"THE KIND WORDS WE GIVE SHALL IN MEMORY LIVE"

Carol and I with our Mom - 1994

Years ago I was required to go to a courthouse to pay a traffic ticket I had procrastinated about.  I was one of several people of all nationalities and color forced to wait my turn to see the judge.  We waited in a hall lined with benches.  I will never forget one lady there with a little boy about the age of two.  He was an adorable and very active little guy who gave everyone there a big smile.  She seemed very irritated with him not sitting completely still like she had sternly ordered him to do.  As she sat there and he ventured off his seat a few feet she would shout swear words and call him unspeakable names and tell him to sit his A** back down.  She showed him no love, dignity or patience.  

When I was about twelve or so, my sister Carol and I got a tape recorder from our parents for Christmas.  It was a hand me down tape recorder that belonged to my older brother and he didn't use it anymore. My Mom cleaned it up and there it was sitting under the tree on Christmas morning. My parents were broke, they had seven kids to provide Christmas for. I didn't understand much about that kind of stuff at the time. The stress and heartache my Mom had gone through to insure seven kids a fun Christmas must have been overwhelming.  

Carol and I were thrilled and we loved our present. We spent hours upon hours recording ourselves and others doing and saying silly stuff.  We even figured out how to speed up and play our goofy recordings to sound like the Chipmunks.   We'd turn the volume up loud and laugh and laugh.  It rates among one the best Christmas' ever.

We must have driven my poor Mom crazy for days with that tape recorder. We were asked multiple times to turn the volume down.  I remember being at the kitchen counter while she was fixing dinner and blasting the Chipmunk version of something I'd recorded.  She lost it.  In that moment she was out of control.  She grabbed me, yelled, slapped me and then said something that still rings in my ears....."I hate you".  I was devastated. She came to me moments later and said she was sorry, I could tell she'd been crying.  It was an ugly sliver of time that my Mom lost it and said something that should never have been said. 

I know beyond any doubt that my Mom loved me. Her kids were the world to her.  She sacrificed for all of her children in one way or another.  She did her best.  I am sure that my Mom was haunted by some of the things she did or didn't do as a Mom.  I know this because I am a Mom.  I am haunted by the same thing.  Aren't all Mom's human?  Don't we all have regret or sometimes want a do-over? Haven't we all had sleepless nights at the end of a tough day praying to do better tomorrow? 

May we all have the strength to think before we speak and control our anger. There are so many people that need a kind word from us instead of an angry reaction that causes their ears to sting and heart to feel heavy.  I know my Mom would have turned back time to take those words back if she could have.  We all make mistakes but lets do ourselves a favor and try harder. I love the inspirational words below that a Facebook friend shared with me.  Peace -

We are all susceptible to those feelings which, if left unchecked, can lead to anger. We experience displeasure or irritation or antagonism, and if we so choose, we lose our temper and become angry with others. Ironically, those others are often members of our own families—the people we really love the most.

Many years ago I read the following Associated Press dispatch which appeared in the newspaper: An elderly man disclosed at the funeral of his brother, with whom he had shared, from early manhood, a small, one-room cabin near Canisteo, New York, that following a quarrel, they had divided the room in half with a chalk line, and neither had crossed the line or spoken a word to the other since that day—years before. Just think of the consequence of that anger. What a tragedy!

May we make a conscious decision, each time such a decision must be made, to refrain from anger and to leave unsaid the harsh and hurtful things we may be tempted to say. - President Thomas S. Monson

I WON'T FORGET MY SHOES!

I had months to prepare.  Along time ago I had a dream. The dream started out so light and carefree. I was with Craig. We were holding hands, walking through the most beautiful, soft grass. It was a meadow. It took very little effort to walk for miles on the soft ground. Then suddenly the cool soft ground came to an end.  As far as you could see the ground was dry, gravely dirt. Suddenly I realized I couldn't go any further. Craig pulled me, but sadly I was forced to stop, I wasn't able to continue. I showed Craig why. I was barefoot, I had forgotten my shoes. I WASNT PREPARED.

I am not sure why we were walking so far or what the destination was but I did know it was somewhere special, good and there would be a reward waiting for us. Craig urged me to keep going but I couldn't. We agreed that he would go ahead and l would go back and get my shoes.

Then I woke up.

