Did I Mention I Am Exhausted??

because I feel like I can just drop right here, right now.

But Hubs has a long night tonight and unfortunately I am the one preforming the procedure.

I didn't get much sleep last night because it was still immensely cold in the house and every time I did drift off I was jolted back awake by: Hubs, kids, dogs, etc...

Let's put it this way. I was on the sofa and the light was still on when I went to wake the kids up for school.

That was an ordeal in itself considering BOTH the hot and cold water were frozen. I had even left the hot water running and it froze over.

I was trying to get as much as I could done without water. Which when you think about it, all of a sudden everything is water based.

For example,

I'll run the dishwasher! uh...no
I'll do the laundry! uh...no
I'll wipe down the counters and the table! uh...no
I'll clean out my bathroom, like I've been meaning to! uh..no
I know! All this free time! I'll take a shower!...na uh.

For some reason my mind kept centering around water based stuff. Because as I sit here and type I can ramble off a list of all I have to do that isn't water based to name a few...

Clear kitchen counter desk.
Clear living room counter desk.
Put away Christmas tote (yep...still out. I think it's now become my living room coffee table. lol)
Forms to fill out. etc..etc...

At any rate, as I was getting ready to get Hubs up and the cold water had been flowing for about 2 hours, I get a call. The boy is sick. Fine. I go pick him up. I gave him some robotussin and told him to take a nap.

An hour later he comes out to ask if he can go to the bathroom and his face and upper neck are covered in hives and he's been scratching some of them raw. 1.) he never told me he was sick. 2.) he didn't even bother to come out and tell me he was itchy. 3.) He's had that same medicin from that very bottle without incident.

I gave him some Eucedrin(sp?) for his face to stop the iching and burning. Some benydral for his reaction and some kid's ibruprofen for his fever. Good times!

Then we were off because both the boy and the oldest were scheduled for therapy sessions. We ended up only having the oldest's session because the boy fell asleep at the office. The therapist said to just cancel for today.

That gave us two hours before the Math Club let out (that's where the other three were). We decided to head over to Costco to stock up on a few things. That place sucks you in with all the cool stuff and the samples. lol

We ended up leaving there later than we intended to. Then, because of the directionally challenged person that I am, I got lost going home showing Hubs the really cool way I get home when he's not with me and I'm coming home from Costco. Hey, all I can say is I don't know what happened. I make it home when I'm by myself don't I? LOL

Finally, 15 minutes late, I picked the kids up from the Math Club and we were heading for confession. Because it was getting so late. We postponed it and just stopped at the store to pick up the cake and cupcakes for Poufy's birthday tomorrow. I was supposed to pick them up earlier but never made it. I had to pick them up otherwise I would be making a mad dash tomorrow morning, seeing that the cupcakes were for school.

As, I was picking up last minute items. I realized that I was going to have to have the party tonight because tomorrow night they have a Girl Scout cookie workshop (ship! 4 girls selling cookies at once. Lord help me!) and we've postponed confession to right before the workshop.

So, we came home and I threw together those BBQ chicken cup thingies. I think they call them barbecups or something and quickly got her presents together and set the table for it. It was a success. lol

So after getting them all to settle down and go to bed after cake and ice cream, here I am.

Someone catch me before I hit the floor.

Keebler??

So, yesterday was the longest day of my life. I'm not sure why but the day was just crammed with too much stuff and chaos and argh!

Two dentist appointments, I couldn't find one of the kids because she wasn't in all the places they told me to look for her at school. Figures! 35 minutes later we bumped into her on accident. I had to call the dentist and let them know we were late. It just snowballed from there but the dentist was kind enough to still see the kids and each now has two more appointments. We now have dentist appointments every Monday well into the New Year.

The kids had lunch already and of course had been to the dentist. But Hubs and I hadn't eaten a thing and it was already after 2 pm. We decided to stop and grab a quick bite. I bought the kids milk. People stared. I made it clear that they had eaten at school already and were just coming from the dentist meanwhile Hubs and I had headaches.

