Finally the sky had cleared up. Too much heartache makes me feel that I have aged lots haha. I have done all that I can, that I should and let the matter rest, in peace hopefully.
The ones reading this would probably had no clues at all of what I am trying to say. It doesn't matter really, take it that it is a test of our faith, our trust and our strength of the relationship.
Things changed, some tremendously and inevitably and others unexpectedly. People changed and I have changed. Especially my trust and certainly my naivety that things are always simple.
Adult world is so complicated and with each step that you take, you have to bear all consequences thereafter. From now on, I will think carefully before I act.
I am actually glad of how things have turned out and it can be called a happy ending.
Work is starting to pick up on pace. I have indeed so much to learn and many more responsibility to take on. Stress is inevitable but is better than being stagnant all the way. I can feel myself progressing. I have the chance to horn my driving skill soon whether I like it or not. I pray hard that I am able to gather myself and nothing bad will happen especially on the day that I will need to drive out with my supervisor.
I can do it and I must do it.
Boyfriend's birthday is coming up in April how can I do a different celebration? Hmm...
At last, I am ending a post in a happier note, because there's so many happy events that happened or is happening!
More on that in the next post,
Aja Aja Fighting for now =)
Love,
Kate Chng
Friday, March 22, 2013
Friday, December 21, 2012
Terrible Feeling
You know the feeling of heaviness and coldness in your heart? You hear the thumbing of your heart beat and feel the heat around you face that's coming from the burning feeling from the heart? Too difficult to explain. I'll blame it on the pre-menses emotions and having all those words stuck at the throat.
No amount of tears will flood and put down those pain, it will be just accumulating. I am just needing a lot of patience from people who can't understand. I really understand it's human nature to judge, I don't blame them really because I jolly well am someone like that. From now on, I will think hard before I say because it isn't a nice feeling to be misunderstood.
Breath in and out cause thing isn't as bad as it seemed. It will be over soon.
Remember, your emotion feeds who you are, stay positive and everything wrong will go right.
People who cares will be there regardless of what had happened, even after quarrel, even after unresolved misunderstanding, even after not meeting them for months or years.
We have been through much together in the decade and that is how strong we are even as things have changed.
Don't give up hope, struggle to fight off that devil mind that is eating you and your soul away slowly.
You will be alright in no time =)
Kate Loves.
No amount of tears will flood and put down those pain, it will be just accumulating. I am just needing a lot of patience from people who can't understand. I really understand it's human nature to judge, I don't blame them really because I jolly well am someone like that. From now on, I will think hard before I say because it isn't a nice feeling to be misunderstood.
Breath in and out cause thing isn't as bad as it seemed. It will be over soon.
Remember, your emotion feeds who you are, stay positive and everything wrong will go right.
People who cares will be there regardless of what had happened, even after quarrel, even after unresolved misunderstanding, even after not meeting them for months or years.
We have been through much together in the decade and that is how strong we are even as things have changed.
Don't give up hope, struggle to fight off that devil mind that is eating you and your soul away slowly.
You will be alright in no time =)
Kate Loves.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Moving on. New Job, Life and Expectation
Date: 29th October 2012
In my last post, I talked about moving slowly, a step at a time. Yet unknowingly from that moment, I went from gear one to gear five and I am at my last 3 days of work at Kim Hing Food Industries Pte Ltd typing away this post right now. I had a lot of emotions I have never had before, I guess it made me felt cherished, loved, cared by staff and bosses I thought would be nonchalant otherwise.
From getting a job offer to getting two, having a huge battle within myself in choosing the right career path, then rejecting a seemingly lucrative position and possible huge career advancement for something that is more stable and a job that I wanted to have all along, to having to go through weeks of fear of non-confirmation for the job offer that I agree on accepting (that's if I cleared all criteria and have the panel to confirm my employment!) then the result of the medical check-up and finally the resignation for a job that I had for a whole 3 years!, all of the above in the span of over a month, phew! Heartache, anxiety, happiness, sadness and anticipation were the mix feelings that I have been feeling in this whole month which was more then I what I have ever felt in my past employment, other than during different stages of tertiary graduation.
