I hardly tear, but i'm feeling really really bad right now. what a news to struck me for my book-out.

Granny isnt feeling very well and i've just received news that her days are numbered. i really really dread that... :(

i will pray for her, everyday, and i really don't want her to leave.

My knees really really hurt alot, so much that i can't run anymore. :(

In search for insouciance, please.

i've gained some new insights. interesting. well not really new but, more of realization?

7:31 am

severe headache. argh.

7:33am

Not something new - there were students giving free hugs @ the foyer yesterday. i thought i should go up to them to receive a free hug, telling them: sometimes all you need is a hug and a word of assurance that everything's gonna be alright. =)

Hello, I'm home. Been long. :)

I've just closed a chapter, and i called it the 100 days of summer.

What remains there shall remain there. I won't bring the memories here. But i'll start anew, from here. =)

Lotsa cobwebs! (Deja vu if you scroll down.. heh)

A once in a blue moon post!! :)

Relationship is just like a dance.

Take a step left and i'll strafe right.
If i'm going too fast, slow down and i'll follow suit.
Hold my hand as we enjoy the dance my love,
irregardless of how will us eventually become.
When the music stops, so will our affinity go.

I bid a farewell, and we'll move on.
Be glad that we've danced, and yearn not
for the memories to relive in time to come.

-Mary

Frankly speaking, i'm weak. It's people around me who makes me feel that i should be strong so that i'll be able to take care of them. Initially, it was plain potrait. So that i could conjure an image of a gigantic pair of wings for people to rely on. Struggle, cries, movitations, numb, everything. been there, done that. Through this process, i've found strength and it really empowers me. It wouldn't hurt much for me to take any fall, but it certainly hurts alot more when i see people around me suffer.

Things aren't and won't be the same anymore for me. Nothing really matters anymore. No selfish thoughts, no narrow-minded intentions, it's all about being selfless, willing to go distance for the goodwill of your folks.

Somehow, i think all these are blessings in disguise. God or whoever you are, you made me strong. You're not here to get pleasure out of my sorrows and i'm thankful for that. In fact, i haven't failed you. have i ?

I have to go on. I have to be strong, and i will. :)

I see dust all over this place. Rats; Spiders; Cobwebs and a surge of breeze as i opened this door once again. Hello, i'm home :)

So much has happened recently. So much for being strong, standing tall against everything.

"It's just part and parcel of life which we are supposed to adapt to it. If this doesn't work, there's always something that works eventually" - Jiayi

I'm glad she's right. Take an example, before i landed myself a job @ KBT-BP, rejection was a norm. Reason being me having night classes and therefore, i'm not able to work overtime. I'm willing to compromise, but apparently they aren't. So, i mean without all these rejections, i wouldn't be here eh? Though i'm not earning big money and my work isn't that fantastic either, this job makes me feel the drive and adrenaline, not mere procrastination. At least i see progress in myself, in the sense that, i've got my contract renewed, though it's just a minor milestone to you guys, this really meant alot to me and simply makes me strive for success.



Ultimately, this isn't my final stop. School's gonna start in a 3 weeks time and yes though i'm studying, i still need to work. Seems quite a challenge, but i'm all geared up and in fact, too geared up. I'm hearing squeaks and tweak.


Ah yes, my birthday. I wanna summarized how was it celebrated. damn lol.


Mum & Dad & Bibi - Birthday Cake.

Clubhouse - Indo. Cuisines @ the riverside; Chocolate cake; Millions & Plush; Kachee; Mocca Ads; Vomit & Merlion, a drunkard with boxers on his bed; Hangover.

Jiayi - Window shopping @ bugis village and dinner! Jade Ru Yi. :)

Alvin Kaiyuan SiSi - Haegan Daez Chocolate fondue @ vivo.

XiYouJi - Dinner @ sushi tei in conjunction with Junyao's birthday.

Jasmine -Thanks for the 00:00 wishes.

Pearlie - nothing.

Yea, and these conclude my 14th Oct 2007.

---------------------------------------------

God, you have been pretty cruel to me.

