2010~*

credits: photobucket


Happy last day of 2009. :)

(it's gonna be a lengthy and photo heavy entry!)


Before I launch into pointless new year resolutions (ahh...) and a whole series of reflections of this year, let me list down the things I'm currently excited about.



1. Highlighted my hair (and I just dyed it with Liese Bubble hair dye!!! lovely effect, though it's not really 'milk tea brown'. more like oolong tea brown. XD)


2, MY NEW PHONE!






















LG BL20v in white&pink!
definitely something worth mentioning. (like since when does jasmine go for PINK?! but honestly, I would've chosen the black one if not for the red being a tad too... orangey.)

anyway, I'm really in love with it. Damn sweet. (but sweet on me is a bit...haha)



3. TVBS countdown 2010 show + NHK 60th KOUHAKU!!!!!! (ayu is the opening performer! woohoo~!)

4. Steamboat later onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
(my sis is going to open the much anticipated ice wine!!)



Okay, so all that aside, time to look back at WHAT I PROMISED MYSELF TO FULFIL IN YEAR 2009:


(taken from 31/12/2008 blog entry. (those in brackets for the list are my thoughts now)

9. 2009




This year is ending. (the stopwatch ticks too fast, KL-san)


And it's time for reflections and new year resolutions (which I can't seem to keep to)


1. Be more positive!!! (FAIL)

2. Spend more time with my family (FAIL. eh. besides my sis and maybe cousins)

3. Spend LESS (FAIL TERRIBLY)

4. Smile with TEETH. (TRIED BUT FAILED)

5. Spend more time on piano (FAIL HORRIBLY)

6. Love the people I love more (hmmm. a mere JUST PASS)

7. Clean up my room more often. (HAHAHA #@($#@$*&!@*(#& FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!)

8. Love myself more (Not sure. FAIL i guess)

9. Be less dark/gloomy (FAIL!!!!)

10. Love my life more (FAIL!!!!!)

11. Work harder in everything I do (ehhhhh... PASS? but i'm still as lazy as ever.)

12. Refrain from staying up till wee hours everyday (HAHAHAHA. what a joke (unless I'm sick). FAIL)

13. Be nicer to everyone (pass?)

14. Eat more healthily (ehhh. tried. maybe just pass ba)

15. Cherish my friends more (does undisplayed affection count?)

16. Lighten up (yes. I guess that's a pass. (I'M TALKING ABOUT MY HAIR LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!))

17. Be less paranoid (in a way, yes.)

18. Stop damaging things (hahahaha.... I think yes)

19. Live life without regrets. (hmmm... I wonder too)

verdict: new year resolutions existed for no reason at all.



That's terrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >.< style="font-weight: bold;"> 2010. (I nearly typed 2020. lol)

1. Be more generous
2. Be more diligent in practising piano
3. Appreciate the people around you for what they've done
4. Constantly reflect on the things I do.
5. Stop hurting people around me.
6. Lift my head when I walk
7. Be more positive. try.
8. Reduce the number of times I stay up late.
9. Spend more time with my family.
10. TAKE CARE OF MY LAOSAI HEALTH.
11. Spend less
12. Learn to be satisfied with what I have, who I am.
13. Be stronger
14. No more empty promises
15. Love life
16. Help to the best of my capabilities
17. Mean what I say
18. Not to make anyone cry because of me.
19. Don't let my thoughts wander too far out.
20. Give my 150% in all I do.

20 resolutions for 20 years of living... *draws in a sharp breath* TWENTY. YIKES. So now, it's time to look back and reflect.

Let pictures do the talking. :)

(in chronological order, or so I think XD)













































































































































(I GOT A NEW CAR!! HAHAHA)







































hahaha poor tako...


















































































































































































The first decent meal I had after recovery! (and I couldnt touch the 'splatter' part. urgh. my sis was tempting me. #@$*(&#@*)
















































































(aww... NIC! X_X)





























(thank you thank you KL!! It's super super cute!! :D)






















































You gave me the best gift of all. :)



From blacker than black to choc peanut butter to oolong tea brown...
from not so long hair to long hair to not so long hair to loooong hair to long hair...

that aside,

maybe just like what karen told me,

"you've changed to become more willing to change."

which kind of sums up my whole year...