Still people stared. It was lovely because the kids have big mouths. They talk like we are in another state even though we are sitting right across from them and of course they had to talk about how their mom and dad locked them in the bathroom and wouldn't let them sleep on the bed, etc... Good times. People really stared. I said "Well that's why you are not there anymore and you are here with us." But still I was livid.

The kids always choose to speak loudly and talk about the abuse in public places. People stare. It all pisses me off. Sometimes I feel like the kids are playing it up for sympathy, they talk about these things and they look to see who is listening and then they sometimes embellish. Some man gave the boy a toy from the kid's meal he ate. I was angry about that because he didn't ask me if he could. The boy is in serious trouble and I already knew what he was going to do with it and of course he did. He kept flashing it in front of his sister's faces and then he wouldn't let them see or touch it until I took it away causing more drama.

Hubs and I decided we were going to try to do some last minute Thanksgiving dinner shopping with all the kids because we ran out of time. Big mistake. On top of the kids being themselves, Hubs was having spasming issues that made him overheat. We stood in the frozen section with 5 kids. Hubs halfway in a freezer. I wanted him to go home but he didn't want to go. A paramedic came up and said she noticed we were trying to cool him down and asked if he was ok. I told her he was. Turns out his foot glovelike thing on his chair was too tight and that's what caused all the spasms. We went home anyway.

I still had to go out and do the shopping. Oh, yeah, maybe that's why my day seemed so long. I dropped the oldest off at violin class. Her class is at 7 am, which gave me an hour with the other kids before they had to be dropped off. I decided I would be brilliant and take them to get dress shoes because the oldest already has hers. 3 girls trying on dress shoes at 7:15 in the morning before school. Tell me I am a masochist.

Anyway, the shoes and the spasms happened at the same store meaning I was there twice already in one day. The people know me already and it's embarrassing. I had to go back still because I didn't get all the things I needed while I was there. Except I was too embarrassed to go back to that one so I went to one farther away. It was about 10pm.

I'm forgetting to mention that I had to go out that night because the oldest decided all on her own that she was going to do a presentation report on Dirt Surprise which is pudding, crushed oreos and gummy worms. Oh and she needs napkins, cups and spoons too--for the whole class. I could have wrung her neck.

So, I am at the other store. I'm feeling self conscious (which isn't usual for me) because I decided I was going to try to remember how my mom makes Menudo, Posole and Tamales. I actually wasn't self-conscious until I went to buy the tripe and beef oxtails and saw that there was tongue...huge tongue sitting next to it. I mean I knew I was going to feel a little weird buying beef oxtails. But the tongue. I always thought my mom was kidding when she said "tongue, just eat it". I thought she was just tired and being sarcastic.

I did not buy tongue.

But the oxtails made me nervous.

Fast forward to check out. I put all my crap on the counter. I bought various items. Some sewing things for gifts, the tamale and soup fixings, etc...

There was girl in line behind me. She asked me about the oxtails. I told her what they were like. She was interested,and told her mom, her mom was a witch with a b who looked like she's stuck a lot of different meat in her mouth if you know what I mean. I felt badly for the girl.

When my turn came the cashier was talking to me about how she was good at sewing and she wondered how long it would take her to pick it up again. I told her I always wanted to take home ec but never got it. I always got engineering or computer programming. She said I was better off.

Then bless her heart (lol), she asked me if I was almost done with school. I told her I already had my degree.

Then she said "Oh and you make tamales too." as she scanned some of my stuff. I told her I was going to try to remember how my mom did it.

She said something that sounded initially like "You cook, you sew and you are smart. You are a keebler."

I was instantly confused and slightly offended. A keebler elf?

Because yeah, that's what someone would say right? I am 5 ft 1.

In my defense, it was almost 11 pm and I still had a grocery store, gas and prescriptions to pick up.

I realized slightly delayed (when I climbed into the van to leave.) that she said "Keeper". As in you're great. Not as in Keebler--you factory elf.

