Celebrating Milestones

Looking back, I had no idea how my life would turn out after my accident. At the time I was so focused on surviving that I didn’t have time to think about it. Although my positivity about moving forward has helped in many ways. Big or small, I’ve experienced many ups and downs, good and bad times.

Today marks the 21st anniversary of my car accident. Marking the day of my anniversary has always been a celebration. It’s my way to commemorate living, grateful to be alive after what happened. That also involves the obstacles I’ve overcome throughout my journey, including milestones.

According to an article about milestones in SWnewsmedia.com, a milestone is “an action or event marking a significant change or stage in development.” Whether a milestone is “big” or “small,” depends on the meaning that’s attached to it. For example, milestones could be birthdays, achievements, anniversaries or even a baby’s first steps.

Why is it important to celebrate milestones? It’s good to note the growth, progress and accomplishments that can influence people’s lives. Milestones can be a sign of triumph over challenges and can contribute to developing healthy self-esteem. 

Celebrating milestones isn’t just about having a party, it’s a way to show people that they matter and that their lives have meaning to others. How people celebrate milestones varies. You can even celebrate your own triumphs and milestones. Oprah Winfrey says, “The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.”

In my case, it includes my anniversary, reminding me of the struggles I’ve overcome afterwords and along the way. Recognizing my milestones gives me a chance to look back and see what got me to this point in life. Another opportunity to think how, moving forward, I want to best serve the rest of my life.

I’m thankful to the people who have helped me throughout the way. This includes family, friends, nurses, hospital staff, etc.

Jenni

What about you? What milestones are you celebrating?

Here’s a challenge: Take stock of the milestones you already celebrate along with some that you might want to add to your life. Why are these milestones important to you? How do you want to celebrate them and who will be included in your celebrations?

Accomplishments

I’m heavily involved in the spinal cord injury world, as my focus is to share information about research going on, resources for information, and creating content for others to learn more about what it’s like as a SCI survivor. Hence the reason why I write blog posts and volunteer so often. As in my last post about becoming an ambassador, I am an advocate for people with SCI and others within the community.

As an ambassador, MSKCT has provided me with a wide range of free, #researchbased resources to help #SCI survivors, family members, and others looking for information, including a toolkit for my position. To learn about the ways #SCI impacts depression, bowel function, sexuality, and more, visit https://msktc.org/sci. You can also learn how to become an ambassador if you visit their website, without adding SCI at the end.

My mom and I recently did a video interview with the Morton Cure Paralysis Fund (MCPF). “In 1995, Peter Morton broke his neck in a bicycle accident that left him paralyzed from the neck down and unable to breathe without a ventilator… Now, twenty six years later, with the help of dedicated donors and volunteers, MCPF has raised over $5 million for cutting-edge research in the United States and around the world.”

Devastated by the tragic accident, friends turned their hurt into hope. With little more than a dream, That All May Walk Again, they launched a small golf tournament in Morton’s hometown to raise funds for spinal cord injury research—and the Morton Cure Paralysis Fund (MCPF) was born.

Lately, they’ve been doing podcasts on all different platforms, interviewing others with SCI and people revolving around. During our video, my mom and I answered questions related to and about our experience after my spinal cord injury. It recently launched on YouTube and their website. You can view it by clicking on this link.

My biggest focus right now is on finishing my memoir for others to read. I’m hoping that it helps people along with sharing my story with others. Since I’ve been writing poetry, it’s been an easy way for me to develop my writing skills. It helps with creating in-depth content, metaphors, images and more. I suppose that’s why I haven’t finished it yet. I have been so into writing poems that I’ve kind of put my memoir aside. It’s difficult to not write poems, since I subscribe to the website.

Jenni

Two Decades

After any change in life, there is an adjustment period. It’s how we adapt or become used to the changes that occurred. Without a doubt, experiencing a spinal cord injury is a challenging and new situation. When it happens, adjusting to living with SCI, can be hard; especially when trying to put your life back in order. Everyone has their own way of dealing with it although continuing to alter changes in life can be similar.

Going home is a major step in adjusting to life after SCI. It can be exciting to get back to the comforts of home. It can also be scary if you are unsure of what to expect once you get there. Having to get used to a “new normal” daily routine takes time. In my situation, I had to learn what it’s like to have others take care of me (not having as much independence as before.) 

I often say “it feels like I’m doing things for the first time” as I learn how to do activities differently. That feeling has faded as I worked through problems and figured out the best way to manage my daily routines. Despite experiencing a mix of emotions, I try to keep my mind occupied since I’m no longer able to physically do things.

