What God heard from me at Church today and what he might have said back...

for some reason the kids were awful today. Some of them are sick but even so yesterday was a perfect day. Today...not so perfect.

Before Church, everyone was scurrying around because at the last minute we decided to go to the Spanish mass since we had to be there for a first confession meeting at about the same time mass was ending.

Actually, we've been trying all the different mass times since we are trying to find the "right" one for us. Now that we had the middle seat installed we can do things because there is a seat in the van for everyone.

Anyway, at Church, we found pews where I thought we would be out of the way when people went up for communion. The thing was that the kids had to sit behind Hubs and Me. Well they seemed to think that made them invisible or something.

They talked and fought and shoved and everything you can think of. I was mortified. No body else seemed to mind but I did. I kept shooting them looks that they seemed to be ignoring. So, finally during the sign of peace, I was able to say something. It went like this:

Me to CDQ: Peace be with you andyoubetternotshoveanybodyagainscootover.
Me to the boy: Peace be with you, youneedtocutitoutandbehavemakesureyoukneel.
Me to Strawberry Shortcake: Peace be with you, shutupnow.

Lovely, eh?

I glanced up to see the woman directly behind them staring at me with a huge grin on her face. I was embarrassed but what else was I supposed to do?

Afterwards, a woman came up to me and whispered in my ear "Your girls are so well behaved, I'm proud of you." It was so strange. When she whispered that to me I was facing the crucifix and because I am short and she was taller I was looking up towards Jesus on the cross. It was a whisper and then it was gone...

Life is interesting.

Overwhelmed!

Not entirely in a bad way...actually not in a bad way at all.

I mean I just paid almost all the bills. I've discovered that our registration is up and somehow our car insurance has lapsed . I have to admit, we have Triple A and so far it sucks. The rep we had made a total mess of everything. I think he cancelled our stuff and wrote down that we called in and did it. Argh! I have yet to call them and I am dreading it.

Which is odd because I had them for roadside assistance and all that and I loved it. Maps and discounts and all that stuff. Loved.it. Ahhh, too bad.

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I called to see if my oldest got into Catholic school today. Still no word, I had to leave a message. For some reason that all makes me tense. It's almost like I am waiting for my own admission letter. lol But I know she needs it (as do the others) badly. The structure they can provide is just priceless and sadly the public school has their hands tied to be able to do anything that these children would really need.

But I am praying that she gets in and gradually someway some how we will get all 5 in, eventually. It's expensive but then when you really look at it, it's not. Does that make sense? I believe it's an education that every child deserves. The levels that they teach at and the accountability. Stuff that I know some of the public school teachers wish they could do but instead are teaching for a test.

I have to keep telling myself to just breathe. That's how important and pivotal I think this decision is going to be in our lives and it's almost like the religious aspects of going to the Catholic School would just be a bonus!

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I've started research from the wonderful and totally appreciated advice of MommaOfMany on Reactive Attachment Disorder. Just from going to the Mayo Clinic online I can see that the kids definitely have signs of this both inhibited and disinhibited. I'll have to bring it up to their therapist after a little bit more research but I think this is what they have along with a few other disorders.

In the same vein. I *heart* the new therapist. The old therapist was ok. But I love that we have goals and plans and that the kids know what to expect when they get there. For instance, I guess I'll call my 8 soon to be 9 year old Strawberry Shortcake (SS), SS had her appointment yesterday and she was so excited because she was going to do some drawing and play with the dollhouse. Just the fact that she knew what she was going in to seemed to set her mind at ease. I could tell a lot of the nervousness and jitters were almost completely gone.

I also love that there is actual dialogue between Hubs and I and the therapist. She actually offers solutions and ideas for almost everything that we talk about. Plus, she seems to be trying to diagnose the kids rather than just letting things slide by. I don't know exactly what the other therapist was doing exactly, it seemed like pulling teeth to try to get him to say anything much less commit to anything.

The other thing that interests me, is that the new pediatrician recommended this therapist and when I called her she had only one opening. As of today, she is seeing 3 of the kids. As the weeks have progressed. She had a child who had a change of placement and a child who had surgery so they were transferred or put on hold for now which opened up spaces for our kids. Today we find out if she will have openings for our last two. It seems like we will because she tried to contact the person and their phone number has been disconnected. Divine intervention, perhaps?

This new therapist has helped me to relax a little because I finally feel like we are getting help. Before, I felt like things were just in a continuous downward spiral. I can actually see changes in SS and she's only had 3 sessions. Plus, she gave me a tip and demonstration for the Boy when he has his next tantrum. I just feel like we are accomplishing something.

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Lastly for this post because I fear I've already dumped too much of my brain in this post.

Hubs and I have a fertility consultation on the 28th. The day before my 32nd birthday.

This is what overwhelmed me this morning, like the final straw, so to speak. It's not bad...

I expected to call and make an appointment to have a consultation. You know, be presented with procedures that are available to us and what they entail. A discussion on costs, etc...

Uh. No.

There will be discussion, but *I* will be having an ultrasound that day and more than likely there will be labs that day as well.

I'm freaking out a little.

Just because I thought we'd have more time to mull over which procedures and if it's even feasible given our finances (I need another job!) before we jumped into it all. I'm probably the opposite of most people who go there. They probably have been wanting children for years and were ready like yesterday. But I really want to know what the hell is going on before I jump in with both feet and I feel like I have no choice.

Maybe it will be different then what I am now thinking.

It's just right after they asked me my name they asked me my age. When they asked why we were looking into fertility I told them Hubs was a quadriplegic and they sort of skimmed past that. She told me the cost of the first consult and that I would be having an ultrasound that day.

What bugs me is that--well, given that I've never tried to conceive, why are they starting with me? If Hubs isn't producing any sperm, what is the point of checking me? I'd be all for it if we knew that Hubs had viable sperm already because it would be my luck that everyone in my family can look at a man and get pregnant and I couldn't but...why is this falling on me first? I know something to ask the Doc.

*breathe*

Ok, that's it for now. I need a glass a water and to get back to mindlessly cleaning my house.

Even though I am overwhelmed, things are looking up.

What Hubs got me (Finally!) !!!

Ok, I finally found my camera. Ignore the mess in this pic....but tada! See that sparkle? He got me a kick butt laptop and what kicks butt even more is that it was waaaaay cheap. I love it because it means I won't have to wait for him to get off the computer (which is why I suspect he got me this, so he wouldn't have to get off.) I can go anywhere in the house because we have wireless access. Actually, our whole town is wireless for free so I can go anywhere. I wish I would have remembered that before I locked myself in with Q*west for life. Oh well...

Now my only problem is finding the time to use the computer. The kid's insurance came through on the first so I have a ton o' appointments this week. We had one today, one tomorrow, we were supposed to have 5 on Wednesday, and two on Thursday but we had a cancellation and a reschedule for Thursday. So now it's just 3 on Wednesday which is good enough for me since that's catechism night. Phew.

This also means I can get back to school. One way or another.

Hey, let me ask you a question? I love these slippers (and the flannels, yeah they don't match but that doesn't stop me from dropping the kids off at school any-way. lol) But don't they look like they are on backwards.

Here's a normal shot.

Here's a crossed leg shot. These little basketballs are on the side so I assumed that they went on the outside, because why would they go on the inside?

Hmmmmm...