Current Query Part I

WriteOnCon begins today! Let's bask in that for a moment.

Yes. So it's an awesome free online writing/publishing conference put together by the most amazing writers on the planet and to include countless industry professionals droppin knowledge free of charge.

So because of this and the fact that I have a stupid day job with which I earn money to pay the bills I have very little time for blogging this week. But ... in spite of my inherent laziness I will try to share something worthwhile with you all: My Current Query.

Yes I am in the middle of a re-write and yes the plot COULD change enough that the query will have to follow but it's not likely. Therefore I do still try to keep my query up to date and since I won assistance with it from Lady LiLa on Lisa and Laura Write last week I wanted to share the awesome advice they give me with you all.

So today I will share the query I sent them. Tomorrow I will share the one they sent me back and then Wednesday I will share the one that I wrote, based on their advice, and submitted to the Joanna Stampfel-Volpe contest on WriteOnCon.

So here's the first version:

Dear Lady LiLa,

Fifteen year old Lee is a reluctant juvenile delinquent who arrives at reform school fearing abuse or worse but soon discovers magic and mysticism beneath the hard-knock surface.

After the death of his mother, and estrangement from his useless, high-society, drunk-when-ever-he's-home father, Lee's aunt and uncle ship him off to Rocky Mountain Academy, a reform school in the bitter wilderness of northern Idaho.

He is forced to work in the Wood Corral; the right to attend classes being earned only after months of labor. He gets caught alone in the woods with a female student, which is of course strictly forbidden. He is placed on restriction and given work assignments. Finally lessons begin and the students become excited by the mysterious curriculum. The classes have names like "The Eight Principles of Yong" and "The Way of Unifying With Life Energy". In them Lee and his new friends (and enemies) study everything from East Asian Calligraphy and Meditation to Aikido and Kenjutsu.

Permission to actually kick ass is pretty awesome when you're fifteen and convinced it's you against the world.

Through these disciplines they learn to use their talents to harness the energy the Chinese know as Chi for things like healing, telekinesis and imbuing their weapons with rockin powers. They bring this unique new form of magic with them into the mountains of Montana when the Master of the School asks them to investigate an abandoned silver mine. In the mine they are attacked by Stone Golem Earth Elementals and forced to band together, using their newfound skills to defend themselves and survive the creatures' onslaught.

As you can see this isn't terrible but it doesn't really pop either. Those of you who know me will recognize how far this has come since the old days and those of you who are new readers can check the posts labeled Queries/Rejections to learn more.

When I sent it to Lisa and Laura I pointed out that what I felt it was missing the most was voice. The story is now being re-written into first person so the personality of the MC really comes across hard in the very beginning and I wanted to inject that into the query more. Writing a query in first person is a no-no but I really liked Jen's suggestion from last Friday about writing it in first person and then switching it over.

We'll see where my query goes throughout the week.