I Robot).. So 100% automation is not wide-spread or even possible (I don't know) yet..? The last I heard, scientists says even the most advanced robots have the intelligence of well, a cockroach. (Are cockroaches not that intelligent? What would be their IQ? But well, cockroaches should be quite smart considering they outlived lotsa prehistoric creatures?!!)
All that hard work I see from the workers made me think about the source of the products I take for granted.
The effort put inside each and every product. It was marvelous just like life itself.

And I know I sound weird. But I am. During this trip, I discovered I have some weird feelings/fears too.
In the factory tour we have to cover most of our body parts for hygiene so we won't contaminate the products produced. Shower Cap? Check. White LONG robe covering bag? Check. Plastic bag covering shoes? Check. It reminds me of the other time I went for something like that too. For a tour. I think it was an educational tour to an incinerator. Or some tour of a science lab (think at Singapore Poly).

Before the tour, I felt abit tensed when I was in the room separating us into the other room. Mainly because it resonates the scene in Schinder's List where the people waited for the next moment and the door was closing with the "DEHHH DEHHH!!!!!" sound. If I was a POW traumatized and scared of closed spaces, I would probably have died or clawed my way out. It was scary because if my imagination ran a little wilder than if I have restricted it, I would think we're all gonna be poisoned to death via breathing in carbon monoxide released from the wall ventilation, haha. Hence I was tensed. And yes, I'm so retarded..

And so that's what I mean about my second point above.
For the trip, I wish I could see more places, shop more .. A pity I didn't get to take the Health/Fat Analysis checks. That would be more interesting.

So in summary, for the trip, besides getting a perspective, I managed to shop at Bukit Bintang - Sungei Wang Plaza (with my mom paying for my buys which includes a dress, shoes, belt, innerwear), Cocoa Boutique, Jalan Pertaling Chinatown, stay at Grand Season Hotel (with a view of the Twin Towers!) watching Flash Forward and Gossip Girls at the wee hours in the morning and later, "wash my ass" after pooing, with the turn of the knob - so the toilet bowl washed it for me, see the production process of a MLM company, discover my weird thoughts/fears (which includes the fear of sitting at the back of the bus and dying. Fearing if there's an accident, I'd be the first to die).

I also have new found respect for MLM aunties though I dislike MLM and would probably not get into it ever (but I applaud their hard selling and perseverance that enabled them to go on such trips), so the 2 days, was well spent, I would say. It was a breather (except the toilets) from Singapore =)

Innocence, Back in Those Days

I went to school today to get my prelim scripts (cannot wait ma) + meet the spree-er to get my items + seek help in formatting my laptop + study and viola! When I got my paper I found out I passed 2 papers out of 3! (50 marks, and so, for both- 2nd lower class somemore!) . Failed one (15%) and the 4th one haven't get back yet..

It came as a TOTAL shock cos I'd never have expected it.. Am so glad, pleasantly suprised cos honestly (I'm not kidding) I didn't put my 100%, this is not the most I can put in, can say maybe not even 80%? Really never study much at all cos things happened that time and I was busy trying to resolve it. But I still manage to get not bad results. But should not let that get into my head and get cocky and let my guard down. Time is crucial now. Prelims is nothing compared to the finals!!

On my way to school I also received a call from Promedia (that does the Green Book!) that I'm shortlisted (may get a chance) and that I'm lucky for that.. Got asked a bunch of questions but my freaking phone got problem I can't talk to the caller cos I can't hear anything at all =( damn annoying. then cos I mass send out my resumes I din know which company called me. and I couldn't hear (and paiseh ask them spell after asking them 2 times) the company nor the person's name.. yeah, then the phone problem happen.

Walau. Could've died. It's like being given some hope about winning something (getting a winning lottery?) and then you died. Called back and it was the bloody fax machine (I think) Mann~ why she didn't use normal phone line!? Why my phone so sucky?! When I reach school (after like 30+ more mins. Imagine my anxiety?!) I immed after putting down my bag go search for the no. they used to call me to track the company down. when I called back the HR Dept was having meeting so I can't contact them at all. Then by the time it was 6+ office close I guess. GAH!

