Despair

Last night I had to run to the pharmacy to get Hubbins' regular prescriptions. While I was there, I browsed around and came across a display of various mood rings.

I thought, what the hell? and I slipped one on my pinky. I was sure it was going to turn royal blue like most  mood rings do because of body heat. Instead it turned a teal-ish, turquoise, orange rusty color.  I chuckled because really, I hadn't noticed the 16 color chart and was under the assumption there were only like 4 or 5 colors to it. I was thinking I picked a broken ring or I was a freakish person who creates my own mood colors.

So, yeah there were many colors on the definition chart, I was almost to the end when I actually found my color. I glanced down to the word under it and was a little shocked, a little peeved and a lot sad when I read it.

Despair.

A freakin' mood ring hit it on the head. I've been feeling that way lately. I didn't think I was feeling like that at the time, but definitely on and off throughout the day I was feeling it.

With an anger, like someone had discovered my little secret or something, I shoved the damn ring back into the display box.

But obviously since this is making it as a post, that $2 ring is still haunting me. Will the feelings of despair ever go away?

Hope is a bitch...but for some reason I can't stop...

Today we went to see a new therapist. She is a play therapist. She was recommended by the kid's new pediatrician. (Whom we heart a bunch...thanks to Hub's doctor's recommendation.)

She's really our last hope. I know that's putting a lot on her. But the differences between her and our current therapist are like night and day.

I want to make it clear that are current therapist is a really nice guy and I don't in any way mean to talk bad about him.

The new therapist has made me feel like this could be possible that she could really turn things around. I had never hired a therapist before but I had expected something along the lines of what this play therapist is offering us.

She's offering us:

A.) A treatment plan
B.) Goals to work towards that we are all accountable towards her for.
C.) Communication about what she has worked on with our child.
D.) Open Communication.
E.) Finding out more about the kids history and sharing it so we can both help the children together.
F.) Family sessions.

etc...

I'm so excited. Right now she only has room for one child. But it's a start. I just feel like this is what we've needed. We've needed guidance and direction and she just sooooo got it. She understood where I was coming from. She knew what I was talking about. She's on top of it and very thorough.

Can you imagine a treatment plan? An actual plan with goals that we will try to meet and discuss at each meeting and if we don't make those goals we are going to talk about what we can do to make those goals and if they reach those goals we will move on to new goals.

Even though it's only one kid, Hubs and I can carry it over to the other kids.

*doing cartwheels*

We had a wonderful day today. I mean the oldest still has her angst and I am totally offbase, blah blah blah...which just means I've got her number.

They had an excellent quiet time where they were actually quiet. It was beautiful and they were each rewarded with a Hershey's kiss.

But the youngest... I'm so proud. He started his control crap at the table and we totally called him on it. Not only did he eat all his dinner but he stopped himself during the start of a tantrum and turned it around.

I actually got to read them ALL a book. It's been almost a year since I've been able to do it. Someone's always grounded or crying.

If we can be like this for at least 90% of the time, Hubs and I can deal with it. We can see moving forward with the adoption. We know that's as close to normal as we can get. We aren't asking for miracles.

I just hope it works and I worry that I'm getting too excited about it. Please God... make this be the answer.