annoying orange~*

credit: tumblr.com







so, to fulfill point 1, 2 and 3, I present to you










THE ANNOYING ORANGE.

(HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!*in annoying orange's tone*)






my all-time favourite HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!











set out to irritate someone. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!
and to, hopefully, bring some laughter too. :)

Lifejacket~*

credits: tumblr.com


Last night,


One Night.
Three Hours.
Three Mossy Green Couches.
Over Hot Chocolate, Iced Tea, Caramel Frappe.
Tears, both inside and outside.

And,


Revelations aplenty.




This morning,

I woke up to the soft tapping of the rain against my window.
Drew the curtains to reveal the world, enveloped by a layer of rain, accompanied by the beautiful, dark clouds.

being cleansed.



I watched.

and silently wondered how great it would be,

if pain and hurt can be erased,
if the dirty, ugly parts of life can be cleansed.



then maybe, there would be no more tears shed for the sake of those who are simply not deserving of our tears.

we cry tears as real as yours, bleed blood as crimson as yours, feel emotions as strongly as you do, feel pain through and through just like you...

is that a fact that is so difficult to comprehend?




no matter what it is,
at least we still have each other.

"I feel blessed that I've got to meet you, even though it came a little late."


Let me be the lifejacket.
for you and you.

for you,































for me,


























credits: tumblr.com

marker?~*

credits: tumblr.com



there are just so many, many things to say here.

things like,

my recent addiction to 'Beyond the Realm of Conscience',
utter amazement at 'Inception',
the many many novels I'm reading now,
my trip to cameron and kl,
my birthday
(AND APOLOGIZING FOR ALL THE MISSING MESSAGES THAT COULDN'T REACH ME DURING THE TRIP. and after that.)
choosing mods for the new sem,
dread for the new sem,
meet-ups with many many lovable people,
piano performance (that was ages ago),

the many anxieties, excitements, moments of happiness, disappointment, frustration...


the thing is,
I think I'll be skipping the details for all that.





is it sad that I no longer enjoy writing out my life here?
instead, I prefer writing those strange thoughts and reflections and realizations.
(that nobody enjoys reading)


is that the marker of my passage to the twenties?
(TWENTIES. TWENTIES. TWENTIES. oh my.)



enjoying things that I didn't enjoy,
and not enjoying the things I used to enjoy.



oh welllllllllllllll.

smile, just like everybody else~*

This unknowingly brought a smile on my face. :)









































I

laugh, smile, speak, listen, play, walk, sit, sleep, dream, taste, witness, tear, feel, touch, remember, forget, love, sing, sneeze, yawn, run, hurt, bleed, joke, contemplate, watch, read, write, drink,

breathe...


just like everybody else.



then perhaps,

I can also live on with ample positivity and strength,




just like everybody else.

Moon/Blossom~*

perhaps it's the melody,
perhaps it's the lyrics,
or the current state of mind,


the songs left my heart softly aching.

Within your heart, you've actually been crying for a while haven't you?
But you were hiding it, that part of you hasn't changed.

- 'Blossom' by Hamasaki Ayumi

I closed my eyes and sweared
"If this prayer come true, I need nothing, nothing else"


- 'Moon' by Hamasaki Ayumi

Love me~*

at the toughest moment, when the pain is immense,
I heard a voice.

"sleep it all away, love..."





Let's all just


Live and Let Live.




I've already forgotten when was the last time I could live in a carefree way, without a slightest regard for anybody else other than myself.

blithe.



I used to think that as we grow older, we can all just... leave and live.

away from the sharp pairs of eyes boring

right through your skin,
right into you,

ransacking your insides,
toying with your mind,
disturbing your steady heartbeat,
poisoning your blood...





from time to time, some voice would suddenly speak up, right into my ear.

"Jasmine, don't."

Don't... what?

"Jasmine, Don't. Leave. Me. Alone. "

and then another tightened grip on my wrist.




how can I leave?
how can I...?



already, I feel burnt and drained.
cycles of cycles of wrath, followed by wrinkled, twinkly, happy eyes, followed by venomous words, and then the painful gentleness....


"Why me...?"

I ask myself.



Amber, I want to ask you,

"why us...?"




like a marionette.

only to wish for the day when we all come to terms with one other, and peace truly runs in the family...

Please, please.
Please acknowledge me as a flawed human being, trying, trying and trying.
Please acknowledge me as a person, rich with emotions, who bleeds real blood, who cries real tears...

I might not be who you want me to be.






but please, love me.

"Letters are just pieces of paper," I said.
"Burn them, and what stays in your heart will stay; keep them, and what vanishes will vanish."

- 'Norwegian Wood' by Murakami Haruki

happy birthday!~*

credits: gakky.org



someone asked me how do I feel about turning twenty.


