Idiom Watch: Makin' Bacon

We take a break now from the crass world of commerce, with its logos, signs, slogans, come-ons, and assorted attention grabbers, and turn to the world of pure expression.

Specifically, the phrase "makin' bacon," surely one of the most unpleasant turns of phrase ever to spring from the mind of mankind.

The Contemporary Dictionary of Sexual Euphemisms by Jordan Tate (St. Martin's Press) tells us that the phrase formerly carried with it the specific sense of overweight humans having intercourse. Consider if you must the related dysphemism porking.





Nowadays, all we think of when we (infrequently!) encounter the phrase is pigs having sex to create more pigs to be consumed. "Makin' bacon," therefore, is the most perfect example of suicidefoodistic terminology we've ever come across. It also appears to be a favorite of the nation's t-shirt and tchotchke makers.












The pigs have harnessed their life force and channeled it to the needs of industry. Sex becomes an expression not of love or need or even wordless instinct, but of sterile supply and demand.



























The offspring issuing from these bacon-making unions are not Khalil Gibran's "sons and daughters of life's yearning for itself." They're just commodities, born to be killed and chilled in your grocer's refrigerators.























Addendum: And we don't know what to make of this.











Addendum 2: Do you know this man?

National BBQ Festival

We have been pondering this thing for several hours straight. We're still at sea.

So there's this pig, right? And he's on a table? With, like, a checkerboard pattern covering his skin.

Is the pig a ghost? Are we seeing through him?

Is his transparency a metaphor, meant to imply that he never had any weight before he was killed, never made any demands on our consciences?

Was the pig run over by a truck with tires bearing a tread in the same design as the tablecloth?

Is the pig a chameleon-pig hybrid attempting a bit of closing-the-barn-doors-after-the-horses-have-gone-out camouflage?

Is this all just evidence of, shall we say, a naive aesthetic style? (Take a look at that perspective- and gravity-defying jar of "spice.")

Or, you know what? Let's just stick with this little cartoon, also from the National BBQ Festival in Douglas, Georgia.

It's a flag-waving, smile-grinning, fire-ignoring good time!

Pigalicious BBQ

This decal is a lavish bit of generica—it advertises no specific restaurant or product, but can easily be pressed into service on behalf of any pig-related company or consumer goods.

It's got a lot going for it: a pig's come-hither gaze, the apple of death held aloft like Eve's temptation, even a little heart nestled amid the typography.

Honestly, it's as thoughtful and painstaking a piece of suicidefoodiana as any created for a national chain or prestigious local joint. Its all-purpose intentions mean that it is a distillation of everything that's "good" about suicide food. Indeed, it's got the pig proud to play its role as foodstuff and the cutesy admixture of sex and death. (There is something repellent about the way the pig tries to lure us with the barbecue equivalent of a ball gag.)

As an everydecal, suitable for any barbecue-themed business that should come along, it hits all the "right" notes and could easily render even the fly-by-nightiest spot every bit as nauseating as the best-bankrolled barbecue establishment.

Special Report: Pig Logo Exposé 8

We have dropped any number of bombshells with our series of pig logo exposés. We've ruffled the feathers of the suicidefood establishment. Stepped on some toes. Sure. Obviously. It comes with the territory.

If you've been following our exposés, you might suppose you've already seen the most prevalent pig mascots. Perhaps you're thinking of Lumpy, with at least 17 tokens. Or maybe Pig Out, with at least 18. But they are as nothing compared to this, our latest and greatest installment! Feast your eyes on this cornucopia of suicidefoodist cloning!


















































































































































(From left to right, by row: KKC Barbeque Company, Cape BBQ Fest, Up in Smoke BBQ; Bixby BBQ n' Blues Festival, Bullock's Bar-B-Cue, Dillon County Chamber of Commerce BBQ Contest; Kennesaw's Pigs & Peaches BBQ Contest, Butt Lovers BBQ, JD's Barbecue; New Jersey State Barbecue Championship, Speak E-Z's, Biffle's Smoke House; Bub-Ba-Q, Stone Mountain BBQ Cook-off, Hog Heaven; Winelands Pork, Carolina Q Cup, Gourmet Pig Roast; Hansen Meat Service, Nugget Rib Cook-off, "Just Ask George" [thanks to Dr. shidoshi for the referral and photo]; The Giggly Pig, Pig Roast and Shore Lunch, Georgia Bar B Cue Association; Henry's Hog Roast [thanks to Dr. BJ for the referral and photo], Restaurant 28 Catering, Masterpiece Bar-B-Que; 10th Annual BBQ Cookoff, Uncle Redd's [thanks to Dr. Deepfriedkudzu for the photo]; TNT Southern Bar-BQ, Longcross Arks, McFrankenboo BBQ.)

Now, we know what you're thinking. The breadth, the scope, the numbing repetition! It's overwhelming! Well, prepare to be overwhelmeder!

Because this is only the beginning. Something has been nagging at us for a good long time about this pig—we'll call him Ubi, short for ubiquitous. We couldn't get over the feeling that, even though we have uncovered example after example of him, in varying degrees of customization, there was more to the story.

And then it hit us like a plate of pork. (Barf.)

Exposé 3, starring Ta-Da! At the time of this writing, we have unearthed 17 specimens. Here, take a look at a couple.

Don't you see?

Ta-Da! is Ubi. Ubi is Ta-Da! They are one. We are looking at the mightiest confluence of clip-art, folk art, and barbecue meme the world has ever known! It's almost like the Unified Field Theory, drawing together every strand of the Suicidefoodist Movement!

And it happened in our lifetime.
















Addendum: Opinion at headquarters is divided, but doesn't there appear to be some Ubi influence in this, as well? (The image, by the way, is for a dogpark.)












Addendum 2 (10/18/09): The 50th example of Ubi/Ta-Da!















Addendum 3 (10/25/09): Two from the German-speaking world, coming in at #51 and #52. One advertises a Metzgerei (butcher's shop), and the other a "suckling pig paradise!"













Addendum 4 (10/26/09): This thing's gone global!












Addendum 5 (11/21/09): For number 54, Ubi lounges on an airplane so that he might be delivered—fresh!—directly to your mouth.









Addendum 6 (2/19/10): Fifty-five. Okay, we get the point.










Addendum 7 (4/25/10): We're calling it. Number 56. It's iffy, but the general shape of the snout and ears, not to mention the sparse head hairs, sealed the deal for us.











Addendum 8 (10/06/10): #57.






Addendum 8 (10/16/10): For number 58, we go back south of the border.








Addendum 9: With appearances 59–63, Ubi cements his reputation as the hardest-working pig in the dying business!