No longer that afraid and unwilling to experience new things.
No longer stationed to one spot, immobile, stubbornly refusing to move...

although I still can't say that I'm that brave enough to feel at ease walking into unknown territories, I'm trying to try. you get what I mean?


Also, I've met many many wonderful people this year... way too many.
and oftentimes I feel I'm undeserving of their constant concern and care...
because I'm always the one who is tactless, insensitive and perhaps even ruthless in some ways.

hurt and get hurt.
the two actually go together hand in hand.



on the other hand,

limits were tested.
boundaries pushed.
forced to grow up and act like a more grown up version of myself.
no excuses, no room for questions.


whatever it is that I've experienced in this year,
be it working, studying, socialising, spending time with myself...

I think I've come to learn an important lesson - 'the outcome will never be what you expect them to be'.


I sound extra wistful right now.


haha. to be honest, it definitely doesn't feel like 31st dec 2009.
It just feels like a normal afternoon on a normal day.
not extra significance.


maybe... my life has been such a roller coaster ride this year that I'm in need of serenity and tranquility to end this year (of havoc and chaos).


next year... what do I expect?
oh well, they wont turn out as I expect them to, anyway. :)


















credits: photobucket



So, happy 2010 people! :)
may happiness increase and grow and unhappiness be reduced to the minimum. :)
to good health, happiness and a smooth year ahead.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! :D

happiness~*

credits: http://www.foriegnmoviesddl.com/2009_11_01_archive.html

'Be With You' or 'Using raindrops to say I love you'


This show had my heart overflowing with emotions (positive ones).
I can only say, it's one of the sweetest movies (a little sci-fi? haha) I've watched (credits to takeuchi yuki and the boy :))
although the ending is sad, it will definitely leave a smile on your face once you finish watching it.
really warms me up from inside. =) (and makes me love rain even more!!!!)

this is the kind of love we're all looking for, no?
the purest of the pure, sweetest of the sweet, undying, eternal love.
between a woman and a man, between a woman and her son, between a man and his son...


please don't mock me and tell me it doesnt exist.

let me be a innocent dreamer for the time being. :)



anyway, I'll be updating on http://in-leciel.tumblr.com/ from time to time.
words there would be kept to the minimum though. more for pics and stuff.


lastly, it feels so gooooooooood to be chatting with your buddy who knows you for 14 years. =)
things just fall into place.
really really made my day.
thanks カレン!! =)



because, I believe some things are meant to last forever... =)


on friendship,

if you ask me to choose between a few close friends and many many friends,
I'd choose the former.
I realized that who you need is really a person who truly accepts you for you are.
somebody who will not judge you for what you've done.
someone who holds the belief that whatever mistakes and blunders you've made in life don't define you as who you are, but merely a wrong move in life.

no matter how stained you are, how ugly the footprints left behind are, they'll still be there, ready to embrace you and tell you 'it's alright'...

those are the people who really, truly matter.






anyway, year 2009 is drawing to a close.
time for reflections and resolutions.
to look back, count blessings, reflect on mistakes, nurse wounds, be more daring and willing to love and live...


I feel that I've changed, somehow, within the course of 1 year.
maybe very insignificantly, but nevertheless, something changed.


for the better or worse is up to you to figure out, I guess.

anyway, maybe it's just that my personality is taking shape?
since 'personality=nil' always defines me.

haha... not sure what I'm talking about. just going around in circles, I guess.

and I realized, late at night, I enjoy talking to myself. eh. not out loud, thank goodness.


whatever it is, I think i'll be writing my last entry for the year some time soon.

meanwhile, i need to get some much needed slp.


nitez people.

right now, everything is a pile of shit.

sometimes, I get so frustrated with myself, I just want somebody to kill me.


and one more thing, I've had enough with my phone.

