Story of my life: I'm a quitter

Yup, that's right, I quit things. I once had someone tell me that I'm the saddest person they know, and hope I get help. Maybe she was right. Well, in fact, she is right. I struggle with depression. I don't have the means to get help for that, so I let my depression control me, sometimes. Now, is one of those times.

My life has been so hard. My parents moved so many times when I was growing up, I never learned how to make friends. True, lifelong friends. Sure, I had friends, but they quickly forgot me as soon as I would move, or move on to their more established relationships as soon as conflict would happen (as all girl relationship seem to have). Don't get me wrong, I quit lots of friendships myself. I'm pretty sure I self sabotage a lot.

Que death of my brother. Wow, talk about depression. No one saw me. My parents didn't help me, or get help for me. My "friends" didn't know how to deal with that, so I was left alone. There may have been a few teachers that saw what was happening, but didn't have the skills to deal with a 10 year old in deep depression.

My parents, I love them, but they sure did hurt me. One would pick on my until I was in tears. I believed what they said about me, making it hard to be confident about myself. The other would call my stupid and yell at me because I couldn't read or do math or do my chores right. Those harsh words stick around a lot longer than the good ones. I know I was loved, but they had a mean streak that did a lot of damage.

Sports, I quit them all. Volleyball, softball, cheerleading. I quit every single one. Why? Because it was hard. Or because I thought I should have been on a better team, or captain, because I was working so hard, but I went unnoticed and picked on by others. So I quit.

I joined the church. I also quit that church a lot. I can't seem to really walk away, because I know I can find happiness there. But it's a lot of hard work. And I walk away from hard stuff.

Then there are boys. Yup, I was in a lot of relationships as a teen. I quit most of those relationships. Really hurting some. But, I let them use my body to make me feel better about myself. Didn't work. I would realize what I was doing, and then either sabotage those relationships or move on when I wised up. I thought letting a boy touch my naughty bits would make me more pretty, more confident, just more. Boy, was I wrong.

There have been so many times in my marriage where I just wanted to quit. Not because things were bad. My husband is wonderful. Currently stewing with worry because I won't open up to him about my feelings, right now. But I wanted to quit because things were hard. Being a mom is hard. And when you don't feel great about yourself, sometimes the thought of just walking away seems so wonderful. A dream or escape. But then, it would be hard, so I stay. See, I run away from the hard.

That reminds me, I quit while giving birth. Yup, that moment when I hit the wall, I just give up. I have to have someone tell me what to do. To push, harder. I suppose every woman has that happen to them, but it's just another thing to add to my list.

I quit this blog. I quit cloth diapers. I quit nursing. I quit sewing. I quit crafting. I quit book club. I quit...I quit.... Can't seem to quit Facebook though....

The one thing I quit that I can be proud of....soda. But even then I cheat and have a coke or dr. pepper here and there. See, I can't even quit right.

Now, there's this whole college thing. I quit, twice. Once at Western and once at Utah State. And now things are hard, and I want to quit again.

And don't get me started on losing weight. I'm trying again, because after my husband lost his job last summer, I quit working out. I quit eating right. I gained 20 pounds after getting to the lowest weight I had been in years. Now, I'm stressed out so bad, I can't lose the weight. I lose some, then gain it back. If I eat right and exercise daily, sometimes twice a day, I lose a bunch of weight. But I only seem to lose weight when I starve myself (eating less than 1200 calories) and do double workouts. I gain or maintain weight if I eat what I should (between 1400-1700 calories) and just workout once a day. But, days where I overeat and don't workout, I lose weight. UGH! I don't know how many times I've given up trying to lose weight. I go up and down. Getting on the scale, daily, doesn't help the depression, but I just have to know. It's a vicious cycle that I can't seem to stop.

So why write all this? Because I need to get it out of my head. Get the devil off my shoulder whispering all this to me. I'm starting to really listen. To just be sad, fat, and lazy, with no degree, sounds really good right now. Blessings and prayer, self positive talk, just isn't working right now. I feel like no one sees me. No one cares. Besides my husband, but then it gets annoying to have something wanting to know what's going on all the time. I can feel myself pushing people away when I really need them to stay. 

I feel so alone. My past coming back and haunting me. All the bad things being remembered. All the times I quit. But can I quit caring? NOPE. All this is just pulling me down. I want to stop going down, but then that takes work, and I don't want to put in the work.

