I think I'll start using this blog again.  

Alzheimers

Alzheimer's video

Jill posted this link on Alzheimer's. Thanks! I can absolutely see the changes they outline, in almost the exact same order.

The video says that one in ten over the age of 65 suffers from Alzheimer's. Yet, the thing that I have noticed most in living with Alzheimer's is how little others understand. When they are told someone has Alzheimer's, they associated it with the classic wandering off or repeating questions, but they don't understand other aspects. It is all around us, but most people never attribute certain behaviors to mental disease.

I must admit, that knowing what I now know, I can play back situations and have new understanding for what I was seeing.

I remember teaching relief society and having a woman make the strangest comments. It was hard to deal with. I would be working to establish an emotion or thought process, and her comments would really detract from that. I remember thinking, "You are a strange duck", but I didn't think, "Oh, you have Alzheimer's. Your brain just isn't functioning properly."

I remember working with people who were so obnoxious - wouldn't accept new ways of doing things. I remember thinking, "You just won't change your ways of doing things," but I didn't think, "You are having trouble learning new things. You can't grasp this new way."

I remember working with people who would promise you something and then act like they had never heard of the promise. I remember thinking, "I can't trust you," I didn't think, "Oh, you are having trouble remembering. I need to help you find a way of recording what we decide."

After Steve retired, the teacher evaluations for his last semester were left in my box. I should have ground them without reading them. However, I realized that none of his students had any idea whatsoever what was going on. They knew he was retiring, but had no suspicions why. After observing his behavior for a whole semester, they had no clue. They would say things like, "He was unprepared. Sometimes he would repeat the same lecture we had already had." or "He didn't care." Of course, some were positive and said they enjoyed the class.

It made me realize how often we make judgments without seeing through the correct lens.

Be the blessing

One of my favorite thoughts from education week came from a musical performance by Heartbound. The thought was this: be the blessing. I love that.

One of our YSA young men is getting married. He is sharp, funny, good looking, capable. The girl he is marrying is beautiful, but has a lot of baggage. A. Lot. Of. Baggage. I look at him and think, "Wow! What an amazing load to take on. What a blessing you will be in her life."

Duck Day

Chelle and Trisha came up for a bridal shower for Megan. Today was duck and park day. So fun.

Blessing Day

Everyone made it for Lucy's blessing! What a great day.

Detours

We had some GREAT talks in church today. Both talked about happiness. Sherry said that if you asked 20 people what they wanted out of life, 19 would say "Happiness". Happiness was thought to be so essential that the founding fathers put "pursuit of happiness" up there with other unalienable rights of life and liberty.

She talked about her son who went on a mission to Africa. For P-day one week, they were cleaning the cages at the zoo. At the end of the day, they hauled the garbage to the dump. As they turned the corner, in the middle of the dump they saw a whole colony of people living in the dump. Kids had not a stitch of clothing. Parents were digging through the garbage looking for anything to salvage. As the truck from the zoo pulled into view, the kids started yelling, "Zoo truck. Zoo Truck." They were hoping to find some food that the animals had not eaten.

Sherry said that experience was life changing for her son.

She also shared this story: Brigadier General Robinson Risner ("Robbie") spent seven years as a POW at the "Hanoi Hilton," as prisoners of war called their North Viet Nam compound. There he discovered the power of hope. He spent four and a half years of that time in isolation. He endured ten months of total darkness. Those months were the longest of his life. When they boarded up his little seven-by-seven foot cell, shutting out the light, he wondered if he was going to make it. He had already been under intense physical and mental duress after years of confinement. And now, not a glimmer of light shone into his cell -- or into his soul.

Robbie spent hours a day exercising and praying. But at times he felt he could nothing but scream. Not wanting to give his captors the satisfaction of knowing they'd broken him, he stuffed clothing into his mouth to muffle the noise as he screamed at the top of his lungs.

One day Robbie got down on the floor and crawled under his bunk. He located a vent that let in outside air. As he pressed against the vent, he saw a faint glimmer of light reflected on the inside wall of the opening. Robbie put his eye next to the cement wall and discovered a minute crack in the construction. It allowed him to glimpse outside, but was so small that all he could see was one blade of grass. A single blade of grass and a faint ray of light. But when he stared at the sight, he felt a surge of joy, excitement and gratitude like he hadn't known in years. "It represented life, growth, and freedom," he later said, "and I knew God had not forgotten me." It was that tiny glimmer of hope that sustained Robbie through an unbearable ordeal.

Some of the quotes Vern Budge used were:

Anywhere is paradise. It is up to you.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery while on a detour.

A disappointing breakfast

Chelle and the kids came to the condo with us for a few days. This morning I asked the twins what they wanted for breakfast: toast, cereal, or eggs. They got very excited about the eggs - telling me they loved eggs - CHOCOLATE.

It seems the only eggs they remembered eating were EASTER eggs. Breakfast did not live up to their expectations. So funny!

However, they were not disappointed in the pool. They absolutely loved it. The weather had been cold. We kept thinking it would warm up, so we promised the kids we'd go to the pool after naps. They would NOT let us forget that promise even though it didn't warm up much. Luckily the pool was warm.

One of their favorite things was ring around the rosies. They were content to let go of your hands as you sunk to the bottom and they giggled. Such cute kids. Lucy slept peacefully in her stroller while we played in the pool.

Name that tune

Giant candy kisses in nursery for Father's Day gifts. Name that tune - anyone? anyone?