Le Ciel~*

http://in-leciel.tumblr.com/

Updates~*

What is it like to seemingly choke on memories and words and emotions?
And to be confused over many many things and yet feel obliged to keep quiet and feign ignorance.

because you're afraid you're the reason.


1.
Anyway, I'm changing my phone and since my desired phone is currently out of stock due to high demand, I'll be getting it on wed! woohoo~
finally, no more missing msges, unsent msges that go unnoticed...
eh, at least that's what I hope la. :) (cos I think my phone will be the cause of my death one fine day. =_=)


2.
Caught many movies this holidays and I think the one which left me the deepest impression is probably 'Avatar'. Reminds me of Pocahontas for some reason. haha. 'Mulan' (the clementi joke... lol) is probably the biggest disappointment, imo.


3.
Once again, I had a good, long talk with SG.
And after that, I felt much much better.

"Take your memories with you and move on. Always look forward."

Ahh... how can I be so positive and optimistic?!
I've always been glancing back, looking back and then feeling miserable.

I think for the new year, it's really time to put certain things aside and then move forward, anticipating a good, new chapter of life...

To
Love as though you've never been hurt before.
Sing as though no one can hear you.
Live as though heaven is on earth...

So true, so true.


4.

So, being a Haruki Murakami fan, I'm currently reading 'The Elephant Vanishes'.

ready to be intrigued. yet again. :)



Feel like sharing this with you guys.

Haruki Murakami: On seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful April morning



definitely one of the best short stories I've read.
left me feeling... I don't know. fill in the blank for me.




5.
Piano theory mock exam tomorrow.

BAH. >.<



6.
On forgiving and forgetting.

Personally, the ablity to forgive is a much underrated virtue.
to be able to tell the person 'hey, it's really ok.' and meaning it is definitely not easy.
Especially if you've been hurt really deeply by the person.

nevertheless, not forgiving a person is, to me, the same as strapping your ankle to a ball and chain.
basically, you're carrying unneeded burden.


to choose between bearing grudges and forgiving, which would you choose?



For me, I'll definitely go for the latter...
maybe it's because I've yet to undergo the truly horrifying and traumatic experiences that render forgiving nearly impossible...
or maybe it's just plain exhausting for me...
I've got no mental capacity to keep track of grudges.

forgiveness is what I can give you.
but I don't think I'll be able to forget.


to remember from time to time..
though it might hurt (or rather, it will hurt), wounds will heal eventually.
at that time, all hatred ought to have vapourized.
what remains is probably a faint bitterness lingering on the tip of your tongue.

then, you know you're ready to forgive.


to forget might take forever, but it's definite that edges will be come fuzzy and memories will be replaced with new, prettier ones.

then, perhaps, you're ready to look back and smile about it.

be glad it's over and you survived it.

a lesson learnt.

what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger.


forgiving requires loads of courage.
but look at it this way,
the world is not meant to be perfect, afterall.

so why seek for perfection in human beings when it's not meant to be that way?




7.
what puts a smile on your face?



















(with an imaginary stupid yy on my right)

despair~*

what kept me from dropping it into the bookdrop.
made my pulse race, my heart beat extra fast.

So what had I lost? I'd lost many things. Maybe a whole college chapbook full, all noted down in tiny script. Things that hadn't seemed so important when I let go of them. Things that brought me sorrow later, although the opposite was also true. People and places and feelings kept slipping away from me.

Even if I had my life to live over again, I couldn't imagine not doing things the same.
After all, everything - this life I was losing - was me. And I couldn't be any other self but my self.
Could I?

Once, when I was younger, I thought I could be someone else...but like a boat with a twisted rudder, I kept coming back to the same place.
I wasn't going anywhere.
I was myself, waiting on the shore for me to return.

Was that so depressing?

Who knows? Maybe that was 'despair'... Whatever the label, I figured it was me.

A world of immortality? I might actually create a new self. I could become happy, or at least less miserable.
And dare I say it, I could become a better person.
But that had nothing to do with me now. That would be another self.
For now, I was an immutable, historical fact.

