I know that many people will disagree with me on this, but I really don't care. I think education in college is just getting a little ridiculous, with us having to study subjects like Engineering Graphics (one of the subjects I like the most out of the ones I hate), and Chemistry. I still have to figure out why the hell are we studying chemistry even though I'm in computer science. I know the subjects are related, but could someone give me a real world example as to how?
There is particularly no relation that I can see which will enable me to become a successful Software designer by studying chemistry. It wouldn't have been half as bad if the teacher had been good. We get stuck with a nincompoop assistant professor, who can't even say her subject's name properly (it sounds more like 'Chemishee'). Maybe if the college took interest in it's students, we'd take interest in the college.
Nobody likes to study, I know. Nobody likes college either, I know that too. But there are some subjects which I genuinely find interesting, and if I get to just do them (even if at an advanced level) I believe I'll be able to learn and accomplish much more than the forced studying and learning that we have to do. That I have to do. I wish this was the worst of it.
The worst part comes giving exams for the said subjects. Since I don't like them, I don't study for them (not entirely seriously atleast), and when I don't study for them, I don't fair so well (surprise!). Nobody likes that, least of all me. I like to succeed in the darndest of situations, and here I am failing to do that. Doesn't push the morale-booster button.
Someone give Pai a boot up his a**...
Sometimes I wonder, what right does someone have to hurt someone else. What right does someone have to make someone else unhappy. There is no 'not knowing' or unintentional. Why isn't something 'good' done unintentionally? How does this figure into the always holding balance of things to be, and things that are? How can someone cause so much pain without even knowing that they're responsible for it? How can one person be killing another person everyday without even knowing they are dying.
There is never a mistake. There is a first time of doing something wrong, which can be forgiven. There is never any appreciation. There is a first time of admiration. There is never any loathing. There is a first time of hate. There is never any jealousy. There is a first time of envy. There are never any friends ... there is an endless trail of people who come and go. There is never love. There is a first time of closeness.
There is a surreal feeling that drives the madness behind every human or inhuman act. A memory, a person, an object, a situation, a determination, a hate, an envy, a love ... each of these or one of these, can take a bizarre shape which drives people to do something. And always one of these things it is. For without a reason, there is no cause, and without cause, there is nothing.
As I sit here listening to a lonely piano play in the back, the tumultuous memories and feelings rush back of the days gone by, and how I'd like nothing more than to be cocooned in the warmness of the past memories, the sunlight on the steps leading up to the world that I left behind to come to a cold and unforgiving new road through the bright and shiny gold gates of false promises. There is nothing more inviting than to pull my head between my hands, curl up in a ball of self satisfying comfort, and just cry. Cry not to the world, cry not to me. Cry not to any other person, and cry not to anything that can understand. I look for no sympathy, and I ask for none. I want none. I want my sanity. I want to be loved. I want to be hugged. I want to be heard. I want to be spoken to. I want to be appreciated. I want to be made to feel special. I want to be me ...
Oh sweet goodness how I hate association. It destroys a perfectly amazing romantic song, an awesome sunset, or a fantastic long drive. It kills many other things, but I have only faced these three. Something or the other always comes in the way, and the mind begins forming the chain of memories back to a hurtful past, or a melancholic situation, and you can't come out of it for a day or so because the impact is so strong. After all, the strength of the impact is the reason why you remember it even now.
The mind doesn't forget, and that is something that irritates me. Why the hell can't it remember what we want it to, and forget the rest? I wish I were like Sherlock, and filter what I want to remember and what I don't. That would be the ideal situation, and hence, my life would be so much more peaceful than it is now. Don't get me wrong ... I'm quite fine. Except for the random bouts of sadness that just hit, and I can't do anything about it because we're a slave to our own freakin' minds.
You could say our minds have a mind of their own ... or something to that effect. It just sucks. Don't they have surgeries to get rid of memories? Or some drugs? Anything at all ... I guess it's the desperation to forget that drives some people to drink or do drugs. Most do it just for fun, but some need it, rather than want it. I am nowhere close to that, and (hopefully) will never reach it, but I sure have sympathy for those some people.