Most like a miracle

In playing "Life Stories" with Grandma Allan, one of the questions was, "What have you experienced that is almost like a miracle." Without hesitation she responded, "Every time a baby is born."

I have to agree. Here are some pictures of baby Lucy. What a sweet family.

Cookie Bouquet

I have never been much for cake/cookie decorating - too much work when you are just going to eat them anyway. When I was asked to bring the decorated cookies for nursery (for cookie bouquets), I decided I needed to up my skill level. After watching a few youtube videos, I learned about royal icing, decorator bottles, baking the skewer inside the cookie, and piping.

The cookies were passable, at least for nursery kids. We added a foam flower with their picture in the center and put gum drops in the bottom to hold them in place.

I noticed the kids shared my feelings. Emi's brother was hold her vase that consisted of only the picture flower. She was happily eating the cookies on a stick (even though they had each already had several in nursery). She told her mom the picture was for her mother, but the cookies were for her.

Here is Keola. The candy at the bottom of the vase was better than the cookies or the picture.

I had made extra plates of the "love" cookies. With thirteen in the nursery and mother's day visitors, I didn't know how many we'd need. As I left the building with the extra cookies, I saw some of the teenagers, I asked if they needed a little love, and held out the plate of "love" cookies. I was greeted with huge smiles and had no trouble getting rid of the extras.

Best Nursery Prayer

I don't know if there is an award for best nursery prayer, but there should be. In nursery on Sunday, we had a little three year old say the prayer.

Here are her words: Heavenly Father, bless that that our nursery teachers won't be mean to us.

So funny. I had to stifle a laugh.

I guess she likes us okay, however, as during the free time, she would come up to us, throw her arms around us and say, "I love you!"

As we were doing head, shoulders, knees, and toes, the same little girl said to me, "I can see your armpit." "How is it?" I asked. "Good," she replied.

Nobel Prize

We had a fun day yesterday. Steve's cousin (Lars Hansen, The Nobel Laureate) was on campus for Founder's Day. Sydney, who set up Lars' schedule, knew we were related and made sure we were invited to the festivities. Lars and I were graduate students together in mathematics at USU, so I knew him as a friend (not just as Steve's cousin).

Lars spoke in the performance hall. He talked about his professional journey. One slide showed him with some of his 58 PhD students. Very impressive. He ended with a slide of his parents. He said, I owe so much to these people, but I really can't talk about them. He choked up and that ended his presentation. It was very touching.

Lars had wanted to visit "Aunt Alda". He had sent me email regarding that several weeks ago. I invited other family members, so we had quite a group gathered. Lars' brother, Roger, was up for the event and met with us as well.

In some of the things Lars has written, he tells the following:

When I graduated from Logan (UT) High School, I was told by a counselor that, based on my recent academic performance, I could expect to be a C+ student and, if I studied very, very hard, a B+ student. I would bring home report cards with double check marks by ‘Does not respect authority.’ I was not a very inspired high school student.

I asked about "not respecting authority". He said he had moved to Utah from Michigan when his father became provost. He was not happy to be here. An English teacher had given them a paragraph to punctuate as an assignment. He recognized the paragraph from a Pulitzer Prize winning book he had read. He copied the punctuation from the book, as did several of his friends. His teacher graded the assignment, giving him a C+. Lars said, "I can't believe you just gave a Pulitzer prize winner at C+". Pretty funny.

I asked how he met his wife, Grace. He said she was a PhD student in one of his classes at Chicago. When he would exhibit his dry humor, she was one of the few in a sea of international students who 'got it'. Though Chinese, she grew up in New York, so American humor was not a mystery. He knew he liked her, but didn't feel he could date her while she was one of his students. Students in the department each had a file folder where professors could place material they wanted them to have. Lars asked her out by placing a note in her student file. She is a senior lecturer at Chicago and coordinator of the undergraduate curriculum.

Lars' brother talks more about the Nobel Prize event at here

Wait for it...

Last week at work, I got a phone call from someone I didn't recognize. He had a goal of improving family search so that surname searches were more efficient. He went off on why it was needed. Basically, such searches were slow and he wanted to design something that was faster. He appeared to know nothing about how that would be accomplished, only that faster was better. His speech was halting, and I found it difficult to understand where he was going. I listened, a bit irritated that the project I was working on had been interrupted when it was doubtful that I would be able to help him. I'm not sure why I didn't end the conversation, but I didn't.

I listened trying to figure out why he had called me and what his goal was. In the course of the conversation, I learned he had a degree in Spanish from USU and had taken a single computer science class. He was currently cleaning houses as he couldn't find full time work. He had Aspergers.

He said he couldn't go to classes, but wanted to get some computer training. I asked if he couldn't go because of the stress or because of the time/money. He indicated it was the latter.

He said he felt that although Aspergers was a disability, it also had associated special talents. I told him I understood that and talked a bit about David Germany (the neighbor I tutored).

We talked for quite a while. I suggested he take advantaged of some online resources to help him learn more about programming.

Before we ended the conversation, he asked me if I knew a Bishop Gill. I didn't. He continued, "He used to be a student of yours. He is now a bishop. He suggested I call. I'm glad I did."

So that is why he had called. It all made sense then. I just had to wait for it.

Can Social Security Be Any More Inefficient?

Steve has been on Social Security for about six months now. A few weeks ago we got a notice saying he wouldn't get his January payment (which comes in February) because his early retirement payment puts him at more income than that allowed (some $15K). Every dollar you earn past $15K, the government reduces your social security by fifty cents. The same thing had happened when he first started with social security, but it seemed odd to me that a whole paycheck was exactly what they needed to make things right. I decided I should check to make sure what was happening. I also wanted to see his earning history. They used to always mail it to you, but now they don't.

