Welcome back~*

WELCOME BACK TO WHERE YOU WERE. :D

And,

I'll take 7272 lifetimes to run 0.000001 km. 

I will. :)

The reason why big smileys are ---> :D 

Randomness!~*

I wonder,

what is it like

to stop pursuing perfection. 

and be satisfied with what you're blessed with. 

Time for me to let some sunshine in. :)

By the way,

Kopi-peng at night.

heavenlyyyyyyyyyy. :D 

(now you know why I'm still here blogging. XD 

GEY KIANG LA. >.<;;;) 

Things I almost forgot~*

Just for you. 

Mood: Lethargic

Music: No Promises (album) by Carla Bruni

1.

I have almost forgotten

how it feels like

to wake up knowing that yes, it's another lazy sunday morning. 

to read novels with my legs crossed in front of me on the bed, with random jazz songs playing in the background. (without having to attempt to keep my balance while holding onto the poles on the train.)

to have coffee&dinner&good talk with friends

to randomly try on random clothes in random stores.

to feel rain on your face. (such a brief moment of bliss) 

to play a duet with your student. 

to share your passion and interest with your students. 

to listen to somebody sing 

to enjoy the tranquility, serenity and very "chill" atmosphere.

to enjoy yourself on a Chill-Day. 

to have someone GEY KIANG and call you even though he's almost voiceless. 

to have someone laugh at you when you're so freaking frustrated. 

I almost forgot. 

2.

Anyway, MY PHONE IS CMI LIKE THE WEATHER LIKE MY THROAT. 

(I enjoy writing in such a way that you have to follow the words one by one to understand what I'm trying to say) 

You know the feeling of lethargy and extreme case of immobility and inability to think in MORNINGS, right? 

I think, 

like OWNER, like PHONE. :(

Oh and this reminds me. 

my mum's phone died a few days ago and she sent it for servicing. 

So,

like mother, like daughter.

like mother's phone, like daughter's phone. 

TSK. 

3.

Anyway, 

to think I was hoping for a more cooling weather after the brief (a little too brief) rain. 

right now, the weather's so bloody humid and warm.

totally @#($*)3k90r#$(@_#($))#$%=+_%$r3%$@.

4.

And Carla Bruni's songs are marvellousssssssss. 

Go, French songs! 

5.

Which is better?

With income, without allowance.

or

Without income, with allowance?

No wonder my savings account's figure doesn't increase.

6. 

I'VE GOT WORK TOMORROW.

I'VE GOT WORK TOMORROW.

I'VE GOT WORK TOMORROW.

I'VE GOT WORK TOMORROW.

I'VE GOT WORK TOMORROW.

I'VE GOT WORK TOMORROW.

I'VE GOT WORK TOMORROW.

not enough to express the feeling of URGH + SIGH + SIANZ 

7. 

I want to have some spontaneity in my life. 

alright. I'm going to go back to finish up 'The Other Lover' by Sarah Jackman and listen to 'Laissez Faire' by Louisy Joseph. :)

Goodnight people and may all your fans/air cons work. 

RANDOM~*

I couldn't get to sleep. 

So I'll just blabber nonsense.

Anyway, I'm having a strange interest in French music (the first song in my playlist). 

You know what? I think I'm drawn to songs in foreign languages. 

In a way, they give you space for your thoughts to roam. To wonder about what the songs mean. To interpret it solely by listening to how the singer expresses himself/herself and how the music flows. 

In fact, 

not all things are best expressed by words.

Anyway, I'm suffering from the no-one-else-has-it-except-me-Saturday-Blues. 

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

On a happier note, 

you're alive for one more day! LOL.

(no sarcasm intended. Serious. XD) 

Day and night,

you're always on my mind. 

Hang in there. 

がんばって！

Most importantly, don't lose to your lack of faith in yourself.

I believe in you. 

No matter what, don't give up! 

Voices~*

I'm heading to Destination Nowhere.

'What do those people really want to know
With seemingly kindness
Hiding a sharp knife of curiosity
Behind their gentle looking eyes?'

- '(miss)understood' by Ayu

"Ahh. another disappointment?"