All the same, I had little choice but to proceed on the hypothesis of my life ending in another twenty-two hours.
So I was going to die - I told myself for convenience sake.
That was more like me, if I did say so myself. Which, I suppose, was some comfort.



- 'Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World' by Haruki Murakami.

Merry Xmas!!~*

Mood: Christmassy..... in my own special way. :)
Music: Winter Wonderland

alrightttt.
I've got approximately a million pics that I have yet to upload.
all the way from joyce's bday (caffeine overdose) to steamboat (splatter splatter) to sentosa (damn cool! :D) to christmas eve kbox+L4D+movie (I dozed offffff...)

only managed to upload the sentosa pics before my cam ran out of batt. -_-


ANYWAY,

received many really sweet and thoughtful gifts! :D

I've got a really soft spot for handmade gifts and I can say I feel really really loved when I receive them. :)
no need for extravagant gifts. even a small xmas card or letter will suffice.
enough to make my day. seriously. :)

and I received a super super super awesome xmas gift that really nearly touched me to tears. :)
thanks SG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


So, for this year's xmas, I've decided to be more generous. (usually I'm just... giam. haha.)

And so, I'm POK. POK like PORK. (eh. no link.)


But this is a season of giving. And I feel many people have done lots for me this year and it's really the best time to show my appreciation for them. :)


for me, christmas is a season of giving and forgiving.
a time for past grudges and bad memories to be buried somewhere and put to sleep, never to be awakened nor excravated.

to achieve a peace of mind. and to open up your heart to embrace people and to love and be loved. :)



although there's no snow, no xmas tree, no xmas lighting, no socks or what,
I feel this christmas is special to me, somehow.

maybe because I feel I've found the meaning and joy in giving and forgiving. :)


























okie. have a very very merry and happy christmas people! :)
rmb to find your reason for the existence of this special day.


some pics taken at sentosa with tako. :) Lovely experience! thanks tako!










































Countdown 7 days to 2010!!

credits: http://www.alittlechristmasmagic.com/Cute_Christmas.html






Merry Christmas Eve everyone! :D


enjoy this christmas holidays people! :)

aye...~*

This is quite funny.

Here I am, just recovered, sitting in mac, accessing wireless@sg (cos my wireless modem died), making futile attempts to log in to the exam portal to check my MUCH DREADED exam results...

I don't know what's funny, actually.

because deep down my heart is threatening to stop.
I dread the results so much, I want to throw up and feel like I'm about to plunge back into unconsciousness every moment.

sigh.


everything happens for a reason, ya?

Sick.

SICK.

Jasmine will not be using computer until recover.

Leave your messages in the tag board :)

credits: http://carrottruffle.glogster.com/Sick/

"Watching the hands of the clock advance is a meaningless way to spend time, but I couldn't think of anything better to do. Most human activities are predicated on the assumption that life goes on. If you take that premise away, what is there left?"

- 'Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World' by Haruki Murakami

this morning I woke up finding myself in tears.

because my stomach ached so badly, I thought I was going to die.
and I had the urge to go to the toilet, but I felt too dizzy.
and when I sat up, nausea set in and I couldn't move an inch.
not to mention my phone was nowhere within reach.


Absolutely, totally helpless.




Today, high fever came and go.
stomach ached periodically.
but the giddiness never went away.


but right now, I detest sleeping.
because it only worsens my dizziness.

and I detest the TV.
the vivid images make my mind spin.


Drifting, drifting.
I kept drifting in and out of consciousness.
which is NOT GOOD.



and so, I chose to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling.




something has died within me.
something feels detached.
but I cannot identify it.


I can't seem to hold proper conversations with people. I can't seem to comprehend what's going on.


I can stare at the whistling kettle for ages without understand what's happening and what I'm supposed to do.


I keep thinking it's Sunday and I've got lots of piano homework.
I keep thinking my phone's vibrating and I need to take a shower.
I keep thinking I'm supposed to meet my friends but I don't know when, where and with whom.