I started off by calling the number for Social Security that was given on the letter informing us that no money was coming in February. When I reach them, they force me into listening to a several minute spiel about Obama Care. Once I get past that, the message is "Please press 1". So I did - just before I heard the rest of the message, "if you want to ask about income tax." There was no backing out of pressing 1. Honestly, who says, "Please press 1 and then pauses." I call again. I listen to the several minute spiel about Obama Care and DO NOT press 1. They tell me the expected wait is 45 minutes. I leave my number and they will call me back. I had an hour before my next meeting, but I didn't hear from them before my meeting. I miss their call back. The next time I call, the expected wait is an hour and a half. I call a couple of hours later, but by then they aren't even telling you an expected wait time (nor do they offer to call me back).

The next day I try again. Finally, I get through. I ask my first question, but they say they can't talk to me as I'm not Steve. I tell them I have durable power of attorney. They don't care. They don't accept that. They say I can go to the regional office (in Ogden) with Steve. Otherwise, I have to have Steve tell them to talk to me. I tell them I live an hour away, and it is snowing. They are not impressed. I ask them my first question without talking about Steve.

It turns out they only take full paychecks. We were lucky they only took one, and not two. However, when we file income tax at the end of the year, we'll get back any extra money they have taken. SOOOOO, why didn't they say that in the letter? That would have been so much easier than just saying, "You won't be getting any money this month."

I wait until the next day, so Steve can tell them they can talk to me. Finally, I am able to ask my question. I questioned whether they had Steve's earning correct, as what he is getting seems a bit low. Did them have him retiring at 64? They said they did. I asked to see the earnings record. I mention that they used to always send us the information each year, but now they don't. She said they could send it to me, but it would cost. First they would mail me the form. Then, I would send the money. Then they would me the information. I said, "But we used to get it for free every year. Now that he's retired, it seems like it should be sent at least once." Only then did she tell me that he could create a My SSA account and get the information off the web.

So, I create an account for him and sure enough, all the information is there. I could answer my question. The seven years we were in Colorado, we did not pay into social security. Thus, instead of having 35 years of income (as is used by Social Security), he only had 25. That explains a lower benefit.

So then, I decided I should check my earnings record. I tried to create an account for me, but nothing I did worked. I wasn't sure whether I was "Vicki L Hurst". "Vicki H Allan", or "Vicki L Allan". When I was first married, I wasn't sure what to use as a middle initial. I tried all of them, but none of them worked, and the system locked me out.

I called Social Security again. Same deal. After several tries, I got through. When I told them I was locked out. They unlocked it and said, I should just type it in as is on my social security card. I said I didn't have it with me. I told her my dilemma, of which name to use, but instead of helping, she just said, "Put in your middle initial." She wouldn't tell me which one. It was like a guessing game. Finally she said I had two last names. I tried that, but it still didn't work. She said I would have to call the Ogden office, as they couldn't help me create an account.

I called the Ogden office, but there was an hour and a half wait. I called again after work, but then the wait was so long, the automated system just told me to try again the next day.

The next day, I called the Ogden office. I had to give all the identifying information - date/place of birth, mothers maiden name, etc. I got a very nice lady who talked me through it, but the system wouldn't allow me to log on, even after following her instructions. She said I would need to come in. I told her about the snow and living an hour away. She told me I could go into the Department of Workforce services in Logan and connect via a video link. It was only available on Thursday. It was Thursday! Maybe my luck was changing. She told me where it was and what to bring. Yeah! Someone who actually wanted to help.

I took off and got to the Department of Workforce services about five minutes after the video link was available, 10 a.m.. There were three names ahead of mine. Piece of cake, right. I sat down with lots of other people who were waiting for something (taxes, unemployment, etc). Not everyone needed to talk to Ogden. They were the lucky ones. None of us had brought anything to do. Then, others started coming in to talk to Ogden. They were told the wait would be 45 minutes. More people came in. They were told the wait would be an hour and a half wait AND they Ogden people went for lunch at 11:30, so if they didn't get in before then, there would be another half hour added to their wait time.

A got up and started wandering around. I had four or five workers ask if they could help me, but since I needed to talk to Ogden they couldn't. They assured me it usually wasn't like this. It must be the snow. At 11:25 they called me back.

The lady fiddled around for a bit, left for several minutes, and returned with my "password". I said, "What is my user name?" (Remember, I had tried this a half dozen times already, so I knew what I needed.) She said, just use your name. I repeated back my name and said, "With spaces?" She said, "Yes, or you can use your social security number." I said, "What do I do if it doesn't work?" She said, "Just call us back. Here is our number." I said, "I won't have to come back in to use the video link?" She assured me I wouldn't. I had zero confidence this was going to work.

I returned home. It didn't work. Your name isn't a username. Your social security number isn't a username.

I called Ogden again. I got the same very nice lady I talked to earlier. She said, "Didn't they give you a sheet of instructions for what to do?" I told her they had only given me a password. Turns out there was a completely separate link I was supposed to be at and the number they gave me was NOT a password, but an access code. The nice lady stayed on the line while I entered everything and FINALLY created my log in. I never did figure out what was wrong with the information I had entered before.

Can a system be any more inefficient? What a waste of their time and mine!!! AARGGG!