It’s been two decades since the car accident that forever changed my future took place. I know I’ve written on my blog about positivity and hope, some of the very feelings I needed to thrive. Although at the time, I was very uncertain as to what the future would hold for me. Thankfully, I had friends and family supporting me, helping along the way. 

I chose a life of happiness, not wanting to live my life with immense sadness, anger, or depression. I can’t speak for others who experience traumatic events. Only how my life played out and thereafter. I feel very fortunate to have people by my side, helping me throughout the way. Although, there were moments after in which I had to take time to heal my emotional equilibrium.

I do believe that everything happens for a reason, no matter how challenging or difficult it is. I’ve always felt that there was a reason why I survived. Maybe it was to help people in my situation or open someone’s eyes to what it’s like living with a disability. Sharing my story with others, whether it be using my blog or motivational speaking can be a way to express my feelings. 

Whatever it may be, I’m glad that I did. Life is short, so I try to do the best I can at living it to the fullest. Don’t take things for granted, you never know what can happen.

Jenni

Newest poems:

Living Life

Striking my inner being

like lightning bolts

times of a troublesome past

paralyzed body no longer breathing

trying to heal from the inside out

realizing life is worth living

Stress in Life

Nerves press firmly against my cortex as

boiling blood gushes through my veins

clouding my judgment,

clogging paths to relief

Frontal lobes on fire

my eyes water with fury

twisting and turning thoughts

scrambling my brain leaving it to rot

Struggling to maintain composure

bumps in the road create challenges and obstacles

stress of becoming paralyzed leaves emotional scars

slowly emptying all that’s left within me

Question everything that’s happened

How? Why? What now?

the day is ending

pain explodes beyond measure

Courage finally intervenes

willingness to survive has arrived

despite past feelings of doubt

my mind finally is free

An Update of My Updates

Last week I went into the pain clinic to get the nerve block I talked about a couple of posts ago. They went ahead and just did the nerve block. It was a mixture of lidocaine and some other medicine. The doctor told me that if this helps with the pain, it can provide relief for up to six months or a year or not at all. It can be repeated every six months.

If it doesn’t help at all, the next step would be a procedure called a nerve ablation. It’s kind of like the nerve block, only the block just deadens the nerve endings. With an ablation of the knee “Genicular nerve ablation uses radiofrequency energy to deactivate the nerves that send the constant pain signals to your knee and surrounding structures.” 

If I do this treatment it uses no medication and is performed completely outside your knee under precise image guidance. Most people achieve relief after the first week and take full effect after 3 to 4 weeks. For many patients, it’s effective in relieving the pain. It is possible that the nerve will regrow, although the procedure can be repeated if needed.

After the did the nerve block, it stopped hurting after a day or two. So far, it’s working, and I haven’t had to wear my knee brace sentence. I’m hoping that the nerve block lasts for a long time, so I don’t have to worry about doing the nerve ablation. Although at least there’s a second option afterwards just in case.

I have still been working on my book and writing poems. I’ve been very inspired, and write something, even if it’s just a sentence or paragraph every day. I’m hoping to include most of my poems in my book for others to read. A lot of them tie in nicely with what I’m writing, although some don’t. I’m not quite sure how long it will take me to finish. I still need to fill in each chapter with more stories and feelings.

Although, my goal is to be done with writing it by the end of this year. Then I need to work on publishing and selling. I can’t wait for everyone to read it. So far, it’s one of my greatest accomplishments since my accident. The other ones are surviving, graduating high school, college, and being crowned Ms. wheelchair Minnesota 2011.

Also, since spring started, every day has been different. Between snow, rain, and sun, I’ve been able to make it outside when I get a chance. I love being outdoors; it’s better than being stuck inside not knowing what to do. Brody loves it too! I can’t believe he’s 10 now and still thriving. Despite some arthritis, he still loves his walk and rolls.

Jenni

Patchwork Quilt

In real time my life is like a homemade quilt

organized then sewn using leftover scraps carefully cut

Stitched together to tell a story of an event or moment,

that’s important; the devastating loss turned to hope

The matters in which this patchwork is created

with smaller pieces crafting a whole symbolizes

connection of voices, womanhood, and sense of history

My body prudently put back together after a

life altering car accident paralyzing my limbs

Although when stitched together with love

even the rough patches and mistakes can be warming

Writing and Poems

I’ve been creating some new poems lately. There’s a website I came across called All Poetry. It’s kind of like Instagram, only except posting photos and videos, you post your poetry. Then you can like and comment on people’s poems. You can also follow people and on your homepage other people’s poems pop up.

