SORRY! OK!

No-one likes hearing about other people’s medical woes, aches and pains but tough I’m telling you anyway because mine really, really suck.

So sucky are they I’m tempted to post pictures from the MRI wot I ‘ad last week.

That involved some very interesting questions one of which was had I been penetrated at all in the last 6 months.
“Not by anything metallic that I know of!” I declared. Forgetting for the moment that one should never end a sentence with a preposition (sorry Dave).

Anyway nothing magnetic, that had slipped in unnoticed by me, exited at speed during the procedure which was singularly uninteresting except the trying to keep very, very still for what seemed like hours.

Dr Dave explained the results to me on Friday and declared it was not good news and further more that I was “Disorganised” on the inside!

The long and short is that the little bony bits that hold one vertebrae on to the one below and above have broken off Lumbar No 5 causing Lumbar No 4 and the rest of my back-bone to slide off the top and head inwards to the extent that it’s now nearer my front than my back. And there I was thinking I had nice firm stomach muscles!
Naturally this has caused the disc between L4 and L5 to be squished out of all recognition and the hole where the nerves pass through to be gummed up with disc contents and somewhat very compressed and getting more compressed and squishier by the day. The disc between L5 and the first sacrum joint spookily called S1 is also collapsing under the strain.

So Dr Dave proposes to put a rod up each side screwing S1 to L5 to L4 and then a cage round the whole caboodle to pull it back into place. This involves two large incisions up each side of at least 3 or 4 feet, well 8 inches but bigger than the keyhole surgery you hear bandied about.

He went on to tell me all the risks involved, one if which seemed to be not coming round as it will take 5 or 6 hours, and that’s not stopping for lunch! I put my fingers in my ears and went LA LA LA LA LA LA LA. So I don’t know what else is involved and that’s just fine by me.

Himself did ask about recuperation time (6 months to a year) (f*ck) and whether I would be able to cook afterwards.
“Yes Yes” says Dr Dave,
“Oh wonderful” says Himself “because she’s never been able to before”

Oh ha ha ha

Meanwhile the waiting list is 18 weeks or we can pay and it will only cost 15 to 20 thousand of our English Pounds.

It’s going to be a long and boring summer! And I’ve already maxed out the credit cards shopping on-line so all that’s left to me is you lot.

Be scared, be very scared, because the biggest side effect of the CONSTANT PAIN, (yes really, well mostly in the morning and then the afternoon and then the evening and during the night) is that I’m VERY GRUMPY.

So please accept my apologies in advance for any cranky, snide or downright rude comments I may make!