Gypsophilia~*

I really shouldn't be here at this unearthly hour.

Especially not when I have a mountain of work waiting for me to clear tomorrow, and an early meeting which requires abundant brain cells...

But, something made me come here to note down some random thoughts...

Something so white, so small, so beautiful, yet... invisible to many.
People notice the big, eye-catching red roses, pink carnations, brightly coloured sunflowers... and hardly pay attention to the small, white baby's breaths which are there just to bring out the beauty of the colourful, big flowers - the prima donna.

"But they are eye-catching in their own way."

Beautiful,
only to those who notice and appreciate them for what they are.

I will hug them close to my heart, and let them know.
Let them know that they are so beautiful on their own... 

Fix You / Me~*

A sudden gush of emotions.
So strong, so transparent, so well-defined.
It's the feeling you experience just before the tears form.


When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep 
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face 
When you lose something you can't replace 
When you love someone, but it goes to waste 
Could it be worse?  

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below 
When you're too in love to let it go 
But if you never try you'll never know 
Just what you're worth  

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face 
When you lose something you cannot replace 
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home 
And ignite your bones 
And I will try to fix you

- Coldplay, 'Fix You'



Run, run, like you'll never run out of breath...
Run to me for cover...

Imperfect and weak as I am...

Vulnerable and lost as I am...

Listen to my imperfect melody...

Let it heal.

Listen~*

“The worst thoughts usually strike in the dead of the night.”  

― Haruki Murakami, Hear the Wind Sing

I think I'm ready to sink into a deep sleep at any moment (it has been an insane week. Enough said.).

It's that lethal concoction of emotions again.

Anyway, it feels good to take a slow stroll home at night... and feel the night breeze caress your cheeks...

So quiet and peaceful, unlike the intense rise and fall of emotions deep inside me.

Drained as I am, there are still times when irrational thoughts would creep into consciousness, and attach firmly onto my brain like a bunch of annoying leeches...

Feel the night breeze...

and listen carefully...

hoping to hear my name..

What if...

If only...

Why can't you / me / we...

Can I...?

Can you hear me?

Come and fix me.

Wild Sheep Chase~*

“Body cells replace themselves every month. Even at this very moment. 

Most everything you think you know about me is nothing more than memories.”  

― Haruki Murakami, A Wild Sheep Chase

Essentially, 

everybody's changing. 

And so, I'm done with the 3rd book of Murakami's Rat Trilogy.

Moving on to the 1st book (and also his debut novel) 'Hear the Wind Sing'.

I know the order is all wrong but it doesn't really matter.

I'm not going to talk too much about A Wild Sheep Chase (lest someone wants to read it heh).

In short, the ending to the story is still lingering in my mind... 

That emptiness.

How do you fill it up? 

~*~*~*~

Searched,

found,

lost,

and we start searching again.

Over, and over. 

Sent on a wild sheep goose chase. 

Look at all the clutter (on my desk, in my mind).

Right now, a forehead kiss + big, tight hug would bring me back to life, and calm psycho-jas back to sleep.

Life's for the living~*

Such a lovely song, with tattoo-worthy lyrics (those five lines, in particular).


Well grey clouds wrapped round the town like elastic
Cars stood like toys made of Taiwanese plastic
The boy laughed at the spastic dancing around in the rain

While laundrettes cleaned clothes, high heals rub toes
Puddles splashed huddles of bus stop crows
Dressed in their suits and their boots well they all look the same

I took myself down to the cafe to find all the boys lost in books and crackling vinyl
And carved out a poem above the urinal that read

Don't you cry for the lost 
Smile for the living 
Get what you need and give what you're given 
Life's for the living so live it 
Or you're better off dead  

While the evening pulled the moon out of it's packet
Stars shone like buttons on an old man's jacket
We needed a nail but we tacked it 'til it fell off the wall

While pigeon's pecked trains, sparks flew like planes
The rain showed the rainbows in the oil stains
And we all had new iPhones but no one had no one to call

