BIG FIVE~*

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0 50 100	%
Openness	73%
Conscientiousness	59%
Extraversion	63%
Agreeableness	76%
Neuroticism	50%

This is interesting.
And I'm an INFP (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving)

and what's the most interesting part is the list of recommended majors derived from my BIG FIVE traits.

1. Sociology
2. Psychology
3. Secondary Education (?)
4. Music Education
5. Medicine


haha.. so does that mean I'm on the right track now?

Random~*

Cello is such a beauty. After piano, that is. :)


"Hi Miss Alice
With your glass eyes
What kind of dream
Can you see?
Are you fascinated with?"

- 'Still Doll' by Kanon Wakeshima


Randomness.

1. It's pitch black outside. And it's pouring and pouring and pouring. Love it.

2. I'm finally going to watch 'Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni', the scary anime recommended by 2 hardcore manga/anime fans (ws and py). Waiting for it to load. And there's already blood in the very first scene. Perfect.

3. Kanon Wakeshima's songs are eerily beautifully eerie and beautiful.

4. Congrats to KL-san for his new car! :)

5. Still lingering and lingering.

6. Dad's gonna give all of us a big treat this coming sunday. :D

7. Last 2 weeks of school! And I don't know how am I supposed to feel or think.

8. PIANO~! My first exam piece reminds me of an unoccupied Victorian style house with a cello lying there. and maybe blood red interior. okok.

9. Have been having weird recurrent dreams. And I can't seem to remember them very clearly, but they're somewhere along the line of furry dogs, cats and giant hamsters in a big cage. and dying one by one. =/

10. I don't like waking up at 8am and finding myself very awake.
mentally awake yet physically tired.
very very restless.

Not good.

11. Finally met up with the girls~!
I guess I really miss you girls.
HTHT! :)


11. Trying very very hard to digest 'A Quiet Life' by Kenzaburo Oe completely.

It's a very, very challenging novel and you can't just take the words at face value. You gotta look much deeper. If not, it's no difference from reading a piece of paper with random words on it.

It's a nobel prize winner. Yes. No wonder.


12. 'The Blue Chair' XD
and my last chance to get inspiration tomorrow.




Imagine.
That everything and everyone in front of your eyes have wings.
Dreams, opportunities, money, your parents...
the intangible, the tangible.

you have to grasp them firmly


before they fly away.


because, they always do.

(Mendelssohn's 'On the Wings of Song' is really moving...)

Kanon~*

Absolutely darling. :)

She's a cellist before she became a singer (and she's produced by MANA from Malice Mizer and Moi dix Mois! yes. even till now, whenever I mention his name, I get the chills.)

I like her music. I like cello and I've always liked gothic lolita.

Kanon Wakeshima. :)

Linger~*

Lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering, lingering....


Indeed.

sickening~*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ENOUGH OF PROJECTS AND REPORTS!!!!!!!!!

I'm dying from frustration plus anxiety plus all the negative emotions one could possibly experience simultaneously.

@#$*!@&#(*~!@&#*!!!!!!!!!!!


did my SEA project till an inhuman time last night (or izzit this morning) at tako's house.
towards the end, my mind already ceased to work.


and today, the fight will continue.


HAIZZZZZZZZZZ.


sorry, i just need to rant a little. =(

Doomsday clock~*

Have you guys seen this before?



































source: Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists http://www.thebulletin.org/


It's the Doomsday Clock.

And yes, it says we're just mere 5 minutes to midnight.
Midnight = complete destruction of mankind = doomsday.

It rates how close we are from doomsday through nuclear, environmental and technological threats that we face.

It adjusts accordingly.

Add on a few minutes if there are certain measures taken to curb environmental crisis.
Minus a few more when countries start testing nuclear weapons.

and the list goes on.


so here we are, pretty close to doomsday.


and what's with all the 20.12.2012 predictions and the upcoming movie 2012.

I happened to walk past the poster of '2012' on my way to school.
What caught my attention was really the tagline--- 'We Were Warned'.
I'm not sure what they meant by 'warned' (could be just the predictions by many people) but I interpreted it as all the catastrophes and constant warnings by experts that Earth is in a very, very sick state.

