Ask Southpat: Cheating Boyfriend

Dear Southpat:

I just found out my Argentine boyfriend is cheating on me. I know I should dump him, but I love him. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Joy


Dear Joy:

You have just moved from the "hoar" category to the "madonna" category. Congratulations! You're a keeper!

It's not that your boyfriend doesn't love you. It's that he loves you so much, he has started to think of you as the mother of his children, the one who will provide a comforting and stable home, leaving him to seek his thrills elsewhere. You have two choices:

1. If you want to be wife and mother, then embrace your power. Take his paycheck, set up house the way you want it, and tell him if he ever cheats on you, it's over. Of course, he will still cheat on you- but at least he will be more careful so you won't find out. And if he's a good provider, then don't complain. Life could be worse.

2. If you want to be the party-girl, then you better lose a few pounds, get a boob job, and start doing your Kegel exercises. Every year your competition is that much younger.

Either way, this isn't going to be your Hollywood romantic comedy, soul-mate, love affair. It's complicated, it's dysfunctional, it's... Argentine. It's partitioned differently than North American relationships. You are not his best friend. You're his girlfriend. Here, there's a difference.

I didn't make the rules, honey. I just report them. Good luck.

-Sue