Looking back, I am actually thankful that I have started out on a job that stemmed from traditional values, more rigid, having to deal with attitude from the older staffs and demanding bosses and associates. I am forced to be superbly independent with my desktop being my only "co-worker", learning to cope with demands from bosses and associates, having to endure all patterns of attitudes from the older staff whom think "they knew it all" and lastly doing work/assignments/routines which I didn't enjoy and couldn't do it for the rest of my life. So moved on I did and it seems to be on fast forward pace like someone had pressed on that button on the remote control.
Last Thursday, 25th October 2012, I had a dinner date with Mrs Irene, my lady boss, my guidance, my benevolent at Jack's Place near the AMK library. I had my utmost favourite steak, yummy mushroom soup and their signature salad. We had lots of small talks about everything, her sons, my life, my past my future. How I wish she's really my God Mother, someone whom I hold on to dearly and looked upon to and how I wish I can call and talk to her every now and then even when I left the company. All good things comes to an end and I knew very well this could be our last meal together as I embark on a new journey but I am glad it was a very memorable one. I will never forget her, dear Mrs Irene. =))
Fast forwarding back to present! Few hours ago, Kel*** asked for mine IC number which prompts me for the reason for it and I was surprised by the reply. My boss wanted it as he is amidst the preparation of a testimonial for me for my future career references. I felt touched and I could feel that tears will be overflowing imminently. That was when I really wanted to pen down my feelings this moment. *Updated on 31st October 2012* Today is my last day of work with Kim Hing Food Industries Pte Ltd. I am really thankful for this initiation move from my boss as I am well aware that this is not a mandatory requirement. It feels like all my hardwork paid off and has gotten noticed of and this is yet the best gift for my farewell. Thank you Mr Norman Tan for always crediting me for a job well done even if it's just an email reply stating " Well done Kate!" And although he is quite tempermental, he has never once lash it upon me. Just moments ago he came by office shortly and despite rushing off to catch his plane to Hong Kong he remembered that it is my last day today (31st October 2012), came up to me and shake hands with me wishing me all the best. =))
I know I have my fair share of complaints of my job and the staffs here but at this moment, I didn't feel "shiok" although it is my last day of work. I guess it was the emotional attachment and bond to this place where I have been around for three years, to the colleagues who are a breeze to work with although I seldom mix with them or know them well by their names and to the bosses especially Mrs Irene whom has taken care of me so well and one whom I can't bear to leave.
I will see them soon nonetheless. This is a happy ending and I look forward to the new chapter of my life. I am proud to say I have achieve my one milestone and is moving on to the next.
Aja Aja Fighting Kate!
With Love,
Kate Chng
In my last post, I talked about moving slowly, a step at a time. Yet unknowingly from that moment, I went from gear one to gear five and I am at my last 3 days of work at Kim Hing Food Industries Pte Ltd typing away this post right now. I had a lot of emotions I have never had before, I guess it made me felt cherished, loved, cared by staff and bosses I thought would be nonchalant otherwise.
From getting a job offer to getting two, having a huge battle within myself in choosing the right career path, then rejecting a seemingly lucrative position and possible huge career advancement for something that is more stable and a job that I wanted to have all along, to having to go through weeks of fear of non-confirmation for the job offer that I agree on accepting (that's if I cleared all criteria and have the panel to confirm my employment!) then the result of the medical check-up and finally the resignation for a job that I had for a whole 3 years!, all of the above in the span of over a month, phew! Heartache, anxiety, happiness, sadness and anticipation were the mix feelings that I have been feeling in this whole month which was more then I what I have ever felt in my past employment, other than during different stages of tertiary graduation.
Looking back, I am actually thankful that I have started out on a job that stemmed from traditional values, more rigid, having to deal with attitude from the older staffs and demanding bosses and associates. I am forced to be superbly independent with my desktop being my only "co-worker", learning to cope with demands from bosses and associates, having to endure all patterns of attitudes from the older staff whom think "they knew it all" and lastly doing work/assignments/routines which I didn't enjoy and couldn't do it for the rest of my life. So moved on I did and it seems to be on fast forward pace like someone had pressed on that button on the remote control.