Even though I’m on Instagram, I don’t look at it often. In fact, I guess I don’t really go on Facebook that much either. But I am really interested in this poetry website, as I find the poems to be very creative. Some are inspiring, deep, or about people’s lives. In the last couple days, I have created four new poems. I posted them below.

I think the combination of writing my memoir, thinking about writing a blog post, and the website has gotten my creative juices flowing. Also, I have a lot of ideas in my mind right now about things going on, my accident, and myself. It makes me feel good to write, whether it’s for fun or for something specific. I also just love writing in general.

I suppose that’s why I’m so excited to get my book finished. Not just for others to read it, but for that sense of accomplishment. Since I don’t work, I spend my days working on my computer, going outside, playing board games, listening to audiobooks, organizing etc. I keep myself busy, although it does feel good when I finish something that I have been working on.

Jenni

A Night of Terror, a Life of Gratitude

It happened in an instant, a sudden car accident that only takes seconds but lasts a lifetime. Going 60 mph on an off ramp, single car rollover, landing back on all four wheels. No memory of it; no hearing twists, blows or shocks my body endured before, during, or right after. Witnesses behind come to our rescue, not knowing what to expect. Fire truck siren blaring, ambulance whaling, police car yelping, helicopter blades whooshing coming to take me away. Kept highly sedated, not knowing what happened until a week afterwards. Sustaining a C1 C2 spinal cord injury, paralyzed from the neck down, ventilator breathing for me. Throughout my journey, finding what’s most important in life, realizing things happen for a reason.

Timeless War

Reality in life

Can be of strife

It pains to say

That things are this way

Struggles throughout

Have many in doubt

Soldiers marching along

While remaining strong

Nothing appears as it seems

Only in our dreams

It may be safe inside

Looking beyond many have cried

Despite that feeling

We are healing

As things move through

Loss is few

No Silence

In my life there is no silence. Even when I am the only person in the room, there's always a constant flow of noise inserting into my ears, getting trapped inside my head. A whoosh of air going in and out, in and out; it is an everlasting hum that can be heard throughout the house. My ventilator breathes for me. Requiring electricity to run, it is an energy sucking, life-saving machine that never stops going. Power is essential. Electrical currents flow out of the outlet, up through the thick gray cord and into the machine. In and out, in and out; filling my lungs with air; oxygen running through my body; giving me life. It is a process that never stops, never sleeps and is never quiet. In my life there is no silence.

My Lifeline

My lungs are expanding, in out, in out

I feel my chest rise and fall

I am one with the vent

It's breathing for me

The sound is like an airplane flying ahead

Colored lights flash across the surface

Attached to me always

It flows through me like wind through trees

Using my Knowledge to help Others in Need

I've always been a kind, generous, giving person and put others before myself. Although more so now that I know what it’s like from a perspective of someone with a disability, more specifically a spinal cord injury. I need constant help and support from those around in order to live a happy, meaningful and fulfilling life.

I’ve seen firsthand others in similar situations who need support and guidance in their life in order to get through tough times. I have been there before. I’ve struggled to find my place in a world that has a difficult time accepting those who are different from them. When it comes to people with disabilities, I had to unpack a lifetime of negative messages.

One thing that’s unique about my situation is that I never had any anger after my accident. I’ve figured, what kind of life would I be living if I went around being mad at everything that happened to me. I find it fatiguing to go over tireless circumstances, feeling like a victim of something, and self-pitying because I don’t feel it gets me anywhere. Although, I know there are those who have had similar things happen who may struggle with a different way of living and do question things constantly.

Through the last 18 ½ years, my accident has brought me many positives-including great friends, increased empathy, strength, forgiveness, appreciation, openness and a brand-new perspective on life itself. The thing that keeps me going is knowing that I can be there for those in need, along with the people who I care about most in my life. It has always been a part of my self-serving nature, even before my injury.

There are thousands of individuals and families affected each year who have encountered an SCI, and I believe throughout all the different types of disabilities, it’s amongst the most shocking life events one can experience. It often falls under that person’s friends and family to assist them on the hard road ahead to rehabilitation. Also, after this big of significant change, life is usually never the same again. One thing that’s most important is that those affected never give up hope.

This brings me to my next endeavor in my life, assisting others in need of someone who can understand the emotional and physical consequences of an SCI. There’s no doubt that the Internet has a lot of information, although it’s not always the most accurate and there is only so much aid those around can offer. So that’s where help and stories from someone in that same position come in and offer support. Within this is the expectation that they can show some sympathetic and kindness where it’s needed most.

