The Wedding night...

Haiz. Not again. Positively sure that blogspot hates me lor. Tried tons of times to update my blog but can't. So irritating. and Karen helped me changed my layout cos she say that layout cannot display. dunno what's wrong. Haiz... Anyway, thanks to Karen again. =). Anyway, yesterday was the big night. My cousin's wedding dinner. You read frm my previous entry that I had a hard time preparing for last night, rite? haha. Last night was a wonderful night. Nice hotel, nice food, nice atmosphere. Haha. I'll start from last morning. I woke up, ate breakfast, watched Mandarin Top 20. Very sian lor, always the same song. Was watching out for Jay but his ranking dropped down to 10. Good luck to him then. Anyway, after that, practised piano till I almost went mad. That stupid Czerny and Sonatina and Serenade and piano pieces but worst of all, the SCALES! Sux man. Anyway, prac really hard and went for piano. Ok la, teacher nvr scold me and taught me new songs. Sian lor, cos the next
piano lesson brought forward to Thurs. Sux rite? Fewer days to prac... Haiz. Sure die this time. Anyway, after piano, rushed home cos need to get ready for the wedding dinner. Took MRT and practically flew home. Lolx.. haha. Once stepped in the house, my mum cooked scrambled eggs for me to eat in case later dinner start later
than expected. She knows I get hungry easily. Hehehe. =P. So after eating, went to bathe and dress up. Skip the part about dressing up. So congrats to me, I lost the necklace I bought that day with Serene and Zoumei. So sad lor. Was searching all over but can't find. Was so frustrated lor. In the end gave up and borrowed from sis a sparkling heart shaped one. She wore the DIAMOND NECKLACE her boyfren gave her. Anyway, I was so envy of her. It's GORGEOUS!!!! A diamond flower and the chain is DAMN nice lor. Dazzling. My eyes almost went blind by the necklace. Whoa seh lor. Anyway, wore the heels I spent so much time choosing and went down to flag a cab. Had a tough time balancing on the heels but ok la. My sis looked damn sexy and beautiful in her strapless black gown with layered opening(is that what u call that?). She carried a black shawl with her and her hair shone lor. Brown hair and her white hair looked copper and it looks like highlight lor. Hahaha. She wore this sophiscated heels and her eye shadow is blue. Damn classy lor! And her lips were glossy. SOOO NICE! My dad wore this black tie. Hahaha.. looks weird cos seldom see him in tie. Anyway, we sat on the cab there and I was like smsing Serene
all the way there. My dad was like nagging but nvm la. REached there. The cab fare is $20+ mad rite? Got traffic jam and the carpark is full. Well, nvm about all these.

We walked into the lobby. VERY HIGH CLASS LOR. everyone there's either in gown or tuxedo. So stressed man. Walked towards the ballroom and saw all my relatives there sipping cocktail. High class. They dress so elegantly so, so nice lor. Then I must like keep smiling at them and answering their questions about school. Whatever. Went in and sat with my cousins and my uncle and auntie. Ok la. Den dey were saying how pretty my sister and I were. I was like, DUH. Anyway, they were only being polite. Boos. After that, we chatted and the wedding gifts we receieved were special. Not what choc or cakes. But two miniature teddy bear dressed in pink and black. One female one male. Cool arh? Lol. Den was our first course. Ok, name u all the courses we had.
1. Cold plate (Jellyfish, roasted duck, mini octopus, yam roll, and others unknown)
2. Sharks fin (tis rox)
3. Clam and spring roll with mango (weird taste but still ok)
4. Marinated chicken. (dun really like this. Quite yucky. But ok la, can eat can le)
5. Fish (Should be, can't really remember the order. This rox the most. Esp the sauce, ROX)
6. Sea cucumber, veg and mushroom. (this tastes great too! Love it!)
7. Fried rice (nice nice~ But too full le)
8. Dessert, consisting choc tarts, french cuisines, crossaint, strawberry shortcake. (Yummy! it was served in buffet style. Cool eh? Love this)
The coolest part is that there's this band there playing live. Nice lor. Rox, the music. They sang 'Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps', 'what a wonderful world' and other jazzy songs. Cool. It was fun also, the wedding. The groom, Marcus, had to roleplay as the prince to rescue the princess (my cousin, Julia). Haha. Very funny. Think they very rich lor, held in PAN PACIFIC HOTEL. Cool hotel also. This entry very long again. Haha.

Anw, thanks to Si Aun and Serene, who helped me to jie men. Hahahaha. Thanks, u guys!

Today, did nthg except rot in theory class. Teacher taught us, Consecutive 8th and 5th and exposed 5ths and 8ths. DUn quite understand eh? Hahaha. She asked us a few questions. Heng can answer. Haha. Den she was like luffing cos gt one que none of us could answer. Hahaha. =P. Got lots of hw oso. Siao diao. Haiz.Gonna eat dinner le. Hope this blogspot thingy can work when I'm back from dinner. Heehee. Gonna watch tv oso. hahaha. So that's all for today! Yupz. Adios, everyone! *muacks*

Wedding dinner + Sch bus!

