No, not that one. And definitely not this one (warning: NSF your mental health). Sing, instead, muse, of the love of man for cats. Some women are into guys who are in bands. Or who direct cool indie shorts (ie: unwatchable mumblecore) in their spare time. I am into guys with cats.
We all know about the unfairly maligned cat lady, and the Grey Gardens-esque images she often evokes. There's plenty I could say about this - for now I want to note that antidotes to this vicious smear campaign include Julian of Norwich, Beatrix Potter and, for more modern times, Katy Perry.
But today I want to honor the men who are manly enough to love a cat (or cats!). Without further ado, I present to you some of my all-time favorite cat men...
1) The poetic cat man: T.S. Eliot
Some folks remember our friend Thomas Stearns as the author of such minor poems as "The Wasteland" and "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock." They are tragically misinformed. His greatest work is, of course, "Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats," a beautiful paean to the feline spirit. Is his poetic legacy somewhat tarnished by the fact that this, his chef d'oeuvre was later mauled by one Andrew Lloyd Webber? Perhaps, but one can't be held responsible for how one's work is bastardized after one's death. Just look at Jane Austen. No one's blaming her for Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. AND IF THEY ARE THEY BETTER STOP.
But I digress.
If there's a good way to deal with your wife going crazy, it's naturally to get some cats and then write charming, delightful, and insightful poems about them. Sure, you can pretend you're doing it to entertain your young relatives when what you'd rather be doing is writing about the objective correlative blah blah blah, but we all know that's not the case. Even a quick read of "Old Possum's Book" will clearly demonstrate how much dear T.S. understood and appreciated cats.
2) The manly author cat man: Ernest Hemingway
For anyone who thinks of the cat man as an effete type, Ernest Hemingway is here to forcefully correct them. Along with one of his many guns. There's plenty you can say about Papa...but his being less than manly isn't one of them. In addition to his love of hunting, drinking, romancing women around the world, and writing Nobel-prize winning novels, Hemingway also loved him some cats.
At his homes in Key West and in Cuba, he surrounded himself with dozens of cats. In fact, the six-toed polydactyl cat is sometimes referred to as a Hemingway cat, because of the many polydactyls he had at his Key West home, after being gifted one by a ship's captain, according to legend. Dude loved cats so much that he specified in his will that his Florida brood be cared for after his tragic but very masculine suicide. That's right, if you go visit the Hemingway Home and Museum, you will encounter the 60-some cats that still merrily prowl about its paradisaical grounds - about half of which are 6-toed Hemingway kitties. I doubt the Cuban cats fared so well.
3) The badass politician cat man: Winston Churchill
A runner-up in the extra manly cat man category, Winston Churchill was both the consummate politician, and the consummate cat man. He kicked Neville "peace for our time" Chamberlain to the kerb, and then kicked Hitler's ass all around Europe. And he did it all with the purring support of his felines (and, apparently, a profane parrot), who would sometimes deign to keep him company during important wartime meetings at 10 Downing Street.
Later in his life, Winston met perhaps his favorite cat, Jock, a white and ginger tabby he received as a birthday present. He loved Jock so much that, in Hemingway fashion, he provided for him in perpetuity. When Winston's country estate, Chartwell, was handed over the National Trust after he died, it was asked that a marmalade cat named Jock be kept there "in comfortable residence." According to somewhat differing accounts, either Jock III or IV is currently keeping a watch over things at Chartwell. Someone please check it out and report back!
4) The crazy cat man: Christopher Smart
Poor "Kitty" Smart! The nickname alone could turn one into a crazy cat man. A poet, drunkard and spendthrift, Smart was also known for his crippling religious fervor. Samuel Johnson sadly wrote about his "poor friend Smart," and the "great disturbance of his mind," which manifested itself in a tendency to pray fervently wherever and whenever. That he wrote one of his great poems, Jubilate Agno - which includes the section "For I will consider my Cat Jeoffry" - while confined in a mental asylum doesn't help his case. But he obviously recognized the deep spirituality of the feline.
Would a modern day Kit be a revered poet or that homeless dude raving about the end of days on the subway? There's no way to know for sure. What I can say for certain is that he would still spend plenty of time thinking and writing about his cat.
5) The superhero cat man: Cat-Man
Is he in here just because his name is Catman? Yes, yes he is. Does everything I know about him come from the wikipedia entry on Catman? Yes, yes it does. A minor semi-foe of Batman, Superman, and The Green Arrow, Catman has made a handful of comic book appearances from 1963 to the present. He's apparently more of a jungle cat kind of guy.
But what I love most about him - apart from the name, of course - is his 2003 appearance where he is recast as a fat loser supervillain. Although apparently he's rehabilitated that image, using the Kardashians' patented weight loss formula of living in Africa with a pride of lions. Now he's returned as a bad-boy anti-hero, which is so hot right now.
As, of course, are cat men.
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