Free and Easy by Ayumi

Sometimes I ask myself,

how much farther will I have to go?

I hear your voice.

I hear a voice saying "don't give up"

I remember the words"Your happiness is my happiness"

If you're tired of denying things

and seem as if you're not yourself...

Belive in me.

I'll always be here.

The proof that you're alive exists inside of me.

In this, this dirty city,

you're the person who gathers up and shows me something beautiful.

I hear your voice.

I hear a voice saying "don't give up"

Believe in me.

I'll always be standing here.

In this, this dirty city,

you're the person who gathers up and shows me something beautiful.

I'll always protect you,

so you never ever lose

that which you have clutched

close to your heart.

Sometimes I ask myself,

how much farther will I have to go?

(all that I have to say. How much farther will I have to go...)

Mood: erm.. lost.
Music: Atlantis Princess by BoA.

It's strange. This song is supposed to make me feel cheery and genki, but instead it gives me this really horrible sick feeling.

Must be because of the O's, which is SO SO SO near. Sigh.

I feel really unprepared for it, even though I've been burying myself in piles and piles of books and worksheets. Something just tells me I'm still not prepared for it yet. I'm not entirely sure why though...

Let's talk about something more interesting. (EH?)

Today:

Woke up at 6 (sigh) and got ready for school. There're tons of remedials today. First, there's Chinese, then Social Studies, Elective Geog and then English.

Chinese:

Wrote a compo on how poor services are in Singapore. A pretty dull title, but oh well. Had writer's block and just when I finally got into the mood of writing, we have to pack up and rush to the library for SS. -__-

Anyway, there was this pretty interesting conversation between Ivan, Mdm Wang and me.

(we were discussing about when the Chinese makeup lesson could be held)
Jas: *shouting across to Ivan* There're ppl who want to go to elec geog, isn't it?
Ivan: Then what about tml?
Jas:There's chem from 9 to 11.
Ivan: huh?
Jas: CHEM!
Mdm Wang: huh? You guys still have LU YING (camp) now?!?!
Jas: *stares at mdm wang for approx 10 sec and i'm not kidding* OH! haha. It's HUA XUE, NOT lu ying.
-My frens all started laughing-

SS:
We were sitting in a row. Ms Khoo was discussing about the worksheet with us, which is on a decontextualised topic --- Vietnam war. We were all pretty engrossed in the discussion, besides the fact that Joyce and Pei Rong kept looking at each other and giggling away. hahaha. They were sitted on both ends of the table, btw. lol.

Ms Khoo: My pastor was very well built.
Waihou: What kind of pasta?

Elective Geog:
Ok. At first I was very very pissed off with Ivan. I sacrificed my time saved for the chinese compo to attend the elec geog remedial, thinking that it's gonna be VERY IMPORTANT (according to ivan) and EVERYONE WAS THERE.

In the end, when I stepped into the AVA room, I stared at the 8-9 guys sitted in a row for a good 5 minutes before it finally dawned on me that no one else was coming. The girls really wanted to murder Ivan then.

But, WELL, it was pretty enriching and useful in the end, so fine, Ivan's forgiven. haha.


English:
I felt scammed. Nicholas said he was going but in the end the only guys who turned up were yihang and huang jian. Tsk. I was thinking Mdm Zuraida might be teaching compre but it turned out to be compo. hmm. She gave us a topic and we had to think about it and share our ideas with the class (there were only 10 ppl, btw)

Mdm Zuraida was very surprised why some of us turned up. Those she really wanted to see didn't turn up. lol.

Angela was called first and I was still thinking to myself: I don't think I'll be called...

Then I heard my name. Loud and clear.

So I blabbered on and on about my ultra lame idea. haha.There was no pause in between. I was really going on and on. My friends all turned and stared and smiled. hahaha. I didn't get the chance to ask then what that expression meant. haha.

Then after that we discussed more about ONE WORD title compos and various types of endings.



Then after that Yeeyan Serene and I took 96 to Clem. Joyce didn't go with us cos she thought her father was sick but in the her father typed 'MC' instead of 'AC' so ya. haha. Then she came to find us at Mac and had lunch together before we headed home.