Phew. Finally managed to blog. Hooray! hahaz. Cos nowadays sis kept occupying the com and poor me, have to get as far away as possible from the com. *sobz*. Anyway, these days sooooo many things happened! So, this entry's gonna be pretty long. Hahaz. Anyway, I'll be having this wedding dinner this saturday at Pan Pacific hotel. Sounds cool arh? Heard from my sis and dad that it's a five or six star hotel! Wow in caps! Haha lame. So, on Monday, my mum and I went to Causeway Point to shop for wedding clothes. At least presentable. Haha. We went around for hours and hours but nothing suitable was found. It was until when I saw IT. It's this gorgeous peach coloured gown. It's ultra cool and beautiful. I couldn't take my eyes off it. Anyway, it cost a BOMB! If I never remember wrongly, it cost around 100+. Scarrrry. But really, it doesn't fit me at all. Haha. If I were to wear it, it'll probably slip off. U noe what I mean. Anyway, we walked around somemore and my mum plucked out this black and white dress. The strap (whatever u call that, my vocab is limited k?) has to be tied and it looks cute and nice. Whatever. My mum shoved me into the fitting room and I just threw it on. My mum was like, gave me the wow-not-bad look and I was in total shock. A dress??? I'm like. HELLO? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I WORE A DRRRRESS? My mum said it was pretty and suited me well. What can I say? Poor me... ended up with a dress.
Anyway, after that, we bought a denim skirt and a pink shirt from Dano. Those two were ok, but I was or shld I say, am, still traumitised by the fact I've gotta wear a dress. Anyway, my sis came and we went to search for her clothes. Skip all this boring part about choosing her clothes. She ended up with a black mini dress which looked classy and sssexy! Anyway, we went to shop for heels and couldn't find anything. Nevermind about that.
The next day we had choir and sang Sunset. AGAIN. But this time it was Ms Fu who taught us. She was like attituding (gt such word?) us and I was very sick of the song already. Yun Tian had councillor stuff and so me and serene and zoumei went JEC to eat LJS. Den we went to causeway point and guess what. GUESS WHAT. We met Yi Hang's mother. She works at Metro. And we went there to look at heels. Haiz. Talked to her for a short time. At first didn't even notice she was there. Couldn't remember her. =P. When we reached there, we were looking at heels when she suddenly asked me if I am Jasmine. I was like, huh? Who on earth are you? she told me she's Yi Hang's mother. I was like, OHHHH!!! and had nthg to say. Zou Mei and Serene were like giggling and running away. Until now, I still don't understand how does she know me? Strange...
Well, after that, we looked at necklaces and had great fun. Yesterday, we went around the whole of Northern West part of Singapore. Hahahaha... First, I met Zou Mei and Serene at CCK and planned to go jogging. Haha. But darn it. it was way too warm. We were so hot and made a wrong decision to walk back to CCK interchange. SIGH. We stopped by at Limbang park. Hahaz. Wrong decision again. After playing and walking around, we were half dead. It was soooo warm, I practically melted. Our walking speed was like 0.1km/h. No kidding. And our sport shoes were heavy and we were almost dead. Hot!!! And finally, we reached CCK lot one and we went Mac to eat and drink water. Chatted about prom. We think too much. Lolx. After that, we went to search for heels. AGAIN. but ended up searching for gowns. I was being forced by Zou Mei and Serene to try on this black and classy gown and Serene even took a photo. I was on the verge of puking and vomiting. Eeeks. I looked horrible. Yucks. Then went to buy necklaces. Decided on this DAMN NICE necklace with blur roses on them and blue crystal flower at the tip of the necklace. Nice nice~! Serene bought this necklace with two hearts. Nice leh! Fits serene well. haha. Zoumei chose this cute dolphin necklace. Very adorable! Cos I love dolphins! hahaha... then, we set off to the next destination. Westmall.
When we reached there, went Tom and Stefanie. Fun there. Hahaz. Except the part when Serene stepped on my toe. Ouch! haha.. Serene arh...haha. den Zoumei also stepped on my toes later on. Double OUCH! After that, looked for shoes and saw many nice nice one. Den we met my mother and we went to look at heels. Serene and Zoumei thought the black and white heels with strap was not bad but my mum was against. I was trapped in between. What can I SAY?? I looked around and finally, we all decided on this black heels which made me look 'feminine' as Serene and Zoumei said. No way lor. I think I looked like a pig on heels trying to keep her balance. Honest.
After that, Serene and Zoumei left first cos Serene got theory. Oh ya, speaking of theory, I had to teach Serene theory on intervals. Hahaz. Last time I was the same as Serene. 9 out of 10 wrong. LOLX.
So that's all for today. Nothing much le. Just that tomorrow's timing is changed to 8.30! Help! Can't get up! haha... Oh yah, and Clarisse called last night! Oh, such a big surprise! Love her man. And forever remember her adorable brother Calvin, who likes to interrupt the convo btw me and Clarisse. And of course, stupid Manfred who stinks and Darren! That guy who likes to boast about his rabbits. Heh. After 2 years but still the same. No change. Heard from Clarisse they got more handsome? Ha, hard to blieve. So what if you guys are older? Big deal. *sticks tongue* Anyway, Clarisse said she saw LHY. Lolx. Oh ya, Ryan and Sandra dey all got back their results today! Wonder how they fared? Especially Ryan. Still rmb the 'ur ass is burning' joke we cracked last time? Lolx!!!