I keep thinking that I'm not myself.

I think I'm possessed.


there's definitely something wrong with me this year.

Now it's pouring outside and I'm having a crazy urge to dash into the rain.



Sigh. Now that I'm finally more sane (let me tell you, it won't last long), I do hope I can find myself back.



what can I say?

cherish your health, people.

1. I actually slept for one whole day, waking up only to drink water and watch a little TV (before the awful feeling sets in)

2. my world is spinning too fast, literally.

3. my mind is working on its own now. serious. i feel like im hallucinating,

4. cold and hot and cold and hot.

5. can live in the toilet forever.

6. had to give my much awaited outing with the girls a miss. really sucks.

7. mind is detached from body.

8. hate falling sick.

9. repeat pt 8.

10. repeat pt 8.


but cant slp anymore. i think slping another few hours will throw me into coma. but im drifting in and out of consciousness.

like shit.

天旋。
地转。

probably the best way to describe my current situation.

dunno how i manage to write anything here.

maybe cos i owe many ppl explanations.



in fact now, im still experiencing the floating, seemingly out-of-body experience.


one of the WORST bout of illness ever.



i'll try my best to survive, nonetheless...


wish me luck.

nothing is right~*

So what if it hurts me
So what if i break down
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I’m just trying to be happy
Just wanna be happy

- 'Happy' by Leona Lewis

I woke up feeling absolutely confused and lost.


In life, we've just gotta keep searching for what keeps us alive.
mentally and physically.


Warmth. Love. Happiness. Security. Faith. Hope. Belief.

without any of these, one is no different from being dead.






so, I thank you.
for keeping me alive.

There are just so many things I miss.

I miss genuine smiles,
melodious laughter,
big, warm hugs,
old friends,
watching old movies,
listening to oldies,
good jokes,
randomness,

familiarity.


just another day when I'm feeling extra wistful.




I don't want to lose myself.

to choose between my own strange little world and the glamourous, dazzling, attractive materialistic world outside.



Nothing will be right then.
nothing.

Strength...~*

Will be praying for you...

"That's not true," corrects my shadow. "You are not lost. It's just that your own thoughts are being kept from you, or hidden away. But the mind is stong. It survives, even without thought. Even with everything taken away, it holds a seed - your self. You must believe in your own powers."

- 'Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World' by Murakami Haruki

I was keeping my cool.
Struggling to calm my emotions, sounding really composed, calm, completely void of emotions.
In fact, I think I haven't spoken in such a cold tone before in my life.

I even surprised myself.

I guess my gaze could've frozen someone.


Beneath this steely, cold, pokerface, emotions were bubbling within me.
frustrated. confused. frightened.

for the first time in my life, I interrupted the fiery conversation when things were threatening to go out of control.
for the first time in my life, I looked at him directly in the eye with cold eyes.
for the first time in my life, I spoke up for my mother.

for the first time in my life, he was left speechless.



When in fact, my hands were already trembling.



Deep down, I was sending a mental S.O.S.
I was so damn bloody frightened.


But I guess, what matters most is that my message was put across.



I'm no longer the little girl hiding in my room, eavesdropping and then crying as if I could never stop crying.
I'm no longer the person so weak that I can only watch from afar and then retreat.


but I won't be like my sister, who lashes out and then display her extreme emotions openly.





You know,
I'm not a great or noble person who is highly influential. (in fact, I'm the very opposite)

I get scared easily (especially of him).

I hate disputes, conflicts and all those nonsense that happen every now and then... (and just when I thought things were turning better...)

I still don't understand many things that are happening, and I might never will.


Even then,
once my protectionistic instinct is awakened,

I will do what I deem right.


and I learnt that displaying emotions won't work.
crying, shouting, raising one's voice won't work.




and hiding won't work either.




it's time to let him know that.


we've got minds of our own.


not marionettes. anymore.





anyway, I was in a perplexed mood until I read a blog entry.
and it brought a smile to my face.

the difference between now and then...
to smile about the past. and to truly embrace them.