I had this dream at least  30 years ago. I've never forgotten it. It had a real, clear message for me -

BE PREPARED

I think all of us, especially me, should use caution and always be prepared for what life may throw at us. When I've remembered this clear message things have, for the most part, turned out in a positive way. I believe that my dream was a gift and has helped me through some difficult challenges.

Months ago Rebecca invited me to participate in a 5K with her.  I am not a runner but I love to walk. I knew this would be a challenge and I accepted. I was committed to eating right and to "get into shape". As the months ticked on I found really good excuses to skip the gym. I actually counted the months and then weeks always thinking I still had time to get it together.  It amazes me how fast time goes by for some things and slow for others. Training for this 5K went by fast. I literally hadn't gone to the gym for months. 

On the day of the race I was a bit nervous. I knew I wasn't prepared. I was asked if I was excited and the only answer that came to mind was, "not nervous, only anxious for it to be over".  The setting was beautiful, Mona, Utah, in the lavender fields. The weather was perfect. I was feeling blessed to be able to walk and jog (a little), in such a beautiful place. I was also grateful to be there with my incredible daughter and her family. Most of all I felt blessed to have Craig waiting for me at the finish line. I will do better to prepare in the future and -

I won't ever forget my shoes.

GUEST BLOGGER - KYLIE

I love technology because it keeps me in touch with the people I love.  I had a conversation via Hangouts with my Granddaughter Kylie last night.  We talked about her day, her thoughts, her friends.  She shared that she was having some drama with a couple of her friends.  I tried to give her some Grandma advice. She's a smart and beautiful ten year old girl. I hope she always shares her day with me. I asked her if she would write me a story for my blog.  She is my 'guest blogger' for today!

Below is her story -

I was just finishing lunch still soaking wet from the splash pads waterfall when I heard my friend Megan ask her Mom if she could go down the lake with someone, but I was the only one finished so I decided to go to the lake with her.  We stated running down the hill when my Mom shouted, "Remember, listen to the Holy Spirit".  We both agreed and started going down the hill right before my sist, Kayla came and tagged along.  My friend, Megan, got a little scared by the weeds tickling at our feet so I blocked the weeds in her way.  When we reached the sidewalk we saw a sign that said, "warning rattle snakes downhill!"  Megan was already scared enough!  But soon as we were standing still I remembered that my Mom said before we left, listen to the Holy Spirit.  So I told Kayla and Megan that the Holy Spirit will protect us and he did so and..... Our luck turned up finally.  We met a dog named Scruffy and tried catching fish!  I love that I choose to go to church!!!

-Kylie Nebeker


Thanks Kylie, your story is awesome and so are you!

LOOK FOR THE HELPERS

I remember one on my children years ago asking me why God lets bad things happen.  After some thought I said the obvious response for me, “It’s gives people the opportunity to do good”.  I love the Mr. Rogers quote that has floated around social media about his mother telling him to “look for the helpers”.  

I like to keep things light and avoid posting opinions on my blog, but with yesterday’s events I was touched and needed to share.  Besides, it’s MY blog after all.

As I awoke yesterday morning and began seeing and hearing the horrific news of the incident at the Pulse Nightclub in Orlando I was horrified. I don’t understand the mental illness that makes a person take the life of another person or in this case more than fifty people. 

I found myself especially torn by an interview of a mother trying to find her son. You may have seen that video. I can’t and don’t want to imagine the excruciating pain that mother must be going through. I admit I cried when I watched her. 

I won’t discuss LGBT issues and/or gun control for that matter.  In spite of our differences we are all humans and tasked with the labor to love one another. Let’s be honest in saying that some are just better at it than others.

As I watched the news, I couldn’t help but notice the helpers.  People were carrying the injured to safety, using their shirts to make tourniquets, praying for and comforting each other, standing in lines for hours to donate blood, one man gave a “bear hug” putting pressure on an injured man in the back of a truck as he was rushed to a hospital, saving the man’s life.  Some without a thought put their own safety in harm’s way to rescue another.  I was inspired to see the natural amount of human sacrifice that was given to aid those that needed it most.  I am amazed that in the face of the most horrible and evil circumstances a huge portion of the human race becomes helpers.

 

For all those reading this that are now living with an elevated level of fear, I encourage you to see past the ugliness and look for the helpers.  Stay focused…There is so much good in the world.