Starting to miss the sch bus frens. they were such great buddies! Had so much fun.. Miss you guys lots!
Clarisse: The nearest to me. Lolx. Hope you'll do well in ur studies! And take gd care of ur hamsters! Haha. Dun forget to visit me when you can! Love you.
Haiyuan: Oooh, li hai le lar, go RV hor? Smart lor u, win le lor.. haha.. Anyway, still remember you were the one who called me 'Two pile of shit when the other people are only one pile' name.. haha.. u hor. And u and Allen used to play with us in 'Cinderella' and I'm always the narrator. Lolx. And last time we were so obsessed with 'Murderer', rmb? Haha. Had so much fun den... Take care k? And gd luck in ur studies!
Ryan: Clarisse's greatest enemy. Lolx. Still remember? Cats stuck in throat? Flies on head? And the stupid cricket which was lost! And the photos we took together? All couldn't be developed except two on Haiyuan's head! Hahaha.. take good care k? Expected head prefect of Jurong Pri. Lolx...
Allen: Lost contact for oh my gosh, 3 yrs! Haha.. Had so much fun last time. Remember Cinderella? And the stupid party we held on the bus? Whenever I had headaches, you'll bound to cheer me up with GTO's new info... I was such GTO crazy but now I'm Ayu crazy le. And my ghost stories? And I used to beat u up so badly.. so sorry. Hahaha. But it was fun. =P. Take care and gd luck in ur studies in RV k? Saw u on MRT. u saw me too, rite? haha...
Joo Zhi: Yoz gurl, still remember our games we played? And our haircut? Haha.. U were so afraid of my ghost stories then. And I loved to scare you with my ghost stories so much. How mean of me hor? And I enjoyed ganging up with u gurls and finish Allen and Haiyuan off with our waterbottles! hahaha... good luck in wateva u do!
Xiuyun: Wow, 2 yrs already... Miss u lots too! Still have ur birthday present for me, you know? I was so envy of you. Live in such a big terrace house lor.. So good. And U guys kept singing ur sch song. Lol.. and yeeyan, u guys kept mentioning her rite? She's in my class! hahaha... How nice rite? Anyway, do take care of urself k?
Jazreen: Lolx. Still remember this mad and crazy girl. PLayed the mee-mee-mee-ray thingy everyday after sch. Haha. Was so much fun! and the accident, remember? Ur leg was totally scratched... So worried for you. It's ok le rite? 2 yrs sure ok one.. haha. Miss ya lots too! Gd Luck in ur studies in SCGS!
The other ppl I didn't mention, Sandra, Yi Quan, Sandra's brother, Hippo n the rest, miss all of you! Had sooo much fun then. Good luck to all of you and take care~!

Wow, isn't this entry long? Haha... Nice. and well, g2g le. Take care everyone. Ciao!

Moments...

Yupz. Wrote this entry in Notepad. There was smthg wrong with my blog.. haiz. Anyway, yesterday was chased out of the room by my dear sister, as usual... hahaz. That's why I'm gonna write about yesterday. Went to choir and saw the appeal list. Got 2 new guys being transfered into my class. And Bernice's transferred into 3o9 le, as she wished. hahaz... it's bad we can't be in the same class anymre, Bernice... still take care k? Anyway, went to choir. Surprisingly, saw Yuntian wear specs! Wow, the last time I saw her with specs was last year when I sat with her in the hall for choir prac.. lolx. She looked nerdy in specs.. haha.=P. When she went to get Ms Chan to dismiss the choir, she carried many stacks of papers up and resembled a secretary with specs... lolx! Dun kill me, horx.. =P. Anyway, besides that, we learnt 'Sunset'. Nothing much to say about it. Still sux a whole lot, especially the Tamil part of the song. Tabla... Tambura... Vina. haiz. sux la. Unexpectedly, G.R.R didn't attitude us and coached the Sop 1s. Asked us to carry heavy boxes and sang the 'wo men hui jia le' part. siaoz.. so damn heavy lor. At first quite grateful he borrowed mine so no need to carry yet. hahaz. My arms were already aching from the bicycle and now double the pain. HAIZ! Anyway, after that, went eat LJS with serene. She was so hungry, she ate EXTREMELY fast and I was like still at my chicken when she finished. lolx. anyway, after that, went to library cos nthg to do le... Saw LCR. Wow, can't believe my luck. At first didn't notice him until Serene told me. I was like so surprised to see him there... He's more handsome than I thought he was. haha. Grew taller and tanner and of cos, more handsome. lolx. He brought his gf there and I was like kept looking at them cos they sat exactly opp us. Haiz...
can only see mah... sigh. Anyway, after that, kept running into Jessie, Christina and Elaine they all den dey kept saying me and Serene twins. Haiyo, we dun look alike at all leh. Serene rebonded her hair leh.. how to look alike? hahaz. Anyway, after that we went to Westmall and looked at duffel bags at Converse. Maybe gonna bring my mum over to buy it. hahaz. After that went home and saw Si Aun and Xueli tagged my board. Read what they wrote. Haiya, nvm le larh... u guys know me well enough.. It's pretty hard for me to stay unhappy for too long. Unless it's really serious. anyway, friendship is like this, full of ups and downs. Without the unhappiness, how will we ever learn to cherish the happiness, rite? So smile always and all the best for ur studies next yr although we not in the same class anymore... Friends forever. =D

