I can't differentiate whether is the fever m sore throat that make me so fatigue or just the body clock problem... Anyway, I struggle so much in hoe afternoon just to keep myself awake n concentrate to read a chapter of notes.. So tiring.... I gonna fix this body clock problem first. So I Conan sleep before 11 everyday and wake up ard 8 to adjust it back since I have two morning paper next week.. Time to change!

考试是向自己证明自己学会了多少，来个完整的句号。何必在乎自己与他人的差别？自己究竟学了多少，明白了多少，以后可以实践多少，都是在于自己。之前一直害怕，一直压力，现在只想对自己说，尽力就好。answer to myself will do. 不管接下来结果是fail还是pass，我不后悔。因为我已经尽力了。明天开始写summary，看看我记得多少，明白多少。现在临时抱佛脚也已经来不及了。不如专注于我已经学会了的，加紧练习。加油。

finally~ i survived after 8 night of ton night. then followed by 1 whole day of rest. i sleep for 12 hours. without conscious... i think i am really too fatigue after all these ton night... age ar.... really cannot take so much ton night day. tmr going to end this sem by submitting all my assignments. will survive thru!!! just a little bit more!

math, i will conquer you!!!!

我真的很讨厌花多余的力气entertain不必要的应酬，不必要的人。

最近的我就连讲话都懒。。

每天忙忙忙，但却不知道在忙什么。

烦死了。

我真的觉得累了。追来追去，真的很不必要。

现在突然觉得花力气去烦这些太不值得。

该来的始终会来，不管你喜欢或不喜欢，我不愿意改变。

该改的不用说也会改。既然需要我改变来迎合，那是不会发生的事。

要嘛接受这样的我，要嘛离开。没有第三个选项。

累了烦了

还是专注于自己能做到的事最牢靠。

Bring me away from all these troubles please..

Leave me alone

tat day I told my mum regarding the flower incident. They she say, 还等什么？赶快接受了咯！你都几岁了，在等就没有了咯！then I kinda pissed off but I can't say much coz She is my mum... But I ask myself, am I that lousy that I should anyhow accept anyone who like me but I barely know that person? Am I so not worth to own the happiness where the person who love me happens to b the person I love too?  I kinda questioning myself a lot... Then I just reply my mum that, I will let him wait. If he can tahan my bad temper and able to wait until I fell for him, then I accept. I can take care of myself without any guy. A companion is good to have, but not mandatory. Furthermore, a companion means more responsibility and more commitment. If I'm unable to contribute into a relationship, no point getting into a relationship in the first place.

Yesterday I was so pissed and I couldn't find a way to cool down even after I tried music and games. Then he happened to say something wrong at that point of time. So he became the trigger point that causes me lost tempered. I wrote a very long complaint and send to him, n then he just stunned and shut up till this morning. He reply to the complaints but I just ignore him for the whole day even after we met each other in class. So I guess he retreat ady. I feel like a bad person, but if I kind to others, I am cruel to myself. At this point of time, I should put myself in the first priority before I have the strength to care about others...  I guess I am doing good to him too since I am not interested in him, I shouldn't waste his time n effort on me. 长痛不如短痛.

我好害怕。

似乎这种情形是不可能会发生在我身上。。我到现在还是不敢相信竟然会有男生能接受butch的帅气的外表还有butch的过去。。太不真实。我不断问自己，这是陷阱吗？这是真实的吗？我真的困惑。。真的超乎我的想象。

他真的很sweet。不算花言巧语的类型。但却很贴心。很朴实。我的schedule也只是随口提，他就记住了。我知道他很好，甚至有点开始动摇。有点感动。当我们今天聊起ex的时候，他竟然不惊讶也不介意。。我说我现在比较在乎自己的感受，不想介入别人的生活太多，不想为别人的事操心。他说虽然不知道我以前受过什么伤害，但他可以明白，我因为怕受伤害，所以把人拒之门外。。叫我不用在意别人的眼光。说我其实很不错，只是我自己没发现。