Frustrated.
But ok lah the good news of my prelim results made things better..
and also the fact that my laptop can start now after being formatted (thanks to the spree-er who's very nice to help me!). That's great cos my laptop works waayyy faster than the desktop.. (but still quite slow cos 500+ RAM. outdated already) BUT!! I lost all my precious files. I did back up my system but that's so long ago.. T.T so most of my new files I acquired after the backup are gone!! ALL GONE!! *crumbles and dies*

The music files and the likes. I can't sync my Ipod unless I get them back!! Means I'm stuck with my old songs and can't sync the new ones in! that's like music deprivation/death for a music nut like me =( THE DEATH SENTENCE!!

GAH.
Anyway, whatever. that aside, I went home to new earrings having arrived (YAY!) and my W-2 Form finally arrived! Means I can apply for tax refund already! but bloody hell, I lost my Social Security card =( I searched everywhere but couldn't find it.. Then I asked Eunice for help.. I think I gotta go to the US Embassy for help.. (walau so annoying to deal with this during study period)

During the search I came across my box fulla letters, cards, my old diary, my kindergarten report card.. I opened them and read it and found myself smiling and laughing to the childish/innocence/compliments (you're my best friend! you're so nice/weird/blur/funny/always cheering me up yadayada)/talking bad about other people from friends.. everything) and it made me smile.. and remember the innocence then, and maybe how I am as a person, how they came into my life and mine to theirs, what they said about me that makes me remember who I am then and even now (where I kinda don't know myself anymore) I guess.. I didn't really change at all.. I'm still mostly, kinda the same Iris..

Admist that "feel good" feeling, I also felt a tinge of sadness.. I missed my friends and wondered how we lost contact and they just am no longer in my life, and neither of us really did anything.. I miss Yoko/Vernisar. I saw particularly a letter Yoko wrote me that said I'm like God's gift and she's thankful for me. I can't believe she wrote that. Touches my heart.. and it's quite sad now we're no longer in contact.. =(

When I first met her, and she got assigned to sit next to me, she hated it and tried stopping it. Next thing we know we're best friends and she warmed up to me so fast, like nobody had before (that's what she said) We were so close we even used to write letters to each other.. and call each other best/good friends, that we'd never separate.. Friends Forever!! What happened?

You know, I'd like to think of myself as someone who treasure my friends, but am I really?
Why did we drift apart and stop talking to each other altogether?
I miss them..

Miss them so much I scanned some of my neoprints I dig up.
and I think I'm gonna drop them a FB message and hope they'd reply.. =)

This Second

I'm trying to hold it all together, this second.
Songs are both comforting and bringing on those revolting emotions.
Bah. Gonna bury in work.

Ellie Goulding - The End

We've only ever kissed lying down
We've only ever touched
When there's no one else around
I can be elusive if you want me to
I'm not being intrusive
I just wish I knew the truth

As to why
I wait for you
Longer than the average person would
And why
I think about you
More than I think one should

Our body's fit together like a makeshift puzzle
And It's clear to see why you puzzle me
And you turn your frame
And you whisper my name
As though I am a burden

Cus I'm making up for last time
And I'm making up for you
And I'm waking up from last night
And I'm waking up with you
So what's new
So what's new

I am at your house
So I belong to you for now
Trying to impress you
But lord I don't know how
I can be a statue if you want me to
I'm not being difficult
I just need to know the truth

As to why
I'm wanting you
And I would take you away if I could
And why I'm still here
It's something I still haven't understood
Our hands rest together like pieces of paper
But they're always blank when I hold your hand
And it gave you a fright
When I stayed the night
And you gave yourself to me

Cus I'm making up for last time
And I'm making up for you
And I'm waking up from last night
And I'm waking up with you
So what's new
So what's new

It's not the end
It's not the end
So don't let us pretend

Cus I'm making up for last time
And I'm making up for you
And I'm waking up from last night
And I'm waking up with you
So what's new
So what's new


Ellie Goulding - Fighter Planes

Stones falling down
Rollercoaster, heart pound?
Fears overplayed...
Two left feet emergency.

