“This father’s day, I am expressing my love towards my dad by participating in the #HugYourDad activity at BlogAdda in association with Vicks.”
Only a Father can put his life at risk knowingly or
unknowingly for his Child. Many of you would have heard this popular story:
Once a fatherand his 8 years old daughter was to
cross a river. There was only one small damaged bamboo bridge to cross the
river. The chances of bridge breaking down were very high if one was to walk
through the bridge.
The father asked his daughter to hold his hand
tightly, so that she would not fall down.
But the daughter said, “NO”, you hold my hand
instead of me holding your hand.
The father was surprised and asked his daughter the
reason?
The daughter replied, “I may leave your hand by
mistake, but I know you will never leave my hand in any condition”.
That is the trust and confidence a Father gives to
his Child.
Recently I witnessed an Advertisement of Gillette
Role Model camping, where a 9 year old boy named Rudra, fights with his
friend Kush, as Kush was hitting a sixer on every ball Rudra bowled to him.
Rudra started using abusive words and they both end up fighting.
When his father questions him, from where he had learned
such abusive words, he innocently replied “On TV bowlers use such words for
Batsmen”.
His father then tells him to go and apologise to
his friend and congratulate his friends for his success.
The boy asks his father “Why to congratulate?”
The father asks back, “Who hit the Six?”
The boy replies, “Kush”.
Father asks again “So, should Kush not be
congratulated?”
Rudra understands what his father was trying to
teach him. He rushes to Kush and apologises and congratulates him. His father
later approaches Rudra and tells him that he will teach Rudra new bowling
technique, so that he can bowl Kush out in the first ball the next time.
Father is the first teacher any child witnesses
from their childhood.
These all are happy stories that we all remember. But
there are hidden truths in Indian society and courts of LAW, where more than
95% fathers are denied the custody of a child although comparatively they are more
capable of taking care of their child’s welfare. Their paternal emotions for
their own children get smashed day after day in the courtrooms, but Judges
continue to use fathers as FREE ATM machines.
With time more and more anti-men, anti-father laws
like 498A, DV, CRPC125, adultery laws etc, family harmony is being destroyed
and the couple are fighting in court across 6 to 8 cases against each other.
Such fathers and husband are treated as guilty till proven innocent.
The verbal statements of a wife are considered as gospel
truth, irrespective of the audio/video evidence husbands and fathers provide,
irrespective of their heart wrenching distress that is evident to all present
in the courtrooms. Everyone, but the judges can see that he is not at fault,
and label him a criminal, a worthless, incapable father unless higher courts
state otherwise.
On average it takes between 5 to 7 years to prove a
man his innocence. Historically and statistically, in more than 90% cases courts
eventually find Husbands and fathers not at fault. However by this time he has
lost 5 to 7 years of his golden years that he would have lived and shared with
his loved child. No court, no society, no sympathy, nobody, not even Almighty
God can give back those precious years to a husband, a father. While a father
lives in pain during these years, a child misses out on all the love,
affection, care, guidance that the child would have received from his father.
The most unbearable pain such fathers get is the
pain of being deprived to meet and share moments with their own child or
children. Many a times, when such pain crosses a certain threshold, fathers see
no choice but to end their lives to stop living with such unbearable pain. In
SIF, we have witnessed numerous cases where men have ended their lives
silently, but at the same time being apologetic to their children for not
having suffered ongoing pain. On various video sharing websites like Youtube,
one can find many videos like that of Syed Makhdoom who have left final
messages for their children and the world.
As a SIF moderator, in last 10 years, I have seen
more than 7000+ cases, where a husband has been treated just like a free ATM
machine. To get a basic visiting right for his child, court keeps giving dates
after date. After many years of a long painful fight against the rotten,
corrupt system, when he does eventually get a legal right, the wife does not
obey the court order and poisons the child’s mind against his own father,
labelling him as the worst person in the world; as ifDawood Ibrahim would be a
better person than his own father.
Anish Aggarwal, a 38 years old bright Software
engineer, has been paying Rs 6000 per month for the past 2 years as maintenance
to his child; however he continues to wait to meet his child. He continues to
endure this pain in hope. Hope that one day he will be able to meet his child,
give him a hug and shower his blessings upon the child. His child and he
continue to miss those precious moments that they both deserve and need as
humans.