You know, those extreme weight loss shows. They always talk about what's holding you back from moving forward, from not quitting on yourself. I suppose I know what the issue is, but I have no clue how to work through it.

I know life isn't suppose to be easy. And I know I can control how I feel, most of the time. I know I can get out this. But it's a question if I want to and push through the pain and work hard. Life sucks.

Hanging onto Faith

There is no way to put this, my husband was laid off yesterday.

This isn't the first time he lost a job. But the last time was 6 years ago, and we were a few weeks away from moving to Oregon to start his career as an accountant. The job was already lined up, we just had to wait a few weeks before it started. So there was security in that.

But this, this was out of the blue. He did nothing wrong. It just wasn't the right fit. Thanks, Washington no fault firing laws.

We've had a rough 6 months with finances, and well, we don't have any savings. Nothing. We've had to draw from that a little here and there, in order to make it by. And as for food storage, well, we haven't even started on that.

Which makes me regret not following the promptings I had a few months ago about starting our food storage. UGH, I think I learned my lesson. We'll start food storage as soon as Steve gets a new job.

As for now, I'm starting to get over the shock of it all. I think, right now, mostly I just feel numb. And a little sad. Ok, a lot sad.

The weight of all this is hitting like a ton of bricks. A lot of what if's happening. I'm trying very hard to hold on to my faith in Christ. Letting go of this weight and giving it to Him. And having faith in Heavenly Father's will, timing and plan for us. That alone, can be hard. I know that this trial will only make us better, help us draw closer together and closer to Him. But you know what? It still sucks!

I don't know if it's hope or a feeling that things will work out, but I'm hoping we won't be jobless for long. Holding on to that optimism is going to be a huge motivator for us. But if by September no job still, it's going to be harder to be that optimistic.

The worse part of all this, we are going to miss the weddings of our nephew and Steve's brother. Unless, by some miracle, he get a job this week and he starts working next week, we won't have the money to spare to travel to either wedding. One is in state, the other in Utah and Idaho.

I feel bad for the kids. We haven't had a fun summer. No camping trips, no fun day trips to parks or zoos or to the beach. I don't think it'll happen at all this summer.

I'm trying really hard not to ask, "Why us? Why now?" We'll learn these things soon enough. It doesn't help. What I'm trying to do is draw strength from the Lord, from His words, from the counsel from our leaders, that everything is going to work out. We'll be taken care of. Heavenly Father has always provided for us, even when we weren't valiant in our testimonies. We aren't where we were 6 years ago. That gives me hope.

Most of all, I am in no way, what so ever, upset with my husband. It wasn't his fault. I'm not mad at his old employer for letting him go. I totally could be. It was kind of a dick move. But it is what it is. My husband is awesome and he WILL find something better. Something that he'll love and it will be what the Lord wants us to do.

So right now, I'm just asking for prayers. Keep us in them. And if you are fasting anytime soon, please add us to your fast. It totally sucks that the temple is closed till the 11th. We could totally use temple blessings right now.

Also, thank you to those that have already been praying for us. I have felt those prayers. For the most part, I can keep a good attitude. It's totally from those prayers. So please, keep them coming.

God is great. And I know that He has a better plan for us and He will lead us to the right place. I just pray that we'll be open to hear what He has to say.

He's Here!!!!

Welcome Remy Gray!!!!

It's still sort of surreal, that our last child is finally here. He is just the sweetest thing!

My intuition was right, and I went over due with this little guy. I was due on the 15th.

Me on my due date

I went three days over, just like with Gwen. I noticed a pattern with my kids. Zoe and Leo were both born 39 weeks and 1 day. And both Gwen and Remy were born 40 weeks and 3 days. And the pattern of kids goes boy, girl, boy, boy, boy, girl, boy. I'm sure that if we were to have more, I would have another boy and he would be nearly a week over due. lol!

***Warning, TMI! If you want to just see the pictures, that's fine. But you have been warned!***

Ok, so the birth story. I wasn't having a lot of contractions. I would have a few episodes of some strong ones, but they would go away. I saw my midwife on Monday, the 13th, and she said that I would probably have a baby by the end of the week. She was right. I was a very stretchy 2 on the outside of my cervix and a firm 2 on the inside. Whatever that means.