说到这里，我开始害怕了。在他眼里的我太美好，事实上我真的没那么好。太多的期待，我无法满足的期待。他还不认识真实的我，所以他喜欢上的是他想象中那个虚幻的我。我开始发现这短暂的美好好像要开始崩溃。但我却眷恋着被珍惜被重视的现在。。那种确定有个人一定在等待，随时standby的那种安全感。

虽然我真的很想退后，但我却也能体会如果我回避，他将面对那种付出却没有任何回应的无奈。

再过一段日子吧。。。或许现在我真的被简单的幸福冲昏了头。。

该冷静一下了。

I still kinda dunno how to react... It's like my world is upside down....

I always is the one who like other ppl first. Or woo or chase. I'm always the one who put in efforts and feeling to care others. So I kinda forgotten how to b the receiving end. Now there is someone out there waiting for my reply, prompt me when saw me on fb, offer help when I am in need.. I kinda dunno how to respond.. It's not something that can adapt or get used to.... I simply dunno how to respond. Kinda in awkward position.. 

Do I have feeling toward him? I guess not. Coz all I have now is nervous n panic... Why this is happening on me... I dun like this kind of awkwardness within myself...

Am I panic or stunned or whatever u name it. I just dunno how to react other than just stunned... 

I received a rose today. I think this might b the second time I received flower. First time is my18th birthday, my ex bf gave me a bouquet of roses as birthday present. Then today I got a stalk of rose from a classmate that I only knew him for 3 days.. =.=" totally cannot take it... This kind of huge surprise is not good for heart man... Luckily he didn't confess. If he did, I think I will just walk away. Spent quite some time to think how to respond and i reply with a very long SMS. Now settle ady. Just as friend. Nothing else. 

I am not ready for affection. Not now please.. 

i slowly began to like study. is like those puzzle finally come together and began to make sense to me now.. i dunno is it too late to put in effort now... but i kinda feel that I'm running out of time. suddenly  all the deadlines clump together and i am so hard to breath... been having muscle ache and insomnia for few days ady... i dun wan to give myself excuses. i know i am having too much of rest ady. now i just trying to mumble to myself and nag a bit... haiz... no time no time....

I have to say, I AM TOO SURPRISE!!! Someone actually commented me as cute? Lol... Which angle that u see and u found out that I'm cute to you sia?.. I wan to b handsome or cool or anything but cute ley.. =.= 

anyway, classmate, u haven't know me well la. Let's be friends n buddy first.. 

我觉得我妈等下醒来看到我发的微信会吓醒去。。。

看完爸爸去哪儿我哭湿了一枕头。。。

我想家了。。

好想吃妈妈煮的菜。。。

浓浓的游子离愁，这时有谁能明白。。。

这几天好颓废啊。。。。两晚都在看“爸爸去哪儿”。。两晚都三点多才睡。。
吃了muscle relaxant却还是失眠的我看就我一个了吧～
失眠啊失眠。。。真是折磨啊～

今天我又开始听春春的歌了～突然间很惊奇，为什么会miss掉春春那么好听的歌呢～
一听到这首歌的词，我真的猛点头。真的真的很认同。《感谢你感动我》
盼望有一天我真的能盼到这种幸福吧～

我知道我该睡觉，也必须睡觉，但是我的头脑跟身体这种不协调的感觉到底是什么？。。

说不上来。。就是很不舒服，却没发烧。我都不知道该不该去看医生了。。。

今天拿回了数学homework assignment的分数。出乎意料的拿了87～我的数学从来就没有拿过A。这次的ton night竟然拿了这个分数～虽然只是total marks的一点点。可是我真的觉得我的努力有payoff了！接下来的midterm也要加油。尽力而为。不要让自己后悔就是了。

深呼吸。。

颓废的一天。一整天都在看youtube。在狂笑～百变大咖秀真的太好笑了～～然后笑累了，就看看我家的春春。现在才开始明白那些追星的人的心情。看到春春真的会开心～我觉得我今天已经彻底疯掉了～现在都在疯言疯语。