Although this dun really fit in well, but just found these words very meaningful and touching... jus wanna share it with everyone. =)

Moments



Your heart began to be scorched,
and there was a smell of it
It was the end of your dream,
and the start of everything

What you adored looked beautiful to you
It became even brighter because you couldn't reach it

The broken pieces of your dream
Pierce my heart
Leaving the pain
That I should never forget

If my life is transient like a flower
I'll be in full bloom by your side
And after watching your smile
I'll fall alone, quietly

How was the scenery you saw
When you were pushed into an abyss of despair

Your naked heart is wandering
Having nowhere to go
And is setting sharp thorns around
For fear of being touched

If I could flutter like a bird
I would fly to you
And offer my wing
To your wounded back

If my life is transient like a flower
I'll be in full bloom by your side
And after watching your smile
I'll fall alone, quietly


If I could flutter like a bird
I would fly to you
And offer my wing
To your wounded back

If I could flow like the wind
I would reach you
If I could shine like a moon
I would keep shining on you

I'll be anything
If it can stop you from being seized with fear

Emptiness...

Yupz, you should've guessed what this whole entry would be talking about. Chalet. Didn't want to write all these down but decided to face up to reality... When Serene and I went around searching for Downtown East, yes, it was fun. We went around to the arcade to play and just walked around. After that, met Yeeyan, joyce, doris, fiona, jingting, woonting and we decided to go cycling. Fun and refreshing. Relaxing when we rode near the sea and the sea breeze was carressing my cheeks. Nice feeling. Owed serene lotsa money. Paiseh ar... Den after that there was an accident... Haiz... poor joyce was knocked off her bicycle and had some injuries... Cut all the sad part. Hope she get well soon. After that, we went back to chalet and chatted with one another. Yupz, had fun till then. After that, we went to seaside and ate popsicles... Very cooling and breezy. Jun Liang joined us then and we just sat at the edge of the rocks and looked out at the sea. We chatted and laughed. It was fun. Then we went to swimming pool and walked in the water. Attempted to push Jun Liang into the water. In the end we splashed water at him. Poor him, couldn't go back cos his sandals were with us and his specs. Haiz... And we went back and handed the specs to him. Start to feel the atmosphere turn weird. U noe wat I mean. We played mahjongg and of cos, I lost. Nvm about that. Everything was ok. We went to buy things to eat and drink. That was when everything happened. The sad part...

We attempted to help at the BBQ but there was absolutely nthg to do. See that person's expression more sian. We went out more than once to help but there was nothing to help with. Felt unhappy cos we tot since the ppl put in more efforts in the BBQ, den why should we take away their food? Perhaps tt was a negative feeling... That has been what I felt for all my 14 yrs. Even to my parents and relatives. Anyway, so we borrowed bicycles and cycled to Downtown East. Alright, we were wrong not to inform them beforehand. Yes. But what will you feel if you suddenly receive a whole lot of scoldings from a person without even knowing what happened? I was of cos shocked and confused. Anyway, we were already cycling in the gate and this happened. I felt totally against going back. Perhaps I cared too much with what people think of us. There were only 4 of us, there were a whole bunch of them. Felt intimidated. And of course, sad and hurt. We had our reasons for what we did, it was definitely not bcos of what being selfish or trying to bring the class spirit down or whatever. Why would we do that? We were being misunderstood too much... too much... that I really didn't know what to say. I didn't want to go back and we stayed at the basketball court there cos there was nothing to say or to explain anymore. I had mixed emotions. Sad, hurt, confused, surprised, shock.