I can feel another association coming up, thanks to the topic of alcohol ... Damn!
Backlashes are never a good thing. They bring back too many memories that I don't want to remember. It could be a song, a situation, a word, a phrase, or just a fleeting flashback which kills you slowly every second that you see it. It's so real that you could touch it if you just raised your hand and reached out, but you can't even move from the grief that grips you. I've yet to have a positive epiphany.
I've never been in a situation which made me sad, so it's always situations which involve that one person who unfortunately still sticks around in my head. It's too long and painful for me to iterate everything. Just know that it wasn't pretty, and wasn't something I'm proud of. The main grief being that there were so many things I could have done differently, felt differently, and I wonder if I could have ended up differently.
My reality distortion kicks in more and more every time I get this epiphany, and I can't help but drown. Ever felt like just letting yourself go in the flow, not trying to do anything about it, and see how far you go before everything stops or you come back to normal? I've tried that many times, and come out surprised at how numb it makes me to others problems if they try to tell me about it. Really, who could have a bigger brain wreck than me.
This is probably also the reason why I don't like to keep my mind idle, because the more time it gets to itself, the more it starts to dig into past memories which I don't want it to open up again. Stupid brain.
Have you ever found yourself fantasizing about a hypothetical situation, and highly exaggerating the positives or negatives of it? Today, I did ... and it was a little weird. I just hate not having an accurate picture, notion or anything to do with definites. Gray areas piss me off so much you can't guess or believe.
The classic scenario that I usually find myself distorting is if my past could be changed to me being in a relationship with a girl I couldn't in the real world. There are times when I find myself imagining heaven on earth, by just changing one little thing. Other times, I find myself going through hell thinking about all that I went through because that reality didn't come true. It's a form of extremely heavy self-sympathy, where you sympathize with yourself for things that never even happened, but you've managed to somehow convince yourself that they did. I guess there's a psychological term for it, but I haven't studied so much of it to know.
I'm sure many people do it. Create an incoherent and completely mistaken sense of euphoria from an unrealistic hypothetical situation, by hyping it up for oneself. I don't know how wrong or right it is, but straying away from reality can never be a good thing. The more we stick close to the actual path, the faster we'll reach our goals. If we divert to the little nooks and crannies to see what there might be, or if we stop to think 'what if I would have found gold in the cranny I just crossed', we'll just torture ourselves even more, and not be able to reach our goals.
Kick the dirt, and get a move on...
You guessed it! Our very own lovable 'Eragon'! I can prove it ...
Eragon = Luke Skywalker. The name comes from a bad pronunciation of Aragon.
Brom = Obi Wan Kenobi after the 3rd episode.
Arya = Leia. well, maybe not that defenceless
Morzan = Anakin Skywalker / Darth Vadar. Only difference is that he is already dead.
Galbatorix = Sideous/Emperor.
Shruikan/Thorn = TIE fighters?
Saphira/Glaedr = X-Wings?
Dragonriders = Jedi Knights
Magic = The force (makes dragons sort of midichlorians, and the force doesn't have physical effects)
Empire = Empire (uhh...)
Varden = Rebels
Those were the characters. Here are the situations:
Eragon comes back to find Garrow killed, the house burnt down by Ra'zac
Luke came back to find his foster parents killed and the igloo like thing burnt down by bandits.
Brom took Eragon away to hide him and keep him safe from the Empire, while going after the Ra'zac. Also trained him in the ways of magic and sparring.
Obi Wan took Luke away to hide him and keep him safe from the Empire, and trained him in the way of the force and how to use the (oh so gorgeous) light-sabre.
Vadar takes Leia captive upon the Death Star, after chasing her right in the beginning of 'A new hope'.
Durza took Arya captive after a showdown in the forest right in the beginning of Eragon.
Eragon helps the Varden fend off the first attack by Durza and Galbatorix's soldiers, killing Durza in the process and freeing the Ra'zac from his control. This turns out to be a bitter blow to the Empire, and gives the Varden new confidence and hope.