相处并不是忍受，而是接受。

如果作为朋友都无法接受的缺点，作为情人是就只能忍受。而忍受可以顶得了多久？我觉得一定有一个限度的。所以通常我都会先试着去接受别人与我的不同点。无论是优点还是缺点我都会先试着去接受。接受不了就只能忍受了。但多半那个时候我都会选择远离那人，因为我不想为难自己去忍受，谁知道哪天我火山爆发，结果就一发不可收拾了。所以尽早避免，以绝后患～我的思想可能硬了点。但这就是我处理人际关系的办法。

专注自己已拥有的，就是一种幸福。

我很幸福啊～这个星期虽然一直在生病，一直在颓废，可是我得到了更多更多。我得到了很好的休息。我得到了来之不易的陪伴。我明白了“拒绝别人”的那种为难。我之前没办法明白的，现在都已经可以谅解。所以我真的明白当时拒绝我时的人的难处。原来当初我为她造成了那么大的困扰。。。对不起。

珍惜。

被珍惜是幸福的。 一个拥抱也可以让别人感到温暖。
我真心希望我可以带给你温暖，也希望让你感到幸福。
也希望你能体会“珍惜的幸福”。
因为我真心珍惜你的陪伴，我真的感到无比的幸福与幸运。

谁说一定要有伴侣才可以幸福？
祝你幸福

because i know i can't do anything. so i wun do anything either.

clearly i knew that i am not who nor what you want. the future that you foresee is not what i can offer. since i knew there is no future nor outcome between u and me, i wun even try.

有一种爱叫做不拥有。

我曾经喜欢你。但你可能不知道。现在我也不想让你知道。
我没办法给你你憧憬的未来，那我宁可不介入你的憧憬。
至少你还能够继续拥有对未来的憧憬。
因为“希望”，是让人活下去最强而有力的动力。

我喜欢你，可是我不想跟你在一起。
像现在这样没有负担的一起做很多事，也可以很幸福。
有了名分，就有了责任。但却不是我不想负责任，而是我没资格。
所以，既然已知道你不可能接受没有未来的“我们”，
我何不努力经营现在没有身份的“我和你”来得实在？

你想去哪就去哪，想跟谁干嘛就干嘛，不需要跟我报备也不需要担心我会吃醋。因为我和你就只是我和你。没有obligation，没有任何关系。100%的自由。在我心里你也不会是 first priority。第一是家人，第二是自己，第三或许是你。我不想承诺任何事。我不做没把握的承诺。我唯一可以保证的是，我会在这里。只要你需要我，在我能力范围内可以做到的，我一定在这里。我不说我等你还是什么的。但你知道的。不管怎样，你有我。

我不想让自己再陷入无止尽的漩涡。
现在的我没有能力爬出来。

都说天蝎真的很怀旧。一旦喜欢了，就会一直喜欢。虽然可以掩饰，可以淡忘，但是如果又遇到同样的处境，还是会陷进去。

我以前喜欢过一个人。在她最失落的时候遇见她，在她最脆弱的时候喜欢上她。但我印象中，她给了我很确实的距离。我没有表白，所以没有被拒绝。但我知道她没有给过我机会，所以我也没执着。但当时我们之间变得很陌生。简直没什么联络一阵子。就好像两条平行线，又各过各的。没有任何交集。最近我们之间又有很多接触了。太多交集，我好像快要失控了。。虽然我付出从来就没想要回报，但是一味的付出会让我变得很脆弱，让我很容易暴露我的弱点，很容易受伤。

