Veggie burger anyone?

Since the beginning of Sydnie I remember her being a picky eater. She has always loved every single vegetable I've ever put in front of her. Yes, even brussel sprouts. The pickiness comes in the meat department. Even when she was tiny she wanted to look at the packaged meat in the grocery store. My Dad calls her 'DOC' because she is very interested in muscles, blood, & watching him gut dead animals. Her interest in blood, muscles, and guts stops at just looking. Sydnie does not eat those things... well... knowingly.

In the Hungry Lion cookbook (The Wilson Elementary cookbook that you really have to buy if you ever attended Wilson Elementary) Sydnie is quoted as saying about the food she can't stand, "Shrimp and any kind of meat. Meat has blood in it! Yucky!". She won't drink milk because it comes out of a cow. Sometimes her dinner goes untouched because she found some cheese in it.

How do you deal with your picky eater?

We lie.

So here is some information that you will need to know if you will ever be eating at our home or with us at a BBQ.

1. Hot dogs grow on trees! Just like bananas. You never see a hot dog tree here because they grow in South America... just like bananas. Uncle Dan recently asked if cheese hot dogs grow on trees too. OF COARSE! It is just a different variety of hot dog tree. They are more rare, therefor more expensive. Cheese hot dogs are Sydnies FAVORITE because the cheese grows in the hot dog and doesn't come from the cow.

2. Pork is a vegetable that grows in the ground like potatoes. Not all pork though. Ham, bacon and pork chops on the bone all come from a pig (even a pigs bum) and therefor are inedible. Pork is really only boneless ribs cooked in the crock pot so it is very flavored and tender. No sign of fat or bones are allowed at the table.

3. Chicken is our neighbor Valarie's pet, not food. They start as tiny fluff balls that are so fun to play with! Chicken is totally off the menu! However Burger king sells these little princess crowns they call nuggets that she will eat only when dipped in honey mustard sauce. I really don't know why she will eat these. I don't know what she thinks they are made out of.... Princess?

4. Patty Sandwiches. These are new and only sold at a couple of places. They are just a bun, some ketchup and a patty! You have to be very careful when ordering at the drive-thru you should turn up the radio really loud just in the back. Ask quietly for a plain hamburger with nothing but ketchup, and then order everyone else a cheeseburger so that the wrapper will look different.

So, if you are ever eating with us and we ask Sydnie if she wants the casserole with cow in it or the casserole with pretend meat in it, please just GO WITH IT! Her mental well being and general health are depending on it.

PS, this lying is absolutely worth going to hell over.