Anyway, I downloaded my work history and even played around with how Social Security is computed. Every year, your salary is multiplied by a factor to give the "adjusted earnings". While I don't know exactly what that means, it turns out that in 1995 I had a better year (according to social security) than any year since. We are told we are losing buying power. That was pretty dramatic proof.

My turn as the rock star

As I have mentioned before, the International Student Office is NOT my favorite entity on campus. They made a series of mistakes for my student, Udara, regarding his ability to take an internship (CPT). In July, they said it was okay. In August, they approved it (and he moved his wife and family to SLC). In October, they told him there had been a mistake, but that they would just "go forward". The contention was the the CPT was not integral to his degree as he had finished his coursework and was, therefore, illegal. They didn't tell him they wouldn't approve the internship for another semester. They didn't tell him that to change his status to an pre-OPT (rather than a CPT) would take four months. In January, he asked to have it extended, and they approved it. Then, the end of January, they tell him he is out of compliance, he needs to quit working, he needs to move back to campus.

They took no responsibility for their mistakes. In their view, it was his fault that he didn't understand what he should have done. (Even though our secretary, who is brilliant, didn't understand their messages either.) They didn't care that he would lose $25K in salary. They told me there was nothing I could do to alter his status. Udara told me it was the worse thing that has every happened to him. He had planned to move back to Sri Lanka so his kids wouldn't be in danger of being outside the law.

I actually lost a lot of sleep over this. Literally. One night, I read "The Chosen One", about a girl who needs to escape from a very bad situation. I finished the book and kept being flooded with the thought, "That is Udara. He is in a very bad situation. He can't resolve it without someone else to help me. That is my responsibility." I kept replaying the events over and over in my mind. Each time, it was even harder to believe that there was nothing that would make a difference.

So I met with ISO to see what could be done. They told me there was nothing I could do. In the course of the discussion, however, they told me if he took a masters as an intermediate degree, he could apply for OPT (which is done after completion of a degree). We made plans for that to happen. Normally our PhD students don't get a masters degree, even though it is common elsewhere. Anyway, as I looked into getting him the intermediate degree, I discovered something. If we gave him a degree, we could put the CPT credits as a requirement for the masters degree, and voila, the CPT was integral and he was back in compliance.

They weren't happy with me for finding the loop hole, but Udara was magically back in compliance and could go back to work. He was one happy fellow.

I came out looking like a rock star. ISO came out looking like jerks.

The Grinch

On Sunday, Steve went to class (and took a break from nursery). When he came back in, the kids were glad to see him - even the siblings of the nursery kids. Briggs (Lockland's brother) kept wanting Steve to pick him up. Steve would grab him, mutter something about getting him, twist from side to side, and then throw him in the air. Carol's (the other nursery worker) five year old was there. Riley said to her mom, "He's kind of like the Grinch." So funny. I guess instead of Santa coming to their house and visiting, the Grinch comes. Carol says he is 100% entertainment when he walks in. So, I guess calling Steve the Grinch was actually a complement.

The most touching funeral...

We went to the funeral of a sweet friend, Marilyn Hurd. She was 80 and suffering with Alzheimer's. Something about being in the Relief Society Presidency for five years dictates that all ward funerals must be attended.

Marilyn and Dean are part of a great ward family. They would do anything for you. At age 80, Dean started teaching primary. Marilyn would volunteer for anything you needed done. It was fun to learn about what she was like as a young mother. I've only known her as old and (in recent years) fragile.

The most touching part of the whole funeral happened before anyone said a word. We sat down, and I looked back over the crowd. Just behind me was a whole row of Dean's primary boys. I was so touched. I tried to tell Steve what I had seen, but I couldn't make any words come out. So special!

No budget for compassion

Starting last Friday, I started receiving a host of emails. Today, almost the entire day was taken trying to resolve the issue (without any real success). It is a convoluted set of circumstances. Basically, USU's office of global engagement incorrectly allowed an international graduate student of mine to do an internship (CPT). In fact, they approved his CPT TWICE, by mistake. The rule is complicated. I was never informed. Those that did receive the message in our department didn't understand, and didn't pass it on to me.

My student is in SLC with a wife and two kids. He has a contract for an apartment for a year. He has no car. They are telling him to stop work immediately and return to USU, where he has no job and no apartment. He has to apply for a different kind of internship permission, which can't be granted for FOUR MONTHS.

Very bad news, right? Listen to the tone of the email that was sent:

Dr. Watson,

I need X to stop working on his curricular practical training internship immediately to comply with immigration law.

Unfortunately one of my less seasoned advisors allowed him to extend his curricular practical training application this semester without taking note of the counsel I had given X last semester and it has further complicated the issue.

X is well aware of the immigration laws regarding curricular practical training because we discussed the laws at length last semester and that discussion is documented in his immigration file.

Please let me know if you need further information or if I can be of further assistance.

They could have said, "Gee, I'm sorry this happened to you. We messed up. We'll do anything in our power to help you through this." Instead, they inferred that he knew he was in the wrong and chose not to follow the rule. ARGGGGG.

The university always uses money as an excuse for not doing things, but there is no forced limitation on compassion.

Love in the nursery

We have been in the nursery for a year now. The kids are pretty special.