Last Thursday, 25th October 2012, I had a dinner date with Mrs Irene, my lady boss, my guidance, my benevolent at Jack's Place near the AMK library. I had my utmost favourite steak, yummy mushroom soup and their signature salad. We had lots of small talks about everything, her sons, my life, my past my future. How I wish she's really my God Mother, someone whom I hold on to dearly and looked upon to and how I wish I can call and talk to her every now and then even when I left the company. All good things comes to an end and I knew very well this could be our last meal together as I embark on a new journey but I am glad it was a very memorable one. I will never forget her, dear Mrs Irene. =))
Fast forwarding back to present! Few hours ago, Kel*** asked for mine IC number which prompts me for the reason for it and I was surprised by the reply. My boss wanted it as he is amidst the preparation of a testimonial for me for my future career references. I felt touched and I could feel that tears will be overflowing imminently. That was when I really wanted to pen down my feelings this moment. *Updated on 31st October 2012* Today is my last day of work with Kim Hing Food Industries Pte Ltd. I am really thankful for this initiation move from my boss as I am well aware that this is not a mandatory requirement. It feels like all my hardwork paid off and has gotten noticed of and this is yet the best gift for my farewell. Thank you Mr Norman Tan for always crediting me for a job well done even if it's just an email reply stating " Well done Kate!" And although he is quite tempermental, he has never once lash it upon me. Just moments ago he came by office shortly and despite rushing off to catch his plane to Hong Kong he remembered that it is my last day today (31st October 2012), came up to me and shake hands with me wishing me all the best. =))
I know I have my fair share of complaints of my job and the staffs here but at this moment, I didn't feel "shiok" although it is my last day of work. I guess it was the emotional attachment and bond to this place where I have been around for three years, to the colleagues who are a breeze to work with although I seldom mix with them or know them well by their names and to the bosses especially Mrs Irene whom has taken care of me so well and one whom I can't bear to leave.
I will see them soon nonetheless. This is a happy ending and I look forward to the new chapter of my life. I am proud to say I have achieve my one milestone and is moving on to the next.
Aja Aja Fighting Kate!
With Love,
Kate Chng
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Moving slowly one step at a time.
Days seem to be fast forwarding ever since graduating from school. There's no more half yearly break from the textbooks and notes, just the routinely work, home, bed and work home bed. Then comes the weekend then back to work, home and bed.
I am the lucky one out of the most unlucky if you know what I mean. Didn't have the most high flying grades, just the oh-I-am-so-lucky I can get by my degree, phew! When my classmate have all gotten a good job after graduation, I was still trying my hard luck which couldn't get anywhere until my current boss asked my faculty's professor to introduce candidate to him that I finally have a chance to land myself a job. In the midst of job search two years on, was lucky to get few statutory board's calling up for interview but failed terribly again and again. My god. Why am I so bad at interviews? I was always like an ants on fire whenever I entered that door to the opportunity of a better job prospect , just to have it crashed due to my inablity of confidence speaking and the nerves all wrecked up.
Now, at last I have an interview where I think I fared good and not much nerve wrecking moment, I never heard from the company ever! Not even an rejection. Patiently waiting until weeks passed, month passed but there is still no news.(Last checked on 14 Aug 2012, so the company still haven't replied to the agency whom is suppose to inform me and I will just have to wait for update from him. =.=)
How not to feel dejected? Human's feeling are so fragile, especially so for mine. Nobody knows how much I have worked hard for those interviews, rehearsing times and again of those questions to myself. It's ok, perhaps, the almighty had a better path paved for me and I just need to grab and prepare myself for that one chance and maybe just maybe I will nail it! And all those hardwork will pay off and I am off to better future.
Things has to change, it is just a matter of time.
Taking baby steps are better than not moving at all.
All disgruntling aside. I feel like an adult finally. Responsible for my own action and building a path with my other halves. The first of which is getting a flat together which will be ready in 3 years down the road. This reminds me that I have still so much to do and save, for our future.
I can sense that Sumo is growing up too, older of course, but mentally becoming more responsible in many areas, even had talks about marriage stuffs with his bro-in-law and sister, not that I have rushed him to! I just secretly wished for it I guess! haha. He even ask me to view the wedding bands together when we were at Taka last Saturday. My heart was warmed with invisible smiles to myself. Yes, things are moving in my life, slowly but steadily.
Sumo is also back working with his previous boss on the 12 Aug 2012 and having a steady income like finally! This time was not under my pressure but the pressure of his colleagues/ex-colleagues that he finally decided and relented. He's really different from me who is all shy, unfriendly and quiet and slow to warm up with accquaintances. The direct opposite of me, Mr everything also can talk under the sun, super helpful to anyone and all smileys to people he first meet was his greatest strength. I have forgotten whether was it the same character that had attracted me to him. I am glad for us, but a part of me is still feeling guilt because the family business is now short handed without Sumo helping out. Again, I was hesitatant on my feeling because he was having instable income working for the parents, which is low to start with and had no savings at all, I was worried for our future. Anyhow things are looking better now for him and for us!
