Lost Boy Found Dead

by j.a. kazimer
Crime Beat, New never News

Peter Pan, founding member of the band The Lost Boys, Neverland's top grossing boy-band in the late 90's, was found dead in a New Never City hotel room.

Peter's on-again, off -again and often violent relationship with the artist known only as Tink has been well documented. However, in the last year or so, Peter underwent a spiritual transformation at the hands of guru, Smee. At the time of his death, friends say Peter was happy and newly engaged to a darling young lady named Wendy.

Police do suspect fairy play.

Red Hooded Serial Killer Strikes Again

By j.a. kazimer
Crime Beat New Never News


The eighth victim of the red-hooded serial murderer was found in a wooded lot behind a nursing home over the weekend. The body is believed to be that of a baker reported missing a week ago. All the victims were located within one mile of the Little Red Senior Living Center. The police have no suspects in any of the crimes, but urge the public (especially those of the wolf race) to take extra precautions when wandering into the enchanted forest. A basket of goodies is being offered as a reward for any information leading to an arrest.

Jill Suspected in Murder

By j.a. kazimer
Crime Beat New Never News


According to New Never City Police, famous twin, Jill, is suspected in the disappearance and possible murder of her brother, Jack, following their 'kidnapping' two weeks ago.

If you remember, Jack and his sister were reported missing by their parents, launching a citywide umber alert. Later, Jill was discovered unhurt on top a hill with a large bucket of water. She claimed the twins had been kidnapped and forced to carry the water bucket up a hill. She also stated she had no idea where her brother had gone.

Police suspected foul play and started an investigation, which let to Jill's arrest.

Wicked Witch Dies After Fall of Housing Market

By j.a. kazimer
Business New Never News

In spite of all indicators, the recession is not over. Just ask the Wicked Witch of the West, who was killed today when a house, recently foreclosed on by the mayor of munchkin, fell on top of her. The house was driven by a illegal immigrant from Kansas.

The wicked witch's sister, Glenda the Good stated, "We knew it was coming, but it was still a shock. I mean, really, a house? What kind of person drops a house on someone?"

The Wicked Witch's next of kin, The Wizard, was unavailable for comment.

Singing Mermaid Washed Up

By j.a. kazimer
Where Are They Now? New Never News

A fisherman made a gruesome discovery this morning - the body of famed singer, The Little Mermaid, who apparently washed ashore following high tide. By the large gouge marks marring her throat, police suspect foul play. An autopsy scheduled for tomorrow will confirm. Her manager, Captain Hook, could not be reached for comment.

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary Found Beaten to Death with a Garden Hoe

By j.a. kazimer
Understandable New Never News


Mary Mary, of the Cin City Quite Contrary family, was found beaten to death last night in her garden inside her family's compound just off the Fairy Strip.

Some suggest her murder was a garden gnome mob hit, while others believe her contrary demeanor is responsible. Either way, we now all know now what makes her famous garden grow - Blood and Brain Matter.

Third Victim of Red-Hooded Serial Killer Found

By j.a. kazimer
Crime Beat New Never News


The third victim of the red-hooded serial murderer was found in a wooded lot behind a nursing home over the weekend. The body is believed to be that of a woodsmen reported missing a week ago. All the victims were located within one mile of the Little Red Senior Living Center. The police have no suspects in any of the crimes, but urge the public (especially those of the wolf race) to take extra precautions when wandering into the enchanted forest. A basket of goodies is being offered as a reward for any information leading to an arrest.