Grateful for the strength in me a few hours ago.
But,
I still need to be stronger.
In order to truly protect those I love and care.

Please, please.

go wild~*

I'm sorry but I think I'll be writing random, strange entries every now and then. (back to my one entry per usage of laptop. heh)

1.
Will be meeting the MD bins very soon~! :)
I'm sure it'll be another day filled with laughter (those girls are impossible XD).

2.
Getting pretty confused over MPE. @_@
Am I supposed to know what mods to take before knowing my exam results? hmm.

3.
Raining, crying for us.

not really. since we're rain-lovers.

4.
Murakami-san's 'Hard-boiled Wonderland & The End of the World'.

it's just awwwwwwwwwwesome.
(I'm finishing it soon)

ok. I admit I was already @_@ with all the consciousness, dreamreading, shuffling, laundering, INKlings, infowars, visualizations...

my first try at his sci-fi.

not bad! not bad at all. :)

5.
Getting frustrated over what phone to buy.
(my current one is slowly dying)

crystal? aino? ice cream (my obsession a yr ago)?


6.
to reiterate pt 3, i truly love the rain.
do you notice how refreshing everything seems after a good wash?

like taking a shower.


7.
my eyes are hidden behind my fringe.

again.


8.
playing the piano on a rainy day is the BEST.


9.
get well soooooooooooon!

the ulcer guy and the sprained-back guy and the melbourne guy... kidding. ;)


10.
youth.

savour every moment of it.

Do the things you'd never imagine you'd do.
enjoy every crazy thing you're going to do.
go wild. let your mind loose.

release the chains of your heart.

let your soul take a holiday.

laugh, smile your youth away.


before you face adulthood and the immense responsibilities, and start perceiving life as a cruel experience.

and gradually lose that spark.


or maybe that's just self-talk.



ok im off. bye~!

SZ~*

credits: http://itn.co.uk/9aa9e89fff4dea1b1ce72a6abde2a9aa.html


hahahahaha!

Happened to chance upon this photo of Valentine, the piglet.

The heart-shaped pattern on its body!!! :D

updates!~*

Gakky in her upcoming movie 'Hanamizuki' :)
So sweeeet~!



1. Ok. So exams are officially over, as of Saturday.

And anyone who mentions anything about exams to me shall get shot.

I'm dreading results now.... BUT. NO MORE SUCH THOUGHTS.


FOR THE TIME BEING.



2. Left 4 Dead 2

























Well well, you know I'll be talking about this. haha.

And so, being confronted by

234629374682734623 infected, the stupid acid-spitting spitter, the bulky charger, the irritating smoker&jockey&hunter, the wailing witch and lastly, the #@*$&(!@#$&@*# tank

is enough to give you a GOOD adrenalin rush. LOL.

Not to mention the part when you slash their heads off, blast them into bits etc.

Yeah. Talk about gore. (and seriously, ask me along whenever you feel that there's no kick in playing L4D anymore. cos I can add to your difficulty level. eh. I'm actually on the side of the infected. XDDD)




3. Christmas is comingggggggggg!

Christmas is always special to me. :)
I just love the atmosphere, weather, songs etc.

and for some strange reason, to me,

christmas = ice wine

and I believe the same will apply this year. :)



4. And the year is ending.

2009.

Soon, it's time for new year resolutions.

(not that I actually follow through those resolutions hehe)

But whatever it is, if I were to sum up this year using an adjective, it'd be


'Surreal'.




5. Had a good htht with SG.

Suddenly, things seem more vivid and no longer blurry and fuzzy.

More sure of myself, perhaps?

I could never really define myself, or describe myself.

Identity crisis?

Or rather, I've never been satisfied with myself, what I'm doing, how I treat others, how others view me etc...


And I'm not even sure if there'll ever be a time when I'm satisfied with myself anyway.



6. Piano.

I've neglected him (my piano's a male) for a verrrrrrrrrrrry long time.
And my fingers are just #@$&#@*($&@# stiff.

Shall go back to spend more time with him soon.




7.

A million things to do within just a month.