I finally got home just after midnight.

At the grocery store I had 5 stocker guys looking for turkey lacers for me. Have you ever seen guys looking for a little string (or rope as they called it). One guy asked if I couldn't put yarn or something. I told him it would color my turkey and I believe I made up some awesome bs that went something like "Oh, you see that's a special rope. it's allllll natural, no coloring, no flavoring, just all natural fabriclike stuff. For food. You know?"

He was like "Yeah, yeah." Another guy was like "I know exxaaactly what you are talking about." I was tired but still able to screw around with the situation. Be honest you would have too. lol

Turns out they were all out of lacers.

I got to bed around three this morning. I'm exhausted.

Can I Still Call Myself A Blogger???

Really???



I know I still have a menu to plan. I have like 4 tackles that I've done and never posted yet. Tips...I've 4 of those too.



First it started without being able to use my right arm. I couldn't lift it or move it much cause I sort of wanted to die when I did. Finally that went away and Hubs bought me this wonderful gift I *still* haven't told you about and yet...still am using right now.



Then I was hooked on two different games that kept me going because I'm obsessive and HAD to finish them in one sitting.



Then my left arm wouldn't work. Same deal as the right but now on the left.



Which brings me to the big blow up of 2007...



Picture this...



Yesterday morning, we seem to be moving along fine. I send the kids out to the van so I can take them to school. I lock up, so I'm the last one leaving.



I go out to the van...silence. Kids sitting in a row facing the front with smirks.



W.T.F !?!



You might be saying "What's wrong with that?"



Not these kids. Spawn of the Devil Herself. They have been awful, terrible, the worst.



I ask what is going on.



The worst of the bunch of the girls pipes up "Nothing, we just changed seats."



The oldest was not in the van, she was opening the gates for me (oh, yeah...did I mention I have gates now? ARGH...so much unshared!)



That child...if she is awake she is lying.



I looked at the oldest of those who were in the car and she pointed to the one that just told me nothing. I asked what she had done. She said that the Evil One had found presents in the back and showed them...



SHIP!!!*



I had bought a ton of stocking stuffers and totally forgot to bring them in the house, some gifts, etc...



This little witch searched the van when she got in and then went through the stuff and made sure she showed them all.



I.HIT.THE.ROOF.



I can't believe I had forgotten those things because I was soooooo excited about being done and the things I had found. I got about $300 worth of stuff at the Dollar store for 7 kids for only $98.



Disney Princesses, Spiderman, Winnie the Pooh. We are talking good stuff.



It was the last straw. It was so bad I told them it was all going back and I almost even told them there was no Santa!


I can't even begin to describe what they have been putting us through this past month and the boy. I'm not sure what they are going to do with him because I no longer want to adopt him. Even Hubs is at the point where he's saying the boy has to go too if he doesn't change.



He needs help...they aren't getting it for him and my hands are tied. I don't know what to do. Bt the final straw is him carving into his dresser and then attempting to stab two of his sisters with his toothbrush. I can't have a kid like that, he kill us all in our sleep.



Instead, I finally told them I've had enough. I've always told them if they didn't want to be with me then they needed to tell their social worker and I'd have no problem with them going because I wasn't going to try to live with kids who didn't want to be here.



But what do I do when they are hating us for everything their mother and father did to them?



I just leveled with them and told them the truth.



I know what it's like for people to lie to you and tell you bad things about your parents. I was told my mom didn't love me and that she is a snake. To an extent they are both true. But when they were said to me at the age of 5-8 they were said out of hate for my mother.



I told the kids that their mother signed them to me. She signed the paper to send them all to me and that I had agreed that I would help her until she finished her classes and got them back, but she didn't finish her classes. As soon as they came to me she quit. We are stuck with each other whether we like it or not. Whatever problems they have with her are with her and that hubs and I were just trying to help. We didn't take them from anyone. We never planned to have them forever. So, if someone said I took them or "stole" them from their mom it is a lie.



