Happiness comes from within

ARH! The movie pirates of the carribeans simply ROCKS! It is funny, super funny, scary and yupp, NICE! Worth my 8 bucks. Hahax. Shermin sat between me and Soeng May. ii was thinking of someone. Hell. ii cann't believe myself. ii was kinda daydreaming. GOSH. ii am so crazy. ii am crazy about the fact ii am crazy. mad in fact. Wei Shan told me it is my choice to tell him or continue to miss him. Shit it. ii dun dare! It isn't the problem with who's the chaser, it is the fact that ii am afraid he cant accept me... ok.. ii am crapping... sobs* why m ii such a loser in this kind of matters? crazy... ii am crazy... ya, ii was dreaming of resting my head on his shoulders... that is all.

we practised folkdance for the culture fiesta nite next fri. CH was in front of me and * in front of him. My god. this 2 guys was like so near to me, ii had no idea what was on my mind that time... whenever we turn, * would appear beside me, i wonder how he and CH turns... WHAT THE HELL! whatever. hahax, but ii knew one thing for sure, ii was concentrating on those dance... HAHAX!

[ Are you willing to do it again, for me? and ii really mean it, ME.]

ii am used to being alone, currently... ii don't join them anymore when they enjoys themselves... ii felt loney, but not as much as ii had expected... if was alrite... ii know, if ii go forward... the hurt is there, even tho ii had stopped troubling over those things... but the heart, the pain... still there... ii don want them to see the ugly side of me, the temper, the selfishness.... i had enough of being 'heartless'... kk, ii dun understand what ii am talking now...

[ It is hard... But ii dun wish to affect you... ii just want to see you happy...]

H really steads with G!!! Lolx... ok la.. man pei de... tho H dun hav the chance to become my sis's dear... ii still wish H and G happiness... hope their love remain this sweetness... but still, it is a expected shock for me...

[ You couple have found each other... do cherish your parnter ya? =P]

Thursday, July 13, 2006

+ + +

It is really hard to satisfy anyone. You can always joke to make that person smile. You can always be there when s/he cries. Yet if that person just suddenly doesn’t tell you anything and you don’t want that person to be unhappy, you are at lost. You would have problems talking to that person. You would suddenly lose your patience. Who can really supports a friend forever at all times?
Have you ever experienced this? Once you met this person, you just confirmed, this person will be yours always? However, after years, somebody will come and fight to have what you have? I had this problem, I had given up. There is no point fighting. Though I am living in reality and I think logically, I never act properly. I always believe in what I believe. I don’t care if those were really fairy tales, myths etc, I just choose to believe. I believe that this person will stay with me always, just 2 together, yet it turned out to be a temporary story. Should I ask if I am worth to be on this earth? I also believe that everyone on this earth has a part, a role to play, everyone is needed, yet I think, I am not one.
I met a lot of friends, all different personalities. Last year, everyone was SO close to me, so close that I know everyone’s secret! Yet this year, many are trying to hide things from me. I don’t spread secrets; I don’t think I had done anything wrongly. I don’t understand why some people, my friends, just think that I am not worth any of their news. Is it in their eyes, I had become a busybody, or demanding person? Or rather, I am just one who they can pull me or push me whenever they like? If they really think so, they are so inhuman. I am hurt by them.
I told sab, I had decided I’m just a loner. Like what Mr. Cheng had told me, everyone is single, everyone got to be independent. He told me that everyone that I know, they will always be there to support me when I am down. All this seems to be lies.
I know I am selfish, I only know what I want but never think for others. I did, but I never put in it action. I know all my friends are facing lots of problems this year, they are so stressed up. Comparing them to me, I should count myself lucky. But, does anyone understand, once you process it, and you just lose it without any reason, you just, cannot take it?
,.,.,.,.,.,.,. R e a l I t Y S u c k s ,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

Monday, July 03, 2006

+ + +