S O A R E D.
Especially when the strings (CELLOS!!) joined in.
Run with me.
Monday, June 30, 2014
On a Sunday night~*
STARS (YOU)
“Sometimes when I look at you, I feel I'm gazing at a distant star.
It's dazzling, but the light is from tens of thousands of years ago.
Maybe the star doesn't even exist any more.
Yet sometimes that light seems more real to me than anything.”
― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun
It's the curious feeling you get when you gaze at the stars, knowing you're looking at something long gone...
Might apply to other situations too.
~*~*
CAN'T SWIM
I feel like taking a break.
The currents are carrying me somewhere, fast.
And I have no idea where I'm heading.
I need to plant my feet somewhere.
Get anchored somewhere.
Grab hold of something.
Surface for a breath.
Because, alas, I can't swim.
~*~*
BATTLE CRY
Nobody can save you now
It's do or die
I feel that way so, so often - to do or die.
Listen to the drums. Hell yeah.
And Transformers 4 was gooooood (the soundtrack tooooo).
I'd thought the clashing of metals might lull me to sleep, but NO.
On the contrary, it had awakened something inside me - the sadistic side of me who enjoys seeing massive destruction, endless fighting and slicing of metals, pulling things apart, bombs set off etc. HEH.
~*~*
NODAME CANTABILE
Spent my entire morning - afternoon watching back to back episodes of Nodame Cantabile: Finale on Animax (the season that I didn't complete).
It reminded me why I'd been so obsessed with Nodame Cantabile... and Chopin, and Beethoven's sonatas, concertos... and my piano.
Speaking of which, my fingers are incredibly stiff now.
Time to resume playing again.
~*~*
SUNDAY NIGHT BLUES
as opposed to Saturday Night Fever.
Oh, boy.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Here, and not here~*
My mind is shrouded by a thick, impenetrable cloud.
The effects of drowsiness-inducing medicines...
Somehow, their effects are very potent on me.
Should've known better before swallowing that pill...
Have been drifting in and out of sleep; in and out of consciousness every now and then.
(even at this very moment, I'm not very sure if I'm fully conscious or not. So pardon me if I write nonsense here.)
Took MC today.
Finally decided not to be ti-ki and rest at home.
Stared at the ceiling and
pondered about some things.
1. For the self
"Don't live for others."
"They are not even the most important people in your life."
Why do we always measure ourselves against some standards that are determined by someone else?
What is it about others that can have such an impact on your self esteem and confidence?
Why let them take charge of how you feel about yourself?
Why others, and not the self?
2. It's so easy to make a sick person's day.
Being sick makes me more vulnerable inside.
As if the outer shell is temporarily deactivated (too ill to bother putting up a strong front), and people can reach in and touch my softer, hidden insides very easily.
Which means that it's easier to hurt. Similarly, it's also easier to heal.
Kindness, expressed simply by "how are you feeling?", "here's something to cheer you up", means so much to me.
To know that people do care.
3. Something major.
I've noticed an uncanny coincidence - I tend to fall sick just before / after something major happens.
It's like my body's way of telling me that I'm either too stressed up over some important event (the before), or that I've pushed myself too hard and it's time to rest now (the after).
Or that the negative emotions somehow got externalised as a big bout of illness (the after).
Which makes sense.
"Why are you always so hard on yourself? Stop worrying; stop thinking; stop letting the negativity get to you. Time to take a break and rest."
And in order to do that, you've got to take those nasty drowsiness-inducing medicines to force you to sleep... so don't complain.
4. Something minor.
I just noticed that I'm actually more conscious now, than I was half an hour ago.
And it's nearing bed time.
5. Let it out, and let it go.
I think I should cry - for multitude of reasons (not all are bad).
But I can't bring myself to cry.
Because that would mean something, and I might not be ready to face it.
Am I strong enough to let it go...?
6.
I listen to this piece when my heart feels choked up, and my feelings have nowhere to go.
Let it flow.
I feel like I'm here, and not here at the same time.
Time to sleep.
The effects of drowsiness-inducing medicines...
Somehow, their effects are very potent on me.
Should've known better before swallowing that pill...
Have been drifting in and out of sleep; in and out of consciousness every now and then.
(even at this very moment, I'm not very sure if I'm fully conscious or not. So pardon me if I write nonsense here.)
Took MC today.
Finally decided not to be ti-ki and rest at home.
Stared at the ceiling and
pondered about some things.
1. For the self
"Don't live for others."
