hectic sia.... i need to have a deep breath now...

phew.... really tired.. both mentally and physically... just have some time to sit down and write a list for myself on what i havent do for the week.. end up i have a pretty long list... fainted~~~ this kind of Uni life is really not what i expected actually... too much difference from poly ady... i dunno whether is i choose to put so much weight on myself or uni life is actually so intense... really like in a lost island and no help is given... "we are here to serve you, provide help.. blah blah blah" i dun see the "free time" of mine to see these lecturer actually... my timeslot is so full even without tutorial and lab in it... omg.... how to survive??

am i aiming too high? a second class honor is too much for me?

can i have 48 hours a day? i have so much to do but i have so little time left...

I have to say, 4 months is really a killer to me...

First week of school is like hell to me... every lecture is like so torturing... the only problem is i couldn't focus... most probably is because my English level is decreasing after 4 months of rest. basically in the 4 months, i didn't use english as much as i do in poly. and the concentration i have in poly is weaken after so long... argh.... i think long vacation is bad for studies!

so i feel very tired and exhausted after each lecture, coz i think i spend double even triple of my strength to maintain the concentration and trying my best to understand what the lecturer said.. this is so mind challenging... i really wish i can back to that kind of determination that i have during poly.. i should, actually. just too lazy to bring my laptop to sch coz this bag doesn't have padding, so it is extremely heavy to my shoulder.. anyway... i think i should really do so... i wasted too much time to regain my strength today.. should go back to full power blast mode now..

nite world. i need to recharge my battery for more challenge tmr.

now you just somebody that i used to know...

today is the last day of my lifeless life. tmr everything should go back to normal. school life begins...

i'm still wondering is this the right thing i did?.. stay awake until morning to clean the house coz tat's the time when everyone is sleeping? hmmm... i think i looks like idiot..

whole week party outside~ now i feels so hard to believe i did such crazy life... last day, enjoy to the fullest!

一次次看到你的名字旁的绿点，一次次的想问你好不好，一次次的想知道你的近况，一次次的把信息改了又改，却也一次次的按下delete，关掉chat。。。

我到底还想折磨自己到什么时候？多少次告诉自己不能再对你有任何感觉，不可以再这样喜欢你。我到底还想怎样？是我长得不够好看，是我不够有钱，是我长得不够高，是我不够资格。这一切我都承认，也都知道。都知道不可能了，我为什么还要关注你的消息？让自己伤了再伤，痛了再痛。。就算傻也该有个限度吧？我已不是三岁小孩，没有资格再耍赖，也不可以再幼稚下去。到底还想怎样？如果我可以忘记一切多好。。如果当初我没有去看你的表演我可能就不会知道你这个人，也不会认识你，也不会喜欢上你，也不会像现在这样那么痛苦。。

我好累。。。

10.08

this is an important date... every year i will remember this date, but i dun think u noe i do... this is the day that i first work with u and fall in love to you...

anyway, this is all past... nobody want to remember it anyway...

today we went to korean BBQ place to have MP team gathering. then v going to give birthday surprise to my artist. then i think i did a stupid idiot thing... coz her sista is sitting at another table, so i ask her does she want to sit tat table with her, but then i didn't realize my programmer wanted to sit with her, so she is like hesitate to take the seat, so i just sit down and problem solve. then after the meal, we discuss where to go but it was too late, so v decide to go home. then the whole bunch took east direction and i live west side, so i stay for west train. then my artist stay back, coz she going to outram to change to purple line.. then my programmer stay also.. then i was like... stunt for 3 seconds.. then i say a idiot sentence... "where u two want to go? dating?" i was kinda regret to say tat... omg.... then is like awkward to the max.... i didn't realised sia.... then... end of story...

i did feel 可惜.. long story... haiz... but this is my choice, cant blame anyone.. so i think he really deserved this lovely lady.

recently was rotting at home.. everyday sleep ard 3 or 4 and wake up ard 1pm. coz i cant leave sg until i got my student pass, so i cant go anywhere for vacation... so ya.. stuck at here.. watch anime and shopping at cold storage.. ya..

oh ya.. blood test. positive for thalassemia. so need to eat folic acid everyday, but i already did this since last year. so not much difference to me. just that the doc also cant explain why i dizzy and headache so frequent. he say is not related to thalassemia. so my mum said should be stress. but is this a little bit overboard? may b studying at nus gave me so much stress.

finally.. finance.. yeah..  money money and money... hate this much.. the loan havent come in, bursaries havent come in, living expenses havent come in. nice.. bills havent settle, rent havent settle, living expenses dunno how... nice nice nice~~~ what a wonderful life~~