I simply replied with 'I feel old.'



TWENTY.
20.

and from now on, my age will consist of my favourite number. (for another 10 years)


as our age continues to increase, so will the amount of responsibilities and the weight of burden we shoulder.
and perhaps, life will just continue to become more complicated.

but at the same time, perspectives will, perhaps, broaden and we'll gradually learn to come to terms with the many many things that life throw at us, good and bad. :)


a day is special only when we give meaning to it.
and hence, the 16th of July can either be viewed as just another day, or a day with a little more meaning.

haha. whatever it is, a part of me does feel grateful for being born.
and for this reason, I really want to thank many many people who have set foot in my life, no matter how brief the encounter has been. :)


thank you all for making me feel loved and wanted, and for accepting me simply for who I am, despite being flawed in many, many ways. for forgiving me when I was such a pain in the ass. haha. :)


arigatou, all. :)

Sponge~*

in this world, there are probably 3 types of people. (extremes)

1. people who display their emotions in their full glory.
without any restrictions, without any regard for the rest of the world.
the kind of 'if i want to cry, i'll wail. if i want to laugh, i'll roar in laughter' person.



2. people who hide everything. appears calm on the outside, but deep inside, emotions are all over the place.
they keep things to themselves. like a sponge which constantly soaks up all sorts of poisons and has nowhere to let the liquid go.
people who keep telling themselves
"It's really alright"

although they don't mean it at all.



3. people who are genuinely calm and easy-going.
everything is, well, going to be alright in the end and they really believe in it.
and most of the time, it is.




I guess we're all somewhere in between.
some people show their emotions without restraint to certain people, while they hide and keep secrets from others.
some people are generally easy-going, but flare up when certain limits are pushed.




and others, like me, are generally easy-going but deep down,
ahhh... emotions galore.
so haphazard and hazardous are those thoughts and emotions.
yet, they belong only to us alone.




soaking up negative thoughts is really bad for us.
but to us, this group of seemingly dark and depressing people, it's for the best.
because we just don't want our negativity to affect others.
(I know someone can relate to this very well.... haha.)

"I don't want others to shoulder half of my burden"
this certain someone told me.

that's not to say that we're never happy.
that's not to say that we're liars, pretenders or... fake.


it's just that some things are better off not being told.
to maintain that... tranquility, that completely underrated serenity that we all crave for, even though we don't show that craving out openly.

not to destroy that lovely, simple happiness.


who enjoys chaos and pandemonium?



who are we, really, to have the audacity to disrupt the serenity?



that's why from time to time, secrets are kept, emotions ostensibly nullified.





but of course, we have our own ways to let out these venomous emotions and thoughts.
confidante, in the form of people, diaries, blogs, eat, doing something we enjoy... or even just through sleep.
(I've learnt that sleep is truly detoxifying. hehe.)

we all have our limits.
the limits to the amount of waste we can hold.


and sometimes, when the limits are pushed,
we'll start to get eccentric and at times, go into isolation.

isolation not because we are tired of human contact or because we hate all our friends and family or whatever, but really just for a single purpose -

that is, to detox and to rejuvenate.


to release those emotions and thoughts, just so the whole cycle starts again.



does it sound pathetic?


i don't think so.




all of us have our own ways to release negativity (if any).
so I've probably just illustrated one of the ways.




and like I always say,

Everything Happens For A Reason.



so the next time somebody gets unhappy over something and shows it to you,
he/she might not just be 'making a fuss out of nothing' but have genuinely, seriously, hit the limit.

or when somebody gets suffocated and out of breath,
just give the person some time, and soon, he/she'll crawl out of the shell and be his/her normal self again.



it's probably a cycle.
and we'll recuperate.



we'll recover, eventually. :)



random: I've never slept so much in my life. love this feeling when I can seemingly sleep forever.

Getaway~*

I'm drained.

Mentally and physically.


finding it hard to breathe from time to time...



I'm glad for a simple, short getaway from Singapore.
(and deep down, I'm glad for a rather no-frills trip. keeping it simple is usually the way to please me haha.)
for some thoughts to unravel, decipher and then resolve.

but more to enjoy, to rest,
to be somewhere where I won't be judged for who I was already perceived as, but by who I am at that moment in time.

almost like an isolation ritual, but not quite equivalent to locking myself up in my room.




So, I'll be off from 16th-18th July.
This is the first time I'll be spending my birthday outside Singapore.
to be surrounded by a completely different climate. (I'm not complaining)



anyway, tonight's THE match!
The Netherlands vs Espana!





























Hopefully, Paul will be right again. :)
and then the Dutch can go on an octopus killing rampage.


btw, happy belated birthday Mabel! :D

there are so many things I hate.

but what tops the list is, without doubt,


M Y S E L F.