Do you want me to be strong and learn from what's in store for me?

Or just plain torment for your joy.

Why must you strip me of my happiness time and time again?

Have i commited grave sins?

Had i not been nice?

Or is this a test for my well deserved oasis?

Happy birthday to me. Thanks guys! (and girls) :)

Starting work tomorrow and i'm planning to sleep at 23:59. :) Feeling kinda mixed right now, i don't deny that i still wanna laze, slack, enjoy. (That's what my dad told me, enjoy while you're still young), but i know those days are over. Long gone. So i really have to tell myself to adapt, yeap.

Been busy with freelance work these days and sadly, to be punked by a client. I don't wanna move into that. Period.

Well, it may be a good time to move into my next stage of life. i forsee lots of happenings this month. I'm an October kid, which also means, a libran. They say librans are charming, indeed. But i always thought i'm the exception. haha.

Why do people blog? to share their stories with somebody in an indirect way, hoping that he/she will read it everyday? Jot down the happenings in their life? To inspire people ?

I know mine. i blog so that i'll laugh at myself in time to come. :)

Good night. 23:59.

Well, i thought since it's a Saturday afternoon and i'm going mellow, so might as well post something up.

i wanna feature somebody today.
A small girl with a BIG voice. She's got me all hooked up with that mesmerizing voice and what's more, she composes! That's the seductive part. Okay i'm getting carried away. ha! I wouldn't deny that i've always admired her vocal, though there might be some misunderstanding that makes her feel it as a form of reciprocation at times. Joyce, your songs are in my 1gig nano. i guess that explains everything. :)

here's her new song, "Everyday"

Unlike the rest of her songs, there seems to be a tinge of sorrow in her voice for "Everyday". It might had sprung from the departure of her beloved cousin, Monica. Nonetheless, i like this song.

The rest of her composition can be found here :

the blog is up, a draft though. yea, so it's kinda fugly now. ha!
She needs some touching-up here and there.

i wanna talk about a very special girl.

This very special girl,
who entered my life with a blast.

This very special girl,
who brought the extrovert out, in me.

This very special girl,
who shared my joy and pain.
Through the joy, we withstood the pain.
Because it never subsides.

This very special girl,
who numbed the piercing of reality and truth.

This very special girl,
who dilates my eyes.

This very special girl,
who gathers all the smiles and radiances.

This very special girl,
who made me realised that nothing else mattered.

This very special girl,
whom we once shared an unconsented love.

This very special girl,
who was willing to walk the path of uncertainty and discreet with me.

This very special girl,
who created memories of nothing but sweetness for me.

This very special girl,
who made me felt everything was worth it.

This very special girl,
whom i regretted letting go.

This very special girl,
who makes me wanna create a Chronosphere and turn back Time.

This very special girl,
who i truly love(d).

Kept forgetting stuffs and not pay attention to what people are saying. No i'm not feeling emo nor sad. Just kinda vexxed, or rather, distracted.

Distraction is fatal, in fact it kills. (a lil' exaggerating.) 'cause i've mounted a kerb while driving just now. HA. For a moment i thought i was driving a 3-tonner again. I miss the days driving the Unimog. (see how cheap Man is, they'll only cherish things when they are gone. Otherwise, they'll whine and grumble on how terrible it was.) The Unimog is just like a MonsterTruck, you're the road bully and nobody dares to get near you. Well, another reason could (i would say SHOULD) be most road users had negative experiences with the army drivers and they know how reckless the drivers can get.

That's not all. I've clean forgotten about the driving earlier on. It starts at 10 and thank God he woke me up at 9.50 somehow. (yea God's my buddy in dream. lol.) I knew i had something on this morning, but what was it? "OH F**K!" the panic shouted. I was late but Pang kept his cool. This guy is really gaining my respect. Dude (sounds too young for you but..), you're the best. No reprimandings even though i mounted the kerb, he knew there wasn't a point to screw me up, rather, he took the approach of explaining to me what happened and i'm certainly more catious now. :)

Throughout the session, i wasn't paying attention. He asked me to turn right, i swerved to the wrong direction. Stuffs like that.