And I stumbled down to the stomach of the town
Where the widow takes memories to slowly drown
With a hand to the sky and a mist in her eye she said

Don't you cry for the lost
Smile for the living
Get what you need and give what you're given
Life's for the living so live it
Or you're better off dead

Well I'm sick of this town, this blind man's forage
They take your dreams down and stick them in storage
You can have them back son when you've paid off your mortgage and loans

Oh hell with this place, I'll go it my own way
I'll stick out my thumb and I trudge down the highway
Someday someone must be going my way home

Till then I'll make my bed from a disused car
With a mattress of leaves and a blanket of stars
And I'll stitch the words into my heart with a needle and thread

Don't you cry for the lost
Smile for the living
Get what you need and give what you're given
You know life's for the living so live it
Or you're better off dead

Eight Inches of Hair Left On the Floor~*

And so, I joined the 'Short-medium-ish length hair' club.

A pretty drastic change by my standards.

Is it true that a change in hairstyle will somehow result in subtle changes in the way you behave...?

Perhaps.

So, what made me do it?

Hmm... I can't pinpoint any particular reason.
But in general, I guess I sorely needed a change of appearance.
I mean, I have had long hair since... JC days? And nearly 7 years of long hair does seem to justify that impulse to snip it all off.

And, truth be told, I have always been secretly imagining what it would be like to have short hair again - not needing 4837430 hours for my hair to dry completely, not tugging my own hair accidentally when I sleep at night, not feeling aghast when I see that huge pile of hair resting on the drain cover in the bathroom after washing my hair, and most importantly, the feeling of having a lighter head.


The downside of it is that I feel about 50% less feminine. 

A very eh... superficial way to judge femininity, I know.
But still, there's a difference between a lady who sweeps all her hair to one side of her shoulder and gives you a sultry look, and a lady who smoothes down her short hair and gives you a sultry look...
and a difference between a lady with long hair, wearing an elegant long dress, and a short-haired lady wearing the same long dress...

In short, the aura exuded is different (pun unintended).


So, even more importantly, do I like my new hair length??

Yup, I do. Because of the following reasons:

1. Drying my hair is no longer a chore (as mentioned earlier, but still, this is a very very crucial reason)

2. Head feels lighter, and hence, helps to take a few grams off the weighing scale (KIDDING). It makes my whole self feels lighter, my heart included.

3. No more annoying hair-accidentally-dipping-into-my-bowl/plate-of-food episodes.

4. I can go around surprising/shocking people - people who have seen me were utterly stunned. And I'm sure I'll give people more shocks on monday when I return to office, heh.

5. I can monitor how my looks change as my hair grows longer - in the past, I didn't pay that much attention to the process of hair growth. But now, I can! And that helps me decide on which hair length suits me best. Who knows? Maybe my ultra-long hair is best for my face shape and build?

6. I look different - and it's almost like a mini experiment to see whether people will start treating me differently, and whether my own behaviours / perspectives will change as well.

7. YOLO


Well, well.
If you manage to read all the way till this point, then I guess you should be pretty curious by now.

Very awkward smile

So, that's 8 inches (of hay-like frizz) snipped off.

Next, the dye. ;)

Lights & Shadows~*

What do I know?

There are times when the strange feelings emerge out of nowhere and creep right into your blood stream, coursing through your veins.
Unstoppable.

Maybe it's the odd effect that the night has on you - stirs up everything inside you, and envelops you in a thick fog of emptiness.

Everything seems a little sadder, a little lonelier. The world, in general, looks a little darker.

What do I know?

But in reality, though it's subjective, nothing much has changed.
For now.

The exhaustion is getting to me - you enter a phase when the things you say / think about are the most honest. After which, you drift away, far from reality. And when you return, the lights chase the darkness away and suddenly, everything seems a little more hopeful than it was the night before.

Strange.

While some of your perspectives change as you progress through the day, others don't.


...I know.