Life in the modren times (sic)

Last night I was writing in my journal.  I'm old school and write in a real journal, I don't use my blog as my journal.  I wasn't sure if I'd spelled a word correctly but felt I must have because there wasn't a red squiggle line under it.

This means I spend too much time on a computer and/or I don't get enough sleep.

Scentsy should get on this.

When I got home last night from running errands my husband met me at the door. 

"It smells funny in here," I commented. 

"Oh, I've been telling jokes," he replied, not missing a beat.

Now that's comedy.

How to offend people and how to cure the common cold.

First, let's offend people.  I need to get these off my chest.

If it's in the grocery store it's probably an aisle not an isle.  Unless you're getting your Wheaties on the set of "Water World." 

Why do people use a picture of a baby or kid as their profile picture on Facebook? Chances are that tiny being isn't an accurate representation of you. (Having an ultrasound instead is the worst. There has to be a better way to announce a pregnancy.) 

Also, pretending that picture of you fifty pounds ago is current.  We're not buying that.  (Mine is twinty-five* pounds ago.  I should update that.)

Interests aren't peeked they are piqued.

Word verification and comment moderation enabled on private blogs. If you mistrust your readers that much should they even have access? (I think either of those is too much on a private blog.)

Just because you got a DSLR for Christmas doesn't mean you're a  photographer.  You're probably a fauxtographer.  If you can answer yes to two or more of these you might be a fauxtographer.

• Do you take pictures on the diagonal?
• Are train tracks frequently used as backdrops in your photos?
• Do you use Photoshop sans training and like your life depends on it?
• Is there excessive vignette in any of your photos?
• Do you use selective coloring and/or textures willy nilly?

And now to cure (curb, really) the common cold.

Going by the rule that it takes about three days for a sickness to successfully overcome your immune system I figure I picked up my cold on Sunday.  Which makes sense as that's the only day I've left my house lately. Whomp.

Here's how we stop a significant percentage of colds being passed around.  Make it possible for colds to be tracked.  Like I could some how tell who I got mine from.  (I'm not sure how this would happen.  It's not like the virus is going to send me a business card or turn me the same color as its previous host.  Just roll with the idea.)  Each time I wake up in the night, I call the person I got the cold from and let them know I'm up again.  If it was from a kid I call their parents.  How many more parents would be so careful to have their kids cover their mouth when they sneeze or cough?  I bet more grownups would be more aware as well.




I have more offense to dole out over the next few weeks.  Comment and let me know what irks you.  Especially if I do it.  (Over use of parenthesis is a fairly obvious one.)





*Yes, twinty.


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Walk with me, Susie Lee. (I can tell that we are going to be friends.) -- or -- We're off to destory the ring.

I used to be against Facebook.  That's not accurate.  I used to nothing Facebook.  I only thought about it the first of the month when Oreo had a limited number of coupons for free Oreos if you bought milk.  I miss those days.

As with Twitter I learned about Facebook through NPR.  I'm that nerdy.  Anyhow, I remember it was a Saturday, I was living in Salt Lake on 1300 East and Harvard.  My roommate was Ashley E.  The host of the radio show on NPR was interviewing a few college kids about this new "Facebook" thingy.  Some of them said they had regretted posting pictures, some hadn't, and some refused to sign up.  The program ended with me not really sure what Facebook was.  It would be nearly six more years before I'd use Facebook on a regular basis.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago.  Candice commented on a friend's link.  It was for Nerd Fitness, specifically the post titled A Hobbit's Guide to Walking.  I thought to myself I need to move more and I can for sure walk.  There's a google doc spreadsheet!  More than almost anything I love spreadsheets and keeping track of time, distance, and rankings.  Sign.  Me.  Up!  I'm not a fanatic for The Hobbit but this looks like fun.

I started my own journey, invited a couple of friends, and made it visible to the public.  (You're welcome.)  If you'd like in on the journey email me at DeetzBlog shift+2 gmail decimal point com.

The last week or so I haven't been able to get out of the house to walk.  It needs to be a priority again. 

I weighed in again this week.  I am down .8 lb since last Wednesday.  Yay!  I never thought I'd be happy to be just under 195 lbs.  It'll be nice to see the 180's again.

I've been drinking more water.  It's amazing what staying hydrated does for me.  Let's hear it for water!  I am getting better at realizing when I'm hungry for food vs when my body needs water and doesn't care if it comes from a burger or milk or plain water. 

How are you, dear reader, keeping away the cravings for munching and finding time to work out?






*Update*
You can view my old house here.  It's for sale!



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Nothing Like a Good Yeast Glaze...