Hmm... indeed, we were warned.
So, why are most of us still sitting here and (couldn't find a better way of putting it) waiting to die?

I'm in no position to answer that question since I'm guilty of being passive in environmental conservation etc etc as well.



So really, if we're not already doing so, we should start paying more attention to the people, the things around us.

Who knows if it'll be the last time we're seeing them, right?
(sorry for the pessimistic view of the world. but I'm being realistic...am I?)


Something random:
happened to dig it out from my old folders from my external hard drive. and this monochromatic picture seems to complement the Doomsday Clock.
ok. just a ridiculously random connection. XD


SUPER OLD PHOTO.


















And may the Cicakman save us!

TXN!!!~*

I was on my way home when I brushed past this VERY FAMILIAR guy.

So familiar...

Like... someone I used to know...

So, so familiar...

But... who?


Then it dawned on me.


T.X.N~~~~!!!!



OH MY GOODNESS!


And I was sooo stunned!



all the memories of TXN, airplane head, porcupine head, rambutan, matchstick...
WASEH.

still remember why he's called TXN in the first place. how we used to wait for the same train at the same door at the same time.
how we detested airplane and his #@*$*#$^*# ego. yet he's the only guy I actually spoke to.
and how we cheered for them during sports day, even though we don't know them and some of the class girls were laughing at all these ridiculous nicknames...


those crazy days!
those crazy stories we spun!

WAHAHAHA~!


MD bins, seriously, I know you guys miss them too. XD

As if~*

The last thing I should do is to divert my attention away from my concert report, which is due next monday.
But that's exactly what I'm doing now. BAAAAAH. =__=

I just want to talk about some random, interesting (and very trivial) matters that have, well, made my life less mundane and boring.


1. I choked up the handicap toilet.
(I had no choice cos the female toilet was locked.)

The first thought that came to my mind when I walked into the toilet was 'why was it so wet?!'
Anyway, when I was washing my hands, I suddenly heard this THUNDEROUS gushing sound and before I know what's going on, the water nearly soaked through my flats.

There was practically a mini fountain in the toilet bowl.
O.o

and I just made a mad dash for the door and slammed it shut.

"TOILET! FLOOD!!! O.O;;;;;"
"Okok... relax..."

Then SG and I just feigned innocence and walked away.

XD



2. Haunted by 'Human' by The Killers

Heard it everywhere.

Even today. In Megabites.

Not that I mind though. Reminds me of the time when I was crazy over that song. :)

(no credit to the lyrics though. XD)


3. Outdoor Rhapsody

Listening to live concert (be it instrumental or not) in Botanic Garden is...
AWESOME~ :D


4. LAGGING......... still. T_T


5. The semester is ending.
like... huh?


6. Nosebled.
AGAIN.

while I was bathing.
AGAIN.

heck cared.
AGAIN.



7. Going to have electrodes pasted on me tomorrow morning.
*shudders*



8.
"And I don't care what they say,
I wanna BE with you~
I wanna BE with you~"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.



9.
You know,

everything falls into place so perfectly.

Words, emotions, thoughts, colours, melodies, expressions.


You know,

to experience, to live, to learn, to love, to be loved, to cherish, to care

is never simple.


But you know,


you'll know it when you feel it.

As if nothing can ever go wrong.


Till then,

keep listening to your heart.




10.

Here I am,
standing here,
feeling the breeze,
letting my hair down,
listening to my own heartbeat,
composing a simple, lovely tune in my mind.


As if nothing can ever go wrong in my life.

round and round~*

"Within our hearts Light is given life"

- 'Hoshizora no Waltz' by Minami Kuribayashi

"I want to write about people who dream and wait for the night to end, who long for the light so they can hold the ones they love. But right now I have to stay here and keep watch over this woman and this girl. I will never let anyone - not anyone - try to put them into that crazy box - not even if the sky should fall or the earth crack open with a roar"

- 'Honey Pie' from 'After the Quake' by Murakami Haruki

And with that, it marks the end of the collection of short stories --- 'After the Quake'. :)

Such a sweet, lovely ending to the story. :)

This is funny in a strange way.

I'm suffering from a lack of sleep and truly yearn for a good, long rest. 