Like I say, things cannot remain stagnant at all times, it moves even in the different direction. I like how things are slowly moving forward and I believe that soon, very soon, my career path will move forward too.
I look forward to that day.
Until then,
Love Kate <3 br="br">
I am the lucky one out of the most unlucky if you know what I mean. Didn't have the most high flying grades, just the oh-I-am-so-lucky I can get by my degree, phew! When my classmate have all gotten a good job after graduation, I was still trying my hard luck which couldn't get anywhere until my current boss asked my faculty's professor to introduce candidate to him that I finally have a chance to land myself a job. In the midst of job search two years on, was lucky to get few statutory board's calling up for interview but failed terribly again and again. My god. Why am I so bad at interviews? I was always like an ants on fire whenever I entered that door to the opportunity of a better job prospect , just to have it crashed due to my inablity of confidence speaking and the nerves all wrecked up.
Now, at last I have an interview where I think I fared good and not much nerve wrecking moment, I never heard from the company ever! Not even an rejection. Patiently waiting until weeks passed, month passed but there is still no news.(Last checked on 14 Aug 2012, so the company still haven't replied to the agency whom is suppose to inform me and I will just have to wait for update from him. =.=)
How not to feel dejected? Human's feeling are so fragile, especially so for mine. Nobody knows how much I have worked hard for those interviews, rehearsing times and again of those questions to myself. It's ok, perhaps, the almighty had a better path paved for me and I just need to grab and prepare myself for that one chance and maybe just maybe I will nail it! And all those hardwork will pay off and I am off to better future.
Things has to change, it is just a matter of time.
Taking baby steps are better than not moving at all.
All disgruntling aside. I feel like an adult finally. Responsible for my own action and building a path with my other halves. The first of which is getting a flat together which will be ready in 3 years down the road. This reminds me that I have still so much to do and save, for our future.
I can sense that Sumo is growing up too, older of course, but mentally becoming more responsible in many areas, even had talks about marriage stuffs with his bro-in-law and sister, not that I have rushed him to! I just secretly wished for it I guess! haha. He even ask me to view the wedding bands together when we were at Taka last Saturday. My heart was warmed with invisible smiles to myself. Yes, things are moving in my life, slowly but steadily.
Sumo is also back working with his previous boss on the 12 Aug 2012 and having a steady income like finally! This time was not under my pressure but the pressure of his colleagues/ex-colleagues that he finally decided and relented. He's really different from me who is all shy, unfriendly and quiet and slow to warm up with accquaintances. The direct opposite of me, Mr everything also can talk under the sun, super helpful to anyone and all smileys to people he first meet was his greatest strength. I have forgotten whether was it the same character that had attracted me to him. I am glad for us, but a part of me is still feeling guilt because the family business is now short handed without Sumo helping out. Again, I was hesitatant on my feeling because he was having instable income working for the parents, which is low to start with and had no savings at all, I was worried for our future. Anyhow things are looking better now for him and for us!
Like I say, things cannot remain stagnant at all times, it moves even in the different direction. I like how things are slowly moving forward and I believe that soon, very soon, my career path will move forward too.
I look forward to that day.
Until then,
Love Kate <3 br="br">
Monday, April 30, 2012
Lost in the world of jobs search
What kind of job are you seeking for?
All that I could think of was ..... blank and blank. It is like a journey with zero information, it's a seek for somewhere that can contain my presence, makes me feel important and motivates me to do better.
But frankly what is the kind of job I want to work as is so hard to define with what I need.
I want to be able to work in a place that I can contribute more to the emotional happiness of people so that in return, I will feel contented and motivated to go even further and not stucked in a place where the salary is comfortable, no welfare to speak of and to be forever alone in the office facing my computer and talking to myself.
I feel distant to the people in my company like we are all individual person working alone and sometimes reporting to the boss that is so near yet so far. No career coaching, no career advancement and pathetic salary increment every year. Even have to face the superior whom I have trouble working with and resulting in many clashes in work. No looking forward to every day of work and constantly sending out resume to other hopeful companies and wishing that my phone will ring with good news on the other hand to inform me of the interview timing.