I’m very proud of all the things I’ve been able to do to help out others in my current situation.  I know from past speeches, mentoring, my blog and volunteering that my accomplishments and achievements have not gone unnoticed.  I’m going to continue expanding my knowledge and helping people in need. I reached out to a few different mentoring programs and am in the process of becoming a peer mentor for a couple of different organizations. 

If you know someone who is in need of a mentor or you are interested, please let me know by emailing me at: jtic20@gmail.com.

 Jenni

“Everybody can be great. Because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve.... You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.”

-Martin Luther King Jr.

Celebrating Life with a SCI

When a person has a spinal cord injury, they may experience a mix of emotions. It’s also one of the most traumatic things they will ever face. Due to it, people may experience physical or emotional side effects. However, life after a spinal cord injury can be managed.

Some days, my mind might wander off and I feel down. In those cases, I try to keep my mind occupied and engaged by doing other activities. These include things like painting, writing, watching movies or reading. I'm usually able to keep myself composed and engaged in the present moment.

Today marks the 18th year anniversary of my accident. Since then, it has forever altered the way I go about doing things. It may be a change, but it doesn’t define who I am. I refuse to let my injury beat me. It’s important to me to have a good perspective on life. I like to be positive and optimistic about things. That means choosing to celebrate even the smallest victories.

Aside from some of the “hard times”, I know that life with a spinal cord injury is worth living. Whether someone is injured or not, life can be difficult. That is why I like to share my story with others. I believe there is a point to every single moment. I try to experience as many things as I can in the time that I am here because life is short. 

Jenni

Celebrating Another Year

Today marks the 17^th year anniversary of my accident. Every year I take the time to reflect on that day. I’ve talked many times about the accident, shared how it happened, and how my life has changed since. The first post that I wrote introducing details about it was in 2009. One thing I talked about is who was behind us when the accident happened.  

I was going through some paperwork the other day and came across a letter addressed to my family from a woman. She was the first car behind us and after witnessing it called 911. Within it she stated in depth details on what she witnessed, how she assisted, along with info about herself. The woman also left her information and at some point, was contacted. I do remember her visiting me in the hospital to see how I was doing.

It brings me great comfort knowing the efforts done by others in helping after. I don’t think I would be where I am today if the sequence of things happened any different. Thank you to everyone for your support and comfort along the way.

Jenni

Experiences Throughout Life

"We are the sum of experiences that we encounter as we go through life. Day to day struggles and triumphs are experienced by all of the world's creatures. As human beings, when we encounter a challenge, we have freedom to choose how to react. Every decision that we make leads us down a different road. We will never come to exactly the same crossroads. Every decision that we make has significance. The tiniest choice that we make reverberates throughout the entire universe."

https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poems/life/

This quote fits directly in with the way my life has unfolded because after my accident I had to choose how to react. How was I going to live the rest my life? Was I going to live with regret, sadness and pain? Or was I going to choose happiness and allow myself to get through this challenge? While recovering, I chose the latter because I wanted my life to mean something, never knowing what it would be like on the other side.

I now know that I chose the right path, although there are many more roads yet to be traveled. Each day comes with new thoughts and strengths that allow me to move forward. I have realized that by overcoming the obstacles I thought I couldn’t do, comes each new experience in my life. Even when it feels like things aren’t going the way I planned.

People often tell me that I’ve made an impact on them or that I’ve inspired them in some way. I feel like I’m just being me. Maybe it’s because of the decisions I chose, the path that I took or the positive way I react to my situation. I have given motivational speeches to many students, events and crowds sharing my story. By trying to show others that life can go on despite the experiences we go through in life.

Jenni

Post Accident Reunion

Nick, Myself and Chris

 

Many of you know that I was in a car accident, but you may not know how the accident happened. I don't remember anything about it; only what I've heard from others. I guess we were going 60 mph and trying to make an exit. We were in a mini SUV and it rolled. The top of the car hit some sort of sign or pole in midair, crushing the roof in, and then landed back on all four wheels. It was a single car accident.

There were five of us in the car and I was behind the driver's seat. Although I did break my neck and injure my spinal cord, it could've been a lot worse. I did have my seatbelt on, which probably saved my life. The other four people in the car sustained mostly minor injuries except for Nick who was sitting next to me; he also broke his neck but didn’t injure his spinal cord. Everyone has recovered and they are doing well.