"So, things have changed for the worse?"

"It's funny that you can lose more things when you already have limited things to lose." 

"Why?"

"Are you going to hang in there or what?"

"You're heading to nowhere."

"You should smile and say 'everything's alright'."

"hmm... bullshit."

"You should really say that."

"I WILL say that." 

It's so noisy.

The voices ringing in my head.

Turn them off, won't you? 

I'm so frustrated with myself. 

But,

 everything's alright. :)

By the way,

It's just a thin line between 'right' answer and 'honest' answer. 

Road to Recovery~*

There's never a day that I have
to remember you because
I never for a moment forgot you.

- 'HANABI' by Ayumi Hamasaki

Mood: urgh...

Music: 'Fang Fei Mei Li' by Liu Yi Fei

(for someone who didn't know she sings. :))

Fang Fei Mei Li - Liu Yi Fei

1. ???!!!!

When I came to my blog just now, I was wondering

"Ahh. So my fever is still there and I'm so gong, I got the wrong URL." 

So, I was checking if I was at therealgas or etherealjas something. 

(hey, etherealjas actually sounds kind of cool. But a little ERM if it's used for MY blog) 

But well, no. I was at TheRealJas. No mistake about it.

So... the next thought was

"Ahh. So my fever is still there and I'm getting delusional." 

But as soon as I scrolled down, I realized that IT IS MY BLOG and 

THE NEW SKIN ROCKS. 

You see, with this skin and maybe some happy and cute songs on my playlist, the world can actually be tricked into believing that Jasmine has FINALLY emerged out of her dark world. 

Ok. 

ｼﾞｬｽﾐﾝ の　第一歩。

2. 35

The weather's BLOOOOOOODY FREAAAAAKINGGGG HOT.

And it's a disturbing 35 degree celsius yesterday.

35!!!

though it's not even half of the temperature I thought it was. 

You see, even if I have finally recovered from my fever, I would still burn to death once I step out into the sun. 

Now, I have the fan at FULL blast directing at me.

But, it just feels like having a hair dryer at full blast directing at me.

BAAAAAAAH. 

3. Illness

I got chased back home yesterday by my piano teacher. 

LOL. 

Well, it's simply cos she can't afford to be a sick bride. 

And I was in no condition to play anything anyway. 

Let's see. I reached rather early yesterday and spent the whole time taking a short nap in her room. 

"Wan Qin?"

"..."

"Wan Qin?????"

"..."

"WAN QIN??????????"

"..... ahh?"

And I just stared at her with blank eyes, blank face, a very very flushed face.

I was completely drenched in sweat and had hair like entangled mess of mee sua. 

No wonder she decided to ask me to rest at home instead. 

4. Road to Recovery

Now that I'm 60% recovered, 

my words are finally making sense,

I'm finally walking in a straight line,

I'm finally able to make sense of others' words,

I'm finally to survive a train/bus ride without closing my eyes and willing the nausea to end,

the bed doesn't seem so tempting,

I'm finally able to feel as if my body belongs to me.

And I'm GRATEFUL that I fell sick last week instead of this week...

Or else I would really DIE in this FREAKING WEATHER. 

and I'm grateful to many many people......

Really really grateful... 

People who were constantly there. 

People who truly cared for me.

Genuine words and actions of concern. :) 

You guys know who you are. :)

And, I can always feel your presence around me. 

5. Cause

It must be my haircut.

Once I had the stupid haircut, I fell sick right away. 

And now that my hair is growing longer, I feel more 元気。 

Anyway, it was an awfully screwed-up cut so I'm wishing it to grow faster faster! 

6. Speech Day

I received the invitation to the prize-giving ceremony and my parents were asked to go too. 

Jas: hmm.. so you guys want to go? 

Mum: hmmm.....

Dad: hmmm....

Jas: So...?

Mum: GOT NICE FOOD THERE??? :D 

Dad: BUFFET? FREE GIFT? :D 

Jas: ............ 

In their eyes,

Daughter (less than sign) Food+Free gift

Sigh.

7. Simplicity

I'm still learning to accept myself.

Accept who I have become. 

throughout the years, we've all morphed into someone else. 