Wide open space
Catch my tail,
fishing net.
Fold up my frown
take the rage
and smooth it out.

Stick to my skin,
paper mache face to live in.
Same view to paint,
Watercolour your name

Face your mistakes
(You will never have to feel that way again)
Oil your chains, under rate.
(You will never have to feel that way again)
Read every page,
Press the dents (of my) fighter plane

I held the fort, and I swung my sword I have muted the screams I have broken the falls oh I have fought, and I swung my sword I have muted the screams I have broken the falls

Fighter Plane
Fly away!


Avril Lavigne - Things I'lll Never Say

I'm tuggin' at my hair
I'm pullin' at my clothes
I'm tryin to keep my cool
I know it shows

I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
I'm searching for the words inside my head

Cause I'm feeling nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it, yeah

If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I want to blow you, away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down, on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

It don't do me any good it's just a waste of time
What use is it to you what's on my mind
If it ain't comin out we're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care

Cause I'm feeling nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it yeah

If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I want to blow you, away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down, on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

What's wrong with my tongue
These words keep slipping away
I stutter I stumble like I've got nothing to say

Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it yeah

I guess i'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I want to blow you--away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down, on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

These things I'll never say

Music and Photography

My laptop's spoilt (I can't get it to start -.- It died on me after the power trip yesterday, which coincidentally happened when I was watching 2012. Quite scary!) but still, I'm still blogging!

Stayed at home the whole of today cos I was kinda lazy.. (was in the lazy I-wanna-sleep mood)
No mood and kinda no company to go the library.. But nevertheless, forced myself to study though and I almost finished the 2nd chapter of my 1st subject! Yay.. But still very behind cos my final exams' in 7th May.. Time crunch to the max!! =@
This morning I received calls "rejecting my application" from the companies I sent my resumes to yesterday (so fast!) They said they're looking for executives NOW (and aren't willing to wait TILL JUNE when I finish my final exams). I could understand that (the unwillingness to wait cos I'm not like an exceptional scholar and I guess in some way, I'm just expendable as any fresh normal graduate out there) and I appreciate that they called to tell me so I won't wait my ass off and at least I know lah (Rather than think OMG why no calls? Did they at least see my application?)

Oh well, I'm gonna just keep on keeping my fingers crossed.. It will be fantastic if the job I get would be related to Marketing/Events, and enable me to travel overseas occasionally that exposes me and trains and develops me. At the end of the day what matters the most is that I learned something (and move from fresh struggling ignorant bird in the dog-eat-dog world to someone more confident and aware..) I would NOT want to be like an assistant doing ONLY "office errands boy" kinda work..


Anyway, job matters aside, I tried to study. But it was utterly boring because I so lacked the motivation and the drive! (The start is always the hardest they say) But with music, I can sustain abit.. kinda (though I did get very distracted daydreaming, "fashion showing") Was using my Wifi and Ipod to access Youtube to savour songs while studying to beat the Zzz monster..

And I hit gold!

There's songs from Ellie Goulding that's real good.
I don't know how to "categorise" her music cos I never really know music genres, but I guess it's like Digital and like Alternative? Bah, I don't know, but what matters is she's good.
She's got a real unique voice and she reminds me of a little of Lily Allen and Imogen Heap!
and for some weird reason when I sing along she puts me feel like dancing/like a nymph/flow-ey mood..

I particularly like her Guns & Horses, The End and Fighter Plane (as well as Starry Eyed: the first song I listened of her- for some reason I thought she's Bjork -.- and I'll Hold My Breath**- prev called Swimming Pool)

Also dawned upon Marina and the Diamonds' Hollywood (real catchy) too and I liked it!