-------------------------16Oct2006------------------------------------------------------------


I didn't have time to publish it due to unexpected interruption by my sister. haha.

Anyway, I've decided that from today onwards I'm gonna type the date and time out manually. Cos blogspot's time is strange. Or izzit just me? OH FINE.


hmmm. maybe I ought to post some pics of my class? haha. alright.

Ask me ask me why am I in such a good mood today? Cos I can finally sleep late. Later than usual. haha.

Ok la. Once I start studying again, all the good mood and energy will slowly drain out of me. Sigh. I really envy those sec1,2,3 students who can play everyday now. I was passing by some sec3 class and they were playing card games! urgh. It's pretty sad, isn't it?

(listening to DREAMIN' BLOOD by Kanjani8)


hmm... Everyone of us lives with a certain expectation.
From the day we're born, we're supposed to accomplish something big or great.
But is it worth it to focus too much on the certain expectation that you forget about things around you?


What's the point of living when you spend 24/7 working/studying?
Yes, you get a good job/high pay,
then? What next?

I just kept climbing up a mountain of success. when I reached the peak, I didn't know where to go. Looking back at the route I took, there were many beautiful flowers. I wanted to go back and take them, but I realized it's too late.


I bet no one wants to have that kind of feeling, right?


we'll only start to regret when we've lost something/someone close to our heart.

When will human beings learn?


at the end of the day, no one cares about how rich you are, how accomplished you are, but what have you done in the past 50-60 years of life.


at the end of the day, you'll just realize that your heart is a mere empty shell.


You'll start to wonder, have you ever laughed heartily, enjoyed every single moment of your life.


Happiness is what we all want, work hard for. But unfortunately, it's only for those people who know how to cherish the happiness given to them.


We always take things for granted. Take people for granted. Have we ever thanked everyone who has walked into our lives? Won't it be too late if they're gone in the next second?



Close your eyes. Think of the many important people in your life. What have you done to them?


I'm guilty of it too. Taking people for granted.


Sadly, after losing a person for a long time, the pain would've gone away. And again, we'll take other people for granted.


That's how stubborn human beings are.


Maybe we'll learn. One day, maybe we'll finally realize...

Tired!!!~*

Mood: TIRED. physically and mentally.
Music: Winter Love by BoA (changed to ELT song. song name too long to be written. refer to previous posts. LOL)


I'm so so so damn tired. Totally, completely drained of energy. :(

Yesterday:
It was the last day of school (sigh) before we are released for our study break. We were released at around 10 plus. Oh well. I thought a lot of people would burst into tears but unfortunately no one did. haha. Well, perhaps it's cos we'll still be seeing one another for a couple of days for remedials. (groans)

Everyone was taking photos. haha. I took photos with Serene, Yeeyan, Joyce, Zu Hui, Yi Hang, Boon Kiat, Jun Liang etc etc. And of cos, we took many class photos. :) Ivan was hilarious la. He brought this ancient analogue camera. Everyone was laughing at it. It looks like it's purchased in the 19th century. haha. Kidding la. I have one analogue camera too but unfortunately it's buried under piles of junk in the store room. haha.

Anyway, a tragedy occurred while I took a photo with yihang. Stupid Nicholas and Li Qian planned to push us so that we'll collide and then... yah. but anyway, my face hit yihang's shoulders (HE'S DEFINITELY MADE OF STEEL. o.o) and my specs was destroyed and there's this cut 1 mm away from my left eye. OH GOSH.

(Jas landed near a table and placed her hand on her eye/nose/cheekbone (couldn't remember which))
Girls: AHHH!!! Nosebleed nosebleed!!
Jas: No no. *cursed in pain* painful!
Girls: You eye's bleeding!!!!!!!! *shocked*
Jas: HUH?!?!?!? WHAT?!

In the end my eye was not bleeding, but there was a cut SO DAMN NEAR my eye.

I couldn't put on my specs since it hurts my eye, so I placed this plaster on the cut and put on the specs.