Finally, we went back. Didn't know what to say when I saw Carine, Xueli, Xinfang and Liza cry. What can I do? I don't even know. We clarified everything with Valencia, Xinfang and Xueli. They understood, it's good and happy to know that people believed in us. Sharine, Doris, Woonting, Yijun, Jew Ee, Eugenia, Eunice, Jing Ting dey all also held no grudges against us and still joked and laughed with us. Didn't even feel like laughing anymore after this incident. Didn't know what to do about Liza. She was extremely upset and cried. Went to comfort her but just felt emptiness... Even if everything seemed ok, I was still empty, even until this present moment. Serene said I think too much. I agree but tt's me. I dunno what to say or to think or to feel anymore. This tingle of guilt still haunts me. I dunno what to do... Complete emptiness.

To u-noe-who: How can u still stay angry till now? Perhaps u dun even plan to forgive us after that BBQ incident. Two yrs of frenship, u wan to jus let it go cos of this? ppl make mistakes. Us too. We're not perfect. We make mistakes too. Dun tell me u don't? Dun tell me you're perfect? People forgive and forget. Dun tell me you dun? Just as Valencia told us, if they dun wan to forgive, they're not you true frens. So now what? U tell me. You didn't even know what happened b4 u confronted me. We listened to ur side of the story, but did u even attempt to listen to our side of story? Look. Xueli, Xinfang and a whole lot of ppl chose to forgave. U chose to stay angry. Dun tell me u dun even treat us as frens? For the two years? Or u jus wan to say that it's over? Everything? I've said all I wanted to say. The rest is up to you to choose...

Friends till eternity...

This entry will be totally dedicated to Serene. Actually, after reading your entry about us, I got this queasy feeling of crying. I dunno why. It seems like I've often neglected your feelings. Actually, I really truly cherish this friendship between us. Really... I'm sorry if I have let you down at times... Sometimes, I know I irritate you lots... bcos of my stupidity and foolishness. Maybe i'm jus not lyk other ppl you know, who express their concern with gifts. Maybe that's me... I'm sorry if that causes you to think that we're not as close as before. But I have no intention of giving up this friendship at all... really. I have faith that we will remain as close friends forever till eternity. Please pardon me for my stupidity and insentivity to the surroundings... Friends Forever and ever and ever and ever...
I'm sorry if I have hurt you before... I've secretly prepared chocolates for you. Really, just as I've promised. But... my sis ate them up. So sorry! hahaz.. hope u wont mind, I'll buy new ones for you. =). That's why u tink I nvr buy anything for u cos I didn't wan to say out. And as for forgettin the things, I didnt actually forget. I dunno how to explain it. Just that I had no mood to go out at all... My aunt was in hospital.. u see? Ya, shld've explained to u but didn't know how. At tt time, my feelings was in a mess. Sorry... really sorry... But noe u'll understand rite? Relax about the chocolates. I'll get them for u, no prob. =)

As time goes by, friends drift away as soon as they come... But you're special, I won't let u go away. Till the day I close my eyes... Friends till death. Death do we part. =D

Total sianess... who can understand?

Currently listening to Ayumi's 'Rainbow'. Very nice. Anyway, today has been an extremely sian day. Once I opened my eyes, I knew right away there was nothing to do... Sigh. Ate my breakfast of toasted bread and fruit juice... yummy! hehez... I was watching Mandarin Top 20. Looked out for Jay's ranking in the chart. He was ranked 5th and they played his 'Wai po' or 'Grandmother' pv. Not bad, I like that song oso. Hahaz... After watching the stupid TV, went to prac piano...Extra sian. After that, my mum went into my room and we started packing and cleaning up my room. UTRA SIAN... dug out a lot of old things.. haha. Found my lost money =P and Karen's letters to me when we were in Pri 2... lolx!!! Anyway, after all that, ate my lunch and went for piano... Sian beyond words. Sigh...
Came back and my sis showed me Ayumi's 'Inspire' and 'Game' pv. Not bad, pretty nice and the 'Inspire' is especially cool. The ending. Unexpected. Very nice. Anyway, msn really went crazy and can't log on... haiz.
HE'S killing me!!! Sigh.. u noe lahz hor?
Tomorrow still got theory... SIAN TO THE EXTREME LE... sigh...
Listening to 'Jie Kou' again... it's nice.. really. and serene arh, no meaning behind this arh, dun tink too much. hahaz...
Hope tomorrow will be a better day for us all. Yupz... but with theory, it can't get any better. Sigh...

Sometimes things are just so cruel...