But on the other hand, I don't want to sleep because I don't want the night to end so fast.

If you get what I mean. 

Now that my sociology test is over (and I don't have much confidence about it to begin with), it's time to focus on my report and project. And then, before you can even let out a happy sigh of relief, it's END OF YEAR EXAMS. 

Like, doomz (AHAHAHAHAHA.).

Anyway, I just borrowed a new novel 'A Quiet Life' by Kenzaburo Oe.

Yes, another Japanese author. 

Somehow, Japanese literary works are just so... compelling. 

I'll talk about it after finishing it. ^^ 

Japanese music, Japanese movies, Japanese animation/manga, Japanese dramas, Japanese artistes, Japanese cuisine... and now, Japanese literary works. 

Gosh. 

I think my biggest wish would be to go to Japan. 

But, I think it'll be my biggest wish as well as my biggest regret. 

Because I know how I'd feel when I step foot in Singapore again. 

The sickening emptiness and I know going Japan will aggravate it even more. 

I probably would go if I bought a one-way ticket. haha. 

I think, in life, we're all given a one-way ticket. 

No way back. Just move along. 

Move along,

no matter how much it hurts, no matter how dark the future seems, no matter how terribly uncertain everything seems. 

Just move along. 

And eventually, you will come into contact with the glimmer of hope.

Or rather, realize that the glimmer of hope resides within you.

The glimmer of hope. 

Never let it extinguish. 

Because then, you'll find you way out.

If not, you'll truly be trapped in the darkness. And slide into endless despair.

Maybe things aren't so despairing after all.

I want to believe that.

And keep the flame of hope burning.

Similar to the protagonist in 'Honey Pie', I would, too, watch over those I love. Those significant people in my life. 

Because they are the people who keep the flame going.

Random:

Hiro and Mika. :D

These people~*

Some people will never be forgotten.



Mood: Neutral
Music: Hanamizuki by Hitoto Yo

"I understand how you feel,
but if you put those feelings into words they will turn into lies."

- 'Thailand' from 'After the Quake' by Murakami Haruki

1. Quote

I find the above quote amazing.
Because it's exactly what I've always wanted to say.

I've got a really bad habit when I read novels (esp Murakami's) because I'll tend to dog-ear pages with quotes that I really love.
And you know that I really love a novel when many pages are dog-ear-ed. :)

But seriously, I feel that I ought to be channelling energy that I use to read novels to reading all the assigned texts and readings that I'm SUPPOSED to read.

:(

Some people might ask me

"Ahh Jasmine, won't you love it if you were asked to write a report on Murakami's novels, or to take up a module about studying his works for uni?"


I would say 'no. I don't think I'll take it up."



I'd rather not delve too deep into things.

Because, I don't want my imagination to be confined. And my thoughts to be chained.

2. ANIME?

I'm feeling the emptiness.

The emptiness of not watching some anime and then get so caught up with them that I can use them as a form motivation.

From Fruits Basket, Full Metal Panic, Saiyuki, Gundam Seed, Inuyasha... to Nodame Cantabile, Lovely Complex...


Wenshi and Peiyun recommended Higurashi no Naku Koro ni to me. A psychological thriller.
My cup of tea, totally. ;)

























Credits: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Higurashi_no_Naku_Koro_ni#Anime


But, it doesn't even look intimidating, does it??
Reminds me of shoujo manga/anime.

but I have confidence in Wenshi & Peiyun (the manga/anime crazy girls)
hahaha.


3. MDs!

Speaking of which, I managed to meet up with Ruzi, Wenshi and Peiyun~!

AT LASSSSSSSST.

And as usual, they never fail to make me laugh.
All those -CENSORED- stuff we talked about over dinner, accompanying py to buy groceries (she's staying with 3 friends right now :)) and just simply being themselves. :)

Still so terribly GIAM. and STILL talking about Salk. HAHA.

tsk.

make me miss you girls a lot, a lot.

miss those days of birdshit (HAHA!), not doing tutorials, dozing off in lectures, playing lousy games in library when everyone else are frantically studying, TXN&gang, complaining about PE... haha.


