Remember When...?

We go to a church that is fairly evenly divided between graduate student families like ourselves and real grown ups- citizens who actually pay taxes instead of looking forward to the refund that will carry them through the year, people who have mortgages, a diversified retirement savings plan and reliable vehicles.  Those people seem to have fond memories of their time in graduate school and like to share their stories of the "good ol' days".  We often hear phrases like, "Remember when we were in graduate school?  We ate nothing but Ramen noodles for two months straight!/We walked everywhere we went because we couldn't afford a car!/We didn't see our extended family for 5 years because we couldn't afford to travel home, but those simple holidays at home were some of the best of our lives."

As we near the end of our time as students, I have started thinking about the realities of graduate school that perhaps someday I will look back on with fondness.  And one day I will share stories like...

Remember when we didn't know what it meant to "Keep up with the Joneses"?  The Joneses didn't go to graduate school- everyone in graduate school was in the same boat, and we didn't judge or criticize each other because of our efforts.  Stained, ripped couches?  One car for our family of 5 that has 150,000 miles on it?  A house that requires everyone share their bedroom with another person?  All in the name of the degree, and all totally worth it.

Remember how easy it was to set goals in graduate school?  We had one goal- GRADUATE!  It was nearly impossible to dream past that glorious graduation date.  Now we have to work through a 5-, 10-, and 20-year plan, think about maxing out our retirement funds and save to put our own kids through college.  Times were so much simpler back then.  Terrifying, as if we were flying the trapeze without a safety net, but simpler anyway.

Remember the crushing guilt that came with every moment you tried to take your husband away from his research?  Feeling like every moment spent doing anything besides school was wrong?  Remember how you used to dream about the time when he would work from 8 to 5 with the weekends off?  That seemed like an impossible reality.

Remember when it was so easy to say "No" to spending money?  There was very little extra money to be spent, therefore there was no question of how to spend it.  No wondering whether to go to Camilles or Chipotle for lunch.  The kids knew not to ask for toys in the store- we were always only there to look.  No one felt entitled to getting new clothes every season, new electronics every Christmas or new smartphones every year.  We were all just grateful to have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies.  But...

...remember how the pantry seemed like it was always empty?  We never ran out of food, but boy did we push ourselves to the limit while we waited for that next graduate student stipend check to appear.  I always felt a bit like my cruse of oil was filled through graduate school.  The Lord surely blessed us as we tried to make our way through- like the time we gave a friend enough leftover research corn to feed a hog and then had a freezer full of pork that made for delicious Sundays dinners for months.  Or all those times that a random conglomeration of ingredients turned into the most delicious meal that everyone (even the pickiest child!) scarfed right down.  We always had enough.  Just enough.

Remember how simple grocery shopping was back then?  We bought fresh produce, whole grains and a bit of dairy.  One time I asked Jason what he would spend extra grocery money on, and he replied, "meat".  There was no option of choosing regular or Double Stuff Oreos because 100 percent of food money went to foods we needed, not the foods we wanted.  I think that's how I was able to shed the baby weight so easily... maybe that is the reason I am struggling now- I can keep my pantry stocked with the Betty Crocker brownie and muffin mixes I couldn't afford back then.

Remember how expectations were so low in graduate school?  No one expected us to travel for the holidays or take elaborate vacations.  Our first apartment was no more than 450 square feet, and that was just fine.  Try to stuff our family in a basement apartment like that now and someone would be calling the CPA.

Remember the date night swap- the free baby-sitting and the cheap dates?  We were content with popping some free popcorn we picked from Jason's field and playing card games, or looking at dream houses online, or rubbing each other's feet.  Dates were simple.  We were happy for the few hours we got to be together, although toward the end most date nights were spent alone- Jason at school and Melanie at home.

Remember how we used to dream about what life would be like after graduate school?  We thought we'd move right into a beautiful home, start an amazing job, finish growing and continue raising our family.  We'd have a dog someday, after many years of pleading from the kids.  We'd finally get a trampoline.  We'd take another Disney vacation (or two!) before the kids got too old to think it was magical.  We knew someday we would look back on the years of graduate school with fondness... grateful for such a character-building stage of life, but grateful to have moved forward as well.

So, future self... is life turning out the way we thought it would?