So I tried really hard not to get upset as my due date came and went with nothing happening. At least this time, I wasn't having false labor like with Gwen.

Friday night we went to our monthly board game night. Ate too much junk food and one spicy thing that I prayed wouldn't keep me up all night.

Woke up Saturday morning, the 18th, with plans to go grocery shopping, take the kids to the pumpkin patch, and to Value Village to get Halloween costumes. We took our time getting ready, and as I was getting out of the shower, my water broke.

Yup, the girl that never has her water break, it broke as I was getting out of the shower. Thanks, Remy. We later found out it was just a portion of the bags of water. He was so big, that he sectioned off parts of the water bag, so only a little bit was leaking out. Good times.

That was at 8:30 in the morning. So, we called the midwife and she said that we should just stay home, watch to make sure the water doesn't turn green, and call when we are ready to come in. She would call the hospital and make sure the water birth room would be waiting for me.

Since my contractions weren't happening yet, and when I did have one, they were not intense, we decided to do the next week's shopping. Walking would help speed things along, so might was well kill two birds with one stone.

Steve and I made our weekly shopping trip to three different stores. Steve was making sure that we walked the whole store before leaving. Around 9:30 my contractions starting coming regularly.

After all our shopping, we got home around 11ish. Steve put the food away, and I had lunch. I was super tired from staying up so late the night before, and the kids were really bugging me. Every time I would have a contraction, Jake would freak out and ask if everything was ok. I know he meant well, but it was bugging me.

So Steve and I headed upstairs to lay down and try to rest before we headed into the hospital. We chatted for bit, watched food porn, and I drifted off to sleep. Only to wake up about half an hour later with intense back labor. I don't handle that kind of labor well, so I thought we could head in, and I could use that big tub to relax in while in labor.

We had called Steve's mom after the midwife in the morning, so she knew what was going on and was on her way down. We told my mom that we were heading in and that Marilu would pick her up when she got here. I just wanted a few hours to myself to relax and not have a bunch of people just staring at me while I labored.

Off we went to the hospital, after calling Donna, the midwife. She would be with us again for this delivery. We walked in and got a few Ebola questions. lol! Then they took me to the water birth room and got me hooked up for some motoring. Where the charge nurse argued with me about getting an IV, they didn't have my water birth consent form and wasn't going to let me get in until Donna brought it, and weren't going to check me because my water had broken, until Donna said it was ok.

Donna wasn't in the hospital yet, she was still at the office. Which is just a few blocks away. So, after they chatted with Donna via phone, and my actual nurse was in the room, I was checked, I was at 7 cm at 1:30, I was allowed to not have an IV (got a huge lecture about this) and got the tub filling up so I could get in.

We called our moms to let them know. Because the last time I was at a 7 and got in the water, I went to complete in 45 minutes. We called a friend to bring my mom in, because Marilu thought she wouldn't have time to get my mom and back to the hospital before I had the baby.

So, our mom's showed up about 5 minutes apart from each other around 2:30, I think. (My timeline is probably off, I really wasn't watching the clock.) I was just sitting in the tub, happy as can be. I love the tub!

In the tub!

Donna had come by then and we chatted for a bit. I was getting restless in the tub, so I got out and we walked the halls for a bit. I just felt like things weren't going as fast as they should be. After my walk, I was checked again, I was at a 9, but still had a lot of cervix in the way. I got a birthing ball and sat on that for a bit. They refilled the tub with hot water, so it would be the right temp when I finally got back in.

I wasn't on the ball for long, the back labor hurt a lot. So in the tub I went. It was in there that I broke down. I could feel that it was getting close to pushing time, and I was so scared. I cried. Broke down and cried. Express my fear and reluctance to do another natural birth.

Steve took me to the bathroom and gave me a blessing. It helped, but I just didn't feel right. I got back in the tub and felt the urge to push. I pushed a bit, but didn't feel right. I got out of the tub and tried standing and pushing. Like how I had Gwen. That got the room all buzzing and a bunch of people came in. 

Standing wasn't working, so I squatted down and pushed. Nothing. By then it was 6, and I got a new nurse.