I'll probably get in trouble for telling them that. But did I tell them their mom took her new bf to Disneyland after she had her rights terminated? no. Did I tell them that she's shacking up with any guy who will screw her trying to have replacement kids? no.



I explained to them that I am all they have. I am the only responsible person in their whole entire family who they will give them to. I even explained how I am not entirely related to them either. That's why I am the only one who can keep them.



It was just an awful morning, my arm still wasn't working. I don't know what to do with the stuff now since surely "Santa" can't bring the same stuff that was in the van. Right?



I'm just heartbroken, worn down and tired. All those people who said they didn't want me to wear myself out have disappeared. For the first time in my life I have been asking for help and there is none to be found. Figures.



Today my arm works. I have to make five dentist appointments, five doctors appointments. Hubs just got his flu and pneumonia shots yesterday. But we think he has a UTI so I have to run that down to the lab.



Halloween stuff is put away and Thanksgiving stuff is up. I'm starting to freak out about Christmas.



Some day soon, I hope to share with you my new Bettas. The cool gifts Hubby has given me and just stuff in general. But for now... I will post when I can what I can. (Usually when I write a post like this,I suddenly have time to post.lol)



How are you all doing?

*Have you seen the new carmax commercial?

"Are you shipping me?"

My new way of trying to cut back on my cussing.

Giving it my best...

It's been a rough two weeks.

The boy is still being uncooperative and now one of the girls is regressing back to tantrums. This always happens when things are going well.

We had the oldest's first violin concert, followed by the girl scout investiture , followed by a visit to the pumpkin patch. Every thing was going well...how do I know? Because it all hit the fan. When things are perfect,the kids go haywire. They can't handle the normalcy and the fact that this could be their life with no drama.

I had back to back parent teacher conferences with a stop by the girl scout leader's place to leave her some things she needed from me. I hadn't told the teachers about the kids past because I wanted them to have a fresh start. But because of some of the things that had happened in class, I had to tell them about the death of their baby sister.

By the time I got to the last conference just after 5 pm, I was thrashed. When the teachers told me that my 3rd grader has gone to them and told them she missed her mother and wanted to see her baby sister. They were confused. Her main teacher told her she thought they were all together and she told her "my dad killed her."

Well of course, the teachers had no clue and they backed off quickly. But hearing that broke my heart. As I started to tell them what happened. As I recounted what I knew for the 4th time that day (My 2nd grader has the same teacher she had for first grade this year and she already knew) I just broke down. This is the child who saw with her own eyes exactly what her father did to her baby sister. She saw her baby sister die. There's nothing I can do to take that away from her.

I know the teachers meant well and everyone does. But I'm not an angel. I'm not doing anything extraordinary. When they remind me that I'm all that the kids and hubby have, it stresses me out because as long as I keep moving without thinking about it I'm good and I'm getting things done and I don't have time to think of the enormity of it all. Just piece by piece, day by day.

Times are just hard for me right now. I'm just feeling loss more deeply. Monday will be the 8 year anniversary of the death of my best friend. I'm still mourning as if it were today. I can't seem to move past it and this month is always hard for me. I always think of him and what he might say to me today.

This year's parent teacher conferences went A LOT better than last years. Every teacher had great things to say about all the kids and grades were good. I can see they have come a long way and our work is paying off.

We just need to figure out how to get past this bump in the road with behavioral problems.

I'm tired.

Menu Plan Monday

Running behind...trying to catch up..... tooooo busy

Monday: Chicken Wontons and Fried Rice (We tried these different with egg rolls wraps so they would be bigger. They were delish!)

Tuesday: Pot Roast and Biscuits

Wednesday: Taco Salad ( Girl Scouts and Catechism again)

Thursday: Sloppy Joes, Corn and Fries

Friday: Spaghetti and Meatsauce, Green Salad, and French Bread

Saturday: Chinese Chicken Salad

Sunday: Baked Enchiladas and Spanish Rice.

For more Menu Planning click here