Now listening to Jay Chou's 'Jie Kou'... very nice and sad too. You know, out of all Jay's songs, my favourite is still 'Gui Ji'... nostalgic... haiz. Maybe one day, just one day, my favourite song will no longer be 'Gui Ji'... you know what I mean. Anyway, feeling really sian cos this is the third time I'm writing this entry cos my com went crazy just now and everything was gone. Kinda sian and annoying... Anyway, just as my entry title , sometimes things are just so cruel... I mean, why can't I choose the life I want to lead? Nevermind... it's fate anyway.
It's just like this morning, or rather, last night when I found out which class I'm going. 3o8... together with Serene, Joyce, Yeeyan, Pei Rong, Valencia, Huang Jian, Waihou, Jun Liang and Yi Hang. Honestly, I'm really pleased and contented with my class... But why must I end up with HIM? WHY HIM??!!! sigh... it's really sickening... and two more years with him... TWO YEARS!....
It's really beyond my control. What can I do? I can only pray here and hope that he can get his senses into his head and use the appeal form. Appeal somewhere else. It's the best for both of us... really... Give me a break...
Anyway, this morning had choir. Yea, all we did was sing SYF song 'Ladybird' accapella... Not bad. Can still remember it was the first song I learnt when I joined Choir. Mr Stead taught us that song. He was the new instructor then and I was really afraid of him and thought he was weird... hahaha.. come to think of it, I was really stupid.
Now listening to 'Ge Qian'... it's so sad...whenever I'm sad enough, when I listen this song, I thought I might cry... However, now things are so bad, I can't even cry anymore... Afterwards will be practising the piano... tomorrow I'm having piano lessons again... Sianz...
Anyway, all thanks to my rotten luck, my next two remaining years of secondary school life's gonna be disaster. One word to describe my current mood 'Empty'.

Hamster day!

Today I had choir. Sigh.. it was boring. REAL boring. All we did was to sing non stop from 8.30 to 1pm.. actually got break, but for... 5 mins? Haiz.. all thanks to our dear Ms Fu who dragged on for another 25 mins.. wat the. Anyway, we received our set piece today. The title is 'Sunset' and it sux, all I can say about it. It contains four languages. First Malay, den Chinese, den Tamil, den mix the three, and finally English... It sux lyk anything lor. Even my instructor, G.R.R, says it's Kanasai. Although I dun really like him, or to be specific, I totally dislike him, I agree with him this time. We worked hard on the song. The beginning was really confusing lo...Dongdang Dongdang sayang etc.. sux la. After that, we revised the song 'Ladybird'. It was taught by Mr Stead to us. And it rox. We did really well at tis song, although the sop 2s were being asked to repeat again and again. That bias G.R.R... nvm. Anyway, after that me and Serene went to eat Mac. (again!) hahaz.. nvm la, anything for frens. And bought hello kitty for her dear brother, who will in turn give to her dear girlfriend... Den we chatted about our sec one days, when we played with paper balls, were crazy over Xmen and so on.. haha.. was so fun!

After chatting, we decided to come to my house. Hehez.. And serene went totally crazy over my sis's hamster, Kami. Haha... Kami is a pearl white breed hamster. Really cute... =) I like to call it 'furball' cos it's so fat and white and adorable, when it sits in a corner, it looks lyk a furball! Awwwww! so cute! =D. And we used the sunflower seeds and food to lure Kami to climb the bars of the cage. Soooo cute! And serene played some music from her phone and Kami will stop what he's doing and listen and look very intently at the phone... hahahaha... SO CUTE!!!

After playing, we did lame things like watch Tom & Jerry.. haha, although it was funny... hehe. Den we used the com and chatted with Karen. Karen so gd lor, got Sims 2... hehe.., wanna go and play oso.. Something unhappy happened, dun wish to mention... Den serene went home le. Hehez.. a very pleasant day and fun and cute day!

Anyway, regarding HIS thing, I dun wish to comment further. Let things be.. forget it. Nothing can be done anyway. Just wish him happiness. Wish to forget all about him... at least I won't have to feel so miserable... and heartaching...

Regarding the other person's thing, I just wan THAT PERSON to leave me alone. Dun really feel like talking about THAT PERSON... it's too sickening... Can't comment too much as well... you noe wat i mean...

Lovesick...

Today I had to be very cheery in front of Serene and karen. Sigh... when I was in the cinema, guess Serene realized I was a little weird. Lyk suddenly very upset and suddenly very happy... It's hard. But that's life. Tried to forget about him but just can't... Forget it. We're not fated. And today accompanied Serene and Karen go and watch Princess Diaries II. Not bad leh.. quite hilarious.. haha. Last time when I was younger, always dreamt to be a princess... lolx.. Anyway, yeap, I bought LJS and smuggled into the cinema and me and serene ate it. Haha.. the queue was too long and serene didn't buy the nachos and popcorn and cheese dog. So shared mine with her, lolx. After the show, we went to eat KFC.. That's when I kept thinking of him... Sigh... Wish to skip this sad part. den me and serene played ice soccer..haha. very fun..haha. Kenna scolded by the cleaner. =P. Karen very funny. her money oways short one den must run here run there to take. lolx...

After eating, we went to buy Serene's hamster's thingy. Bought a very pinkie cage for her hamster and some hamster food and wood shavings. Karen and I helped her carry to the toilet cos she wan to go. Hehe.. den after that, we went home. Today was fun.. but to me it's not.. Very stormy day... Lovesick.

So many probs nowadays. Guinea pig. Classes. HIM... sigh...

to Serene and Karen: real sorry about today. Tink I appeared very lethargic lyk that. Sorry... I just couldn't get my mind off him. Thanks for your advices. You guys really rocks.. And really had fun with you guys. Look forward to our next outing! Kisses and hugs. =D

Dearest...