On December 9, 2017 I hung out with Nick and Chris Somers. Chris was one of the firefighters who cut the roof off the car using the Jaws of Life; it was his first extrication. Engine 3 was the first truck that arrived and he was on it. Both Minnetonka and Eden Prairie fire departments were involved. This is the second time all three of us have been together; the first was August 2016. Although throughout the years Nick and I have kept in touch multiple times since the accident.

I’m glad that we are still in touch after all the years. It amazes me how things and relationships can come out after something like this happens. I’m grateful for everything and appreciate the positive friendships that continue to grow. There are so many more opportunities out there, whether it’s hanging out with friends, creating new ones, or inspiring others. This is also why I continue to stay positive and continue to move forward.

Jenni

"… Forgiveness has given us the gift of peace, a peace that surpasses all understanding. We were chosen to receive our particular experiences. We were chosen so that we could then show others how even the unspeakable could be survived. Surviving ultimately means thriving." -Insert from the book: 52 Ways to Live the Course in Miracles by Karen Casey

At Peace

Peace is a quiet and calm state of mind; freedom from disturbance. A sound of silent being in life that allows one to focus on stability and undeniable feeling of wonder. Giving some sense of comfort in knowing that things will and can be at ease. Something so profound in the world that may otherwise be sometimes difficult to gather, especially when chaos creeps its way through the cracks, disrupting any calmness created. It’s okay to be vulnerable; relax by making or becoming less tense or anxious. Promise to be strong so that nothing is in the way of disturbing what’s ahead.

My world is filled with disturbances from the constant flow of energy running through. Every time something or someone new comes about, it may disrupt or disturb my life. If I prioritize it on levels, difficulty being at the top and easy at the bottom, it helps me separate what is manageable. I’m at a place where I make this my mission trying not to have negativity exist. Inner peace begins the moment I choose not to allow an event or person to control my emotions. By not wasting time on what could have been, I’m able to focus on the future and what lies ahead.

This also allows me to deal with adaptation. Today marks the 15 year anniversary of my accident. My choice is to celebrate this day and look at the positive side of things. Even though it transformed my life, it didn’t change me. I’m still the same person and it only helps me see how much more I have to give. It may be difficult at times but I try to focus on dealing with it on a greater level. I want to show others not to be afraid of change; it happens every day in different ways.

I’m seeing the beauty in small things and realize that not everything in life is perfect. I want people to know that when times may be tough, not to give up. Just because your day may seem stressful or chaotic, others may be having an even harder day. Never give up because there are people who may not be as strong and are having difficulty living life. Take this time now to think about those who may be struggling with peace, change, self-esteem, lack of independence etc.

Jenni

"Train your mind to see the good in everything. Positivity is a choice. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts."
-marcandangel

Compile Post: Anniversary Day

This is a compile post of past journal entries with added new content:

Chrysalis

Throughout life you will learn

that sorrow will not remain.
You will see that it is
like a butterfly emerging
from its cocoon to make way
for greater things.
-Corrine DeWinter

When a caterpillar spins a chrysalis, does it know its life is going to change and that it's going to turn into a beautiful butterfly? When a baby is born, does it know the path that it's going to live and the life-changing moments that may occur? Change happens every day whether it is good or bad. People die, give birth, get jobs, lose jobs, graduate high school or college, etc. Some is just simply change and some is life-changing. Like an accident that changes you from an active teen to being paralyzed and in a wheelchair.

Today marks the 11 year anniversary of the accident that changed my life.  This day doesn't frighten or scare me; I don't get sad or depressed; I don't think why me or about all the "what ifs". I just live and thank God that I am still living and still hear on this earth able to live my life with this change. The accident did change my life, but it didn't change me. I'm still the same person I used to be. I still want to love and be loved. I still need friends and family to support me. I want to be an advocate for others with disabilities like me; others who have faced similar changes. I also want to show people not to be afraid of change. Because of this change I live my life differently.

My accident has definitely altered my outlook on life.  I feel very fortunate to be alive and don’t take anything for granted.  I value my life and my things more and try to do good for others.  It has had a profound effect on me.  I am a better person today because of it and have learned a lot over the past years. I’ve also met some wonderful and amazing people with whom I never would’ve met if this hadn’t happened to me. 

Every year on this day I choose to celebrate life. I always say happy anniversary to me.  It wasn’t a tragedy or a disaster; it didn’t ruin my life or destroy me to pieces; I’m not broken, damaged, or shattered about it; I didn’t have a meltdown or blame anybody else for it.  It was simply what I call it-an accident.  It was an obstacle in my life that I had to overcome.  A challenge in which I had to accomplish and believe I have done so to the best of my ability. It may be hard at times, but I'm happy and that's all that matters.