"They are not even the most important people in your life."
Why do we always measure ourselves against some standards that are determined by someone else?
What is it about others that can have such an impact on your self esteem and confidence?
Why let them take charge of how you feel about yourself?
Why others, and not the self?
2. It's so easy to make a sick person's day.
Being sick makes me more vulnerable inside.
As if the outer shell is temporarily deactivated (too ill to bother putting up a strong front), and people can reach in and touch my softer, hidden insides very easily.
Which means that it's easier to hurt. Similarly, it's also easier to heal.
Kindness, expressed simply by "how are you feeling?", "here's something to cheer you up", means so much to me.
To know that people do care.
3. Something major.
I've noticed an uncanny coincidence - I tend to fall sick just before / after something major happens.
It's like my body's way of telling me that I'm either too stressed up over some important event (the before), or that I've pushed myself too hard and it's time to rest now (the after).
Or that the negative emotions somehow got externalised as a big bout of illness (the after).
Which makes sense.
"Why are you always so hard on yourself? Stop worrying; stop thinking; stop letting the negativity get to you. Time to take a break and rest."
And in order to do that, you've got to take those nasty drowsiness-inducing medicines to force you to sleep... so don't complain.
4. Something minor.
I just noticed that I'm actually more conscious now, than I was half an hour ago.
And it's nearing bed time.
5. Let it out, and let it go.
I think I should cry - for multitude of reasons (not all are bad).
But I can't bring myself to cry.
Because that would mean something, and I might not be ready to face it.
Am I strong enough to let it go...?
6.
I listen to this piece when my heart feels choked up, and my feelings have nowhere to go.
Let it flow.
I feel like I'm here, and not here at the same time.
Time to sleep.
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Jaded~*
I'm surrounded by a grey, thick wall of negative energy.
Like a negatively charged ion.
Exhausted, and ill (losing my voice).
[Fly performed by Ludivico Enaudi in the background - I really like his piano pieces...]
After some time, people learn to cry on the inside - just a quick one, to attempt to rid themselves of some messed up feelings, and to cry for some... unapparent reasons.
Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) by Kelly Clarkson
Fighter by Christina Aguilera
Titanium by David Guetta ft Sia
What do they all have in common?
Jaded, but
let's press on.
Like a negatively charged ion.
Exhausted, and ill (losing my voice).
[Fly performed by Ludivico Enaudi in the background - I really like his piano pieces...]
After some time, people learn to cry on the inside - just a quick one, to attempt to rid themselves of some messed up feelings, and to cry for some... unapparent reasons.
Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) by Kelly Clarkson
Fighter by Christina Aguilera
Titanium by David Guetta ft Sia
What do they all have in common?
Jaded, but
let's press on.
Monday, June 16, 2014
Back home~*
I'm back.
I'd started the journey feeling a little excited, a little apprehensive, and somewhat uncertain about many things...
But as it turned out, it was, on the whole, a pretty fulfilling trip.
So what do I mean by 'fulfilling'?
I guess I learnt many things about myself.
1. When it comes to sleeping, my tolerance for light is incredibly low.
Couldn't locate the switch to the closet light, and the door wouldn't close for some reason.
So out of frustration, I unscrewed the bulb.
2. Walking around unfamiliar places is fun.
As this was the first time I'm travelling alone (sort of), I'd never really known how independent I could get.
Whether it was with my family, friends or Z, there are times when I could just switch off.
Especially when it comes to navigating, remembering directions (I suck at that) etc.
So I thought I would be quite lost and perhaps a little jittery to venture too far out, especially since I'll be alone, and might not be contactable.
But I surprised myself. Or maybe because I'm still indoors, which is relatively safe. Couldn't say the same if I were to walk on the streets alone at night.
3. I enjoyed staying in the hotel room by myself.
My friends will know that it's difficult to get me spooked. Hence, it's not a problem for me to stay in the hotel room alone.
In fact, I really enjoyed the solitude.
I guess when you know that you are pretty much on your own, something just kicks in - like a switch gets turned on in your head and the independent self takes over.
And you see a side of yourself that you hadn't known all these years.
For frequent solo travellers, travelling to somewhere VERY NEAR for just a FEW DAYS might not seem like a big deal.
But to me, it is.
It's not so much about where I went, or how long I was away.
It's the realisation that I can actually manage things that others used to help me out with...
"...she's a grown woman."
It struck me that I'm no longer that young and it's time to start acknowledging it.
