Melody~*

I'm not searching for a perfect melody.

Because then, it wouldn't be me.

Sat, and stared at the rows blacks and whites.

Closed my eyes, and thought about
all the vivid images that could be expressed through them.

Laughing, and crying,
Floating and falling,
I met myself. 

Love, hope, honesty, disappointments, forgiveness, insecurity, despair, bliss...

I guess we're all searching for someone who can sing the melody of our hearts.

It doesn't have to be perfect.

It doesn't have to last forever.

Inochi?~*

"Inochi."
"Who is inochi?"
"Inochi = life"
"Oh.. what about 'such is life'?'
"hmm... sore ga inochi desu? haha" (note: I got it all wrong. according to google translate, it should be 'kore wa  jinseidesu.')
"No question mark. sore ga inochi desu."
"Sore ga inochi desu!!!"
"Hahaha."

Oh, life.
Can we really live such that an exclamation mark is the most appropriate punctuation mark to illustrate our lives?

I think mine is probably somewhere between a question mark and fullstop.
~*~*~*~

TORRENTS of rain just descended from the dark sky.
Dark, with a hint of crimson.

Furious, loud, and bold raindrops. 

From afar,
the raindrops look like they are black in colour...

And the moon disappeared behind the thick, darkened clouds...
somewhere.

~*~*~*

Went back to listen to 'Sagittarius' by Suemitsu & The Suemith...

It still has an effect on me.
Once I hear the first four piano chords... something quivers, trembles, and wrenches.

And this time, it's of a different reason altogether.

There's a light. 
which will show us that the dream is somewhere, somewhere, somewhere...

those who know of the light, who know the existence of the dream...
somewhere, somewhere, somewhere...

Along with those feelings...

Someday, someday, someday... 

Voices & Music~*

Was watching some clips from BBC Children in Need Rocks 2013, a fundraising concert which took place from 12-13 Nov.

Some of my recent favourites were performed, which got me really excited.

1. Keane's 'Everybody's Changing' - Love Tim (the pianist/keyboardist/synthesiserist (is there such a word?)). He never fails to capture my attention when they perform this song. And the song has such amazing chords! (they performed 'Somewhere Only We Know' too!)

Speaking of Keane, I've been putting 'The Best of Keane' (their new CD!) on repeat for the past few days... In fact, I've been listening to them almost every day on my way to work, and every evening on my way home. Crazily addicted.




2. Ellie Goulding's 'Burn' -  This song powers me up early in the morning. Hell yeah.

 

When the lights turned down 
They don't know what they heard 
Strike a match
Play it loud 
Giving love to the world 

We'll be raising out hands 
Shining up to the sky 
Cos we got the fire, fire, fire 
Yeah we got the fire, fire, fire 

And we gonna let it burn burn burn burn 
We gonna let it burn burn burn burn 

3. Passenger's 'Let Her Go' - something slow and melancholic... and towards the end, the audience was singing along with him and boy, that gave me goosebumps.



Well, you only need the light when it's burning low, 
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow, 
Only know you love her when you let her go. 

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low 
Only hate the road when you're missing home. 
Only know you love her when you let her go, 
And you let her go

~*~*~*

The power of music - ability to triple your heartbeat, to reach into the deepest corner of your heart, to make tears flow, to make you feel like dancing (even when you don't know how), to give you an adrenalin rush, to call up memories of all sorts (experiences, people whom you thought you've long forgotten)...

Music.
Something absolutely essential to keep me alive.

Scarlet~*

Forgot to put some emotions to rest.

Overflowed, and overwhelmed.

I saw them burn.

A deep scarlet.

~*~*~

Can't seem to escape this deep sense of ennui lately.

When some thoughts and feelings cannot be expressed by words,
silence may be the best form of expression.

~*~*~

Something stirred deep within.

Something unidentifiable.

"I think you're just confused," I said softly to no one in particular. "In reality, your emotions don't burn the colour of passion. Perhaps, they don't burn at all."