I've always felt that there was a reason why the accident happened and I survived. Maybe it was to help people in my situation or open someone's eyes to what it's like living with a disability. Whatever it may be, I'm glad that I did.  Word of advice: don’t take things for granted, you never know what can happen.

Jenni

"New beginnings start as the seed of a flower does, buried, unseen, but destined to bloom.

-Corrine DeWinter

Journal History I

On November 1, 2002 I was in a car accident. A few days later, my family started a CaringBridge site to keep everybody updated on what was going on with me. It's very interesting for me to read back through the Journal history since I don't remember much from directly after my accident. I'm creating a new series called Journal history in which I will continue to post most of the entries for all to read. Here are the Journal entries from November 5 through November 17.

Tuesday, November 05, 2002 at 08:14 AM (CST)

Jenni has had some progress. Sunday (11/3) she was placed in a Halo brace to keep her neck immobilized. Monday (11/4) she had her breathing tube removed from her mouth and a breathing tube placed in her trachea. We welcomed this operation to provide more comfort for her throat and now when she mouths her words to us it is much more comfortable.

Saturday, November 9th, 2002 6:45 PM

Although Jenni had a quiet night last night, she did not sleep well. Today she wanted to rest alot and we agreed she should. The nursing staff is the best, and Jen is comfortable with all of them. They are keeping her busy with tests and different things that will help her recover faster. The staff stressed the need for "quiet time" for Jen, we realize how important that is. We want her to recover just as much as everyone, so we are letting her rest as much as she needs. The family thanks everyone for the continued support, and we will let you know when she is able to have visitors more often. Thank you and God Bless.

Sunday, November 10th, 9:45 PM

There was not much change in Jenni' condition today, but we know with each passing moment her body is healing. Jenni is so strong! Kevin, Lori, Cindy and Kristen would like to say THANK YOU to the enormous network of family and friends who have come together in support. You have given us the strength and courage to cope. Jenni also knows you there and she is comforted. Coach Cos says; "Together" and we feel together. You are amazing people. God Bless you all.

Tuesday, November 12, 2002 at 08:58 AM (CST)

Jenni had a good night last night. Nurse Marylou wheeled in a TV/VCR and we listened to a movie until the Sandman came. He stayed with Jenni most of night, and this morning she feels rested. Today the Staff is working on elevating the bed more often, and for longer periods of time. We are continuing to hope and pray for Jenni and know you are too. God Bless.

Tuesday, November 12, 2002 at 07:20 PM (CST)

A pretty good day today for Jenni. She had a visit from the Occupational Therapy department. They had her sitting upright in bed for about 5 minutes. It was a little uncomfortable, but a necessary stop on the road to recovery. Wednesday she gets to try a reclining chair. She enjoyed the new view of her surroundings. She also got some personal dental work from Cindy who filed a sharp point off her front tooth. It sure feels better, thanks Cindy. Jenni did ask her cousin Kari to find her a poster of "EMINEM"-(with his shirt off), to put on the ceiling for when she is lying on her back. We'll clear that one with the Staff. She sends her love and thanks to all of you. God Bless.

Wednesday, November 13, 2002 at 11:43 PM (CST)

Jenni writes tonight's journal entry:

"Dear friends and family of mine,

I love you all so much and I am so thankful to be in your prayers.
God bless you all. Thanks for writing to me and keeping my hopes up.
I love you all so much and hope to talk to and see you soon".

With love,
Jenni

Thursday, November 14, 2002 at 09:44 PM (CST)

Today was a very busy day for Jenni. This afternoon she went to surgery to have an artery in her neck "sealed" This was done to prevent any clots from releasing and moving to her brain. We feel much more relieved now.

Jenni received a new trachea tube today however it turned out to be "not quite right". Another should be delivered on Monday. She is being very patient through all this, a definite sign of her strength and courage.

Saturday, November 16, 2002 at 1:58 AM (CST)

Good morning. Jenni had another milestone today. She got 10 very proud minutes in a chair! She was not quite upright, but good enough that she was finally able to see the rest of room she has been in the past two weeks. She was so excited. (Aunt Sandy took advantage of the empty bed to surgically tape an "EMINEM" poster to the ceiling. No more boring ceiling tile dots to look at.) We then had a mini photo shoot, taking pictures of Jenni with everyone there; Dad, Aunt Sandy, Aunt Julie, and nurses/new friends. What a ham! Late last night Cindy pampered Jenni with a scalp massage and hair brushing, while Dad did his best at a facial. Jenni loved it so much she didn't want us to stop. Later, a Respiratory Tech named "Ta" stopped and French braided her hair. (She actually bailed us out because we weren't sure what country her braid would've been from had Cindy and Dad done it.)We pretend we are at the "Ped's ICU Resort and Spa", a relaxing place Jenni can go to and take her mind off other things.