I guess I've been relatively well-protected most of my life, surrounded by loved ones who take good care of me. As such, I often took it for granted that I will always remain in the safe haven others built for me.
But no. I'm going to hit a quarter of a century soon, and it's time to learn to not just take care of myself, but also my loved ones.
I've digressed.
In essence, venturing out of comfort zone will undoubtedly offer you new insights about yourself - what you can or cannot do.
There's never an end to understanding more about yourself.
Ok, anyhow, I'm glad to be back home.
As always.
I'd started the journey feeling a little excited, a little apprehensive, and somewhat uncertain about many things...
But as it turned out, it was, on the whole, a pretty fulfilling trip.
So what do I mean by 'fulfilling'?
I guess I learnt many things about myself.
1. When it comes to sleeping, my tolerance for light is incredibly low.
Couldn't locate the switch to the closet light, and the door wouldn't close for some reason.
So out of frustration, I unscrewed the bulb.
2. Walking around unfamiliar places is fun.
As this was the first time I'm travelling alone (sort of), I'd never really known how independent I could get.
Whether it was with my family, friends or Z, there are times when I could just switch off.
Especially when it comes to navigating, remembering directions (I suck at that) etc.
So I thought I would be quite lost and perhaps a little jittery to venture too far out, especially since I'll be alone, and might not be contactable.
But I surprised myself. Or maybe because I'm still indoors, which is relatively safe. Couldn't say the same if I were to walk on the streets alone at night.
3. I enjoyed staying in the hotel room by myself.
My friends will know that it's difficult to get me spooked. Hence, it's not a problem for me to stay in the hotel room alone.
In fact, I really enjoyed the solitude.
I guess when you know that you are pretty much on your own, something just kicks in - like a switch gets turned on in your head and the independent self takes over.
And you see a side of yourself that you hadn't known all these years.
For frequent solo travellers, travelling to somewhere VERY NEAR for just a FEW DAYS might not seem like a big deal.
But to me, it is.
It's not so much about where I went, or how long I was away.
It's the realisation that I can actually manage things that others used to help me out with...
"...she's a grown woman."
It struck me that I'm no longer that young and it's time to start acknowledging it.
I guess I've been relatively well-protected most of my life, surrounded by loved ones who take good care of me. As such, I often took it for granted that I will always remain in the safe haven others built for me.
But no. I'm going to hit a quarter of a century soon, and it's time to learn to not just take care of myself, but also my loved ones.
I've digressed.
In essence, venturing out of comfort zone will undoubtedly offer you new insights about yourself - what you can or cannot do.
There's never an end to understanding more about yourself.
Ok, anyhow, I'm glad to be back home.
As always.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Away~*
My very first overseas work trip starts tomorrow (okay, today).
On one hand, it's exciting, and I'm really looking forward to enjoying the solitude in the hotel room at night... with my novel, music and a cup of hot tea.
(if I'm able to fully relax, that is. Somehow, I think I'll be constantly on my guard... especially since I'm sort of alone on this work trip.)
On the other hand, something feels amiss.
And I'm sure the butterflies will start fluttering about in my stomach tomorrow.
What do you leave behind when you travel overseas...?
What new scenery will unfold before my eyes?
Go, experience, enjoy and learn.
Shit might happen (me and my pessimistic self).
But you'll learn something from it.
Let's go!
On one hand, it's exciting, and I'm really looking forward to enjoying the solitude in the hotel room at night... with my novel, music and a cup of hot tea.
(if I'm able to fully relax, that is. Somehow, I think I'll be constantly on my guard... especially since I'm sort of alone on this work trip.)
On the other hand, something feels amiss.
And I'm sure the butterflies will start fluttering about in my stomach tomorrow.
What do you leave behind when you travel overseas...?
What new scenery will unfold before my eyes?
Go, experience, enjoy and learn.
Shit might happen (me and my pessimistic self).
But you'll learn something from it.
Let's go!
Sunday, June 01, 2014
Plainly~*
With every breath of peppermint...
Friends are complaining that they cannot make sense of my posts (to be honest, I was pretty amazed that people are still reading my entries...).
So I shall write more plainly from time to time.
In the nutshell,
1. I PASSED THE 4-HOUR-LONG INDUCTION TEST, at the expense of billions of brain cells. Learning point - DO NOT PUT OFF DOING THE TEST. Do it when everything is still fresh in your mind. Taking it nearly a year later makes the whole process extremely painful.
