Toxic

I have failed to post about the recent camping trip that Gray and I went on a few weeks ago. I really think my subconscious was just not ready to deal with the horrid memories again... But honestly this time I went into the trip thinking we would have a BLAST! I was excited and had my complaining button on mute...in other words I was so ready to have fun. I should have known that such an attitude would blow up in my face...there is something about me and camping that is just so wrong. It has always been that way really.

Examples:
Girl Guide Camp Age 9: My butt was a lot smaller when I was younger and the seat on the outhouse toilet was big enough for a grown man to fall threw...hence I fell threw! I had doo doo all over my backside and I was stuck in a V shape with my knees hitting my nose. Enough said!
YW Girls Camp Age 11: To "welcome" the new young beehives to camp someone set alarm clocks for early in the a.m. and they went off with bells and whistles and songs and screeches at the perfect time...scared me outta my skin! I shook for the next three days and I haven't slept the same since!
4th Year Mountain Hike (YW) Age 15: Hiked up a huge mountain behind the Bountiful Temple in Utah for three hours. Then I ate some food, fell asleep, got rained on and slid all the way back down the mountain soaking wet, freezing and covered in mud! Those are just a few of the awful things I have experienced camping so I guess I would consider myself a toxic camper. I just can't do it and this last time was further proof.

We were going to Diamond Lake which is like 5 hours away in the middle of NOWHERE. The night before, the news anchor said that people should avoid Diamond Lake due to blue green algae which produces toxins. I told Gray, he still wanted to go, we went. (One of Gray's professors said it had the besting fishing in the state and so we had to go. On a side note we have never ever really caught a fish when camping and I am sure it is because of my voodoo camping curse!)
Anyway it took us 2 hours to go 40 miles across Portland due to traffic and by the time we got to our campsite it was super dark. I slept horribly but was up and ready to go to Crater Lake in the morning for some fishing! Unfortunately the only places to fish at Crater Lake consist of the rocky shore down a steep mountain hike and a little island that you get to by boat by going down the steep mountain hike and paying $40. We decided to just hike down. I was still mildly amused when we made it to the bottom so I set up with a good book in my camping chair on an wet sloping rock...for three hours! No biggie until I noticed we had no freaking fish and I was burnt to a crisp. I had casually applied some sunscreen earlier but I was ready to go. Insert huge steep mountain hike back up. The brochure actually called it a strenuous walk. Holy hike I almost died. It was seriously like a cliff face with long steep switchbacks and I needed a break every other breath. AWFUL! However we made it back to the top and I was still kinda ok so we drove around and took some pics of beautiful Crater Lake.

OK so it was almost worth it for the view

Note the massive pine cone. That is all Gray caught!

On the way down, while I was still fresh and happy, I met this cute little gaffer!


It was super pretty and the weather was... very sunny! It was a somewhat enjoyable day minus the death hike and I was feeling ok. That all changed a few hours later when I realized that I had applied my sunscreen in sorta lazy strokes. To my horror....

Can you see my freaking hand print where I put the sunscreen?
The bugs loved my crispy skin!

I only hope these above photos can show the absolute pain I was in! That night I lay moaning and miserable. My skin was scorched!! I was burnt on the front of my legs and feet, my hands and arms, the top of my shoulders, and random splotches on my face and back. I couldn't sleep on either side of my body or front/back courtesy of the sun. The nasty bugs also bit threw my undies to my butt and got my feet, thighs and lower legs which were all covered with clothes and bug spray! I seriously can't believe I made it home in one piece. I felt like if I moved too much I would pop outta my skin like a snake shedding a layer. And when I passed out in the front seat on the way home I got more burned through the window! I spent two days in bed without seeing or talking to a soul and though I wish I emerged from this trip a well tanned goddess, a girl at the swimming pool asked me if I had the Michael Jackson disease on my legs! (which ironically I do but only beneath my eyes and a few spots on my arms)

Some of you may say it is my own darn fault that this trip was so bad but I promise I had very little control over the situation!!! Sure I could have applied the SPF a little better but the bugs were ready to feast and the hike was unavoidable and I do have very fair skin.

And it is also that time of year again when I contemplate my life and the fact that I will soon be one year older...still childless, houseless, jobless, and tanless! I question my values and looks and wonder when I will really grow up and get a life. However this year instead of pondering the path my life has (and hasn't) taken I am more concerned with one certain question....

Do you think I can even out this farmers tan?