WABI-SABI~*

A Japanese world view that centres on the acceptance of imperfections and transience, and finding beauty in imperfections.

Nothing lasts, nothing is finished, nothing is perfect.

source

"...Just thinking about humans. So flawed. But flaws can be endearing too, like what you told me before."

"Well, flaws are beautiful only when the other party can appreciate them..."

Do you see the beauty in them...?

Reverie~*

source

I had a dream, which was not all a dream. 

The bright sun was extinguish'd, and the stars 

Did wander darkling in the eternal space, 

Rayless, and pathless, and the icy earth 

Swung blind and blackening in the moonless air

- Lord Byron, "Darkness" (an excerpt) 

I might not be able to grasp the meaning of the poem completely,
but, I really like how the words were strung together... into something beautiful.

Beautifully dark.

1. Reverie 

a beautiful piano piece by Claude Debussy;

one which I nearly gave up learning when I was younger. 

"No, no, no! It's a DREAM. Where's the dream-like quality????"

At that age, it was difficult for me to understand how to best express the composer's intent when playing a piano piece. 

All I was doing was just trying to get the notes and rhythm right, and to follow the performance directions as much as possible. 

Too mechanical

Less human

"Why are you always so restrained?"

As I grew older, I started abandoning the need to be right and started allowing my thoughts and feelings to come through in the music that I play.

I remember Ms P telling me that what made me different from her other students was that I was able to express myself better, despite making plenty of errors. 

Sadly, I only paid attention to the latter half of that comment. 

So then, slowly, I reverted back to the old self - becoming preoccupied with the intense need to be RIGHT. 

I would scrutinize every note on the score. 

And the constant (and incredibly annoying) tick-tocking of the metronome became my best partner. 

Why am I writing all these?

I guess I'm trying to draw a parallel to my life..

It's exhausting. 

I hate the metronome. 

So I turned it off. 

Life.
I'm still relying heavily on rules, guidelines and norms.

Perhaps, one day, I'd switch the annoying metronome off,

and walk at my own pace - to decide things for myself, by myself. 

2. 
A dream. Not quite.

I have so, so many things that I want to pen down.
To concretise them, and to assure myself that some things are real.

However, when I lay my fingers on the keyboard,
[a long pause]

Words become meaningless.

That strange feeling that's coursing through my veins - what is it called?

3. 
Let me venture into the darkness,
where the most beautiful, most wonderful, most unforgettable experiences lie.

Experience them in their entirety
until the tears start to flow uncontrollably...

Ghosts~*

Possessed.

A sudden sense of loneliness.

So thick, I could suffocate.

Listen.
To the echoing fear in my heart.

The void is growing again.

The eyes clouded over, and turned steely.

Looking at you, but seeing something else.

The ghosts,
unleashed.

Save me
from me. 

I left my heart in the deep forest~*

Source

And so,
I took a deep breath,

and walked straight into the heart of the dense forest.

I know that
I might not find my way out again,
there are dangers of all sorts lurking in every corner
and I might get consumed by the infinite darkness when night falls...

Yet, I remained steadfast
and allowed my legs to carry me to where my heart was.

As I walked, I heard a beautiful melody.
It was playing somewhere in the depth of the forest, its beautiful chords and notes reverberating in the air.

[wait... I think it's the Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 8 - Pathetique 2nd movement...]

I removed my shoes and continued walking.

To where the light was. 

At the clearing,
the view was spectacular.

The sunlight filtered through the leaves, illuminating my surroundings...
allowing me to see the beauty of the forest which couldn't be seen previously...

I looked up.
The sunlight was blinding... yet, I didn't want to avert my gaze.

I stood awed, enthralled, breathless.

But, where's my heart?  

Yes, I might die,
but, I really couldn't care less.

Then, I heard someone call my name.

Suddenly, it seemed like the most beautiful word I've ever heard in my life.