reflect, stock-take and anticipate~*

~*~*~*
[reflect]

This is the 3rd and final entry of the year - I'm impressed at the exponential drop in my no. of posts.

So, has this been a year well lived? 

Akin to what people describe as "a life well lived", I wonder what does "a year well lived" mean.

Is a smooth-sailing year with few hiccups, punctuated with happy episodes, with all your new year resolutions achieved, goals met a "year well lived"?

Or, is it about overcoming the challenges, enduring the bad situations and emerging as a stronger and better person than you were last year?

We tend to label the latter as a "difficult year", and as the year ends, we pray and hope for a "better year". But really, if everything is so smooth-sailing, are we learning? Do we become better versions of ourselves? Are our psychological and emotional shields developing adequately?

That said, having an entire year of challenges is definitely not desirable. It consumes you, drains you and leave you sucked dry of energy and positivity.

It's always about a balance of both. And in everyone's lives, I'm sure we have a bit of both.

Me too.

There were several notable milestones in my life this year (getting married, moving into our new place, visiting Japan for the first time, experiencing snow for the first time, getting Miyu, being reunited with Yuuki), many more memorable moments, and several big big downs (for myself and loved ones, e.g., my terrible physical health).

Like I said, a bit of both. 
You always need a bit of both. 

~*~*~*~
[stock-take]

Let's revisit what I'd hoped for in 2017:

1. To become bulletproof, and to not let bullshit (things that are not worth fretting over) get to me. 
[I tried. And I think I managed to become 20% more bulletproof]

2. To stop beating myself up for things that had gone awry. Move on when I got to.
[This is too difficult. I'd beaten myself up x times this year. But at least, I could move on.]

3. To slowly let things go.
[For many things, I have.]

4. To prioritise and spend time on things and people that are worth spending time on.
[I'm still trying. But sometimes I tend to get carried away with the less significant things.]

5. To remember to be grateful for what I have. Always.
[Have to remind myself constantly not to take things for granted. And I'm trying not to.]

6. To choose to embrace the apples, and enjoy the sourness of the lemons.
[The sourness is never easy to enjoy. But you just have to keep looking for the gems embedded within the sourness.]

~*~*~*
[anticipate]

For the coming year, major changes will be taking place (work wise). Who knows what they will bring? Changes can be both exciting and intimidating. But I guess, either way, they may be catalysts for something greater.

And on a more personal level, I just hope to take better care of myself and my loved ones -physically, psychologically, and emotionally. And to be resilient (physically, psychologically and emotionally) in order to face, endure, and maybe

enjoy the sourness of life.

Happy 2018 everyone! :)

Being inclusive~*

1.
If we knew what everyone else is going through,
we'd be

more
more
more

forgiving.


2.
It's really not about the white or the black.

It just takes a little more empathy, understanding and perspective-taking.

"You're broken, but that's okay." 


3.
Recently, I came into contact with different vulnerable populations.
And I wondered how scary and unforgiving the world must seem to them.

In this fast paced world where the norm has been defined and fixed (for now - or so I hope), where do these people fit in? And how do they fit in?

Will the society embrace them and slowly ease them in?

Or will they be left to their own devices, struggling to learn and live the way that's determined by the others (and who are these others, anyway)?

Will they have to change to fit in?

Or will the society change to fit them in?

It's a complex issue, and sometimes, people are less inclined to deal with these complexities.

There are always seemingly more pressing issues.


4.
Sometimes, I think

it's the very existence of human relationships that give meaning to our existence.

Or maybe, it need not be restricted to human relationships.

Good place~*

It has been so long.
I feel like I can no longer write the way I used to.

1. Something unchanging.
I believe that these things do exist - the constants in our lives.
Constant not in a physical or material sense, but in an abstract, intangible way.
Simply put, the effect they have on us is the constant.

Some people are just able to warm your heart, calm your anxieties, anchor you down, and make your heart feel full again.
Effortlessly.
Simply by being.

And this remains constant across time and contexts.

Grateful for the constants in this ever-changing world which gets increasingly complex by the second.


2. Voids
Surely voids exist in all of us. What differs is probably the extent of the void.

Regardless, how do you fill it up?
Do you distract yourself with work - fill yourself up with material things, the tangibles?
Or do you seek companionship?
Or do you choose to get absorbed into the virtual world?

How do voids grow?
They all stem from the lack of something.
And that gaping hole allows other things to slowly slip away.

Then before you know it, it swallows you whole.


3. Thoroughness
As I pondered about things that happened, I felt awed by my ability to forget some things rather thoroughly.

As if things were just "if"s...

Very cleanly,
very thoroughly.

And I figured that that's how you decide what's yours to keep and what's not.


4. Well wishes
Oftentimes, the want for someone else to be happy hurts.
It's so strong, yet fragile at the same time.


5. Out of control 
I marvel at our strength and our incapability to make things happen.

People who know me well enough know that it's difficult for me to lose my locus of control. As such, when things are seemingly out of control, I have an even greater need for control.

And I get disheartened.


6. Dark side
Am I really one who inclines towards the dark side?
Or is it simply that the concept of dark side is irrelevant to me?
That "dark" is simply a part of being whole.
Therefore, it doesn't really matter?

I know what I'm capable of.
I know I can see the goodness in life and situations (admittedly, it could be damn difficult sometimes).

Maybe it's not wrong to embrace both, and to see no distinction in them.
Life and death, beauty and destruction etc.
All are necessary.


7. Good place
There's yuuki, and now there's miyu. (together, they form "miyu(u)ki" - something meaningful to me)

There are people I love, and people who love me.

There's
good food (stopover, teppei, maki-san, GC brown sugar black tea)
good games (FFXV!!!!!!! FFX! Dynasty warriors!)
good music (the brilliant green, utada, Radwimps (because of Your Name), ryuichi sakamoto)
good shows (one punch man, future diary, sakamoto desu ga, mob psycho 100)
good thoughts,
good feelings.

I feel like I'm in a good place.


And I hope the same for you.