Funny thing, listening to Guns & Horses I imagined how the music video should be.. I imagined how I would've done it if I'm the singer (I guess you could say I have a "Precious" moment - that's a movie - if you've seen it you'd understand what I'm talking about ^-^) with scenes like..

A girl walking to running (with flowy hair and light drapey clothes)/breezy atmosphere that changes to dark atmosphere then light again?/digitalized arty moving background/playing of guitar/roses' thorns/falling papers or photos and perhaps burning them?/binding/being bound/screens/falling into a hole and also in the water (perhaps can make use of scenes from Eternal Sunshine of A Spotless Mind since the song is kinda related- erasing of negativity - if only it's that easy! - and such)

LOL. Honestly, sometimes I wish I am a music video director or those good people who fits songs into movie scenes.. that's such a fabulous job to have (I could imagine the stress that comes with it too, but it'd be awesome to be in such a line of work.. -.-)

.. Gah. What a daydream. I'm such a music nut sometimes, it's crazy. It goes to the extent that after I finish watching a movie (on DVD) I'd wait till credits to roll and I'd pause and unpause it, one by one, I'd search for the music in Youtube and listen to them! And occasionally I seek for good music with the help of Top 100 Charts. Can NEVER HAVE ENOUGH OF GOOD MUSIC I can identify with =)




Oh well, anyway I saw a TV ad for Canon's Powershot SD1400 IS Digital Camera recently and I was fascinated by it! I don't know how much it cost (and am too broke to afford it anyway) but it has like Fisheye function! That's like so cool. It's like a lomographic digital camera (which reminds me of my retired barely used Holga T.T)! But it still isn't perfect..


*My Definition of a Perfect Camera*
It'd be awesome, if any company can have (ok I may not be that realistic here) lomographic effects like fisheye + miniature effect (like this camera provides) + RICH/FADE-Y artistic colors + makeup effect (for the face conscious) + the function that enables you to turn the panel to see how you look when you take the photo so you can adjust how you look (you know like taking a neoprint you can adjust how you look.. my brother's camera have that.. it'd be.. for the camwhorers.. )

OMG you can't believe it. My TV's on and just as I'm typing this, the advertisement came on.. Haha..
How coincidentally weird (and kinda funny considering I only saw that advert once recently till now)

And.. Goodness gracious.. It's 10.47 PM. I'm online for so long! Gotta get back to my books.
Shall end of the good ol' lyrical way again.. With a beautiful song with beautiful lyrics. It's so sweet..

If only pain/negativity/hurts and wounds can be erased/healed just like that, I would want that.
And I want to give that to the people I love as well..
I would want to change the past so it would hurt less, do things differently..
Everyone who has let themselves love that much before would have wanted that.

So I guess this song is gold and digs deep because everyone could identify with that.
If only love could hurt less. And saying that reminds me of yet another song I heard today, Hardest of Hearts by Florence and The Machines (but haven't grown to really like it yet. Maybe in time, I'd appreciate? Cos some songs are like that)

Ellie Goulding - Guns & Horses
You're so quiet
But it doesn't phase me
You're on time
You move so fast, makes me feel lazy

And let's join forces
We've got our guns and horses
I know you've been burned by every fire is a lesson learned

I left my house
I left my clothes
Door wide open
Never knowing
You're so worthy, you are

But I wish I could feel all it for you
I wish I could be it all for you
If I could erase the pain
And maybe you'd feel the same
I'd do it all for you
I would

Let's tie words
'Cause they amount to nothing
Play it down
Pretend you can't take what you've found
But you found me
On a screen you sit permanently

I left my house
I left my clothes
Door wide open
Never knowing
You're so worthy, you are

But I wish I could feel all it for you
I wish I could be it all for you
If I could erase the pain
And maybe you'd feel the same
I'd do it all for you
I would

It's time to come clean
And make sense of everything
It's time that we found out who we are
Cause when I'm standing here in the dark
I see your face in every star

But I wish I could feel all it for you
I wish I could be it all for you
If I could erase the pain
And maybe you'd feel the same
I'd do it all for you
I would
I'd do it all for you, I would