After our final exams, let's organize something again. :)

and EVERYONE must be there arh. (curry, amber, sp, sb, reb, wenyu, joyce etc etc)





















4. Dial M for Music

hahaha. Thanks lots to Serene for accompanying me to the piano recital by my lecturer/tutor. :)

Ahhh~ Moonlight Sonata....

And CHOPIN! And Mendelssohn! And Debussy~!


Really enjoyed the recital. :)

Oh, and I don't mind Vienna boys' choir! ;) hehehe.






















UCC! Reminds me of the wonderful choir days... :)



5. Institute of Mental Health


It was the first Rotaract session for Serene and me.

But before that, let's talk about how we actually got lost WITHIN NUS itself.

I'm not sure how it happened. But we just stared blankly at the map, hopped on the bus (supposed to bring us to our destination) and alighted at some strange terminal and realized we're nowhere near our destination, decided to GEY KIANG and walk.

Finally, we found ourselves at NUH and walking in circles. @_@

So, conclusion is, we decided to give the rotaract meeting a miss. Because it was already nearly 30 mins after the meeting started. and I think by the time we figure out a way there, it would've been long over. XD

TERRIBLY TERRIBLY STREET-UNWISE.

Serene, we've got NO practical intelligence! hahaha.


Anyway, saturday was the first session to IMH.
It was not too bad, I guess.
Just that it was not easy trying to understand what some of them were trying to tell us.
They were all middle aged men with mild psychiatric disorders.

I was observing their behaviours.
And some just really intrigued me.

Anyway, out of the whole group there, there were only 4 girls and maybe 3 Singaporeans.

But still, they are quite a friendly bunch. :)

I'm really grateful for some of them who chatted with us because Serene and I were really lost there. haha.

Probably the only freshmen who are Singaporeans who are female.

One particular guy reminds me of Nicholas. HAHAHA.



Oh, btw, I saw Nic at one of the wards...

If you happen to see him, please alert IMH immediately. XD




6. I ought to sleep.

But I don't really feel right slping at this time.

I can never Ever EVER clear my sleep debt.

Oh no... what if I'm turing nocturnal?




7. E-learning.

And so, my E-learning week is over.

and I have no idea what I accomplished during this week.



8. DEADLINES AGAIN!

SEA proj, Chinese music report, Euro forum (I'm so dead), tests, exams....


I want my vacation NOW. >.<>

















WUAH. This is what I call outdated photo.
Yeeyan the babe's bday! XD

Weedy yeeyan, happy 20th birthday IN ADVANCE (a year ahead)!
don't forget my birthday is next week!


Oh, and happy national day, happy chinese new year, happy easter and finally, have a very merry christmas!



Goodnight people, my mind is screwed. hahaha.

"We are not at all perfect
Because we are human
But I think it's OK
Because I love such a point"

-'Sunset ~ Love is all~' by Ayu

All God's Children can Dance~*

Back to Murakami Haruki.

"After the Quake"
























credits: http://www.jr.lv/lv/veikals/prece/index.html?shop_id=248304






One particular story intrigued me.

"Our hearts are not stones. A stone may disintegrate in time and lose its outward form. But hearts never disintegrate. They have no outward form, and whether good or evil, we can always communicate them to one another. All God's children can dance"

- '神の子どもたちはみな踊る' [',All God's Children Can Dance'] by Murakami Haruki

In fact, the few short stories that I have read from that book all gave me a strange ethereal, elegant feeling with that tinge of poignancy that we know from his works so well already.


In particular 'Landscape in Flatiron' and 'All God's Children Can Dance'.

I'm still left with 3 more short stories.




I don't know why I'm so drawn to his works, his words, his characters, his portrayal of contemporary urban life...

It's just so strange.
But no doubt, he has impacted my life.



Maybe because through his stories, I've come to realize many, many things.
And his words often echoed my thoughts.

Like someone reading your mind.
And you read it from his works.




Monochromatic.

Just like me.

Vincent~*

It's getting late.

But I just want to say,

one wish is fulfilled.



I managed to listen to 'Moonlight Sonata' live.

And as usual, 3rd movement took my breath away.
though flawed, it echoed in my heart. deep, deep in my heart.

like a self portrait.