Not sales definitely, science field perhaps, was all I could think of.
I am lost. I need to redefine what I want and what I need.
Perhaps it is cause I am pragmatic, that is why I rather be down to earth and not dream to be able to work my dream and do what I want. I simply can't because there's too much commitment.
Continuing the impossible journey and maybe just one day I can really say I do, to the job that I dream of.
Love,
Kate
All that I could think of was ..... blank and blank. It is like a journey with zero information, it's a seek for somewhere that can contain my presence, makes me feel important and motivates me to do better.
But frankly what is the kind of job I want to work as is so hard to define with what I need.
I want to be able to work in a place that I can contribute more to the emotional happiness of people so that in return, I will feel contented and motivated to go even further and not stucked in a place where the salary is comfortable, no welfare to speak of and to be forever alone in the office facing my computer and talking to myself.
I feel distant to the people in my company like we are all individual person working alone and sometimes reporting to the boss that is so near yet so far. No career coaching, no career advancement and pathetic salary increment every year. Even have to face the superior whom I have trouble working with and resulting in many clashes in work. No looking forward to every day of work and constantly sending out resume to other hopeful companies and wishing that my phone will ring with good news on the other hand to inform me of the interview timing.
Not sales definitely, science field perhaps, was all I could think of.
I am lost. I need to redefine what I want and what I need.
Perhaps it is cause I am pragmatic, that is why I rather be down to earth and not dream to be able to work my dream and do what I want. I simply can't because there's too much commitment.
Continuing the impossible journey and maybe just one day I can really say I do, to the job that I dream of.
Love,
Kate
Friday, February 10, 2012
Hello Diary
Hey diary,
I kinda miss you there. I have been going through minor rollercoaster ending 2011 and beginning 2012. Not much major changes, just aged heart and feelings; like everything became old and rugged. Not much to look forward to, not much drive to live a more vibrant life like how others do!
How did they get the drive? I am thristy for one too. Steps are getting heavier and I drag to move ahead. Becoming more and more slient and I think that is the killer inside; not wanting to expose what I really feel I hide behind that slience mask and pretend to move like everyone does. I have no choice.
I wanted more, too much that it disappoints me know I am just capable of talking without action. Even if there is, there's no response and it daunts on me. I know I must stay positive and my head is always encouraging me to look ahead and not be dejected. Afterall, what is life without failure and ups and down? My heart is heavy, I appeared heavy. No smiles, only forced one.
Let my beacon shine on me soon will you?
Aja Aja Fighting,
Kate
I kinda miss you there. I have been going through minor rollercoaster ending 2011 and beginning 2012. Not much major changes, just aged heart and feelings; like everything became old and rugged. Not much to look forward to, not much drive to live a more vibrant life like how others do!
How did they get the drive? I am thristy for one too. Steps are getting heavier and I drag to move ahead. Becoming more and more slient and I think that is the killer inside; not wanting to expose what I really feel I hide behind that slience mask and pretend to move like everyone does. I have no choice.
I wanted more, too much that it disappoints me know I am just capable of talking without action. Even if there is, there's no response and it daunts on me. I know I must stay positive and my head is always encouraging me to look ahead and not be dejected. Afterall, what is life without failure and ups and down? My heart is heavy, I appeared heavy. No smiles, only forced one.
Let my beacon shine on me soon will you?
Aja Aja Fighting,
Kate
Monday, December 19, 2011
So True
"Sometimes, you end up losing yourself trying to hold onto someone who doesn't care about losing you."
It hit me so hard, yet it is so true.
Some friends due to some misunderstandings, some issues; we are no longer close and back to being acquaintances. I prefer silence, not explaining any more any further.
It maybe the best for both of us.
Though it hurts for me, it is time to move on and only wishing that friend all the best at the back of my mind cause I can no longer care.
A friend that I had loved,
Kate Chng
It hit me so hard, yet it is so true.
Some friends due to some misunderstandings, some issues; we are no longer close and back to being acquaintances. I prefer silence, not explaining any more any further.
It maybe the best for both of us.
Though it hurts for me, it is time to move on and only wishing that friend all the best at the back of my mind cause I can no longer care.
A friend that I had loved,
Kate Chng
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