乘现在我还没有非常强烈的感觉，还在可以控制的时候，我想反省一下。

我曾经喜欢她。曾经。
现在只是好朋友。就只是好朋友。
我不想陷下去。因为我知道没结果。
所以现在我要冷静。靠的太近了，我要退后。

因为我真的害怕。。

如果我每天都感恩，或许我真的会深深体会我其实是幸福的。

每当我真的深陷困境的时候，我才会发现，我身上真的很多恩典。其实自己一直都很幸福，就是自己没发现而已。

今天带着生病疲惫的身体去帮表姐弄电脑。其实真的很不舒服，很不想去。但是最后还是去了因为已经答应人家了。这个星期其实没有很好过。我的budget也早就赤字了。所以去表姐那里其实很不划算。时间来回就两个小时了。单单去那里弄一个五分钟就可以解决的小问题真的很不值得。但是今天又有奇迹发生。表姐竟然给我红包因为我特地过去帮她。我真的没想到会有钱拿。而且是在我真的很缺乏的时候。。这个礼拜我又不用愁了～我不得不感恩，耶和华以勒！

终于～～今晚我可以一点之前睡觉了！

我已经很久没祷告了。也渐渐不相信有神迹这回事。但今天我不得不相信，上帝做事有他的计划。不是不应验我的呼求，而是他认为时间还没到。他的时间总是在最恰当的时候给予最恰当的帮助。

我已经连续三天埋头苦干赶数学的assignment。两个晚上都到天亮才睡。就是怎么样也搞不清楚。尽管我已经尽我最大的努力，付诸所有的精神，还是没什么进度。两天ton night才做了差不多5题。今天我真的已经很累了。头脑和身体都已经快撑不住。同样一题我算了两个小时都解不了。真的有想放弃的念头。我对自己说，这题再解不了，我就放弃了。毕竟我已经尽力了。虽然我真的会遗憾，可是我也没办法。。

就在这个时候，我的数学老师发微信给我。把算式解答给我。我真的没想到老师会在这个时候伸手帮助我。。我不想盲从的抄答案。所以我很认真，很仔细的研究老师的算式，然后在自己尝试其他的题。就这样，我渐渐对我的calculation有了信心。渐渐我的计算越来越准确。终于，我完成了80%。其他的20%我明天再努力。今天从20%到80%这种雀跃的心情，我真的没想过～而且是因为数学。

天使！

真的是天使啊！在我最无助的时候，最沮丧的时候，上帝派了天使来搭救我。。
此刻我心里充满感恩。上帝在我身上的时间总没错过。还好我没放弃。还好我坚持了那五分钟。就在我坚持的时候，上帝就应允我无声的叹息。耶和华以勒！

Consecutive 2 nights of ton night. I bet my panda eyes are damn obvious now.. T.T tmr will b another ton night for me.. At least have to finish 3 quater of the math assignment.. So fatigue... Gosh...

我好像都已经忘了是多久以前，为了什么，崩溃，无法呼吸。。甚至要发短信求救，好让我平静下来，好好呼吸。。应该好久了吧。。。

今天明明很累却无法入眠。突然间想起了那一段破碎的记忆，断断续续。。

没有结局。

我最讨厌夜深人静的时候。。。

记忆就喜欢在我意志薄弱的时候折磨我。

Suffocating...

I believe that I have some sort of phobia toward maths.. I went to the tutorial today, but I am completely lost until the end of the tutorial.. I cant even catch anything from it. Perhaps is my understanding capability too poor not my prof speaks too fast ba.. I am dead.

Then I went to sst to collect my yusheng. Surprisingly even fanny also can read my mind.. Is it that obvious?.. I am kinda hold back ady... Anyway, my chance is nearly zero ady since there is new rival arises.. Haiz.. Just let it be ba.. Perhaps slowly I will not feel so sad anymore..

Suddenly she popped out this, " idk la. if you feel that you talk to me because you're lonely then dun lo." shocked me to death... What had gone wrong sia... She get the wrong idea of my words... I panic. I think I was blank n dunno what to respond.. N I know she angry ady... I digging my own grave.. Haiz... Game over liao me...

My heart sank when I know u r attached...
It has been so long, but I still feel sad. But is ok. Wish u blissful n happy...