2. The Sushi Bar is damn gooooood - I can almost taste the hotate mentaiyaki now.... (shall post some pictures when I'm feeling less lazy). Friday lunches are awesome :)
3. Bought 2 novels on impulse from Book Depository... The prices are just too irresistible!
4. I'm going to collect all Murakami's novels (this explains point 2). In the past, being a poor student, all I could do was borrow his novels from the library. Well, not that I'm anymore richer, but I guess that's how I reward myself after weeks of hard work.
5. Hard work, yeah. The past few weeks have left me feeling absolutely squeezed dry. So much mental acrobat... and yet, I wonder if I'm making any visible progress.
6. Still struggling about the cello thing... Finally brought this up to mum and she just said very casually, "when you look for cello classes, please help me find guzheng classes.".......... hmm, okay, cool.
7. Colleagues have been talking about MBTI profiles and I can still remember how I used to be INFJ. Pretty curious to know whether it has changed. Though I'm nearly 100% certain I'm still an 'I' (introvert).
Have always thought that I would find it difficult to be around 'E's, but it turns out that some of the people closest to me are 'E's. You see, they are able to pull me out of my shell and open my eyes to many, many lovely things in the world that I would've shut out... and inject in my life colours that wouldn't have entered my life (but I'm still a pretty monochromatic person, heh).
8. Have been having weird dreams. Well, if they are supposed to mean something, I have no idea what... and they probably mean something pretty far-fetched. Tell me about it, Freud & Jung.
9. I need a break soon. Just to put everything aside and clear my mind completely... Right now, it's pretty scrambled.
10. My current earworm.
I turn the music up, I got my records on
I shut the world outside until the lights come on
Maybe the streets alight, maybe the trees are gone
But I feel my heart start beating to my favorite song
As we soar walls
Every siren is a symphony
And every tear's a waterfall
-Every Teardrop is a Waterfall, Coldplay
A pretty good acoustic cover of the song.
2CELLOS!
Looks a bit awkward, but they're awesome nonetheless.
With every breath of peppermint...
I feel that I can carry on.
Friends are complaining that they cannot make sense of my posts (to be honest, I was pretty amazed that people are still reading my entries...).
So I shall write more plainly from time to time.
In the nutshell,
1. I PASSED THE 4-HOUR-LONG INDUCTION TEST, at the expense of billions of brain cells. Learning point - DO NOT PUT OFF DOING THE TEST. Do it when everything is still fresh in your mind. Taking it nearly a year later makes the whole process extremely painful.
2. The Sushi Bar is damn gooooood - I can almost taste the hotate mentaiyaki now.... (shall post some pictures when I'm feeling less lazy). Friday lunches are awesome :)
3. Bought 2 novels on impulse from Book Depository... The prices are just too irresistible!
4. I'm going to collect all Murakami's novels (this explains point 2). In the past, being a poor student, all I could do was borrow his novels from the library. Well, not that I'm anymore richer, but I guess that's how I reward myself after weeks of hard work.
5. Hard work, yeah. The past few weeks have left me feeling absolutely squeezed dry. So much mental acrobat... and yet, I wonder if I'm making any visible progress.
6. Still struggling about the cello thing... Finally brought this up to mum and she just said very casually, "when you look for cello classes, please help me find guzheng classes.".......... hmm, okay, cool.
7. Colleagues have been talking about MBTI profiles and I can still remember how I used to be INFJ. Pretty curious to know whether it has changed. Though I'm nearly 100% certain I'm still an 'I' (introvert).
Have always thought that I would find it difficult to be around 'E's, but it turns out that some of the people closest to me are 'E's. You see, they are able to pull me out of my shell and open my eyes to many, many lovely things in the world that I would've shut out... and inject in my life colours that wouldn't have entered my life (but I'm still a pretty monochromatic person, heh).
8. Have been having weird dreams. Well, if they are supposed to mean something, I have no idea what... and they probably mean something pretty far-fetched. Tell me about it, Freud & Jung.
9. I need a break soon. Just to put everything aside and clear my mind completely... Right now, it's pretty scrambled.
10. My current earworm.
I turn the music up, I got my records on
I shut the world outside until the lights come on
Maybe the streets alight, maybe the trees are gone
But I feel my heart start beating to my favorite song
As we soar walls
Every siren is a symphony
And every tear's a waterfall
-Every Teardrop is a Waterfall, Coldplay
A pretty good acoustic cover of the song.
2CELLOS!
Looks a bit awkward, but they're awesome nonetheless.
With every breath of peppermint...
I feel that I can carry on.
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