Have been thinking about HIM for a long time already... Sigh... liking a person is so hard and painful, especially when the person you like does not like you. I tried to change my mind about HIM, change my feelings for HIM, but things does not just happen like that. My heart is already there, I can't get it back anymore... Sigh.. Why must things be like this? Sometimes, I feel so painful and miserable, I can't even cry anymore. I miss HIM so much... he doesn't even know... I dunno how to express this kind of misery, the sharp pain in my heart all the time, when I hear him having many admirers. What can I do? Nothing.. only praying every night for his happiness. Even if he forsakes me one day, even if he doesn't even want to care about me anymore, I will still look after him in the dark. I chose this road to take. I chose to care for him in the shadows. It's painful. But it's the best way...

Later I will be going out with Serene to watch Princess Diaries II. Really wish to put on a smile and be cheery... but... I can't get my mind off him. Especially when I see his new nickname. He has a new love. sorry serene, if I appear more retarded and faraway today. It's just cannot be controlled...

My feelings for him:

Wishing
Lyrics: Ayumi Hamasaki
Composer: Hideaki Kuwabara
Arranger: Akimitsu Honma


I've never tried to count how long it's been since we met
but I feel like spending more time with you.
In a day that will soon give in to nightfall, you always finally call
"Let's meet over there now," I am saved by those words.
Maybe it's because I've had a lot of experience with this kind of thing.
So much that it's mysterious, I can feel you near me.

I'm sorry for always relying on you, it's just that I can't do anything myself...
More than anyone else, I'm praying that the dream you drew in your heart comes true.
That you can be happy together with that person you love so much.

When the things I've been storing up for so long suddenly come flowing out,
you cried with me by my side, and we lauged.
Countless as the stars, again and again we meet and break up.
At that time I lost more than I gained, but it's different now.