I'm getting tired of listening to things I don't really want to listen to.
and I'm tired of seeing things I don't want to see.


myself. you telling me about myself. him telling me about myself. her telling me about myself....




S E L F L O V E.


where do I start?




you guys say I have to raise my self esteem, my confidence,
but how do I start?




already, my level of self confidence is infinitesimal,
yet you must come and push me to the edge.

you see a small, delicate babybreath.
why must you come and crush it so brutally??

but you're just telling me the truth.
the truth that I've been persistently escaping from.



so I should thank you instead, shouldn't I?



thank you for telling me the ugly truth.
which reflects the ugliness of myself.


thank you for waking me up from my disturbingly ignorant reverie.




just,
let me be.

Migraine~*

Having a horrible, terrible migraine again.


because.


a)
I cannot stand the weather now. It's making me feel as sticky as a lizard.


b)
I said something I shouldn't have said, and when he repeated it back to me, it made me cringe.
I hadn't meant it that way, but somehow, the way I said it made it sound it that way.
Sorry for my recklessness, though you just smiled at me and told me something which made me want to die even faster.

It reminded me of the time when somebody actually gave up her seat for him on the bus.
my insides had bled then.
knowledge sank in.
We're all getting old.



And yet... have I really been a good daughter...?


c)
Wanted a retreat back to my shell tonight.
felt completely awful.

because of myself, because of my imprudence, my utter tactlessness, my self-centredness...


and my imperfections.


sometimes, I do wish I could become better. in a million and one ways.
no, make it a million and two.



d)
I'm sorry for such a negative entry again.
but yeah. I won't want to stay in the dumps forever too.

I'm trying... I really am.

Paul~*

All hail Paul the Psychic Octopus! :)

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/abraham/detail??blogid=95&entry_id=67164


I have been talking about the octopus to many of my friends.
Well, some may dismiss this as a completely groundless and silly way of predicting Germany's performance in the World Cup, but personally, I find it pretty amazing how it has predicted with 100% accuracy thus far, including Germany's loss to Serbia.

On the other hand, personally, I feel that it's kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Instead of the octopus predicting Germany's performance, maybe it aided in boosting Germany's morale.


Well, whatever it is, I'm growing rather fond of the German team. :)
personally, I feel that they're a really humble bunch equipped with great skills.


Next up, Germany vs Espana!!!
gosh. Let's see what Paul predicts? ;)






by the way, I'm so caught up with the World Cup that I hardly have the mindpower to worry about my piano performance later on.
now that I think about it, I suddenly feel sickkkkkkk.

honesty~*

I have been watching 'Camouflage ~ Aoi Yu X 4 Lies' and it always starts off with this line.

"How many lies have you told in your lifetime?"

Do you really want to know the truth?


Do you, really?




whenever we say, "Come on, tell me the truth."

do we really mean it?

Or do we just mean "Come on, tell me what you wanna say in an ACCEPTABLE way."


then does that equate to the 'truth' then?




one lie merely leads to another, and another, and another.
and soon, a ridiculous story is woven. a story that is well, far from the truth.
even so, if we are able to convince ourselves,


we might even be deceived by our own lies.





actually, do you know how easy it is to put our conscience to sleep, never to be awakened?
and to tell ourselves "It's alright." over and over again?

if that is the case, whatever lie-detector techniques and gadgets will never, ever detect your lies.
because they're NOT LIES.





the bottomline is,


lies vs truth



everything is in your mind.




there are so many ways to detect whether a person is telling the truth or not.
but so what if we know the person is lying?


Tell me,
which one hurts more.

The hurting truth OR a beautiful lie?


probably neither.
but we've got to live with either one, don't we?





Radical as it sounds,
but in my honest opinion (hahaha),

honesty
has become tainted, altered, blemished.



forgive me if I sound really pessimistic about the morality of mankind etc etc etc,

but then again,

maybe I've digressed onto the topic of 'forthrightness'.





I'm enjoying this strange little monologue.



ok. I'm going back to watch 'Netherlands vs Brazil' match.

personally, it seems like a really aggressive and violent match.
seems like netherlands might win this.
my sis is screaming next to me. she's losing her sanity.



Random:

(taken from some blog entry in year 2006)

That day.
I sat outside the class with Yeeyan, leaning against the lockers, just silently gazing at the sky.
Then suddenly, lots of memories came back to me.

Serene joined us afterwards.
And she said something really meaningful.

Serene: Sec sch is the time you can find your best friends. Because we're not immature, nor are we mature.

in this process of maturing, there's no doubt we've lost many things...
but it doesn't hurt that much at the end of the day, simply because of those which remain till today.
and the newfound loves.