Gloria Huddle Considered For Talent Show Lead. Operator.

[A mid sized insurance company is planning a talent show. They'll be competing against another division at their company picnic. They're giving themselves months to rehearse since they've never won]

Bill: OK so we have all of the parts but we still need someone that can really sing. We need a star.

Tammy: There's nobody else. Why don't we just cancel?

Mike: We CAN'T cancel! I know...What about Gloria?

Bill: Gloria? She barely says a word!

Tammy: NO! Mike is right! Didn't she used to be a singer? I heard she was on TV years ago.

Mike: Yeah. Google her name. Or look on Youtube. Lets see if she's good.

And then they crowded around a computer and saw this.......

The Avengers Was Terrible. Big Letdown In East Whiteland Theater.

I don't know why I even thought I would like The Avengers. The only super hero/comic book movie I ever really liked was Sin City.

But I'm probably the only person in America that didn't like it because on Rotten Tomatoes it got a 90 plus from critics and common folk.

Why did I hate it? First off, it was boring. I also can't stand the stupid dialog. Here's an example:

Captain America: We need a plan of attack.

Iron Man: I have a plan. Attack. (then he attacks and everyone cheers).

The fight scenes are also absurd. Except for Iron Man (and maybe the Hulk) how can the others have a 25 minute fight scene and not get a scratch on them? They do have skin you know.

And as for the "humor", everytime a "joke" would be be told there would be people in the audience that would guffaw as if it was the funniest thing they'd every heard. Trust me, if they were at home they wouldn't be laughing at at all. But that's a pet peeve of mine too. People who laugh extra loud in theaters because they want to draw attention to themselves.

OK. If you thought it was good tell me why. I won't cut you down.

Bad Bad REALLY Bad Leroy Brown. Welk Style.

Hey it's Friday everyone! Let's get rockin' with Bad, Bad Leroy Brown from the Lawrence Welk Show.

Wouldn't it be great if the skeleton of Jim Croce appeared from behind the bandstand and killed everyone on the set?

And the BEST part of this video is Mr Lawrence Welk himself. Look at him throughout the video. He's totally getting into it!! He can't control himself!

Welcome Home JellyBean And Terrible Acting. Elevator Issues.

Kristen this is for you (he says in the style of the Nanny when she's yelling to Damien in the Omen right before she jumps off the roof).

OK. Here is a clip from the movie Welcome Home JellyBean. I was telling Kristen about it the other day. It's a movie from the 80's about a retarded girl. The retarded gal is played by the girl that was the daughter in the second National Lampoon Vacation movie. She's dead now so don't even try making fun of her.

And the acting is TERRIBLE. It's an insult to retarded people AND elevators. There's no need to watch the clip after the elevator scene but what is going on in there? (Besides the bad acting). Look at the panic that happens when the emergency button is pressed. What's up wid that Holmes?

Worst Singer On American Idol Crazy Chick Parody.

Most of this American Idol parody is stupid but when the girl sings at the beginning it's hysterical.

Look at those facial expressions. 38 seconds in is my fav.

Modern Family is Funny. And Sofia Vergara? ..Nice.

If you haven't seen the show Modern Family you should check it out. It's on Wednesday nights. I saw the second episode last night and it's really funny.

It's about time for a new funny show. And check out Sofia Vergara in the picture above! She's in the show. Look how good looking she is. And she's Colombian so she's saucy too.

And I'll tell you a show NOT to watch. Cougar Town with Courtney Cox. It's on right after Modern Family and it's unwatchable. Anyone associated with it should be ashamed because it's a complete failure. So stay clear.

That is all.

Gilligans Island, Honeybees and Peter Brady Dancing Match.

So I'm taking a little break from working in the yard. And when I look out on my deck I see the carpenter bees I'll be killing later with my electric tennis racket (see actual image on my header above).

Then it got me thinking about when the gals on Gilligan's Island did their Honeybees routine.

I forgot just how bad Mrs Howell was. Once you finish watching the hotties, play it again and note how Lovey is terrible every second of the song. And I thought Peter Brady couldn't dance. Jesus Christ! What a fool. And when she says the word "ring" I want to rush the stage and tackle her snobby ass!

And Mary Ann here reminds me a bit of my wife when my wife had longer hair.

Gayest TV Theme Song Ever. Eight Is Enough.

What is the gayest TV theme song ever? The votes are in and it's season 3 of Eight is Enough.

"We spend our days like bright and shiny new dimes? " How did anyone approve that line. (Clenches butt) I feel kind of gay just saying it.