I'm always relying on you but, this time I'll do it myself.
You're really not that strong, and I know I can't be alone.
I hope that you can laugh together with that person you love so much.


~~~ Wish you happiness with the person you love so much ~~~

To be...

My #1 result for the SelectSmart.com selector, Which Ayumi Hamasaki song are you most like?, is To Be

Today's unbearably warm.. sigh. Anyway, this morning went for piano, was panicking cos never practice.
My teacher was like giving me the same face she gives me all the time. A hopeless look. Anyway, she recorded one
of my songs which I played, 'Sonatina Op.33 No.6'... Haiz.. it sux like anything. Whatever... anyway, I'm really
getting addicted to Ayumi's Arena Tour 2004. Watched it for a record of 20 times lor.. and can memorize what she
said in the concert.. lolx. anyway, now still on my search for Ayumi's 'A' necklace... Yesterday went JP with
karen and serene and searched for 'A' necklace in 77th Street.. sigh. nowhere to be seen.
Anyway, yesterday met karen at JP at 11 and in the end saw serene. haha.. i called her home to check on her and
her mum told everything to me about serene going JP. It was meant to be a surprise but unfortunately, I found out
before I was surprised. haha.. but Karen was surprised.. hehe. And we went to This Fashion to check out the
clothes. Helped serene pick out the clothes. Was quite unhappy cos Karen and serene can buy but i go there only
extra to see the clothes.. felt so rotten. Nevermind la.. anyway, after buying clothes we went to shop and shop.
serene very funny leh.. she go and change clothes in the toilet and suggested wearing the clothes over the old
one.. and she looked so..haha.. Anyway, i really lyk her new clothes. fit her very well. And after that, we went
eat Mac.. poor me and karen, hafta eat MAC (AGAIN FOR ME). haha.. but was hungry so finished everything in my tray.
Karen couldnt eat and serene oso. Nevermind la, finished everything for them. They were lyk staring at me.. haha..
can't help it. =P.
After that, we went to take Neoprint. So funny, I was squeezed out of the picture.. den looked lyk SAI lyk that..
so ugly.. anyway, after that, we went to buy shuttlecocks and serene was mesmerized by the Archie comics and the
Princess diaries book. haha.. she arh.. den Karen was like searching for the shuttlecocks (planned to write
'cocks' for short. but too crude. lolx). was $3.15. Felt quite bad for her to pay for that... sigh..
Anyway, after that, we went to Karen's house and played with her hamsters. Haha.. serene scared until she lyk
keep screaming. And I was laughing and holding her hamster, Anora. She bit me many times lor.. my hand. haha.. nt
as painful as when Hackie bit me for the first time. Nevermind... talk about him makes me sad. We went down for
badminton. Haha.. very fun.
After that, went home and became sian all over again... sianz... Anyway, now gonna search the net about guinea
pig and hamster (for serene =D) .. Buaiz!


~Love Hackie and Kami and Whitey and Brownie~

Whatever...

Sometimes I ask myself this question "What is the real me?" I realized that I don't even have the ability to answer this question... It's really weird, how it can be that you've lived for so long and yet can't answer this question. People can be evil, especially when it comes to love. Why must people use negative means for such a wonderful thing called love? Haiz... living is wonderfully miserable. Life is misery with a little happiness.
People can be wonderful, when it comes to certain things. Why do people have both sides of a face? It's really puzzling... but yet logical. I never wanted to be anyone's thing or object. But circumstances force us into it. I want to walk out on my own, but things just dun allow us to do so. I hate myself sometimes. Why must I be so-and-so, why I cant be so-and-so. How many 'me' do I have? I don't know. People only know how to envy others, but not cherish their own.
Whatever... things are like this. When you least expected it, they come. And when you least expected it, they leave...
No one really knows the real you. They only know the 'you' you show. As for me, there are so many sides of 'me', I don't really know who am I already... Ourselves...

My mood:

Ourselves
Lyrics: Ayumi Hamasaki
Performed by: Ayumi Hamasaki

* I hold you tight
I get touched
I get discouraged
I hold you tight again
I pull myself together
I get prim
You know many faces of mine

This road looks endless
But surely has the end
Only for once
I like to stop on the way
I prepare a way to escape
But it means nothing to me to do so alone
Because you know?
There is nothing but love
That is truly valuable

** So
I show myself
Only to you
Which no one in the world knows
But
I may still have
Some secret sides
You have never seen
Which no one in the world knows

There are so many choices
That I can't make any guess
Where I like to find my way at last
But as we walk side by side
Expecting the same future
I feel nothing is so true as your profile
Because you know?
There is nothing but love
That is valuable in the end

So
Even if no one in the world knows me
I wish you alone
To know me
Yes
Even if no one in the world knows us
We know each other
So well

** repeat
* repeat x 4

Alrite, enough of crapping.. The thing is that I don't even know why I'm writing all these... Perhaps they are something I kept for so long in my heart. Anyway, tomorrow actually I was supposed to go out with Serene and Karen, but Serene became ill.. =(.. poor gurl, hope she can get well soon. hehe.. And as for Karen, maybe tomorrow I'll be going out with Karen, cos really nthg to do at home... Somemore must face... *ahem*.. and the stupid phone. Anyway, next friday will be the releasing of classes we will be going... Sigh... *pray hard*. Anyway, really hope to fully enjoy the holidays and stop thinking of all the crap. Yup, hope that will be useful to me... or rather... OURSELVES... you noe wat I mean.

Nothing to do...

Today really sian... Later I still have choir. 3-5pm. It's like hell to me. But I'm really glad that today is not G.R.R who will be teaching us, but the new teacher Ms Fu. She's okok lar... but rather lame at times. Anyway, I was talking to Serene on MSN. We discussed about the outings during the holidays... haiz. But it's lyk she dun allow... nvm. Anyway, this morning did nothing. Sort of wasted the whole day away. Watched 'La Bi Xiao Xin' for the whole morning, cos was really sian. Now using com and was searching for Ayumi's wallpapers. Saved quite a few, hehe... Tried to download something but to no avail. Sigh... Anyway, now listening to Ayumi's songs. My ingenious sister got them from the com into the CD, just in time before the whole computer crashed. Thank God for that, or i'll weep to death. Now listening to Carols, Ayu's newest single. It's not bad, pretty sad also. But the video for this song sux lyk anything. It only pictures Ayu walking here and there and on this horse thingy.. sigh.
Anyway, yesterday went to Ngee Ann Poly and listened to people talk non stop. Ngee Ann poly is really terrific, cos when you step into the place, the lobby (or whatever it is) looks just like that of a hotel. The auditorium rox oso... extremely huge.. haha. Felt lyk sleeping when I was sitting in that comfortable chair, lyk in a cinema lyk tt. Den watched this magic show, listened to many people talk. Jew Ee, Eugenia and I very sian and sleepy in the audi. And my favourite part was the refreshments. I was really hungry and took a lot to eat. Den me, je and eug discussed about something. Really scary...
By the way, I'm now listening to Ayumi's 'UNITE!'. Very nice song. It seems to represent 2o5. Really lyk tis song. So will provide the lyrics. Hope you lyk it too!

UNITE!
Lyrics: Ayumi Hamasaki
Composer: CREA
Arranger: HAL


I'm going to try not to go astray anymore...

There is something I want to tell you.
I could spend the fun times with anyone,
but when I'm sad, yeah,
no one else can take your place.

Even just in your dreams,
even in troubled times,
I don't want you to forget me.

Chorus:
Freedom in the right hand, Love in the left
We'll walk on, embracing both, and stumbling from time to time.

The coming of another, same morning is depressing.
Suddenly, the square sky seems very empty.

There have been days
when suddenly I shed
tears at daybreak.
I told you while crying:

People are short-lived, but they are strong.

I have you, who will protect me.
Freedom in the right hand, Love in the left
We'll walk on, embracing both, and stumbling from time to time.
wow wow wow

Dedicated to 2o5... with love