Jessie's at it again.

As a rule I don't talk about my personal life on this blog.  But I feel I need to excuse why I now weigh about 200 lbs.  Ugh, seeing it typed out is so depressing.  Allow me to explain.

When I got married I was pretty near my goal weight.  The next day we moved to Minnesota.  I had no friends, no job, and no idea how to get around the town.  So at home, on the LoveSac, I did sit.  I gained around 25 lbs, landing me at 160.  Silly now how large I felt at that weight.

October of 2010 we moved to Lehi, UT.  Again I found myself with no friends, no job, and no desire to venture out to Utah County. 

January through August of 2011 I was off and on (mostly on) depressed.  I turned to food for comfort.  Oh, Food.  You wonderful listener.  You constant companion.  Thank you for literally filling me up when I was empty.  Ahem.  Turns out this is a bad idea.

 2011, I had already ballooned up to 180.  A health issue helped me gain another 39 lbs.  (Sarcasm.)  If you're doing the math at home you'll know this means I was 219 at my heaviest.  Oh, the shame.

So now I'm back on the wagon.  I'm putting my weight loss ticker back on the blog.  I'm keeping track of food and exercise at MyFitnessPal.com.  

I'll do weekly updates of the weight ticker.  I won't have time to blog about each weigh in.  I barely have time to put my hair in a pony tail these days.

Check in from time to time.  Cheer me on.  Leave your suggestions in the comments.  I'm open to work out ideas.

We've moved again.  So now I need to make friends.  Hopefully friends who want to go to the Rec Center with me.

Penny Pinching

Saw this in the store today...

What a bargain!!


P.S. I totally bought it.

My Subconscious is Hilarous

The other night, I dreamt that a friend was really sick, so a group of us were doing service for him. We met for breakfast and were passing out packages that looked like this:

Naturally though, since it was breakfast, there were little bite-sized strudels inside (instead of noodles). 

Only after I woke up, did I realize they were "Cup 'O' Strudels". 

HA!!!

I should totally market this, don't you think?

From the classifieds -- putting a price on useless

How does one put a price on useless?  This guy has it at three hundred dollars.  Sadly no picture was included in the ad. 

$300.00

Useless Stroller

orem, UT 84047 | Apr 23, 2012

This was out in the yard all winter long and the dog got a hold of it too.

Seller Contact Info

Jesus
Home 801-555-1242

Confessions from Jessie

I love the song "Barbie Girl" by Aqua.  If that wasn't bad enough, right now, on my iPod, "I'll Be Your Candle on the Water" is playing.

Your turn.  What's on your iPod?



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Self-Serve

So, if grocery stores make a profit that they, in turn, pay their cashiers with, shouldn't I get a discount on food for "checking out" myself?

*from techPRgems.com

To My Cohort...

What can I say today? March third. 3/3.


"A date which will live in infamy" No that's not it...


"You are the straw that breaks my camel's back" Hmm... that can't be right...


"You... complete me." 


Yeah. That's it. You complete me.

"Have your cake and eat it too"


It's your birthday.  I won't tell if you don't leave leftover*. ;)

Have you ever ...

... made several servings of something (a large bag of microwave popcorn, a salad kit from Costco, several portions of General Tso's chicken, etc) and eaten all but one bite?  The miniscule leftovers aren't because you were "out of room" (let's be honest, that level was reached several hundred calories ago) but because then you can know you didn't eat all of it, just most.

I did this yesterday.  It was the chicken.  I waited too long to have lunch.  By the time it was ready I was ravenous.  Low blood sugar, making me woozy kind of hungry.  And so, over the course of half an hour, I ate my way through a week's worth of lipids.  This is not an easy task.  Nor do I recommend it. 

Plowing my way through so much food made me sleepy.  It takes a lot of energy to digest those fats.  And so I took a nice hour and a half nap.  But not before I proudly put my leftover* in the fridge.

















































*Yes, the singular is correct.  One piece of chicken.

Right on schedule.

I just, moments ago, found out what it means to be Rickrolled. 

Sure, it came about in 2008 but it's only 2012.  I have been even later to the meme party before.

I'm counting this as a win.

Riddle me this.

If I have a salad and an apple for lunch does that ok the dozen or so Oreos I'm going to have after?

Does it make a difference if the 'salad' is an entire bag of Caesar salad?  It's a bag of salad from Costco.





I had an apple for breakfast. 

And so I'm going to have two more Oreos.

Q: What does one do when the grandeur is gone?

A: Simple.  Just re-grand.

The fine print:
Monday-Thursday
Exterior only
No vacuum


So ... it's safe to say this deal doesn't suck.

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