2020???~*

It's the time for reflections again, and here I am, thinking, introspecting... trying very hard to think of appropriate adjectives to describe this strange year. 

But this year just simply 

d r a w s 

a 

b l a n k. 

It's strange. 

While it seems like a non-existent year (with me hardly making any progress in all aspects of my life), it's also a year filled with challenges. 

So technically, I can't say that it's non-existent since it's been quite eventful... in all the wrong ways. 

Despite the bizarreness of the year, I must say that I did learn 3 things. 

1. on falling.

I learnt that you should never assume that you've hit rock bottom until you hear that undeniable sound of your bones shattering, your heart crushing, your entire self unravelling... 

coming undone. 

And even so, you can't be sure if you'd keep on falling. 

And you don't know how much deeper, darker you could go. 

2. on getting up. 

I learnt that although it's difficult, it can be done. 

This year taught me that the heart really doesn't stop that easily (reference: Murakami). 

You could feel completely resigned and battered, and yet, still find that tiny flicker of hope to hold onto. 

Desperately holding on to it. 

But I'm keenly aware that this isn't something everyone is equipped to do... and it breaks my heart. 

I could only wish for all of us to find our source of strength, and hold on to it. It takes so many different forms and there really isn't any "right" way to go about doing it (except cases where you end up hurting others). 

For me, my source of pain through the dark period this year was also my source of strength. And that's OK, as long as it gives you something to fight for and to live for. 

3. on carrying on. 

Given the extraordinariness of this year, which will likely carry on to the next, there really isn't much to do except to... 

do our best to live. 

And by living, it shouldn't be merely surviving. 

I hope all of us will be able to, within the confines of so many restrictions, 

find time to dream,

find space to run, dance, leap, 

find a channel to convey our deepest fears (and also our greatest hopes) 

find meaning in the littlest things,

find our purpose through the mundane, the magnificent, the unexpected,

and most importantly,

find our strength to live. 

Only then, will we be ready to face 2021 head-on.  

OK, 2021, let's do this.