Hadley is almost three. She and Steve have this thing going. When the older kids were still in nursery, all the boys flocked to Steve. It is a magic he has. There was someone always tackling him, sitting on his lap, or showing him a special toy. Hadley didn’t mind the competition. She always made sure Steve had time for her. One day, we were getting ready for the lesson. Steve was trying to get one of the boys to sit on his lap and stop running around. He asked, “Won’t you sit on my lap?” Hadley quickly took stock of the situation and realized the boy was not going to sit down, so she ran over and sat on Steve’s lap. So cute. Last week, Lochland (for of our new recruits) was NOT happy to be in nursery. I figured Teddy Grahams were a good bribe. Lochland could not be bought off that easily, but the girls thought it was great. I kept getting them out of the box and offering one to whomever looked hungriest. Hadley reached her hand into the box to get a handful – but they weren’t for her. She took them over to Steve, who hadn’t had any. Such love.

Smurf Feet

Lori told me about soaking your feet in a solution of 2 parts water, 1 part vinegar, and 1 part mouthwash. I soak my feet while I'm on the computer, so it can be a half hour or so. I follow up with a pumice stone and it makes a huge difference. Better than anything else I've tried to get rid of rough heels. I stick the solution in a rectangular tuperware container, so I can use it multiple times.

I was cleaning in the bathroom(More later), when I discovered an old bottle of mouthwash. I decided it was time to replace my solution. The mouthwash was blue, and though several posts had warned against using blue mouthwash, I used it anyway. Sure enough. Smurf feet. Right down to the toenails. Luckily, it is winter so no one saw my feet. So funny!

About cleaning... I've been inspired by a cleaning post on facebook. A woman has a schedule for cleaning her whole house (including base moldings) every month. She does some deep cleaning every day, rather than save it for the weekend or a week in April. Since the kids have moved out, our house rarely gets deep cleaned. I figured I could afford to work on acquiring some new habits. Here are the favorite hints I have tried:

Tie a baggie containing white vinegar over your shower head. Let it sit overnight. Voila, hard water deposits are gone.

Use antibacterial wipes to do a 3-minute wipedown of bathroom and kitchen counters everyday.

Use a small amount of white vinegar on a microfiber cloth to clean blinds.

Buy microfiber cloths from the automotive department (Walmart has them $5 for 8). Spray the microfiber cloths with a small amount of water, attach them to your Swifter, and use them to clean wood floors.

Wipe down doors (inside and out), cabinets, switch plates, and walls once a month.

Vacuum out heating vents and air return grills.

Of course, her month's schedule will likely take me six months to complete, but it's better than my original schedule, which in some cases was never.

Here is the link to the cleaning schedule. Here

My inheritance...

I've been reminded of things I learned from my parents.

Yesterday, Steve was complaining that his sink was slow. I googled "slow bathroom sink" and found a video clip. I followed the instructions and was so thrilled to pull my pipes apart using wrenches in our toolkit. I found hairballs and black sludge. Steve was grossed out, but I thought it was great. All that junk that wouldn't be slowing down the drain. I felt like a little "Dad". Dad was so self-reliant and could fix anything. I don't have his fix-it skills, but I do have the satisfaction.

Before Christmas, I was in a meeting with the provost. She was so good - asking our opinions and really listening. I've known her for a while so I wasn't surprised, but after the meeting was over, the woman next to me expressed her amazement. Thinking of my mom,I passed the comment along to the provost in an email. Mom used to always say, "If you hear a compliment, pass it on. It is like a double compliment. One person said it, and you agreEd or you wouldn't have passed it on."

The provost thanked me for my note. Several weeks later, I saw the provost as I was leaving the public library. The first thing she said to me was, "Thanks for that note. It made my day."

Thanks,mom and dad.

And there's more. From both my folks I learned to use what you have and appreciate a sale. Mom used to read the ads, make her shopping list, and go to several stores to get the best price on everything. She would have loved "Price matching" and "grocery Smarts". Actually, she didn't need them. She knew a good price when she saw one without needing someone to tell her it was an "extreme" deal. She knew how to make a dollar go far, even when she didn't need to. It was kind of a like a stewardship over the resources that she had been given.

Dad kept all kinds of things "in case he ever needed them". Screws, nails, plumbing supplies, sections of hose, wood, wire... you name it, he saved and filed it for future use.

It is almost like a game with me. Discovering eggs that are near their expiration date, you think of something you can make to use them up. It just seems unappreciative to let them go to waste.

In the past six months, in addition to the pipe cleaning, I've replaced the regulator on our barbecue grill, cleaned out the regulator on the Cache cooker so it works, and replaced the wheels on the sliding glass door screen. These tasks are new to me. I always just assumed the man of the house would do such repairs, even though Steve has never shown much interest. I've finally decided that I can do such things. It is liberating.

I think being frugal is part of my heritage. "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without." Having parents who grew up in the depression, being frugal is a virtue.

Far From the Tree

I have been reading a most compelling book about children who are not like their parents - gay, dwarf, schizophrenic, downs, autistic, transgender. It is called "Far from the Tree" by Andrew Solomon. I had to stop reading because of language, but not before I recorded some quotes:

This book's conundrum is that most of the families described here have ended up grateful for experiences they would have done anything to avoid.

Deaf people were considered moronic - hence our use of the word dumb to describe idiocy - but such limitations were the result of denying them language.

She loves and is loved well, as I had hoped.

(Thinking of aborting a fetus known to be a dwarf) The psychologist was saying that either way, there's always going to be a moment when you regret your decision.

For six months, Emily (the mom) would cry herself to sleep. "I almost drowned him in the tears I shed over him."

Perhaps the most insidious stress is the social isolation that can ensure when friends retreat, or when parents withdraw from friends' pity or incomprehension. the birth of a healthy child usually expands the parents' social network; the birth of a child who is disabled often constricts that network.

