remember?

it seems like so many people around me are getting depressed. but i'm in no position to help them, even though i want to. i remember my bouts of depression. stuff i wish i couldnt recall. things like these haunt you, dont they? i wonder how long my friendships now will last. how many of these are superficial, and can last. or maybe friendships were not meant to last. they just happened, and during that timespan in which they mattered, if we appreciated them, that was sufficient. if that were the case i wouldnt have to feel so bad abt all my dwindling friendships, persons i used to spend alot of time with, shared laughs, frowns, bloopers with.
 today we had floorball training. i think the only thing i was capable of doing was blocking the ball. and shielding (myself into a tight corner, no where to turn. ) its depressing, not playing well. i do think its the things that are most capable of bringing you joy, that cause you most hurt.
so many things are paradoxical. maybe paradoxes give meaning. like how contrasts complement, and illuminate. there are many i-words for light. iridescent, illuminate, incident..according to Oxford who was sitting on my shelf. onion tears. i thought i was really happy with school and all, and i ought to be. appreciative of the compound, my class, cca, and i am, i think. but sometimes, the full swing of life's hurried meaninglessness bats me in the face. and wham! once more im dizzy, also when im confused im most awake, and most dreading the routine track on which my life train rambles on.


chug.
'are u, one of We?'