Try walking all the way from home to the train station and realise "eh, why am i wearing slippers? i'm supposed to learn driving." YOU KNOW, I REALLY HATE THE "UNDO-MOVES" because a bad start to the day will kick off a series of negative happening. (like forgetting wallet; forgetting my Nano; forgetting the keys; forget this forget that. Resulting in me walking back home to retrieve it.)

Sometimes i whine like a girl, but think again, girls must have their reasons for whining. So i see nothing wrong with that. To the guys out there, do away with your egoism and you'll find yourself a happier man. (Okay, minimize if you're so persistent on having it.) I woulnd't deny that i have a huge ego too, but i'm working on it. If you realised, it's always easier to find a solution for others than ourselves. :)

Well, i did my usual toxic-purging run yesterday, but it seems like i'm getting slower and slower. Lack of sleep perhaps? Time to increase the distance, so-called "Progressive training".

When i run, i think of all the nonsensical stuffs. On the contrary, it helps because it distracts. :) - Dinner.

i'm lazy to embed it.(At least i'm nice enough to make it open in a new window.)
so listen to the song here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_-9q9xcsJ4

The pursuit of materialism has made me realized how off-tracked i am in life. Or rather, confused. What am i living for? what's my passion? my goals? (emo sia, doh!)

No doubt money is important. The seduction of money and power is too much and I don't seem as happy as before. Unlike the school days, where there ain't much worries nor pressure. We really had fun then. Perhaps i'm having too high an expectation of myself, but i don't want to let my parents down cuz i know that they've pinned high hopes on me. I think the injection of high performance on my part has reached a stage of overdosed.

Is this really inevitable due to the competitiveness of the society? or shall i just stop putting too much pressure on myself?

After catching "Ratatouille", i thought Remy(the rat) leads a better life than me. haha! At least he knows his passion is to cook, and he wants to bring the best food to the world. ("I make, i don't take." :)) Watching the show makes me hungry, and i'm impressed by the quality of the 3D models. It's cute lar, even the food looks yummy! Oh, not to forget the sexy hairstyle of Colette. (Short -hair, heh.)

But just as i've gotten the biggest appetite, bibi turned me off. Yes, try clearing up the mess of his urinal disaster; mopping the living room and kitchen floor @ 3am in the morning. I wanted go to bed ignoring it, but knowing that if i were to leave it undone, mum will have a hard time when she wakes up @ 5.30 and i don't want her to get so busy and pissed first thing in the morning. She still has to tend her stall.

The Bukit Timah trail was postponed because all of us had prior commitments. Sham wanted to watch Muay Thai competition @ the indoor stadium, QL had lessons, so me and TCS joined the rest of the gang for soccer! Well, we hardly have soccer nowadays, so it's a blessing in disguise. :)

I'm missing Alif's Mushroom with Cheese Prata even though it's only a day. And the groove of R'n'b music is back in me! I know these 2 aren't related at all, but i think they are both bad news. haha! I'll remediate them soon. :)

g'night world.

This REALLY concludes the last chapter of my NS days.

Logic by TCS.

Yeaps, registered an account with Adecco, well the listed companies are all MNCs, so, hope i'll reap something from here. - Good pay; Good working hours; Good Benefits. :)

Finally, a skin! ok wasn't fully my work, but yeap, credits to karen for the codes.(link on the side-panel) :) felt uncomfortable with some of the stuffs like color; text etc. So i edited in accordance to my preference. - still in progress.

i like the montage best! They mean alot to me. :)

Was discussing a photo with koklin, because the object in the photo looked deli-delicious!! and we came up with a new term, called "ARM ARM ARM". hahahahaha. Basically it's emulating Cookie Monster eating lar, yea. so, ARM ARM ARM ARM ARM ARM ARM. gay crap but i still find it v.funny. lol.