激动！！！

不敢相信我竟然看了一场长达七个小时的话剧。可是真的值回票价！虽然我的主要目的是去看李宇春的～可是这剧的剧情真的是精彩绝伦！！！

谢幕那一刻，我的心是满满的。满满的感动，满满的兴奋，满满的佩服。七个小时的剧真的不容易演啊～而我家的小葱几乎每一幕都有演。所以真的大饱眼福。看着小葱的身影就够了～～好开心啊！如果还有下次，我一定要买舞台边，就可以清楚的看到李宇春了。。可惜啊～～当时买票的时候钱包没那种能力啊～～～

真的好累好累啊。。。。集中精神七个小时果然是有点勉强。。。让我在回味一下心中这股感动和春春的身影,再入睡吧～～

当自己珍惜的事物被别人糟蹋，那种愤怒，那种不甘心，只有自己清楚。。

我一点也不想介入，因为我不想做第三者。我的处境很尴尬。因为我曾经不知觉就成了你们的第三者。现在只要我关心你多一些，可能不必要的误会就产生了，就算我对你只是亲人般的关心而已，闲话还是会有的。

我依然关心你，在乎你，但我对你一点意思都没有。我只把你当妹妹来疼。没有其他的。

我对界线一向都分的很清楚，所以希望你可以明白我的苦衷。

Enjoy life n food in Day 2 with my new wife~

food hunt with chien again~ 2 broken souls seeking the feeling of happiness via food again~~~ hahaha... Today went to jem again for cheese cake to celebrate人日~ so ya. Happy birthday to everyone!

Having a lots of fun with my new wife, my Sony QX-100 camera~ Bringing her to record the life im having now. Looking at my world from another perspective..

Im alone, but im not lonely. I kinda enjoy my personal space n time with myself now.. Although i took some time to get used to it, but now im comfortable with the alone situation ady. I'm shifting my energy and focus onto my studies from working. Still adjusting, both physical and mental... Buck up buck up!!

I never betray you.
I never start a new beginning before I fully put u down n move on..
I know she might bcame the replacement that divert my attentions from you, but I never like her before u n me were cool again.. I swear all the crush toward her begins after I've move on.

I cant dwell into u n me forever.. I think u wouldn't wan to see that also. I dun wan you to see me grief over you. I cant face u either at that point of time.. Too painful for me to witness how blissful you are with him. So I choose to hid from you..

Now since im cool again, I suppose just let this crush thingy become past tense.. I just wish everyone ard me are doing better than me.

一步一步迈向我的独身主义。
一步一步实现我的理想。。
为我自己奋斗多一下！
再努力一阵子，
靠我自己的努力让自己活的更自信！

与其一直推销我自己，不如让别人来发掘我的好。

I dun like to stare at my fon n wait for nothing. This is so NOT ME. So annoying. Why did I let the person who I waiting to take control of my emotions when I supposed to be the master of myself. Hate this kind of helplessness so much...

Let me go

It may b ridiculous to some ppl, but nap helps me to change my mindset..

I wake up feeling stressful n fatigue today... Coz I have so many tutorials n lab assignments this week. I can barely move my feet coz I was exhausted from working last night..

I asked myself what do I wan to do today?
Ponteng.
What do I want for this week?
Catch up those Webcast I missed.
Then I rest on my bed and just nap.

I wake up feeling refresh n my paradigm shifted. I have a direction and I know how to achieve my plan. I still worry, but not panic anymore. Take it slow and steady. Feel my pace. Feel my breathing.
Just b myself. Follow my heart.

Perhaps ppl might say this is actually  procrastinating. But this Is how I deal with my stress.. Hurry also no use. Coz my body cant cope with the stress, n falls sick so easily, then it delay even more than taking my own sweet time..

I will survive thru this week. I will.

Perhaps I care too much, stepped across the line where I supposed to be.. I had enuf. This is furthest that I go. I wun even fight for u in the first place if there is a guy waiting for you. I wun fight with a man over a girl Because there is no possibility that I would win.. I always stand zero chance in relationship..