I've been putting 'Vincent' by Don McLean on repeat.
On the way to school, on my laptop, on my desktop, on the way back home, on the bus, on the train, on the long walk home...


Poignant, piercing, melancholy...

"Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen; they did not know how --
Perhaps they'll listen now."

But these lines particular caught my attention.

"The silver thorn of bloody rose,
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow."

I told Karen I would stop being un-Jasmine. Let me try.

A little harder.

Hanamizuki~*

深深的被感动到了。。。

也许人类就是在寻找那份感动。


才能确认自己真的是人类。



What is it like to feel something strike a chord in your heart?

Something that resonates...


Like a wave that sweeps you away.



And the tears just fall and fall...


A mega hit back in 2004

'Hanamizuki' by Hitoto Yo.

Hanamizuki - hitoto yo

All I want to say~*

What existed,
truly existed.

I know it. And I hope you know it too.


I gave my all.


Perhaps what I wanted to tell you couldn't reach you, even till the very end.



That's all there is to it. That's all I want to say.

On boundaries and kindness~*

On
Right&wrong, Black&White, Good&Bad, Yes&No, Love&Hate

If everything could be simplified to just the simplest words and the simplest emotions,
then won't everything be much simpler and thus easier to handle?

If there is a clear cut boundary for everything and anything,
then won't everything be divided clearly and simply?


Is it better this way?


Or maybe, it's still better for boundaries to remain fuzzy and unclear.





On
genuine kindness.

Anyway, yesterday after doing my project in school, I took the bus with yirong and zhenyue, my groupmates, both year 3 seniors.
They were really easy to talk to and gave me this strange sense of familiarity that I was searching for...
Then, zhenyue and I went to buy the honeycomb choc and then mooncakes (she wanted the lemon choc flavour haha) together.
Yes. The sense of familiarity. That sense of familiarity.

"...And that you wouldn't judge me for what I felt about my results. Thanks for the msg it was really encouraging :) :)..."

this msg in turn made my day. :)



Sometimes, you can never expect what a huge impact your actions will have on others.

just a simple msg of genuine concern and enouragement is enough to warm a person's heart.
I'm honoured to know how I made your day, fellow chose-wrong-soci-lect-group friend. :)

"...And no one understands me like you do..."

Again, the tinge of happiness...
that I, once again, played a part in someone else's life. :)

Even though I know... I probably played a lousy role.



Speaking of which, last night, 2 particular incidents made me feel really happy. :)


1. Roy (my biker big bro from my previous company) called me to ask me how I've been. :)
He has always been taking great care of me and this time round, I was even more honoured to realize that I was the last person he talked to before boarding his plane to UK.

"Where are you?"
"I'm in the airport"
"huh? Why airport?"
"I'm leaving for Ukraine (ok I misheard it) in a few mins' time."
"UKRAINE?????"
"UK."
"Oh UK.... UK?!?!"

And so, I had a really good chat with him and he promised me a really good meal when he comes back. :)


But sometimes, isn't it comforting to know that you're not forgotten?
Just a short phone call, or a msg is enough. really.



2. I dropped a 5-cent coin on the floor when I was on the phone with Roy and waiting to get up the bus. and because of the bulky laptop and the big bag I was carrying, I couldn't stop to pick it up. But when I boarded the bus, this really young Indian girl tapped me and gave me the coin.

"Here!"
"Oh! Thank you! :D"
"You're welcome! :D"

It warmed me up within. :)



So genuine, so untarnished.
Such pure, sincere kindness from a little girl.


I've an ultra soft spot for people who display genuine kindness. (not necessarily to me)


Like a guy who never fails to offer a girl a trip to school or even to tour Singapore for her project.. :)

Like a silly guy who ran around the carpark in search of a car. And guiding him to the nearest petrol station. :)



I think, such incidents prove to me.


Prove to me that indeed, in this world that is spinning too fast, where people are turning steely and increasingly self-centred because of social forces,



kindness still lingers. :)

"You can't miss what you can't remember"



This line has been stuck in my mind for a long, long time.
Even now, as I am doing project in school.


"What is it like to be misunderstood?"

ask yourself.




Happy belated children's day.
Happy belated birthday, Venetta.
Happy birthday Ayu. :)


ok. back to my project.