Where it started will be where it shall end~*

1.

“I closed my eyes and listened carefully for the descendants of Sputnik,

 even now circling the earth, 

gravity their only tie to the planet. 

Lonely metal souls in the unimpeded darkness of space, 

they meet, 

pass each other, 

and part, 

never to meet again. 

No words passing between them. 

No promises to keep.” 

― Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart

2.

“So that’s how we live our lives. 

No matter how deep and fatal the loss, 

no matter how important the thing that's stolen from us - that's snatched right out of our hands - even if we are left completely changed, 

with only the outer layer of skin from before, 

we continue to play out our lives this way, 

in silence. 

We draw ever nearer to the end of our allotted span of time,

 bidding it farewell as it trails off behind. 

Repeating, 

often adroitly, 

the endless deeds of the everyday. 

Leaving behind a feeling of insurmountable emptiness... 

Maybe, in some distant place, 

everything is already, 

quietly, 

lost. 

Or at least there exists a silent place where everything can disappear, 

melting together in a single, overlapping figure. 

And as we live our lives we discover - drawing toward us the thin threads attached to each - what has been lost. 

I closed my eyes and tried to bring to mind as many beautiful lost things as I could. 

Drawing them closer, 

holding on to them. 

Knowing all the while that their lives are fleeting.” 

― Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart

I know, now~*

We held each other's gaze for a few seconds,

and my heart squeezed.

I know, now.

I know, now, that I don't know, and may never know.

~*~*~*~

I retraced my steps and searched for something.
Something to hold on to, to validate the existence of something.

I need to, 

and I cannot. 

So many questions,
with no answer.

I know, now, that I've been left behind. 

~*~*~*~

I struggled to protect something from further degradation,
only to realise that some things cannot be done alone.

"Because we know when to yield..." (this was said in a completely different context, but it works)

I know, now, that I'm the only one holding on to that precious something.

~*~*~*~

I'd written something different for the very last line at first (quite easy to guess, if you follow the flow).
But I couldn't bring myself to put them down in words.
I'm not that strong; I don't have that steel in me. 


On a very random note,
thanks to 10-chan, I'm officially addicted to Neko Atsume.

And that term (for 4 May "Life, it taught me to die" entry), is discontinuous.

Hold, and shoot~*

"Right before I sleep - when my brain is too tired to put up a wall of rational moderation and I just run for a bit on the fumes of pure feeling." 

Hold your step,
hold your breath,
hold your tongue.

Hold back,

hold it.



Is that alright?
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it? 

Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright with you?

No.

- '9 Crimes', performed by Damien Rice & Lisa Hannigan

Life, it taught me to die~*

Life, it taught me to die.

Why do you need to be taught to die?

Because a normal, well-functioning being will not want to seek death.

Or so I think.



Life and love taught me many things, besides lying and dying...
And many things, besides life and love, taught me to lie and die...

The heart dies from time to time.
So do words, and even the concept of time - it becomes warped. Yesterday seems so distant, yet, everything is as vivid as if they'd just happened... yesterday.

The point when things change.
In retrospect, these are clearly drawn lines.
Nothing gradual (there's a term for this, but I can't remember).

Anyway, back to the point about dying.

You don't have to physically die, to die.
It's not just about the cessation of living.
It happens when things end, when things stop, when you come apart and get strewn all over the floor, when the heart bleeds and hurts like crazy, when exhaustion is the only sensation that makes sense to you...

Maybe we've all died at some point in life.
Those precious life lessons.