对你的眷恋只是昙花一现的梦境。。
好想伸手，握着，但手中却什么也抓不住。

你是梦幻。不真实的幻象

A few days of short break away from sg probably is the essential amount of time that I needed the most now... Some quiet time for myself..

I think this would be the right time for me to explore the "ME" that I will enjoy spending my time with.. I should love myself more than everyone else.. Rather than letting others to decide the value of me.

Losing the ppl I loved had blown down all the happiness that I built up so far.. Everything has gone down to ashes.. Nothing left behind other than the hollow heart with no soul, flesh with no self-confidence...

I want to be happy being myself. Feeling great even without any companion. Dress up everyday just to make myself feeling confident. Smell nice just to make myself feeling comfortable. I wan to enjoy the time with myself. I wan to be happy again.. I wan my smile back on my face again...

When could that day happen to me again...

守在电话旁等待你的信息是多么的煎熬。。。你不会知道，因为你不知道我的在乎。。

暗恋就是那么难熬的。

Week 3 is always super tough.. The learning curves suddenly hyped up and accelerate so fast that I am already left behind... Toasted ady....

I suddenly feel so weak and so scare... The maths always gave me so much stress... I think I seriously have to put down my work and work on my maths le.. Perhaps week 4 will b the last week that I work ba...

N yeah... 舍不得... But I have to reschedule my life according to the priority. Working is not the first priority now. Neither is relationship. So I must buck up n pull myself up. Ready for the hell like study life coming...

I have to let go. I cant hypnotize myself anymore

暗恋最好的地方就是不用理会对方喜不喜欢自己。没想要在一起，所以也就没有那么多压力。默默付出也许很傻，可是我很快乐。

我的心太吵。。。
喧闹不肯静下来。。
我想休息，但它却一直离家出走不肯回来，眷恋在别人身边。。

我想先搞清楚我自己到底哪里值得，再从新出发。。
这一段仲夏之梦。。。
已成为过去了。

我累了。。。好想好好休息一阵子。。。
我的心也需要一些时间来恢复。。
喜欢和付出，我现在都没有能力。。

对天蝎来说，纯友谊到底存在吗？

刚才回家的路上，我一直再挣扎。。
转outram还是buona？。
我想去见你。。
但我知道不可以。。
去了让你难堪，何必呢。。。

赶快清醒过来。
面对现实。

Face the reality.
Face the truth.
Face the fear.

Drowned in emo songs again...

I will still be here for you.
I promised you I will stay in your life , and I will. No matter what's happened.

move on

我不知道你看到我的post过后会有什么反应，但我希望你可以move on。
过去的事已经过去，我不想再提也不想追究谁对谁错。
只要你幸福，其他的都不算什么。
别让过去影响你现在和未来的快乐。

move on
别让我再次成为罪人，别让我的牺牲都白白浪费了。。

你值得更好的。

其实只要你现在是幸福的，我怎么样都没关系。。。受点委屈，我没关系。。

I appreciate your effort to concern about me.. But I am not ready to talk to you yet.. I hurt too bad...

Everything is just lies....

Im feeling stupid. Like an idiot... I thought u n I are from the same horoscope, should be able to think similarly... But, no... Perhaps I am wrong.

I hate lies.. I hate being betrayed..
And all these while...
Are just lies...

I am so disappointed in you....
But I even more disappointed in myself.
Because I failed to make u have trust in me..

我又开始疯狂买食物了。。。这就是我开始感觉压力的预兆。。

才刚刚开始上学第二天，我就精神紧绷到不行。一上完第一堂数学，我的脑就充血了。老师好像在讲火星话，写法文。。看不懂，听不懂。。。才第一课，我就半条命了。。真的该花多一些时间来搞清楚这些火星文。。。晕啊。。

接下来的第二堂还听得懂一些。比较熟悉的东西。一些学过的，所以还没那么紧张。可是有project。form team最麻烦。没熟人一起啊～～～～poly就是那么惨。一起进大学的同学少到可怜。哪像jc的全部一大群一起上学。。。凄惨。。

一放学整个人累到快跨。动太多脑力比动体力还累。。压力到喘不了气。。结果就买了一大堆零食来囤仓。。我看我吃一个月都吃不完。。。这个坏习惯迟早要改掉。。。唉。。。

Again... Money matters...