Susan Allport, an authority on maternal attachment, writes that in nondisabled populations "it is not parent providing care to helpless young but parent and young, together, performing carefully synchronized, ruthlessly selected dances of reproduction and survival. The newborn is born knowing its steps, but, like all ballroom dancers, it must have a partner.

I'm reminded of a friend who said that when she found out her husband couldn't fill her needs, she changed her needs; they've had a long, good life together.

People always regale us with these little sayings, like, 'God doesn't give you any more than you can handle.' But children like ours are not preordained as a gift. They're a gift because that's what we have chosen.

From the Essay, "Welcome to Holland"

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Christmas Letter

With all of the Christmas movies we’ve been watching, we’ve decided to share some titles we could have been starring in.

Michelle/Ben have been involved in Great Expectations, Little Women, and One, Two, Three. A new daughter will join the twins in April.

Greg has been enjoying his travels around the world and just recently moved. His roles include An American in Paris, Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore, and Sleepless in Seattle.

Trisha/Brandon have had their share of driving with a new job for Brandon and lots of running around for Trisha. Their credits include The Asphalt Jungle, Driving Miss Daisy, and Taxi Driver.

Kimberly/David had a wild trip to Italy with the four kids performing in The Wild Bunch and Roman Holiday. Kim is loving life with a darling husband, two teenagers, a college student, and a missionary.

Lori/Kram have had a busy year with kid’s activities and work. With both kids at the same school all day, life is far less complicated. Truly, It’s a wonderful life

After dipping 55 pounds of chocolate with the family, Vicki is eager to end production of Chocolat and get back to starring in The Way We Were. Life has been busy with trips to Spain and Tucson, chairing the NCWIT Aspirations Awards for Utah, and many family activities.

Steve has enjoyed retirement this year with roles in Rules of the Game, Total Recall, and Life is Sweet. With double cataract surgery, he is better able to enjoy mountain biking, 4-wheeling, and temple work. He was released as a member of the bishopric in the YSA ward and now serves in the nursery with Vicki.

Hope you have a great and productive year. Happy Holidays from the Allan’s

Jayber Crow

Here are some quotes from a book I just finished reading. There was a lot of food for thought.

“The mercy of the world is you don't know what's going to happen.”

"Christ did not descend from the cross except into the grave. And why not otherwise? Wouldn’t it have put fine comical expressions on the faces of the scribes and chief priests and the soldiers if at that moment He had come down in power and glory? Why didn’t He do it? Why hasn’t He done it at any one of a thousand good times between then and now? I knew the answer. I knew it a long time before I could admit it, for all the suffering of the world is in it. He didn’t, He hasn’t, because from the moment He did, He would be the absolute tyrant of the world and we would be His slaves. Even those who hated Him and hated one another and hated their own souls would have to believe in Him then. From that moment the possibility that we might be bound to Him and He to us and us to one another by love forever would be ended. And so, I thought, He must forebear to reveal His power and glory by presenting Himself as Himself, and must be present only in the ordinary miracle of the existence of His creatures. Those who wish to see Him must see Him in the poor, the hungry, the hurt, the wordless creatures, the groaning and travailing beautiful world.”

“I finally knew... why Christ's prayer in the garden could not be granted. He had been seeded and birthed into human flesh. He was one of us. Once He had become mortal, He could not become immortal except by dying. That He prayed the prayer at all showed how human He was. That He knew it could not be granted showed his divinity; that He prayed it anyhow showed His mortality, His mortal love of life that His death made immortal.”

“I came to feel a tenderness for them all. This was something new to me. It gave me a curious pleasure to touch them, to help them in and out of the chair, to shave their weather-toughened old faces. They had known hard use, nearly all of them. You could tell it by the way they held themselves and moved. Most of all you could tell it by their hands, which were shaped by wear and often by the twists and swellings of arthritis. They had used their hands forgetfully, as hooks and pliers and hammers, and in every kind of weather. The backs of their hands showed a network of little scars where they had been cut, nicked, thornstuck, pinched, punctured, scraped, and burned. Their faces told that they had suffered things they did not talk about.Every one of them had a good knife in his pocket, sharp, the blades whetted narrow and concave, the horn of the handle worn smooth.”

“But faith is not necessarily, or not soon, a resting place. Faith puts you out on a wide river in a boat, in the fog, in the dark. Even a man of faith knows that (as Burley Coulter used to say) we've all got to go through enough to kill us.”

“It is not a terrible thing to love the world, knowing that the world is always passing and irrecoverable, to be known only in loss. To love anything good, at any cost, is a bargain.”

“Telling a story is like reaching into a granary full of wheat and drawing out a handful. There is always more to tell than can be told.”

“By then I wasn't just asking questions; I was being changed by them. I was being changed by my prayers, which dwindled down nearer and nearer to silence, which weren't confrontations with God but with the difficulty--in my own mind, or in the human lot--of knowing what or how to pray. Lying awake at night, I could feel myself being changed--into what, I had no idea.”

“Cecelia, as with every look and gesture she let us know, was entirely at ease only in the company of her equals – a company that included, besides herself, only her sister. And of course Cecelia held some secret doubts about herself; you can’t dislike nearly everybody and be quite certain that you have exempted yourself.” ― Wendell Berry, Jayber Crow

Ice Cream

This weekend we went to SLC and Farmington to deliver a belated birthday present and see the kids/grandkids. Michelle reminded me that we should make centers so we can dip at Thanksgiving, so I hauled my candy making materials to her house. The marble slab had been left in the car overnight. As I brought it in, the kids were sure it was ice cream. It was very cold. It was hard. It even looked like vanilla ice cream swirl. So funny!

