突然觉得我像个笨蛋。发现陷下去的时候，已经太迟了。。。
一个星期够吗？
足够让我忘记吗？。。。
一切太快了吧。。。

Finally.... i had finished the book i borrowed from my friend. "I am number 4".

the book is quite nice. but the ending just turn me off.... dunno should i go watch this movie o not.... seem not convincing enough for me to watch.... anyway, this is the first time i finish a english novel in my life. excluded the compulsory to read novel in secondary school which is only less than 50 pages. reading is quite exciting actually~

but when i close the book, i find a bit lost.... coz i concentrate reading to it so much that i forgot it had became one of my routine..... or i should say, it had became some kind of company to me.... may b i took it as something else? may b as a company from her..... i think my mind is not clear now after chionging for 3hour of reading...

well... 思念是一种病....

i find it so hard for me to stay here when i know i can c her anytime in klg.... sound like a magnet which attracts me to go back.... but i m stuck here for at least 1 more week. i wish i could go back, but i cant.... although i noe it is impossible between us, i just couldnt understand...

today went through some sort of an "interview training" with samuel, the freshman. i m really worried about myself now.. at first i m quite confident to go, but now.... my hope just vanish.... I dunno y he is so imba la.... may b good english foundation really boost you in confidence??? if i am the interviewer, i will choose samuel definitely for the position. u can see the glowing of his spirit when he answer the question. but i dunno is he really that good as he said... anyway, it is not the right time to admire my opponent. but i m really sad about it.

something just make my mind stuck, i took 4 hours to rearrange my cmsk points to sound more organize.... is just suddently became so tough for me... m i relaxing too much or wat? just dun like that kind of feeling... make me so helpless and weak.... i really hate it...

today is valentine.. happy valentine!! i am extremly tired today... i dunno y.... everytime i went back klg, i definitely sick.... may b that is the reason that i felt so restless...

i enjoy klg life. but i hate the journey... klg is like paradise for me, coz i no need to do any chore at home and i can spend time with ppl i love. last sat, i met the girl, but she left very early... but i m very happy to c her... although is very stress to b her friend, but i enjoy her smile... she is always seem lonely in my eyes.... kinda sad to c her like that...

i always have confident in myself. but not recently. i dunno what happened... just that i dunno how to b confident again. may b i m just lasy to b confident?? more and more stuff make my life so bz.... yet my time is so limited... i hate this sem!!! seriously!!!

nah... i m tired..... today short n sweet.

today is a extremly long day for me. 9-11pm sia... i reached home @12.35am... this is really quite over... marathon AI + Jap test + Imagine Cup discussion. after dinner, i walk home... really damn tired now...

i m just an entertainment. may b age gap is really a matter.

today i am tired... bcoz i wake up at 6am just to send a sms... idiotic right?? = =" i am really quite idiotic... coz i am dilemma about things that i thought havent happen, but actually, it already happend. = = when i still considering whether should i tell her, she already knew i am butch. wth..... got so obvious meh?? i thought recently i became not so handsome ady... ish la....

i dunno what m i thinking now... i gave myself so many reasons that i should hold myslf back, yet what i did is not consistent with my mind... firstly, she is too young. 5 years gap. second, she is new member of my church youth fellowship, third, she is a playgirl, fourth, v just knew less than a week, fifth,she is too 'atas' liao, sixth, she is not a simple girl as i thought, and etc... most importantly, she is STRAIGHT! datou told me dun ever fallen for a straight again, coz the torture is many many many times greater than last time. n after this time, it is very hard to bcome bi or straight again...

she knew i am butch, most probably knew i m les also... yet she still use me to test her ex about their feeling on her... can u imagine, i noe her for 3 days, i met all 3 of her ex-boyfriends in 3 days also... n i can sense that, all her ex-bf still care about her very much... too obvious until i really cant tahan the atmosphere. her ex is hugging her waist yet she still hugging my arm... = =" seriously.... i dunno what she is thinking....

she said she dun want to get hurt again... neither do i... but les relationship never have good ending... at the end, break up is the only ending.... or may b i m just a tool?? or she is just too bored, so i m just an entertainment to her??? argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dunno wth m i doing... y cant i practice pure friendship??? WHAT A FAILURE I AM???!!!!!

DILEMMA AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

y youngster these days so weird de?? i think this is the 3rd days i know this girl... but is like.... argh!!!!!!
dilemma ar!!!!!!

shall i tell her i m bi? so that she wun too intimate with me??? but seems to b too fast to say that right?? i just know her sia...... argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i was like a tool to test whether her ex still love her o not. but my feeling is like... i am a 1000000000000000000 watt ligh bulb. = =" obviously her ex definitely still love her, coz they are the one kena dump wat.... i knoe that kind of feeling.... seriously, i am angry, indeed. but i just dunno y when she ask me out, i will still go out with her although i noe i will be the light bulb again. = =" weird indeed....

i m quite stress to go out with her. as she is too "atas" for me ady.... is really like a princess in real life... argh!!!!!!!!!!!!! what a failure i m??!!!

yesterday, 4/2/2011 my niece is born!!!! she is very pretty n cute!!!
she is 3.3kg and born at 2.45am.

i just get to know a new friend.. damn atas de. i shock when i saw her yesterday.. is like... speechless.. atas until i got no words to describe... tat's all.. i m attracted. but not very much after 1 day of "security like" day... sad to say that... it is impossible to b with someone that does not have common topic. i think i m very fake and perfunctory, coz i dunno what to reply.... so angry with myself now... damn tiring....

finally.... i am home!!!! so many ppl went home today... ppl flood... n kluang is flood too!!! a lot of ppl post kluang's flood photos to fb.. now only i noe kluang so many water sia..... my parents come jb to fetch me =) i m so happy!!!! last year CNY they also come n fetch me.. touching sia.....

CNY is the time i can c u!!! i am happy =) but i think this year u will still run away like usual la... nvm, i m ok with it. i have many things to share with u.... if possible, please meet me k?