I hate to go home. Each time I went back, I came back to sg with tons n tons of financial burden. I already have so many things to worry about for my study, yet I still need to think about how to made money... This is so heavy... I have no choice but to face it..

Some how I just hope home is a place that like a haven for me... Perhaps a place for me to rest.. Not a deathpit that kill me again n again with all these stress and burden...

I just wan to survive thru this sem again..
FIGHT FOR SURVIVAL!!!!!

如果爱到最后只剩下痛苦，那当初为了“给你幸福”而爱的意义到底在哪里？。。。

放手让你走，是我最后的温柔。

既然你想要的幸福我没办法给你，我又何必苦苦纠缠？。。与其让你那么难过，为难，我何不让我自己一个人承受就好。

还你自由，因为你值得更好的。
未来，有更好的等待着你。。
我只是一个曾经爱过你的其中一个而已。。

如今，你我不再对彼此有感觉。
或许是注定，我和你只可以是我和你。
是时候放下，转身，向新的方向前进。

感谢你曾经让我感到无比幸福。
因为你，我相信爱情。

我说过，如果有一天你不再喜欢我或者有人比我更爱你， 我会大方祝福你。

如今你说不喜欢我，也有个比我更适合你，更爱你的人在守候。我会大方祝福你。
祝你幸福快乐。

句号。

我和她之间，画上了句号。
干妹妹。

我也不知道为什么我会开口问，也没想到她会答应。就在那短短几分钟内，我们之间的关系直接从暧昧变成姐妹。

或许我只是需要一个借口把她留在我的生命中。。既然已是姐妹，那也就一辈子了。界线更清楚，我也不再confused了。

还是一样可以关心，但现在的关心已不再带有暧昧。
还是一样在乎，但不再因为喜欢而在乎。
像对待亲人般的照顾，就是我唯一留下来的方法。

只要你快乐，你过的好，你过的幸福，我就欣慰了。。现在有骑士在你身边守候，我还有什么借口不放手？。。
我祝福你。

我的承诺，我守住了。

The worst day had come.... 

The day that I pray hard not to happened...

You made a decision.

Finally u said it... 

"You should let me go..."

If this is your final decision, I honour your decision.

Today was hell like day for me.. So torture... Ah b kept asking me what had happened, n I am so pissed at her, so I ignore her as much as I can. Like a jerk... But I can't help it.. I am really too angry at her. Coz she interfere my relationship first. I knew she did it out of her concern on me, but i still pissed. If she never tell you so much, perhaps now I still able to love you silently. But now, you had officially made the decision that you wanted me to give up, I have no excuses to stay anymore... I'm painful.. But what can I do... Nothing. None at all...

I promised i will not leave your life. I will fulfill my promises. But allow me to disappear for a while.. Before I can really face u with no desire n fondness at all, i really need to get you out of my mind entirely... The love rooted so deep, it is so painful to pull it out entirely... But I have to... If that's what you wanted, I will grant your wishes.. If be friends is what you wanted, i will be your friend. If close friend is what u wanted, I will b your close friend. However, I know we will never be lover. So I need to get rid of all my love towards you... Entirely..

My mental had accepted the fact that you are no longer like me. So my mind know we are only friends. But I am unsure about my heart. It still struggling to accept the truth that i already lose you... Tmr will b an exam-like kind of hangout for me.. If my heart can face u calmly, then v should b fine. If not, I really need some space n time to cool down... I need to step back until I stepped outside of the friend zone.. Bear wit me for a while... Please....

