bee cube

its been a looong day. wonder why it felt so. had a conflict management talk with a few of my cell group members.. and i guess conflict just drains a certain part of you ya? the broken pieces hurt in the welding together, in the digging up of old wounds to take out that buried splinter, and i do hope its just a part of the healing process.

i've been hearing so much about this and that, and who and whom, and i find PEOPLE are just tiring, yet PEOPLE are who i am supposed to love. with all my heart. this is not an emo post. whenever people think abit its labelled "emo" which is a bit funny because WHY should we be content with the surface superficiality? like hehehehehahahaha I ATE LONG JOHN SILVER'S TODAY!!! big deal, really.

ahlee called me for 5 minutes to 'entertain her' or so she called it so i told her the nun joke which cheryl seah told us and a couple of incidents that happened today and we had a good 5 minute solid laugh. so i think i entertained myself, or her laughter and company entertained me. or whatever lies in between. haha. and amanda heng.. thanks for the train ride back! its good that we have caught up abit more this week, ironically over things we would rather had not existed.

why is loving so difficult, why are people so EMOTIONALLY driven? like so 'i dont feel like it so i dont go'. its NOT even a reason, its an excuse. and a lousy one. meMEMEmymemYMEE.

ME! HELLO!!!

i'm like DUH-UH THE KING/QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE AND YOU REVOLVE AROUND ME!!

-.-

pisses me off. its a shallow weakness, whatever happened to 'i beat my body and make it my slave' and good old DISCIPLINE without which we
CANNOT accomplish ANY of our goals.? im just ranting, okay? im not TARGETTING ANYONE, honestly. so dont read this and -s0b- be offended okay? its not about you. just do take note of the implications of our choices and decisions on those around us, because very often it is human selfishness that cripples someone else.

rant aside, i enjoyed EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of worship with youth alive at fusion, and the workshop as well. it is refreshing to the soul, well, to be refreshed. to be zealous again. not the perverted corrupted kind of zeal but the holy consuming zeal without which i am limp, indifferent, constantly tired and muddled and hamster scurrying.

i dont want to be tissue

white, flimsy, fragile and sterile.

cos tissue is used once and thrown away.

-

i want to be three things though.

a filter, a funnel, a flower.

one to sieve, one to channel, and one to burst.

-

burst out for the Son.

blossom, bubble. buttercup. hahaha.