We may be moving Jen next week to Gillette Children's Hospital in St. Paul for rehabilitation. We visited the facility on Friday and were very impressed. Jenni has the "can hardly waits" to go there. We will keep you informed. Thank you for your continued support and prayers. God Bless.

Sunday, November 17, 2002 at 09:36 AM (CST)

We would like to devote this journal entry to educate you about Jenni's injury and present physical condition. Jenni suffered a compression injury to her neck, specifically her spinal cord in her cervical vertibrae,(C1-C2),at the base of her neck. As a result of this injury, she does not have voluntary control of any muscles below this point, including her diaphram. She is on a ventilator to provide her breathing. Above the point of injury, she is completely functional with the exception of her voice. The ventilator tube enters her trachea below her vocal cords.

Eventually she will learn to pass air across her vocal cords allowing her to speak with sound.
At this time there is nothing surgically or medically available to repair spinal cord damage. None, partial or full regeneration of the nerve cells may happen, but only time will tell. You can learn more about her type of injury by visiting www.spinalcord.org. A link is provided below.
We hope to move Jenni from HCMC Peds ICU to Gillette Children's Hospital in St Paul for rehabilitation as soon as we get the ok.

Thank you again for all your support through prayers and thoughts. God bless you all.

Anniversary Day

November 1 was the nine year anniversary of my accident. It would be easy for me to be sad or angry about it; to be bitter and live life depressed; to have regrets and think about the what if's. But instead every year I take that day to celebrate life. I've always felt that there was a reason why the accident happened and I survived. Maybe it was to help people in my situation or open someone's eyes to what it's like living with a disability. Whatever it may be, I'm glad that I did and happy to be here. Don't take things for granted, you never know what can happen.

Jenni

Stress Journal-#68

For my stress management class we have to pick 20 journals to write over the course of the semester. We had to buy a stress journal that has different prompts, questions and scenarios for us to write about. Here is one of the journals I chose and my response.

#68-A Traumatic Experience

"Into our lives a little rain must fall, but it seems that once or twice it becomes a devastating flood, and we subsequently get pulled under and washed away in the currents. Broken bones, the death of a close friend or loved one, and child abuse are just a handful of life's many tragedies. "Tragedy," it is said, "keeps a person humble." It can also leave physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual scars that may take a lifetime to heal. Times like these are often referred to as "the dark nights of the soul."

Reaction may vary, but immediately after experiencing a tragedy, people sometimes talk nervously. This is one of the initial manifestations of grief. This stage is often followed by withdrawal and eventually by a slow reemergence into society. These types of experiences from years ago can affect our outlook and behavior on several issues, often without our knowledge. If you have been spared a personal tragedy, consider yourself lucky. If you have experienced an event of this nature and wish to recount it here, feel free to do so. How did you feel, and how do you feel now?"

Eight and half years ago I was in a tragic car accident. I broke my neck and injured my spinal cord, leaving me paralyzed and vent dependent. In the beginning, it was extremely hard for me to deal with the fact that I'm probably going to be paralyzed for the rest of my life. I kept thinking "how could this happen, why me, what do I do now?" As time went on it got a little bit easier to accept, although I was still in a state of shock. I believe my feelings back then were normal.

I don't think I've ever really been able to grieve about my losses. If I start to think about it, somehow it always seems to get pushed back down in my head. You know how some people are able to just let it all out when a family member dies or something tragic happens. Well, that's really hard for me to do; showing my emotions means being vulnerable, and for some reason I can't do it very often. Which I know isn't really good for you because it's better if one can share their feelings and talk about them. That's one of the core ways people do grieve.

My accident has definitely changed my outlook on life. I feel very fortunate to be alive and don't take anything for granted. I value my life and my things more and try to do good for others. It seems that my accident has had a profound effect on me, good and bad. Yes, it has left emotional and physical scars on me. I am reminded every day of the tragedy that happened when I look at myself. However, I believe I'm a better person today because of it and have learned a lot over the past years. I've also met some wonderful and amazing people with whom I never would've met if this hadn't happened to me. Overall, although there have been some bumps in the road and challenges to overcome, I am still here and trying and that's all that matters.