I wonder how I'm going to go about accomplishing this.



8.

The most important thing is to be able to display your


weakest

most annoying

most vulnerable

most disgusting

darkest

meanest


side.


and be assured that the person who sees this will not pass judgement so hastily.

and simply accept you for who you are.


because in their eyes,


you will always be who you are.



and they truly love you for who you are.




9.

sleep debt.

it is

never

going

away.


damn.




10.

I can't really tell sunrise from sunset.


can you?



11.
You want to

run around in circles, squares and triangles,
laughing&screaming.

as if life is like


a bunch of
fuchsia balloons.



12.

My sis just made me laugh my head off when she told me the estimated time taken for downloading an ayu concert is an infinity sign.



13.

After watching 'New Moon',

I conclude that I don't really understand why girls are crazy over Edward.


a (white) marshmallow, imo.




14.

Kanon Wakeshima.
























I can't explain in words how much I love her works.



15.

memories are turning fuzzy.

feelings which were deposited in places, scattered all over the place are vapourizing.
(I liquidify feelings. lol)


16.

dreamer.

a bad one.



17.
















my sis has been complimenting noob's hair for ages.
haha.

and she finally has a chance to meet him. (for L4D2. what a crazy gamer)






eh. did I mention that my sis's back from Melbourne?
I think I forgot. XD




















Jiayong's wedding dinner. and my sis is still complaining about missing the wedding dinner.




18.

If smiling genuinely is easy when you're with a person,

then that person is not just 'a person'.



18.1

I watched 'audition'.

deeper...deeper...


psychotic.








Anyway, I spent... about 4 days writing this entry.

so it's a little random here and there.


but I think randomness probably


defines me.

you were...~*

Ayu's new single 'You were/...Ballad'
credits: AHS forum

(last paper tomorrow!)

I was, I am, if I were.
You were, you are, you will be.
We were, we are, we will.

I am, I will be.
You were... you were... what?


if everything were ___
then everything will be ___.

but since things are not ___,
we will be ___.

I can't say I am who I want to be.
Neither can I say I was who I wanted to be.
Nor can I affirm that I will be who I want to be or wish to be.

What if.

What if strangely, who I want to be is who I was?
and not who I am?

If so,
then why am I who I am?
and why am I accepting myself as who I am?

And you are, you were.
You were.
So are you?
If so, am I, too?

Learning to accept myself.



Simply illogical.

...

Explosions, fireworks, typhoons, storms.
ablaze, frozen, off-guard
confusion, ecstacy, regret, helplessness, delight.
dead or alive?

dying or living?


in a world of half silence,

I learnt to listen to the voice inside.



in a world that's spinning too fast for me,

I learnt to hasten my pace.



why accommodate, one may ask?

I can only smile and shrug.

rurutia~*

this is definitely one of the best PVs I've ever seen.
(not that I'm a sadist or what... but the way it's shot just awes me.)










I think I'm in love with her whispery vocals and unique music style.
Not to mention her very mysterious background (so little is known about her!).

Nevertheless, she has caught my attention. For a good reason. :)


Rurutia. (it means 'blissful rain' in Tahitian)

sings~*

When I was young
I'd listen to the radio
Waitin' for my favorite songs
When they played I'd sing along
It made me smile.

Lookin' back on how it was
In years gone by
And the good times that I had
Makes today seem rather sad

So much has changed.


All my best memories
Come back clearly to me
Some can even make me cry.

Just like before
It's yesterday once more.

- 'Yesterday Once More' by Carpenters



My parents used to sing this to me when I was still a simple-minded, innocent young girl.

My colleagues sang this in the office when I was a much more complicated young lady.


And now, here I am, being who I am today, singing along to this song which is just so unbearably nostalgic...


Every sha la la la...



Every single song I listened to,
every single word that accompanies the music,
every thought that were perceived by me through the crotchets, quavers...

they all mean a lot to me.


what's truly embedded within.

what I keep within.

what I yearn to hear.



what they sing to me.

what I sing to them.


what my heart truly sings.