Falling off the bridge

Steve has kept pretty busy this summer - 4-wheeling, temple work, mountain biking. This week he drove his 4-wheeler off a bridge. He was evidently trying to avoid a board on one side of the bridge and didn't turn back quick enough. He jumped from the vehicle, only scraping his leg, but his 4-wheeler landed on its side some five feet below. His friends helped him pull it out.

Pretty scary. It could have been so much worse. It really shook him up. I'm not sure how long he'll want to continue going. I know Lou and Jay watch out for him, telling him when to slow down and when to get into low gear. He just doesn't have the judgement he used to have.

A perfect day

With the cold weather we have been having, I decided I needed to get the boat winterized sooner rather than later - even if it meant taking off from work. On Monday night, we drove to the condo and went straight to Cafe Sabor. The food was wonderful, as always. As we drove into the condo parking lot, we noticed our friends, the Ivie's, were at their condo. We went over for a hug and spent an hour visiting.

The next day we met Nate, from Epic Recreation. He both picked up and delivered the boat so we didn't need to back it. We didn't even need to take a car with a trailer hitch. Merlene caught us by the garage and invited us to lunch at t heir condo later.

The weather was amazing for October. We took a bike ride to the golf course. We read for a while, went to lunch, and met Nate so he could return the boat. So slick!

We learned something from Ivie's that made my day. The high density condo development next door to our condo is officially doomed. The company in charge of it is in major debt and won't be allowed to continue. YEAH! It was such a disaster - three and four floor condos, underground parking, shopping, restaurants, pools, tennis - just wall to wall people. Insufficient parking, and no way to accommodate boat trailers. Plus, those with condos on the mountain would use the area's beach front. I was so worried it would become a ghetto. Hopefully, the next buyers will have a better plan for developing the area.

On the way home, the leaves were brilliant. A perfect day.

Cleaning the speech

When we were kids, if we used inappropriate language, Mom would get a bar of soap and "wash our mouths out". I can't remember it ever happening to me, but I have vivid memories of it happening to my older brother. Some things you just don't have to experience for yourself.

Steve must have had similar motives this week. He loaded a batch of darks in the laundry, added the shorts he was wearing, and came upstairs to tell me that he had rescued his chapstick from the washing machine. I said, "Where is your cell phone?" He said, "That is a good question." He went downstairs and came up a few minutes later with a dripping Iphone.

I found several google posts. One said to suck out the water with a vacuum cleaner for 15 minutes each opening. Then to put it in a bowl of rice for 2-7 days. After two days, having little hope, we decided to plug it in. Nothing. We waited a few minutes. Nothing. We left it plugged in, came back twenty minutes later, and IT WORKS!!!! Amazing.

Just Pick One

Chelle came up last night with the girls. Ben had to work today. We went to the Wellsville parade and family reunion, even though we left in a downpour.

The Wellsville parade is a high candy count parade. We got so much candy. When the girls would pick it up, Chelle would have them put it in a bag. They soon learned to bring it to Grandma, who would open it for them.

We visited the carnival. We bought bows and ribbon wands (from Kim's friend, Shannon) and crocheted princess dolls. The girls were really getting into the buying. As we went to a jewelry tent, Savannah pointed to a rainbow colored necklace saying, "Just pick one!!" They will be great shoppers.

We visited the neighbors goats. Such crazy animals. They would stand on their hind legs to eat the leaves off the trees. The kids would feed them and thought that was great.

The girls ate their first corn on the cob. It was a hit.

They loved playing with Abby.

Private Cell Phone Use

We had Ari this weekend while her family went to the lake. She is such an easy baby. The first night she slept 11 hours without a peep. The second night she slept 9.5. She loved stroller rides and jumping on the tramp. She even survived one o'clock church - absolutely loving the nursery.

The funniest thing was when Steve gave Ari his cell phone. She went behind the recliner to play with it. At fifteen months, I think she knows that playing with cool things with others around results in getting the cool toy taken away. So cute.

End of an Era

For years, Sunday dinner meant the Allan's. Early on, it was the two of them. Expectations were high. No casseroles or shortcuts were allowed. Sunday dinner meant meat and potatoes, rolls, dessert, fresh vegetables. I remember the time when I didn't fix rolls. I apologized but explained the weekend had been too hectic to get them made. During the meal, I asked Glen if I could get him anything. He announced, with disgust, "YOU COULD GET ME ROLLS." Too funny. Sunday dinner was an event.

After Glen died, Grandma Allan would drive herself to our house. When that became unsafe, Steve or one of the kids would go to her house fifteen minutes away; she would be waiting in the glider outside. As she got slower and less stable on her feet, we would go inside and walk along side her as she slowly made her way to the front door. For the last eight months, Steve has been unable to drive safely so I was typically the one to make the trek. Forty five minutes to pick her up. Forty five minutes to return her to her home. It has taken real strategy to figure out meals which need minimal effort the last 45 minutes before serving. When I couldn't figure out how to get the meal on the table and pick up grandma, Greg was always willing to make the trip.

This last Sunday, when I went to pick her up, the round trip stretched to well over an hour. She absolutely couldn't take a step without help. She was trying to use the facilities when I arrived and was so unsteady that she had to sit after I slid down each layer. We repeated the process getting her dressed again - her resting after each layer while I pulled and smoothed. I have no idea how she accomplishes the necessary when someone isn't there to deal with the clothing and pads. Getting out of her house and to the car was a MAJOR ordeal, I kept thinking, "Why would she even want to leave her home when it takes this much effort? Certainly food cannot be this important. This is absolutely crazy, as well as unsafe."