I'm not a robot, I can't let go so fast... It took my soul away when you left my life... Now my heart is only left with empty shell that had broken into zillion pieces... It takes some time to put it back...

It's not easy.

Someday... 

Someday I will b alright...

Dun worry..

No one would understand how painful it is for me to go to sushi tei now..

To face my buddy who break my relationship with my love one,

To face my love one with poker face like I dun feel a thing at all...

All the sorrow...

I need to hide, but I do not know how to...

疏远。
我唯一能为你做的，就是疏远你。

往后我不能再看着你了。。
就算真的要看，也只能看你的背影。
以后不能再关心你了。。
就算真的想关心，只能默默的在心里记念你。
再也不能再用现在这种心情思念你了。。
就算真的想念你，也只能把思念藏起来，静静的放在心里。

现在容许我再为你流一次泪。。
容许我再为你心疼一次。。
容许我为自己逝去的爱情哀悼一分钟。
我以后都不可以再爱你了。

你自由了。

是不是我配不上你？。。

是我长得不够好看？不够富有？不够体贴温柔？不够聪明？学业不够好？还是因为我是女生？。。。

不管是以上哪一项，我都认了。。。
事实，就是你不曾喜欢我
就算真的有喜欢，也只是朋友间的喜欢。。
所以我只能接受事实，做你的朋友。。

模糊不清的界限，我好挣扎。。。
理性告诉我停下来，我的心却一直向着你奔去。。。
我和你之间是如此靠近，却是那么遥远。。。

只是朋友而已。

我们之间有一条跨不过的线。

朋友

只停留在这里。。

就算我很喜欢你，很在乎你，也终究跨越不了。。

其实最伤的不是你不喜欢我，

而是你对我的喜欢只是朋友间的喜欢。

所以一直以来是我误会了。。

是我误会了。

如果你不曾喜欢我，我至少还可以狠下心放弃你。。

但朋友间的喜欢，我进退两难。。

你不想失去我，我更不想失去你。。

只能远远看着的距离，或许就是我和你之间最近的距离了。

当爱已变成负担，继续等下去是对还是错。。

如果我不能给你幸福，放你走是不是更好一点。。。

我真的很怕我继续坚持会伤害到你。。。
我该怎么办。。

my world fall into complete darkness when i saw your text...

i was so shocked and stunned...
nearly stopped breathing..
i dunno what to do, dunno how to react...
dunno what had went wrong...

lost....

i thought u r giving up on me...
i thought you are going to stop me from loving you..
i thought you are going to avoid me...

so painful... my chest was so heavy...
the vision is getting blur..
n i just couldn't stop the weeping...

i fell too deep.. love too much...

i dun care about the title. never care before.
as long as ur heart is with me, i'm on your mind, i dun care about anything.
if bear the title of gf is too burden, too stressful to you, you dun need to.
i still love you as much as i do now.
with or without the title, i will always be the same.

i will not give up on you...

unless you found someone who love you more than i do and you do not have any feeling towards me anymore...
before that happen, i am not giving up on you...

Every little new things about you made me feel so surprised~ I love the uniqueness you have. I am amazed by the exciting life that you had before you met me.. 

But I am so worry....

Worry that someday you will get bored of me.. Get tired of me... I can only pray that the day will never come...

I love the way you are... I will not try to change you or stop you from doing anything you wanted to do, as long as you think it is good for you, I wun say no.

I respect your rights and I honor your thinking.. If you made a decision, I will support you no matter what decision it is. But if you trying to do anything that will hurt yourself, I will not allow it to happen.

I love to understand you more through your life story.. I cant go back in time to take part in your past, but I do believe all the past experiences built up who we are today. Do share with me about your story, I love who u are today, I will definitely accept who you were in the past. I wun judge you because only God can judge us.

Thx for spending 13/14 with me~ thx for giving me a perfect full stop in 2013 and a wonderful beginning in 2014. I will do my best to give you a blissful life in 2014 with everything I can =)