I'll Hold My Breath

what a befitting photo to intro my new *Song of The Moment*!!
(Side Note: Today was spent sending our resumes.. Oh yes, I am blogging again!
It's like the expression of the soul, no? My soul must've need lotsa expressing and here's my outlet~)

Ellie Goulding - I'll Hold My Breath

Breathe air you're not used to,
tread floors you don't fall through
Make waves,
You crash a symbol hard
Follow no one, always play the wrong card

Waste days, in foreign places
Shed lights, on your better side
Reassure me that you'll wait for me,
Wait for me, as long as it takes

Now I'll hold my breath, I'll hold my breath

Until you see me in your dreams
We'll stay awake beneath the trees
We'll watch the buildings turn to dust
A sky of diamonds just for us
You are the risk I'll always take
The only branch I'll never break
Those fears we'll blow them all away
We'll blow them all away

Fight fires in your best clothes,
touch skin with your eyes closed
Chase thunder...
With the volume down
Pack a suitcase, wonder to the next town
Force quit, on your losing streak
Solve a riddle in a magazine, be tongue-in-cheek
Tell me that we're still too young,
That we're still too young and I'll hold my tongue

Until you see me in your dreams
We'll stay awake beneath the trees
We'll watch the buildings turn to dust
A sky of diamonds just for us
You are the risk I'll always take
The only branch I'll never break
Those fears we'll blow them all away
We'll blow them all away

I'm here, I'm here to take you
I'll swim, I will swim to save you
No fall, I'm here to catch you
I'll swim, I will swim to save you

Until you see me in your dreams
We'll stay awake beneath the trees
We'll watch the buildings turn to dust
A sky of diamonds just for us
You are the risk I'll always take
The only branch I'll never break
Those fears we'll blow them all away
We'll blow them all away

Inner Strength

How does one in the midst of their low, find strength?
In their midst of uncertainty, find bravery?

How can you even measure how strong a person you are?
Cos I think I would've failed that one.
Surely it can be grown or learnt?

I wish I knew all the answers.

Pre-exams Low

Been so long since I blogged OR did art/fiddled with Photoshop! I miss it..
Recently though I'm supposed to be studying, I happen to be playing around with random photos with Photoshop, with photos of me I have.. (and of my friends too) And ALAS! Here's my creations!! I really love the flower one (though I am one-eyed -.-) and also the child photo one! It super looks like an aged photo/painting!

Super cool..
lol. I don't know if I'm blogging because I miss my friends.. everyone's busy.
Feel like I've got no life. But I guess it's like that before the exams..
The low motivation and contact. I need some encouragement/support!! LOL!!
Gah, wish I'm stronger and less of a fool.. Why do I feel down even when everything's fine?

.. Maybe that's why I'm doing a post now. To cheer myself up, lol.
Strange thing about blogging. It's like a release.

Haha. Sigh.. Doing mask on my face now. Multi-tasking..
Going to head to library later to study. Hope I'd get much covered!
Gotta finish washing up and reading newspaper now. This is a short post. And I'd end with a song ;D
THE Song of the Moment/Song that touched my heart in a certain way (ok I know it sounds kinda corny)

Nicole Kidman - Unusual Way

In a very unusual way,
One time I needed you.
In a very unusual way,
you were my friend.

Maybe it lasted a day,
maybe it lasted an hour,
but somehow it will never end.

In a very unusual way,
I think I'm in love with you.
In a very unusual way,
I want to cry.

Something inside me goes weak,
Something inside me surrenders,
and you're the reason why,
you're the reason why.

You don't know what you do to me,
you don't have clue.
You can't tell what it´s like to be me looking at you,
It scares me so that I can hardly speak..

In a very unusual way,
I owe what I am to you.
Though at times
it appears I won't stay,
I never go.

Special to me in my life,
Since the first day that I met you.
How could I ever forget you,
Once you had touched my soul?

In a very unusual way,
You've made me whole.