As tough as that was, getting up and down our five front porch steps was even worse. With Greg on one side and Steve on the other, they practically lifted her up the stairs. At no time during the hour long saga did she take one step on her own. She couldn't even walk with the walker - but sat on it and was pushed.

Perhaps Sunday dinner will now mean we eat with her at the assisted living. The days of eating at our house are history.

This past week has taken incredible effort. While we were enjoying education week, Bob and Kathy had so much to do. Grandma fell twice (causing them to leave their bed or their work to come to her aid). She had a dentist appointment, a hair appointment (which senior care took care of), an appointment with her doctor, and an extra trip to instacare. All that on top of taking her to dinner, bring in the paper each day, taking out the garbage can, bringing in food, helping her get into bed. Whew! I felt badly that I couldn't help. What is worse is that now that the semester has begun, I am still unavailable to help. I am begging that they put her in assisted living. This is asking too much of the caregivers and is unsafe.

Doubt your doubts rather than doubt your faith

We are here at education week and loving it. Probably my favorite speaker of the day was David Marsh on dealing with doubts in the church. He said that many young single adults are losing their testimonies because of anti-mormon literature posted on the web.

He listed a variety of things that cause doubts to arise:

1. trials that we have diminish us

2. Encounters with new information

3. Educational Pursuits

4. Unsettling interactions with other members or leaders in the church.

He suggested several responses

a. It is ok to experience doubts, but don't let them linger.

b. Fortify your faith in Jesus Christ

c. Seek to resolve doubt through sincere prayer.

d. Clear the ground of rocks so faith is not limited by stumbling blocks

President Uchtdorf: The missionary effort of the Church is founded upon honest investigators asking heartfelt questions. Inquiry is the birthplace of testimony. Some might feel embarrassed or unworthy because they have searching questions regarding the gospel, but they needn’t feel that way. Asking questions isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a precursor of growth.

Elder Holland: Brothers and sisters, this is a divine work in process, with the manifestations and blessings of it abounding in every direction, so please don’t hyperventilate if from time to time issues arise that need to be examined, understood, and resolved. They do and they will. In this Church, what we know will always trump what we do not know. And remember, in this world, everyone is to walk by faith.

Neal A. Maxwell: Do not underestimate the importance of what you do as articulators. In praising C. S. Lewis, Austin Farrer wrote, "Though argument does not create conviction, lack of it destroys belief. What seems to be proved may not be embraced; but what no one shows that ability to defend is quickly abandoned. Rational argument does not create belief, but it maintains a climate in which belief may flourish."1 I am thankful to those who help to provide the needed "climate."

There are a group of the faithful who are working at giving thoughtful answers to troubling questions. The website fairlds.org is the result.

e. Don't be afraid to believe too much.

f. Express your gratitude. Come to know God.

g. Center your life on Jesus Christ.

h. Increase your knowledge of the truth. Don't be satisfied with superficial knowledge - which is all you have time for in Sunday School.

Boyd K Packer: Put difficult questions in the back of your minds and go about your lives. Ponder and pray quietly and persistently about them.

The church is not trying to hide information, but our understanding of history changes. Remember the Sweetwater rescue? We didn't have the sequence of events quite right.

i. One truth does not contradict another. Living by faith does not relieve us of the obligation of learning for ourselves. You will always find a reasonable answer to anti-mormon literature. Here is the test to apply:

1. Is it a pattern in the scripture

2. Do living prophets teach it?

3. Is it in harmony with current practices and policies?

4. Does the spirit testify of truthfulness?

When people are struggling, one of the worst things you can say is, "Just go pray about it." While praying will help, unless you supply other information, the person feels abandoned.

Opinions that cannot stand up under discussion are not worth holding.

Perseverance

I think we could all take a lesson from Abby. The other night she was begging for me to throw the stick to her. She is very athletic, and often catches it mid-air. When the stick ended up in the neighbor's tree, I thought it was a good time to take a break. I went down to the hammock and started reading my book. Abby kept searching for the stick. She would look up in the tree, circling it. The tree was too tall, but she noticed a low branch on my peach tree. She jumped and landed with a branch of the peach tree. I was not about to reward a peach tree attack, so I wouldn't throw it (or any other stick) to her. As I lay there, she kept bringing me tiny sticks from the yard until I had a small pile.

Later that night, we took her on a walk, using stick fetching as a reason for her to return to us. Near the end of the walk she was running for the stick, grabbing it in her mouth just before she hit the curb. She bled a bit, but was still eager to play fetch. We didn't realized until later that she had punctured the bottom of her mouth. Poor girl.

Since then, I won't throw a stick to her - but have switched to a ball. The other day on our walk, I couldn't find a ball, so we went with nothing to fetch. She found a stick, but I wouldn't throw it to her. She kept dropping it at my feet, but I would walk by saying, "No stick, Abby." On our walk, she found three groups of kids who would throw the stick to her. She was tempted to stay with them, but she did consent to continue the walk with me even though there was no stick throwing.

Ari

We watched Ari while her family went to the lake for the weekend. What a delightful girl. She folded her arms during the prayer, loved stories, and loved the dog. Look at Abby's eyes. She is waiting patiently for us to throw the stick.

Composers at Work

Chelle and the girls were up for the weekend. We had a great time playing with the twins and visiting with Michelle. What a great Mom she is.