High Hopes For Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the big day! Our second round of In Vitro. This time we will not need to retrieve any eggs from my ovaries. We will be transferring a grade "A" egg and a grade "B" egg to my uterus. I am so relaxed! Last time, the night before the transfer was very painful from the retrieval so this is sooo much better!

It has been about three months since the first In Vitro procedure. I wanted to start the process over again right away, but I was told that my body needed to get back to normal. They implied that it would be July, then the end of May and then June. In case anyone goes through this, you have a period right after they tell you that you're not pregnant (after In VItro 1) and then you will have two more periods if they are regulating you with drugs. I was on birth control pills for a month so I would have a period.

At the end of the birth control pills, I started to take Lupron. When I first looked up Lupron, I read that it is used by guys who have prostate cancer. It is not FDA approved for fertility treatment (which may not matter anyway :) ). Don't worry I told myself. It has been used for this purpose for 20 years. That makes it ok right? I'll find out one day. Lupron is a GnRH-agonist. It suppresses my eggs from developing during this cycle through brain ovary communication. That way I won't have any new eggs/follicles developing while my body gets ready for the frozen ones. I DO NOT like this shot every morning. I have taken it 21 days. They tell me that sometimes it hurts and sometimes it doesn't. It DIDN't hurt once or twice. It stings and a third of the time, it feels like my leg is burning after the injection. It is so strange because it's given in an insulin syringe so the needle is short. I just don't know why it hurts? Oh yeah, Ty and I loved waking up at 6 o' clock on saturdays and sundays for a morning shot :)

I take Asprin every day to prevent me from blood clots. so far, so good.

I take Estradiol Valerate (represents Estrogen) injections on Tuesdays and Fridays (I will still take those if (after) I get pregnant). They build my lining in my uterus to prepare for the embryos. I begged to have a one inch needle shot instead of a one inch and a half. It worked! I cried before I received the shot in the bum again, because....I STILL hurt on my bum cheeks from the last In Vitro process. I may have permanent nerve damage? who knows :)? The good thing about it is that when I finally let my good reliable Tyler give me the shot, it didn't hurt! I think the area must still (permanently?) be numb and that could be the reason why...haha. I was super excited! Being optimistic is important right ? :) So I have felt it on the other cheek, but it feels way better than the Lupron shots.

The best news...I don't have to have the Progesterone (which maintains the uterine lining and support while I'm first pregnant) shots and suppositories like last time! I remembered that I was told that the reason patients are given this combination, is because if you aren't pregnant, the vaginal cream is very expensive (because insurance companies won't cover much of the cost). BUT...I still had tons of cream from the last procedure. I tried to ask the pharmacy people who at first told me they weren't the same, then admitted they were but the doctor wants me to buy the injection materials anyway. I told them I would ask the doctor who told me that the cream and the shots/suppository combo are the same. So no daily bum shots of progesterone! I will take the cream... for who knows how long?

I've had several ultrasounds to make sure my uterine lining is looking fantastic with a blood test each time. My procedure is tomorrow at 11:00 a.m. Once again, I will drink 24 oz of water an hour and a half before. The procedure will be uncomfortable for a couple seconds and then I will lay there for like 30 minutes. I will be on bed rest thursday, Friday and Saturday.

I don't think I've had any weird emotional times...well a couple cries at church (abnormal for me). Also, last Saturday. I am usually responsible, but I was trying to be less stressed so I forgot to check my flow sheet. Because I had tried to save money and buy only the drugs necessary, I put off buying some drugs and forgot to pick them up until last Saturday at 11:50 a.m. I was supposed to start taking an antibiotic and a corticosteroid that morning and the apothecary store that had filled my perscription was not open on Saturdays. So Ty found a store in Scottsdale (it had to be picked up at an Apothecary Store) and we called them and were told that we had 30 minutes until the store closed.

We jumped in the car, typed the address in the GPS and were supposed to get there in 19 minutes. The freeway happened to be closed for miles so we took the frontage road. I watched as the time on the GPS started going up. By the time we got back onto the freeway we were going to get there 4 minutes late...and then one exit later the freeway went to one lane. It took 10 minutes to go one exit. I called the scottsdale shop and was told that they wouldn't wait for me even though I would only be 15 minutes late. So we turned around. I called and had my doctor paged. I was soooo embarrassed. They operators couldn't understand me because of my blubbery crying.

When we were almost home, I received a phone call from the apothecary shop in scottsdale and the original girl who I talked to asked me if I was almost there. I told her that I had already called and was told I couldn't come. She told me that they still had a customer there and I could have made it. I was devastated. 10 minutes later someone else called me from the same shop and told me that I could meet him at a golf course he would be playing at and he would bring the meds. He was extremely nice! I was not looking forward to getting back in the car and driving the same route again. Luckily my doctor called me and told me I could wait to take the meds on Monday. I apologized (while crying) a ton for being so irresponsible! Tyler didn't want me to bother him and ask him to switch pharmacies, so he drove out to my work monday morning to give me my meds. He's the most supportive husband! I love him so much!

So there you have it. I am going to try and go workout one last time before the procedure. I am not allowed to exercise for a couple months I think. It was hard for a month. I couldn't imagine if I was a regular! There are other restrictions too. I KNOW it is worth it! I can't wait until I can look back and say "wow, if I only knew how great this child would be (or quads :) ) ... I would not have cared about any sacrifice during our trials." The scriptures that have helped me the last couple of months are Mosiah 25: 13-15. The Lord eased the burdens of the people with Alma so much that they couldn't feel them upon their backs even though they were in bondage. He did this so that they would stand as a witness afterward and know that He visits his people in their afflictions. There have been many, many days where I have felt no sadness of not being able to have a baby. I know this is because the Lord has lifted my burdens and has strengthened me. He has lifted me up through all of this. I really believe that we are given these tender mercies from our Heavenly Father so that we can bear testimony that he truly visits us in our afflictions. I have been visited in my afflictions and have been strengthened from these trials. The Savior has strengthened me so that I can bear up my burdens with ease just like he did with the people of Alma. I love how the people did "submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord". I want to be like them. I should be like them. I think I'm getting better at being cheerful in my trials. I feel I am more patient. I love this Gospel and how even though I have many many weaknesses, I can work on a couple at a time and keep growing closer to my Savior and someday I will live with him and my husband and my little ones forever. I know this to be true. Thanks again for all of the many, many prayers and fasts. It really helps. :)