Perfect in union Shitty when not

I can never truly escape this place.
It been a constant refuge and place where i can rest my thoughts and put all other trivial matters at. Even if its not neccessarily typed out in well-formed words.
This life is a whirlwind and on days when its not, as of most days are, we stop to think about the things and people that truly matter.

And despite the countless years, tears and sweat, only one person made me feel like i've hit home. No matter how i try to deny it, try to hide it and try to deem it as mundane, the world could have their cake and eat it and i would still continue shining.
I don't know how to express this better than to tell you that i couldn't have been more grateful for the times we have teamed up together as well as gone our separate ways to see if it was all meant to be in the first place.

4 years wouldn't count for anything but it could just as well be broken in a day. Thats realistically how i think a relationship could be if it were taken in by a storm. But on the other days that manages to weasel its way out of a rut, i would still be able to lie in your arms and know that it fits...
perfectly.

Heart Biondi

I'm up and its close to daybreak. Not that i don't feel tireness creep in but rather i can feel an accumulation of the future boredom and freedom i might have to fill the days and as much as it excites me, it freaks me out as well.

B has finally been shipped off for close to 2 weeks which would further extend to an awful 9 weeks all these, while he keeps up with fleeting appearances in exchange for lots of sheer tolerance and understanding from me.

Bought clothes, looked at it and told myself i'm gonna go swimming more often. The true fact of life is that i have been neglecting myself, more on the areas of self improvement and i really wish to pick up where ever i have left off.

I have started my gilmore girls marathon, it will keep me bed bound and in need of both blankets and food at the same time. That is so counter effective from my last paragraph up there.

I'm not too sure how i'm gonna start back from where i was before everything took off in full swing. Kinda scary to think that now i have nothing in the world to stop me besides my own self destructive behaviour.

I'm still the same old with daily procastinations, hesitations, fears and hopes. But i guess i can see it all clearer now since i do have that little experience to back me up.


Trip:
I just have questions like why can't i let go of certain things that has no future in the works for it. Why do i feel like my current life depends on it and why did it just stopped as quick as it first started. Of course, i hate being taken for a ride, but i wouldn't say i didn't let myself get carried off. Anyway, right now all i'm left with is a pile of crap sitting on my heart. I forgot what that feels like and i think that it should be good to remind myself of how damaging this can be.
I have finally concluded that this has already come to its end. So obvious, not the least bit subtle.

Well, back to the current moment, hopefully B comes back and takes my breath away once more. I know he will, afterall, it had always been him.
This 3 years just reaasures me that i probably can't go without my best friend and protector. I think it just makes me feel a mixture of emptiness and anxiety knowing that i can only count on 15 mins everyday to feel safe again.

Counting down mins just is such a tiring process, tmr i'm off to starbucks for a hot cuppa and some serious mugging. Again, feeling weird as ever because i don't go anywhere without you. As much as you're being confined, here i am being confined as well and it is so much worst to have a boundless prison then one where you know leaves you no other choice.