Jenni

A Sudden Change

Today is the seven-year anniversary of my accident. I went to church this morning and they aired My Faith video that I made. It's very ironic that it just happens to be November 1; they didn't plan that on purpose. The pastor saved my video for last, and after showing it he read the first part of the about me section that I have on blog. It was very good and I think I made an impact on a lot of people. After the service, many people came up to me and said thank you for sharing my story. I posted the video below. I say basically everything in the video that I probably would have written in the post today talking about the anniversary of my accident.





Jenni

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending"
-Maria Robinson

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."
-Alan Cohen

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
-Anais Nin

The Accident

Many of you know that I was in a car accident, but you may not know how the accident happened. I don't remember anything about it; only what I've heard from others. I guess we were going 60 mph and trying to make an exit. We were going way too fast for the circumstances and the car, a mini SUV, started rolling. The top of the car hit some sort of sign or pole while rolling, crushing the roof in, and then landed back on it's wheels. It was a single car accident.

There were five of us in the car and I was behind the driver's seat. Although I did break my neck and injure my spinal cord, it could've been a lot worse. I did have my seatbelt on, which probably saved my life. The other four people in the car sustained mostly minor injuries except for one person whose neck broke but didn't injure the spinal cord and was in a coma for a month and a half. Everyone has recovered and they are doing remarkably well.

Because the car was crushed, they had to use the Jaws of life to cut me out. I was airlifted to HC MC hospital. From there I began my journey to where I am today. A factor that always seems to amaze me is who was behind the car when the accident happened. In the first car was a woman who called 911. I ended up meeting her a few times while in the hospital. I don't know how the order goes on these last two but in one of the cars was an ER nurse who had just gotten off of work. The other was a doctor going to a high school football game who said that he hadn't taken that road in two years. All three helped in some way to save my life. Coincidence? No one will ever know.

If you have any questions feel free to ask in the comments section or e-mail me. I'll try to answer them as best I can.

Jenni

"Every tragedy contains the seeds of triumph."
-Scott Sorrell

Time

It is hard to believe that it has already been 6 1/2 years (yesterday) since my accident. Time goes by fast. I have learned so much in such a short time. I know that it is a miracle that I am even alive. The fact that I am shows how much fight, power and strength that I have. I know that a long road lies ahead of me but I am here for a reason and nothing can stop me from achieving my goals.

I was thinking about the post I did the other day about my thoughts. I know that people are interested in reading about the actual daily struggle that goes on with being a quadraplegic. I am definitely willing to share more about some of the physical and emotional struggles that I go through. Another thing I thought would be interesting would be to get other quadriplegics' perspectives. If you are a quad or know someone who is and would like to participate in letting others hear your story and thoughts you can e-mail them to me at jtic20@gmail.com and I may incorporate them into a post. You can also e-mail me if you have any questions that you would like me to answer in a post. Remember, I am very open.

Jenni

"Time is too slow for those who wait
too swift for those who fear
too long for those who grieve,
too short for those who rejoice,
but for those who love, time is eternity.
Hours fly, flowers die,
new days, new ways pass by,
Love stays."
-Henry Van Dyke

Change

Chrysalis
Throughout life you will learn
that sorrow will not remain.
You will see that it is
like a butterfly emerging
from its cocoon to make way
for greater things.
-Corrine DeWinter

When a caterpillar spins a chrysalis, does it know its life is going to change and that it's going to turn into a beautiful butterfly? When a baby is born, does it know the path that it's going to live and the life-changing moments that may occur? Change happens every day whether it is good or bad. People die, give birth, get jobs, lose jobs, graduate high school or college, etc. Some is just simply change and some is life-changing. Like an accident that changes you from an active teen to being paralyzed and in a wheelchair.

Today is the sixth year anniversary of my accident. This day doesn't frighten or scare me; I don't get sad or depressed; I don't think why me or about all the "what ifs". I just live and thank God that I am still living and still hear on this earth able to live my life with this change. The accident did change my life, but it didn't change me. I'm still the same person I used to be. I still want to love and be loved. I still need friends and family to support me. I want to be an advocate for others with disabilities like me; others who have faced similar changes. I also want to show people not to be afraid of change. Because of this change I live my life differently. It may be hard at times, but I'm happy and that's all that matters.

Jenni

"New beginnings start as the seed of a flower does, buried, unseen, but destined to bloom.
-Corrine DeWinter