sucking it in

I awoke in the middle of the night last night and I was sucking in my stomach.

In my sleep.

I've been sucking in my stomach since I was like eight years old.  It's become habit.

And quite frankly, I'm sick of it.

I laid in bed and thought about how my deepest desire is to live an authentic life. A life where I know who I am and what I want and I'm happy with what I have.  It's important to me that others see me for exactly what I am. And except me.

Love me even.  Belly and all.

And then I thought about the women in my life that I most admire. And how most of them haven't seen a size six in decades.

I try everyday to be authentic in everything I do. I don't hide my problems. I don't buy things I can't afford. I don't believe in flattery or lip service.

But I suck it in. All the time. I guess my physical self image is the last frontier. I really really really want to be happy with the way I look.  I want to accept my imperfections and be grateful that I am healthy.

I'm just not sure how to go about it. Maybe I'll buy a book or something.

And I'm open to suggestions. Really. I don't want to wake up sucking it in ever again.

these boobs were made for cuddling. . .

And that's just what they'll do. One of these days these boobs are going down a size or two.

I haven't worked out for almost three weeks. Three weeks people! I've been slowly gaining weight over the last year or so and now I find that I am a solid fifteen pounds over weight.

It always goes to my boobs first, then my belly and arms and thighs. Ug.

I actually allowed myself to think (get this) that it is okay to have a few extra pounds on when you first get a baby. It's nature's way of making a soft cuddly place for the baby to rest.

It's a great theory and it works well, IF YOU ARE PREGNANT.

I've got four weeks to lose some weight and I'm getting serious. Really. This time I'm serious.

As of last night I am down 0 pounds and up one peppermint Oreo. Let's see what today brings.

swim caps make everything better

Lord have mercy, it's swimsuit season again and this year I'm sporting an extra ten pounds. It's not that I don't want to work out. I try to exercise five days a week. The thing is, I like to eat. A lot. I hear people say nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. Well they obviously haven't tried cardamom-infused dark chocolate truffles. And that's just for starters.

I guess I just need to take my button-poppin', muffin toppin', pot-bellied body to the gym for an extra hour.