I look like.... sigh.

Jas: shit. this is bloody humiliating.
Girls: we'll get used to it.

shit.

Nicholas and Liqian were very remorseful for what they did. haha. and they still owe me lunch. Anyway, yihang was bloody pissed off with them and sputtered vulgarities like there's no tml. haha. oh well.

After that we got back our report books. There was really great improvement from my mid yr results. It was horrendous. haha. don't even want to talk about it. It's really coincidental. I got exactly the same mark as Nicholas. Same total mark, same L1R5, same position in class and level, same average percentage... wow.


After school we went to HCJC. I saw Huiming, but I didn't want her to see me... in this pathetic state. (you know, the plaster and all?) yea.


Sigh. I was looking at the photos we took and it's depressing. My eyes... And that's my last day in Sec school. Pretty sad, right?


Today:
Woke up at 7 this morning. Met Joyce, Yeeyan and Serene at Yew Tee and took train to Yio Chu Kang. We were heading to AJC open house, btw. After we alighted, we had no idea where to go. lol. After looking very hard at the directory, we decided to just 'try our luck' and walk. Thank goodness we saw AJC. but the back door was locked. So we had to walk one BIG round around the sch to the main entrance. It was so tiring.

Then finally we got there. It was pretty fun and all. The people there are really really friendly. :) Esp the choir girl. Didn't get to know her name. haha.

Choir girl: Choir is the BEST! must join choir! What CCAs are you guys from?
Joyce and yeeyan: Band
Serene and Jas: Choir.
Choir girl: CHOIR!!!! :D:D:D *rushed around to tell her friends. Fellow choir members.

After that, while we're admiring their choir gowns, my frens decided to tell her that I'm the choir chairman.

Choir girl: OHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! *gasps and runs around to tell her friends*


haha. But she's really very very nice and friendly to us. :) Makes me more tempted to go AJC. haha. After that we walked around, listened to the principal's speech, visited the BOWLING booth *serene: winks* and saw AILEEN! hahaha. Was really glad to see her there. :D Sorry, aileen, didn't have time to stay and chat with you. I promise after o's I'll definitely be free to have a good chat with you. :)

Watched their choir and CO performance. Really fantastic! I was impressed. haha.

Then we left to have lunch.

After that we took 852 and went to NJC.

We walked for like... nearly 30 mins cos we got off the wrong stop. -___-""
We're feeling so tired, restless, sleepy, warm that we didn't even have the mood to look around NJC. I was way too tired to even walk to get a free ice cream. lol. Joyce and Serene got it for me. Thanks! :D

We only stayed for less than an hour. I was simply too exhausted to look around. Then we left and waited for bus. 171 arrived first so Serene and Joyce left first. Yeeyan and I waited for like 789646517 years before the bus arrived. And there was traffic jam somewhere ahead. sigh. Then after that we finally reached bukit batok. Went for piano. (I was about to fall asleep when I sat down on the piano bench.)

My teacher was laughing at me in this pathetic state. (oh dun worry. My spec's fixed and i'm not having any plaster on my eye) Had a good chat with her. haha. Then I only managed to play one piece. She decided to focus more on each piece so I had to play the same part over and over until I get them right. All the crescendos, accents, the 'tension', 'mood' etc etc.

Met my mum at Lot1 and had dinner together. Rushed home to catch drama on tv.


I'm really really tired. :(

Just being able to lie on the sofa and daydream is sheer bliss. haha.

I'm going to sleep immediately after I finish this entry. Perhaps this'll be my last entry? haha.


Ok goodnight everyone.

I'm in no mood to type any meaningful things or lyrics.

Hmm... Maybe just one.


'We hold on to let go, and let go to hold on again.'


haha. alright. Goodnight. Sweet dreams. :)

okok one last one. haha. 

oh no oh no. i couldn't control my fingers. they wanted me to click on ayu's pics. 

Liu Yi Fei. she's really pretty. :) 

Random entry~*

Mood: Tired
Music: Evolution

This is gonna be another very VERY random entry. haha.

