From the classifieds -- putting a price on useless

How does one put a price on useless?  This guy has it at three hundred dollars.  Sadly no picture was included in the ad. 

$300.00

Useless Stroller

orem, UT 84047 | Apr 23, 2012

This was out in the yard all winter long and the dog got a hold of it too.

Seller Contact Info

Jesus
Home 801-555-1242

Misc really covers it all.

Last week I started getting the paper. This morning I perused the classifieds. This one caught my eye. I dare you to look away after the first two lines. Dare you.


So ... do I take comfort in the fact these are new or shudder at the fact that this person has amassed a collection of fake boobies? I have several faces I imagine belonging to the voice who answers the phone. Is it a thirty-something who takes a break from WoW to pick up his cell? Is it a former delivery guy or gal who found an overage in a shipment of optional endowment? Perhaps it's someone who is also selling "mattresses left in warehouse." (I shudder when I think of that creepy warehouse with abandoned pillow-top beds being sold off at deeply discounted prices.)

Of course I've changed the phone number. If you're interested I'll give you the number. I won't ask if it's for personal info or simply to see who answers.

What do you imagine this seller of silicone looks like? If I get around to it I'll send a prize to the best description. If only a couple people answer I'll send prizes to them. I guarantee it'll be something good and not a booby prize. (Tee, hee. Couldn't resist.)

In the Paper Today

You know, I love to read the newspaper. I. Am. Old.

Want to know what's in there today? Let's see, Jerry Sloan is retiring... Walmart fired another good-samaritan employee (Shocker.)... and, oh. My favorites. The Classifieds...

Ok, these actually didn't come from the paper. They came from Jessie. Jessie is funny. She should have her own comic strip.

• Artificial Christmas Tree 6 1/2 feet tall with stand in box ex cond $10.00 The original box was unable to make it and sent in a last-minute replacement.
• King size water bed with drawers underneath sheets, pillow cases included and padded side railings. Has new mattress. Must sell, daughter moving home. $150 OBO Because it's no longer 1983. Apparently, they're also selling their daughter and 'mobile' home. 

For Sale: Things I don't need.... (I have a very high opinion of my standards.)

It's been a while since we've looked in the classifieds. There's only three today, but they're all good.

Bee hives. Have 3 for sale. Baseball size to basketball size. $30 to $80. Each on a tree branch.
Ask for Winnie the Pooh.

RCTC Ethics textbooks. The Elements of Moral Philosophy and The Right Thing to Do. Both by Rachels and Rachels. $20 each.
Ironically they are illegal copies of the original titles.

Cabela's inflatable pontoon boats, tons of fun for everyone. New, used only once. Blue and Green available. $300 Blue $200 green, or $450 both.
Imperial or Metric tons?
And doesn't the fact they've been used make them NOT NEW?

A Good Day for Shopping

I know - it's been AGES since we've browsed through the classifieds! Seems like a good day for it. Let's check them out:


Stroller: very clean,extremely light weight,easy for one person to open and close. $30.00 obo
If you think you're that "one person" please call!

5-pc Espresso Dining set. 36x48" table & 4 chairs, $60. Nice condition. Shown often in the Shopko add.
You had me till "Shopko."

Queen bedspread, good condition (blue, gray, silver, mauve) w matching lined drapes (160w x 84 l), valance and shower curtain $75
Because some bathrooms have sleeping quarters.

Wedding and Event planning and decorating services. No event too big or small. We set up and tear down.
Better than setting down and tearing up, I guess.

Chicken Costume. Tags still ON. Original price $22.50 Selling for $12.00 2T/3T size Great for boy or girl. Comes from smoke-free home.
Pity, I could go for some smoked chicken right about now.

Today... in the classifieds

Keep your clocks ticking-Clock repair done locally.Howard Miller serviceman-Call Ron
For when you don't want your clocks to tock.

NATURE'S OIL for sale: zit split/$5--used for acne.
Ew?

15.2H bay Arab geldg; dressage scores upper 60s/low 70s and high % award. Over fences, trail rides, willing, trusting. More info: plahmerm@email.net $250
Does the celery stalk at midnight? Is this even English?

Want a cheap love seat in fairly good condition. Looking for daughter who has small living room.
WTB: chair and daughter with cramped quarters.

Magic chef microwave oven works great $5
As sold by the Amazing Rando!

More From the Classifieds

Cabbage Patch Kid from the 80s. name Imelda. Original clown outfit. $5 Great collector item.
In case your kids are sleeping ok through the night ...

I have room for winter storage for small campers,boats,cars, ect. Reasonable and clean. Close to town.
Dirty, irrational boats need not apply.

Singing and Talking Spring Horse-Lucky has been well-loved and in ex cond. He sings and talks. Stirrups have 3 different foothold lengths for height/ages. $20
Think he comes with an invisible swordsman and a singing bush, too?

Keep your clocks ticking-Clock repair done locally.Howard Miller serviceman-Call Ron
And Ron is your code name?

love seat - green nice condition but missing back cushions. 34" deep, 53" wide, 27" tall
We should define 'nice condition'

The Thermos propane grill is gone. stop calling. Contact: (555) 555-5555
Now you're just tempting us to keep calling.

Little gems from Jessie

Every other day or so, Jessie shares quirky ads she finds in the classifieds. Oh, and she adds a bit of funny to them. Kind of like Jay Leno's 'Headlines', only from someone without a his huge chin and bad hair. I usually just laugh to myself (which makes my coworkers question my sanity, my laughing to myself) so I thought I'd start sharing them with you...

Sixteen inch boys and girls bikes for sale, excellent condition. $20 each
Bikes for infants? That's just silly.
I read that they were sixteen inch boys and girls for sale, and skipped over the bikes. :) $20 isn't bad, but the questions might cost you a lot.

Very cute baby bearded dragons for sale. $35.00/ ea. - HAVE LOTS!
Also, I'm interested in purchasing glasses as I'm nearly blind.

Wanted: small bales of hay for horses not rained on
Because wet horses don't eat.

Floral couch and coordinating plaid chair for sale. Decent shape. $75 OBO. Can email pics
Well, they coordinate according to Stevie Wonder or Ray Charles

Air-conditioner (window) to give away. Works great, it's too big for me to lift. Come and take it.
I don't think it's supposed to be *portable*.

BUNK BEDS WANTED!Prefer wood, in good shape, reasonably priced.
So you don't want this round one?

More to follow... show changes daily... please tip your waitresses..