Oh, dad's medical-report is out. and he's perfectly fine. :) Though i'm not a very religious person, i still wanna thank god, for watching over us all the time. Okay, but dad's kinda pissed, he was complaining to me that he wasted all these money for nothing, silly lar. What's these money if we can ensure that your health is in perfect condition ya? i'm relieved, yes i am. :)

Bibi stinks (Bibi's my dog fyi.) and i really need a solution to that fast. We shower him every week but he still smells lar. Maybe his going downstairs everyday is the cause of it. But he only does his business when he's out. so, no choice.

Up till now, i would say i'm still quite discipline with myself. Apart from the slacken mood to look for job after the first day, i have not been going out, only to the library and to settle my meals. Other than that, it's housework; reading and playing games with Zhiwei and Benson, oh not to mention, blogging. :)

Lastly, ARM ARM ARM ARM ARM ARM ARM. lol.

"ve not really tried my best to look for jobs yet, so i can't blame anybody except me. haha.
Hey, but take it slow ya? It's just my first day after NS days afterall.. :)

Okay prolly i'll list down the methods which i've adopted:

• Harressed everybody in my MSN list. hah.
• Newspaper Recruit/Classified
• Online Jobs-Portal
• Word-of-Mouth
• Called up WH who's working in a Job Agency (I'm pinning lotsa hopes on this.)

Maybe it's just Monday Blues, even the indian lady from one of the companies who picked up the phone sounded so pissed. Man, i don't owe her anything. This reminds me of how Elizabeth (Jan's girl) screwed me up on the phone. haha! Hey, but i don't blame her lar. It's Jan-kuku who made the mistake.

Hope i get shortlisted for interview!

Had supper with nut.Rock members ytd, and yea, jamming's gonna restart. Guess we'll start-off with covers, since we've not jammed for mmm, more than a year? With the introduction of a new keyboardist, janice's cousin, and Fir's back, things certainly will get stressed up alil' bit, but i'm very very sure it'll go well cuz we're the "passive motivatees". Or just call us a lazy bunch who needs a push. haha!

There, the lazy bunch. 4 years back. :)

First 2 songs on the 22nd Sept.

• Lifehouse - Blind (my fav!)
• Pearl Jam - Last kiss

Found my DMB Sydney tour Memorial book! will post some photos up when i have the time to scan it. - Priceless.

I think Mom will like me staying at home, because when i'm bored at home, i'll help out with all the housework. (Ideal Hubby-in-the-making.) Yup! that's about it, my day. haha. Not to mention i dozed-off on the sofa while reading a book. :)

My GV Membership Card! Popcorns Popcorns and more Popcorns!!

details @ http://www.gv.com.sg/movieclub/gvmc.jsp

Remember i swore to be more productive yesterday, so i'm leading by it. :) No partying, no loud music, no booze, no cigarette smell.

Things that i've done:

• Tidied up my room
• Cooked my own lunch
• Collected my GV Card
• Visited the library
• Followed-up all the mail letters
• Registered myself for a subsidised NTU course offered by e-Prep (Chose "Time Management". i think it's pretty useful)

What makes my day will be this good catch from the library. A book by Donald Trump's Righthand-man George Ross (Co-star of the Apprentice, man he looks like PANG! - my driving instructor. HAHA.), as he touches on the powerful strategies and tactics for mastering every deal. Titled "TRUMP STYLE NEGOTIATION", I prefer to call it the "Art of Negotiation."

Guess what i gotta say? "ORD lo!" :)
Can't help but i have to take a picture of it.

Finally ended my 2-years stint. woah! Since the day of enlistment, i was leading the life of a slave, but one with pride. (that's what my BMT P.Commander told us) Of course now that i've finished serving my NS liability, i'm free to do whatever i want to. But, will i become a slave to the society?

I'm not a pro-NS guy, but all thanks to them that changed me into who i am. (I know i'm still a nil-achiever lar, at least i'm much more clear-headed.) Dealing with all the nonsense has built up my level of patience; Keeping calm when problem arises and look at things in a different perspective; effective interaction with different people. (all these may sounds crap to you, but it's true IMO.) Well the most practical of all, my fitness level has improved tremendously, and i'm a long-distance-runner right now. Still remember i started running because i thought running will make me forget about all the BGR problems. Running away from it (Literally. haha!) Most importantly, with that much free time i had whilst in service, i've done alot of thinking, (about my life, what do i want? etc.) That's the primary cause of my white hair i supposed.