Because our environment has changed. And so have our friends, our family. The society, the world.

We have to change together with the world. 

But that doesn't mean we forget things and people that were (and still are) important to us. 

Yes, we will change. But there are certain things that cannot be changed and you still must cherish and embrace. 

Ultimately, beneath all the materialistic possessions and outer shell that we display to the world lies a pretty simple person. 

Simplicity is definitely underrated these days.

And I want to try and appreciate this. 

who knows what kind of person I would become 5 years down the road.

who knows if I would still be grousing about life or facing it with positivity.

who knows what I would become.

one thing I'm going try to learn to appreciate is Simplicity.

and one person I'm going to learn to accept is myself. 

Myself in the darkest moments.

Myself during the worst times.

Only when I can truly accept myself can I then learn to be positive. 

8. LIFE AS IT WAS

I miss going out, wandering aimlessly, visiting the library, having fast food *CACKLES*, watching movies etc etc...

And I'm sick of being sick. 

another thing,

IT'S STILL VERYYYYYYYYYYYY HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY HOTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!

I totally CMI in warm weathers. (someone knows it too well)

(I'm super envious of Octopus now. KOREA KOREA!!!)

ALRIGHT. I'm going to shower or else I'm going to combust. 

Bye people!

May I be 100% recovered in the next entry. :) 

Dead~*

Jasmine's going to be pronounced dead soon.

I've been having high fever for 6 days straight. 

3rd day missing work. 

and the 2 days that I spent at work was hell. 

I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever recover from this illness. 

Basically, it's a cycle.

1. I would wake up feeling immense regret of waking up.

2. I would stare in disbelief at my temperature reading.

3. My mind would blank out for the rest of the day.

I could just sit there and stare into space the entire day. 

4. After staring into space for some time, I would feel the fever creeping in. 

5. Then I would head to bed.

And the cycle repeats. for 6 days. 

Even when I was working (for the 2 pathetic days), I felt as if I were outside my body.

My body worked on its own.

 

My mind was blank. 

I had no strength to charge my phone when it went dead. I had no strength to read messages and reply them. And when I wanted to read and reply, my mind was blank. 

I am basically a corpse. 

Now, I finally had some strength to use the com. 

But I'm still in the spaced-out state. 

I think my brain's burnt. and I'm vapourizing soon. 

Is this how it feels like when you already dead and you didn't know that? 

Bottom of my heart~*

No matter how far apart we are,

we're still under the same sky.

Don't forget that we're both

travelling to the place

we once dreamed of.

No matter how far apart we are,

we're always together.

Remember that even when you feel

crushed by the weight of the world,

there's someone out there who loves you.

- 'Daybreak' by Ayu

Remember all the things I told you. 

Keep the memories close to your heart. :)

a missing space. 

And another thing, 

I hope you've really thought about this.

I hope there'll be no regrets.

Sometimes I do wonder if I'm doing the right thing, not stopping you.

Am I being a bad friend...?

sometimes I do feel powerless. 

But at this very moment, now that you've decided firmly, I can only be your strongest support to the best of my ability. To be the person who will never turn her back on you. :)

So, may you still be you. And me still be me. 

I feel incomplete.

Like an incomplete puzzle. 

But there will come a day. 

You, time will only pass in one direction, right? 

Urgh. I can feel the temperature rising in me. (#$%*&!@($*(!@#)$&@#($!!!!!!!!

(anyway, many many thanks to people who expressed their concern for me. I really appreciate it. :)) 

URGH

credits: http://rearrangeddesign.blogspot.com/2008_03_01_archive.html

It really sucks to to sick. (and sick for quite a long time)

Swollen eyes, disheveled hair, very flushed face, listless, immobile. 

I'm like an Infected from L4D. 

The world is literally spinning too fast for me. 

The one good thing that comes out of being sick is you truly feel the gentleness of the people around you.  

Because~*

Because...

What I need are not beautiful words, promises of eternity, a very smooth and bright future ahead. 

Basically, what I need are not lies. 

What I need is just for someone to share the same sentiments as me. And to accept me as who I am, not who you want me to be. 

I am here for you, because you were there for me.