Mr. ShymalVikram, 39 years old, HR manager in a
MNC, managed to see his child in the 8th year after paying Rs 8000
per month for 7 years. He was over the moon when he met his child. However who
will return those precious 7 years of love and affection that he wanted to give
and his child had right to receive?
Mr. KunalMitra, had child visiting order in hand
for 3 year, but failed to meet his child. When he reached in front of his
wife’s home to meet his child, she filed more cases like Domestic violence to
threaten him. Why has society given such ludicrous powers to wives that they
continue to misuse and destroy a father and his love for his child?
Mr. Ashish Sarkar, 38 years old works in a media
house. For the last 2 years he has been fighting in a court to find out if his
child is a son or a daughter, let alone see the child. His wife on the other
hand seeks maintenance for the child! Where is humanity heading, where is our
Indian society moving towards with so much greed and selfishness?
Mr. Ashish Sarkar, had a judgment, where the judge
clearly mentioned in maintenance cases order, that it is totally unfair on part
of wife to hide the child’s sex. Unfortunately due to rampant gender bias and
blindness towards men and fathers, he cant do anything against such injustice
even in a court. Why do we have a judicial system that is so diseased and
disabled?
Similar to such real life situations, such
injustice to Indian fathers is rampant. India is heading speedily towards a
fatherless society.
In a
recent letter, a Delhi based NGO Save Family Foundation questioned WCD (Women
and child Ministry) on Father’s Day - Can a Child get Divorced?( Link )
They also cited statistics on how a Fatherless
society is dangerous:
As we know fathers play a vital role in the
development of a child. In United States of America, reported statistics inform
us that Children from fatherless homes are:
1. 5 times more likely to commit suicide
2. 32 times more likely to run away from home.
3. 20 times more likely to have behavioural
disorders
4. 9 times more likely to drop out of high school.
5. 10 times more likely to abuse chemical
substances (become drug addicts)
In India, if you were to go through the crime data on
Children and Adolescents, you will notice that more than 70 percent are fatherless
children while more than 90 percent of call girls under prostitution net,
confirm that they don’t have a father.
But will our LAW makers, WCD and Court Judges ever
understand this and should they continue to use fathers as Free ATM machine
only? If only money were able to provide a good welfare fora child, then all children
from rich homes would have good moral characters and would never have any
criminal records.
A child needs a teacher, a trusting relationship, a
guiding friend, a loving father and a figure who has a God-like nature for
blessings. Only a father can provide these as a single entity on this planet.
These cannot be bought by money and no other human can give these to a child
the way a Father does.
Now a days we witness Supreme Court, LAW makers and
radical feminist groups advocating mediation/counselling from women’s cells all
across the country. However these women cells have become cells of legal
extortion and blackmailing cells for desperate, distressed fathers.
In my opinion as an advocate for Family harmony and
child benefit, I suggest that children should have access to both parents
irrespective of whether couple are able to reunite or separate amicably. That
should be a standard process if we are to keep the child’s welfare at the
forefront. Clearly a child cannot express such common-sense desire in women’s
cell or Police stations or the NGO heads who are too
often blinded in the name of women empowerment.
Please don’t kill the emotion of a Father for his
child, an emotion that cannot be created or duplicated by force, law or threats.
Biased practices in the courtrooms and society also kill the emotions of a
child that are created by nature. Such emotional bonds are needed for a normal
development of a child physically, emotionally, morally, spiritually and
socially.
Very sadly, many lawyers, judges and others with
blinded vision feel proud when a wife gets complete child custody or receives a
big fat amount of money in the name of child care. Commonly we hear “A child
has been united by his mother”. Nobody says “A child has been separated from his
Father”. Such children become and remain fatherless forever.
As responsible adults, we must encourage children
to meet separated Father’s home every weekend and whenever there is an
opportunity, instead of supervised visitations or meetings limited to family
court premises or within a park etc.
We must seek Law makers
and Politicians to Grant immediate and equal (child) access to both parents, to legislate laws and make co-parenting mandatory
to prevent expanding a fatherless society.