Ky asked me a question today - "How do you define Perfect Happiness?"
My answer - "A life with no worries; feel good about myself in whatever i do; to be able to love and be loved." :)

Sad to say, though money isn't everything, but, it's crucial. I WANT my family to live a comfortable life. I WANT my wife to be a tai-tai. I WANT to be able to provide for my kids. I WANT to support my parents when they retire. I WANT a HIGH life. But i know it's not going to come true if all i do is just mere procrastination. As the saying goes "Action speaks louder than words". I'll practise. - Strangely, why am i not pursuing my perfect happiness and rather for something so materialistic?

Had a celebration-cum-gathering @ Outback - Millenia Walk after collecting our Identification Card. On the menu there's this "Alice Spring Chicken", which i've ordered after reading the description of it - yummy yummy! But i kept mistaking it as "Alice in the wonderland". Even told the waitress that and she went "huh? wtf?". silly me. :) Overall, the food was okay.. Similar to Hog's Breath Cafe, even the price. GAWWW. Headed home after the dinner because i had a sudden urge to play Mahjong!!

Can't find any kakis though, that's why i'm blogging right now.

All the best to my fellow mates. Keep in contact because you guys are indeed wonderful. :)

-Signed WD.

Done with the Opening Ceremony, now to the what-happened-today.

Awaken by the opening of the door and to my astonishment, dad was groaning in pain. I've never seen him behaving like this. Before i could asked anything, he said "Keep a lookout for me.. just incase i collapse.. or something." Something wasn't right. So i insisted on bringing him to a doctor. (The pain lasted for 3+ hours, before he succumbed to the torment and decided to go to the doctor.) Somehow, just before we step out of the house, the pain subsided, totally. Gone was the in-great-pain expression on his face and he certainly felt more at ease. The blood test, diagnosis etc will only be ready by next tuesday. So I don't wanna jump into conclusion and I'm sure he'll be fine. :)

Had my 4th driving practical in the afternoon and it's my favourite instructor Mr Pang! :) (D-learning centre have this instructor-rotation system going on, so i'm pretty lucky to be under the wings of Pang.) Just felt a boost in confidence to drive when he's my instructor. Don't ask me why. haha. It was quite a smooth ride, other than the part where i jammed-brake at a traffic light junction. (I was cruising at 65km/h and the lights turned amber upon the 2nd arrow, couldn't accelerate because right after the junction was a "L" plate car too. For me to go any faster i'll kiss his butt.) Everything seems alright. My vehicle behind the white line; no knocks whatsoever. But as i took a glance into the rear mirror and saw this young lad in the car, reprimanded by his tester. At the same time, the tester was commenting about my vehicle. (i observed his body-actions to deduct what he's trying to say to the testee.) The next moment, his car headed back to the driving centre. Poor fellow.. My apologies if i did caused you to fail your TP. :( Oh, i don't need the karma. please. haha!

Found this while Googling. :) i shall dedicate it to my mamee!

http://tabletandpills.blogspot.com/

Hail to my very own writespace. (blog sounds so... blog.)

Okay, it's my first day to this kinda stuff, but heck, nobody's gonna care. haha! Chinese are superstitious, so to make it a-la-auspicious, i'll share some good news. (Huat ar!) :)

• i'll be collecting my PINK IC tomorrow!! Which means i'm finally freed from my National Service liability.
  
  
• Comfortable with driving a Honda-City, that's after 6 hours of scrutinizing. haha. 9 more to go before i'm certified ready for the Practical Test.
  
  
• Ironically, broke. Cause' i'll stay at home, and simply write more often! Or i'll go to the library. either way works. :) There's this something about me, i'm more productive when i'm broke.
  
  
• Finally met up with a friend whom never fails to be so busy. :)