Meaningless words that are exchanged between us have bountiful meanings. 

Because...

you're different from them. 

Updates~*

Remember when I said I saw a perfect arc in the sky?

(refer to entry dated 1st March 09) 

The actual thing is so much prettier. But still when the photo is enlarged to its actual size, it's still pretty good. So, maybe my 5MP phone cam didn't let me down TOO MUCH. 

Mood: Resigned

Music: Rainbow Connection

"To know one’s own state is not a simple matter. One cannot look directly at one’s own face with one’s own eyes, for example. One has no choice but to look at one’s reflection in the mirror. Through experience, we come to believe that the image is correct, but that is all." 

— Haruki Murakami (The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle)

I have been receiving complaints about my entries becoming sadder and sadder and my perspectives becoming more and more negative. 

As if I'm... dancing on the edge. 

Anyway, I've decided to pick up myself from the drain and for once, write about something HAPPY. 

I'm going to combine this entry with the half-written one. Well, hopefully, it would cheer some people up as well. :)

1. Sunday & banana

I'm terrible on Sunday mornings. 

You see, I'm SUPPOSED to wake up on Sunday morning feeling refreshed and happy and energetic because I can finally WAKE UP LATE, right? 

BUT. 

11am SHARP

*blinding sunlight shining directly on my face* 

*loud music playing from the living room (my dad and his oldies CDs)*

*violent thumping of the washing machine*

*Parents conversing in an extremely loud volume*

11.05am

Dad: GOOD MORNING! WAKE UP ALREADY! IT'S 700 O'CLOCK ALREADY!!! :D:D:D NICE BREAKFAST READY FOR YOUUUUUUUUUU!

Mum: WEI!!! GET UP AND WASH YOUR CLOTHESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! 

ahhh... >.< 

Basically, it's just chaos. 

So how can I wake up late EH EH EH?!?!?! 

Anyway, this morning was a classic example. =__= 

And I was already half dead when I was eating my breakfast. 

Somehow, my dad placed a mini banana on my plate and unknowingly, I picked it up to eat. 

Jas: EH. *face paling* this doesn't taste right! I think it's spoilt. (my family is well-known for our good immune and digestive system for being able to tahan food that have expired many months ago) 

Dad: No la. I just bought it a few days ago. How can it be spoilt?? *walks over*

Jas: Dunno leh.... 

Dad: .... you know what? you were eating the banana skin. =____________=

Jas: Oh. 

Mum: =____________=;;;;

You see, I'm terrible on Sunday mornings. 

2. GUSH OF WIND

I had my very first ride on the motorcycle. :) 

Biker Boy (my big brother at work) offered me a ride to my piano teacher's house. It was a long story, but to cut things short, before I had a chance to hesitate, I was on his bike, feeling the awesome gush of wind against my face. 

It was such an amazing experience. Not like anything I've experienced before. :)

Everyone ought to try it at least once in his/her life. 

Hmm.. how do I put it. 

Like you're one with the wind.

Like having no restrictions.

It's like being free. :)

But oh well, on the down side, I couldn't see very clearly since my hair was covering half of my face (due to the helmet) and the helmet is HEAVY OK?!

Something I didn't know was that you don't actually have to grab hold of the person in front of you. XD 

You can just let your hands relax and just, well, enjoy the ride :)

3. MAJOR SHIFTING!

My office is undergoing a major shift and Saturday was spent shifting things, throwing away old stuff, packing things. 

Ms L: Chocolates! Anyone??

BB: I want I want!

Ms L: hmm... I think it was left behind by an ex colleague... *holds up some dusty, funny-coloured pack of things which looked squishy and soft*

Us: ........ahh....  >.<

Anyway, it was pretty fun actually. We were all trying hard to find something to bring home. XD

Oh, and I had a hard time folding XXXL jackets. (you know how BIG they are???)

Ms M: haha we've got XXXXXXXL ones too... XD

Jas: o.O;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Anyway, it was a good escape from phone calls. *freaks out at the sound of office phone's ringtones* 

Would be leaving my job in approximately 2 months' time. 

I wonder what emotions I would have on my last day of work?