 

I believe when we leave this world we go to a better place.  We are welcomed with open arms by a loving Heavenly Father and by loved ones that have gone before.  I can imagine the reunions that took place in heaven for those fifty plus that were rescued from this mortality. 

Let’s challenge ourselves to be helpers to those that are healing in hospitals or struggling with the loss of a loved one.  Opportunities are everywhere, every day to show love to someone that needs it.  Let’s look out for each other, be positive and have hope.  Let’s keep our judgments to ourselves and look in the mirror more often.

 

Love and Peace -

SPEEDBUMPS

Have you noticed how many different kinds of speed bumps there are?  The long, gentle ones that barely slow you down and you hardly even notice or the high steep ones that shake your car no matter how slow you ease over them.  What about the ones that are one right after another, like 5 in a row.  Could there be anything more annoying?  Do they really serve a purpose?

I was thinking today how life has speed bumps.  They come in all shapes and sizes. Life speed bumps could be financial problems, poor health, relationship issues, spiritual or a loss of faith.  We all have them.  Usually when we find life is going smooth then BAM, we turn down the wrong road or get on the wrong path and we hit a bump that shakes us up.  Sometimes they are the smooth ones and take very little effort to get over and sometimes they are the kind that make us unsettled, irritable and hopeless.  Sometimes they are brought on by ourselves and sometimes there is no one to blame.

I've experienced a few of these life bumps in the road.  Honestly, some have been brought on by myself, but most are no my fault, "it's just life".  One thing is for sure, I've learned a lot from these bumps.  I try to enjoy and feel thankful for the smooth time in between.  I try to appreciate the peace that comes from a smooth road in between.

Speed bumps are put there to slow you down, to protect you and those around you.  Hmm..I guess the bumps in life could be compared to that.  I do know out of the toughest bumps I've had, God has been there to help me through it.  Sometimes I am stubborn and try to steer my way through things without any help.  I've learned that I need to ask for help and when I do he is there with both arms open eager to help.  Keep the faith my family and friends.  Proceed over the speed bumps with care knowing that they won't last forever and you have a Heavenly Father that loves you and is waiting to help you.  Just ask and he will be there.  Love you all!

For years I have had sort of a little mini movie play over and over in my head when I am down, feel desparate or alone. This may seem weird to you but stay with me.

Try to see yourself with a big shovel and you're digging a hole. You spend most of your life digging and the hole gets deeper and deeper. Until finally if you stand on the edge you can't see the bottom. So you throw down the shovel, take a deep breath, smile, and willingly jump in. At first it's fun to be sitting in the dark and feel the cool air blow on your face, it's silent and peaceful.

Then all at once you realize that you hate it and you start the huge task of climbing out. You dig your hands into the side of the hole trying to grip onto a rock or a root or anything that will help you get out. You climb a couple of feet and then the dirt works loose and you fall to the bottom, over and over you make a little bit of progress just to fall back to the bottom. Your face is covered with dirt, your hands start to bleed, your tired, hungry and thirsty. You spend days, weeks, months, years trying over and over to climb out, you never give up! After a while from all of your effort, the sides of the hole aren't smooth like they were at first. The sides start to harden and through all of your grabbing and pulling of the dirt steps are forming. The steps are large enough for a foot. You start climbing up the side carefully placing your feet on a step while grabbing the next with your hand. Every so often you slip and fall but not to the very bottom. Eventually you are able to see light, you stop to catch your breath and keep going. Soon you can hear people yelling and as you get closer you realize they are calling your name or just calling Mom. After what seems to be years of climbing you get close enough to the top to realize that you recognize the voices calling your name. This gives you hope and faith that you will finally make it to the top but you are so tired. Climbing and climbing you can finally feel the sun on your head. You are so tired and want to just give up, but the voices won't let you. The sun is so bright you look up to see how far you have to go, as you shield you eyes from the sun you can see hands, lots of hands, they are all reaching down. One hand reaches further than the others and wraps it's fingers around your wrist. With this firm hand pulling you are finally out of the hole. It's bright, warm, happy, everything you've always wanted. You didn't give up, you made it out!

I've thought about this often in the past years. Life happens, we all have challenges, trials, things to overcome. No one knows what our future will be, one can only do the best they can. That's the secret, to keep doing your best, it may not make things easier, or make bad things not happen but I think you'll have the strength to handle it and continue on.