But I'll tell you one thing, some of those sisters were hot.

And Nicholas? Everyone always said he was cute but look at the size of that head. It's huge! That thing wouldn't even fit into a standard sized bowling ball bag. Think about it.

So now is the time to listen to the song and finally realize how terrible it was. Who was YOUR favorite character on Eight is Enough? And why was David so serious all the time?

Buddy Ebson Art I Saw In Long Beach Was Terrible.

Did you know Buddy Ebsen (aka Jed from the Beverly Hillbillies) was born on this day? It's true. And thinking about him just takes me back to a very special day in my life.

It was a few years ago and I was at a gift show for work in Long Beach California. As I turned the corner of the trade show - there it was. His crappy, crappy art.

I remember stopping in my tracks. Then seeing that Buddy Ebsen was the artist I was a bit shocked. What. The. Hell? Then I did one of those single exhale laughs. I looked to the left then right with a smile wondering if anyone else was seeing this too.

The woman working the booth approached me, "I bet you know Buddy Ebsen from the Beverly Hillbillies but did you know he's also an accomplished folk artist?"

You've got to be kidding.

The other great thing about the trade show was that they had some of the real munchkins from the Wizard of Oz there dressed in their outfits. The mayor had to be escorted to the bathroom because he was like 90 years old. It was kind of sad.

What stories would you like to share about seeing someones art (including acting, music and dancing) that was so bad that you had to laugh while they stood there proudly waiting for your approval?

American Idol's Simon Cowell Critiques The Brady Kids On Sunshine Day.

OK. I know most of you gay blades are watching American Idol* so here's something to watch at the commercial. It's the Brady's Bunch kids doing Sunshine Day followed by my interpretation of the American Idol judges reviewing them.



Randy: Hey - yeah. Oh I don't know dogs. There was something going on there but....I don't know. It was way pitchy too. Way pitchy dude.

Kara: I'm sorry. It needs work. There's something there but....

Paula: I think that there is...something there but....I mean the outfits are cute - a bit of 70's style that was kind of cool - but I don't know. You guys have something - you just need to go back and put it together a bit.

Simon: (looks at other judges) Are you out of your God damned fucking minds? What the hell was that? .....Where do I even start? The singing, the dancing, the clothes? This must be a joke. I can say without a doubt that the coreography was the worst I've seen in my life. The cheerful sappiness then you go into the fake serious part of the song and then the younger boy with the least talent comes to the forefront for a solo? Are you out of your....THAT'S IT. I QUIT!!!

*I'm watching American Idol too but for research purposes.

Brady Bunch. Keep On Movin'. Bobby Brady Was The Worst.

The Brady Bunch Kids. Keep On Movin. How God damned embarrassing can you get? The Brady kid that gives me the biggest rash in this performance is Bobby. And Peter - get some dance lessons.

And little Cindy Brady - did you ever hear of lip syncing? Jesus Christ are you off.

The Whitest People In The World Dancing. The Video.

I hope you're prepared because you won't believe your eyes with what you're about to witness. Here is a video I found on the Youtube with possibly the worst dancers I've ever seen in my life. If bad dancing were art, this might just be the Sistine Chapel.

It's some Swedish pop group but what you should be looking at are the dancers. Be sure to watch this one until the end to see some of their horrendous mighty white people dance moves. You won't believe your eyes.

Can you do some of those dance moves? Go ahead. Get up from your computer and give it a try. Don't forget to stretch first. And make sure nobody is looking.





By the way, the song's called, "I Want To Love You Tender".

Something Is Seriously Wrong With These Bathing Beauty Dancers

First of all, I saw this video on a blog that I follow called The List of the Day. Cary has whopping 337 followers. Damn!

OK. So rarely would I laugh at nice looking women dancing in bathing suits but..... This is Brook Benton singing Mother Nature - Father of Time and you've got to see it to believe it. If you've ever, ever seen someone that can't dance TO the music, this one will top it.

The super star in this video is the blond. Man does she look ridiculous.

Breakfast Club, Johhny Bender and REALLY Bad Acting

It's pretty rare when you see a scene in a movie and not only is the dialogue terrible, but all of the actors in the scene are God awful. This is the case with this scene from The Breakfast Club. And talk about melodrama when Judd Nelson* freaks out at the end....what a friggin' baby.

Come to think about it, Michael Anthony Hall isn't that bad in this scene. Not great, but not bad.



*I also have a problem watching Judd Nelson because of his huge, cavernous nostrils.