Just starting to forge friendships, understanding my colleagues better... and soon it would be time to go. 

And after that, I might not keep in contact with any of them. 

It would almost be as if I went to a non-existent place during these few months, if you get what I mean. 

But no matter what, I would still keep the happy memories close to my heart. :)

4. Hotballs

Have you eaten Hokkaido Hotballs before? 

haha I won't say what it is. Just go and try! At Azabu Sabo. ;)

5. Home

I forgot how blessed it is to be able to be home for dinner, to irritate my neighbours with my piano-playing, to channel-surf, to just curl up in the computer chair and listen to lovely songs, read my favourite novels...

Hmm.. Sometimes, it's great to be home, you know :) 

6. Moving on

Completed another of Murakami's novel and now it's time to take a break from his dark tales.

I'm moving on to Jodi Picoult's 'The Tenth Circle'. :)

And after one big round, I'll be back to Elizabeth Berg, my favourite author a few years back. 

Maybe, maybe, I would be able to find my old self back. 

Someone I desperately need to find and never let go of. 

Maybe it's due to work, maybe it's due to more complex views about people, about life, about myself,

I thought I've lost myself. 

And I know I need to find her back. 

I know that there's still a small part of me not totally lost yet. 

Because once I change out of my work clothes, into clothes that I WANT to wear, not I HAVE TO wear, it feels as if some burden has been lifted off my shoulders. 

and I'm back to who I was. 

So, now, I'm determined to find the pieces of myself and piece myself back together again. 

7. 

"Ultimately, I want you to be happy. It's not about the future, about the past but about the present. If you care too much about the future, you won't enjoy the present."

"Do you prefer memories to stay at the most beautiful moment?"

Happiness is by far, the most selfish thing ever. 

You know that one's happiness can come at the cost of another's. 

To me, I'd still go by the principle that we're all living in search of our own happiness. 

That in the end, we're really just solitary travelers. 

But there are exceptions.

Times when deep in your heart, you would wish for another person's happiness instead of your own. 

8. Random pictures with random meanings

Can you see a (very faint) second rainbow above the first? :)

My all time favourite Seafood Salad with Mango Yoghurt Dressing. It's heavenly!! 

Azabu Sabo! 

Crystal Jade breakfast!

Vegetarian Western!

If you notice the details :) 

Some vinegar + collagen SUPER SMALL (and EX) drink bought from Meidi-ya :) 

(It tasted good! :D But apparently only I liked it. =__=)

What on earth is this???

Someone would know, though. ;) 

you know what 'random' means, right? 

Anyway, curry should stop all those weird gestures. And wenshi should change a gesture for once. XD

I miss those days. 

Another random picture. 

Let memories stay at the most beautiful moment. 

Constipation.

Random Fandom:

MY MOST ANTICIPATED DRAMA. 

Jun Matsumoto and Yui Aragaki will co-star in a new TBS drama series titled "Smile." Takayuki Takuma ("Hana Yori Dango") is handling the script, though he is using his real name rather than his usual pen name of Mikio Satake. Matsumoto plays a half-Filipino whose father has died and mother has disappeared. Despite his misfortune and the issues he deals with, such as race, he lives his life positively with a constant smile. Similarly, Aragaki plays a young woman living cheerfully despite losing her ability to speak due to an accident. Her character is said to be modeled after a real actress in the theatrical troupe that Takuma runs. The supporting cast includes Kiichi Nakai as a lawyer who watches over Matsumoto and Aragaki. "Smile" will air on Friday nights at 10:00pm, starting in April."

From www.gakky.org

Finally, Ayu's new mag appearance :)

NEXT LEVEL. 

A MUST- LISTEN. :)

LOVE n HATE, Identity, Sparkle, Days, Curtain Call, EnergizE, Next Level etc... :)

A wonderfully fantastic album. 

Another breakthrough for her, considering how it has broken an Oricon record for coming in 1st position for an entire week. ;) 

AYUMI HAMASAKI NEXT LEVEL

I know I haven't been replying tags for ages. 

But I don't know where to start!

Ok. Anyway, I'll try and be more positive from now on...

And to cheer the people around me up.