1. I made this very pretty typo error. eh? Don't get what I mean? ---> lov?E
If I were to start a brand or smthg, it'll be called 'lov?E'. haha.


2. This is awesome. I can actually forget to have my breakfast. But then again, it's actually no big deal.


3. This is very strange. I realized I'm more interested in pretty girls than cute guys. NONONO! I'M STRAIGHT. I really am!

Ayumi.BoA.Namie.Nakashima.Hikki etc etc. But I do like certain male artistes too. so don't misunderstand. hahaha. Just want to point out this new artiste. She's very very pretty. Her name's something like 'Liu Yi Fei'. Have you guys heard of her? I'll post her pictures later on.


4. What if I lose my identity one day?


5. Sadly, my voice is not back yet. Sigh. I'm not used to listening to my voice sounding like erm... I'm 50 years older? (as in a male? lol.)


6. I was reading my previous entry and this really amusing thing caught my eye. 'I'm dying to catch Death Note'. get it?


7. In a blink of an eye, 4 years flew by. Well, secondary school life is supposed to be the most fulfilling and happiest part of your life. And as quickly as it came, it's gone. (in 2 days' time) Sigh. Life's sad. My life's sad. My life's reduced to the size of my desk. sigh.



8. We will never be satisfied with what we have.



9. My sister's caught in a dilemma. Gackt calendar, Ayu calendar or Gundam calendar???



10. I'm looking forward to O's ending.



11. Ayu's going on Music Station on 13/10, if I'm not wrong. She'll be singing JEWEL, her new song.



12. Urgh. I feel like shouting. Serious. There's this irritating feeling bugging me from the second I opened my eyes this morning. Frustration.Irritation.Anxiety. urgh.



13. My future is blank.



Can you still see your dreams in the distant, starry sky?
Are they more vivid than they were when you were little?



When one forgets to put the emotions that overflow in her heart
to rest, they burn the color of passion.



I used to believe without a doubt that I could reach my dreams, no matter how far off they were.
But that me from long ago now sleeps inside my heart.



Dreams are more fragile and fleeting than a glass rose,
so then why are we destined to dream?



Sometimes two dreams can turn into love,
but there are also times when they can't.



Even when they're alone, people want to share their feelings, but it can be so hard.
Words are powerless to express one's feelings, and sometimes they become a silver knife.



I used to believe without a doubt that I could reach my dreams, no matter how far off they were.
But that me from long ago now sleeps inside my heart.



-Scarlet (Song from anime Ayashi no Ceres)



This song applies to me right now. Such a beautiful song with beautiful lyrics. :)

Updates!!~*

Mood: Mixed feelings
Music: Trust (by Ayumi Hamasaki, from A BEST piano instrumentals)

SUCCESS!

Alright. although it was a success, I just have this strange empty feeling.

Kinda reminds me of 'Kimi ga Nozomu Eien' storyline. But no, it's not anything close to the storyline. I'm contradicting myself.

Anyway, 'Kimi ga Nozumu Eien' is probably the most realistic Anime I've watched so far. It really brings people back to reality and show people how harsh reality is actually is. I totally hated the ending in the past. But now that I think of it, it's REALITY. If the guy didnt end up with Mitsuki and Haruka instead, it's just another fairytale. It shows betrayal and dark side of friendship.

Enough of that. Alright, updates updates!

1. Prelims results.
I expected at least a 16 or 18, considering I screwed up my A Math. But in the end I got an 11 (w/o deducting bonus 4 points). Some subjects were better than my expectations while many others were below. So I'm 85% sure I'm going into AJC for first 3 months. (haha sorry weicheng, no HCJC. haha.)


2. The haze is killing me.
I have been sick for... one week? Fever.Cough.Flu.Sorethroat.Headache.Stomachache. But now I'm only left with Flu.Mild sorethroat. I believe my sorethroat is 40% due to the haze. It makes my throat very VERY dry. *groans* and the haze stinks! someone end it please!