Luke destroys the Death Star, confirms everyone's faith in him as a Jedi and gives the rebels new hope and confidence. The destruction of the Death Star begins the end of the Empire.
Murtagh reveals himself as Eragon's brother, and in the process, Morzan as their father.
Vadar tells Luke he is his father.
Yea, it's getting a bit too much for me too.
I am not trying to undermine Eragon. It's a good book, and was fun to read when it came out. But the more educated I have become about fantasy and the whole genre, the more I've read and seen other works in it, the more it comes out to be clichéd and overdrawn, not to mention over-hyped. I am still waiting for the third book though, but just to see how Paolini finishes off the story.
C'mon, break the cycle.
(P.S. Criticizing isn't really my thing. I know I can't write such a big book which has sold so well. But atleast I know and am not trying to sell horse shit to deluded kids who'd fall head over heals for anything with dragons and magic in it. I'm just angry he played the field.)
There is something beautifully pushy to see genius at work. When you see a pianist's flying fingers on keys, you wish you could play like him. A guitarist flying fingers on a fretboard, you wish you could that. Some of us go ahead and try to do it. That is what made me pick up the guitar. Well, almost. I had always loved the sound of the strings being plucked and strummed, but then when I started listening to proper rock (around the age of 12-13), I could no longer play my favourite songs (because I played the piano and only that). So hearing such passionate songs, watching energetic videos pushed me finally take up the guitar and start playing.
Now when I watch a video like Dani California, I feel the same push to improve by leaps and bounds in short amounts of time, just so that I can perform like RHCP, an play with the life and vigour of Frusciante. I am not talking about the whole video, but the end when they show up as themselves, and they're just having an amazing time on the stage. I wish I had a band and could do that.
Unfortunately, it's hard to find people with the drive or the enthusiasm I have. Skills can be learnt, but enthusiasm is something you either have or don't. I am not going to try and sell the idea of being in a band to anyone. If they don't want to be in one, they'll not do justice if they're put in one. But it just sucks not to be on stage. I am too used to it. The rush of having hundreds or thousands people looking at you, and shouting with you ... it's like no alcohol or drug could give you. I talk from experience.
Being a shy guy, I ofcourse am nervous before every performance (I've given more than 10 of them), but when I'm on the stage, a spine warming flow washes over and I just shiver once, and then it's gone.
I think I'm gonna have work overtime now to find people and get back on stage.
'Game time!'
I was trying to figure out why the 'Now Playing' widget wasn't working ... it was such a stupid mistake I can't believe I made it! :(
Well, atleast it's back up and running :)
Update: The script is interfering with Winamp functioning. I'll try and fix it, but don't bet on it. Hope it get the widget up and running again!
How many people I've seen who make up shit just to get some credit, or hog all of it if they can. They might not know anything about what's going on, but that won't stop them from talking about it. People will praise if people around are praising, boo if the crowd is jeering, and then bask in the glory of being the 'majority' and doing the right thing.
It's a combination of going with the flow for acceptance, and biting for more to get credit as well. I hate it, and hate people who try to do it. I remember (and I won't take names) someone being why they sang 'Chop Suey' at a relief fund concert, and they said they sang it because it has the whole angelic feel to it with words like 'angels deserve to die'. What a load of crap! I doubt they'd have known what the song was about. The guitarist said about that line:
> "The song is about how when people die, they will be regarded differently depending on the way they pass. Like, if I were to die from a drug overdose, everyone would say I deserved it because I abused drugs, hence the line 'Angels deserve to die'."
Most people would accept that and believe it to be nobel, but that's not the thought behind the song they sang. Shouldn't they have sung one which 'had' a meaning close to the purpose? Ah well...
Worse though is going with the flow to gain acceptance. People are so afraid of being outcast because they're different in opinion, they rather change their way of thinking than stick by what they believe and fight the right fight. If they're wrong, they should admit and apologise if needed be graciously. There is no shame in making mistakes (even though I hate to make them, which is a different case), and it's better to make mistakes and learn than live with a wrong notion.
This world sure has to grow up still...
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