3. Inuyasha's been back at Arts Central for 2 weeks? And how can I forget to update on that?!
It's really really nostalgic. I still rmb the time I first watched it. for some strange reasons, it always shows at around Oct and end in January. then you have to wait one entire year before u can continue the show. -___-"" I started watching in Sec2. and now, it's still having 'I am' by Hitomi as the THEME SONG?! Fortunately, it changed from 'Dearest' by ayu to 'Every heart' by BoA for the ending song. Progress.

Last time Si Aun, Yi Hang, Jun Liang and I were addicted to the show. And in 2004's x-mas party, we joked about Priestess Kaede and laughed our heads off. Nearly choked on my water. haha. Nostalgic...



4. 2 more days.
After that, we won't be sitting in the same classroom, joking with one another in class, fighting, teasing, laughing together anymore. Ahhh... Everyone, please do use the rest of the time wisely and do the things u've never done in the past 4 years! Like go hug everyone in class! hahaha.


5. I'm down for Chemistry remedial.
*GROANS* but we're just going there to check answers. so it's alright. But so so so many days?! It totally messed up my study plan. But then again, I got a B3 this time. So it's alright. (said between clenched jaw)


6. I've neglected my piano for very long!
Oh no.. I'm really guilty. I'm gonna practise really hard after this. Anyway, I'm quitting piano after this month. (NONO. Don't be shocked) AND become a PRIVATE student after my O's. haha.

(listening to 'Neo Universe' by L'Arc En Ciel)


7. I'm addicted to BoA's Winter Love.
So a sweet PV. and a sweet song. I'm not sure why, but this song really relates to me now.


(Changed music to Winter Love by BoA)

8. Mr Lai left Singapore.
Sigh. Zou Mei will be leaving Singapore to go to America after O's. Oh man. :(
I'm really gonna miss her. And I'm already missing Mr Lai... But at least I managed to sms him one last time. and he replied me 'Hugs...' which makes me feel even sadder.

Serene.Yuntian.Bernice.Zou Mei.Jasmine.

We had so so so many wonderful memories. Cried together, laughed together, hugged one another, sang with pride together. It's amazing. Really amazing. I'm really lucky to meet them. I hope we can hang out together one last time before Zou Mei leaves for America...


9. Suddenly remembered the fact that the four of us would be going separate ways after O's.

Joyce.Yeeyan.Serene.Jasmine.

.... I'm not going to write further. It's bringing tears.


10. So many of my friends are going NJ/aspiring to go NJ
It sounds like the entire NHHS is moving to NJ. lol.



11. I'm dying to watch Death Note.


12. Yesterday was Mid-autumn Festival. :) Nothing much. Ate 1/100 of a mooncake. That's it. haha.


13. .....I remembered I have a lot to write but suddenly, the song 'Yume Monogotari' (by Tackey and Tsubasa) washed everything away.



People, please do bear with my phone.

Sometimes it goes bonkers and cant seem to receive any sms. I know quite a handful of victims who are driven crazy by my phone. grins.


So many things happened in such a short period of time.


当柔情涌上的时候，眼泪将不断流下。

(this phrase from one of Ayu's songs' translation got stuck to my brain for very long. Really applies to me, I guess.)

是谁教我坚强？
是谁教我温柔？
我不会忘记。

(from 'Who...' by Ayu. I tried typing it out in chinese. It's closer to people's hearts, I guess.)



Alright.

What's yours will be yours. What's not yours will never be yours.

Face it. When we thought we have everything in our hands, we actually have nothing. Nothing except illusions.

So many of us think we're all high and mighty, which gives us a right to look down on others.

(oh yes. people whom I dislike the most are probably people who look down on others)

But seriously, it's just that we've never seen the world.


A pair of eyes that have teared see the world clearer.
A heart that has been hurt can tell the good from the bad more accurately.






I've thought all along that I'm strong, but in the end, the weak person is me.

-Ayumi's 'A Song XX'

Video~*

HAHA! found it at last.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5r43jQ_oNs

A more detailed video of Shisso. You guys will understand my entry on Shisso after you watch this.