I also just knew that nothing was working. I as in a lot of pain and pushing wasn't doing anything. I got on my bed (where Donna suggested she break my water, again. Which I let her, hoping that would do something because nothing was working) and then got on all fours so Donna could apply counter pressure on my back, and I begged for an epidural. So they got an IV started (getting an IV at 9 cm, with horrible back labor, while on all fours, not fun, btw) and then given some drug to help take the edge off. Yeah, it didn't work. Once the IV was in, I switched to a buddha pose, and my contractions went away. Donna was concerned that I would need pit as well.

And so I waited like that, for an hour, while the anesthesiologist finished up with a c-section (I was begging for him to hurry up, that they called in the stand-by guy to deal with me). Which took FOR.EV.ER! By then, the contractions had started again and were piling up on each other. And they hurt. I wasn't relaxing. I as holding that baby in until I could get the happy juice!

The anesthesiologist finally came around 7:30 pm. Took his sweet time going over stuff and getting prepped. Meanwhile, I was shaking so bad from the pain and labor. After it was all said and done, and it started working, I was on cloud nine. It was great to finally be able to relax and not feel the pain in my back anymore.

We called our mom's back in. It was getting late, so we offered for them to get some dinner. At around 8:30 I was checked, and I was almost a 10. Just one little bit of cervix left, which was typical of me. Donna asked I turn to my right to help get pressure on that side so I would go to complete. I rolled too far, and Remy didn't like that, so I rolled back a bit and within 10 seconds needed to push now!

So we got everything going, and I started pushing. This time, I could push right and get him coming out. Only, every time I pushed, my cervix would close up. Donna said I would be at a 10 while not pushing or contracting, but as soon as I pushed with a contraction, I could close back up. She'd never seen that before. So she placed her hand inside and would keep me open while I pushed. As he moved down and I pushed him out, I also pushed her hand out. 

After about 20 minutes or so of pushing, Remy Gray was born at 9:07 pm. He was 9 lbs 9 oz and 20 1/2 inches long. With a 14 1/4 inch head.

So even though I didn't get a water birth, I'm glad I was able to use the tub. It really helped with the back labor. But I think I've always known that I would not have a water birth. Which, on that day, the Spirit confirmed that to me during that blessing. I just knew that there was something off, and I wouldn't be able to birth him without the help of an epidural. My contractions, once I was on the epidural were extremely intense and just kept piling on top of each other, and lasted for a long time. I know that I felt everyone of those, I wouldn't able to do it. Something was off, and I was glad I listened to my body and the Spirit, and got the epidural. I'm happy with that. I tired everything to try and relieve the pain, I moved around and listen to the suggestions of both my midwife and mother-in-law and nothing worked. So, I'm happy with how his birth happened.

Due to some minor complications after birth for both Remy and me, we were held in the hospital till Monday. We finally went home Monday afternoon, and came home to just Grandma. My parents left that morning, the four older kids were at school, and Dexter and Gwen were taking naps. It was so weird to come home to a quiet house.

The kids came home before the other two woke up. So they all got to meet and hold Remy first.

Dexter woke up while Grandma and Steve were away, so no pictures. But he was so happy to see me. Then he saw Remy and was just beaming. He sat on the edge of my chair and gazed at Remy, touched him, and gave him a kiss on the head. It was so sweet!

Gwen had about the same reaction. She saw me and ran right to me, and gave me a big hug. Then just stared at Remy, not sure what to do. Steve got her and Remy and held them. She wouldn't look at him for anything. lol!

We finally got a picture of her looking at him, but that was it. She has taken a few days to warm up to him, but she hasn't been acting jealous at all. And she gets her loves in while he is sleeping, so all is well.

It feels wonderful to have our family complete now. It's nice knowing that this is the last one. I'm trying to soak it all in and remember everything. It's still weird to think we are the parents of SEVEN children. I love them all so much!

Our first family photo at a pumpkin patch, the next Saturday after Remy was born.

Just a bit of anxiety

This is going to be a little bit of therapy for me.

You see, I've woken up in the middle of the night, for the last two nights, having an anxiety attack. Over what? Well, labor and delivery.

Every time I have woken up, I had been dreaming or thinking about birth. This is my 7th time around, and I'm still nervous and scared.

But I have never, ever, had it affect my sleep and my health like this before.

Just writing this down, I can feel my heart to start to race and I'm getting nervous.

I'm hoping that by writing down my feelings that this acknowledgment will help easy my anxiety.

So why am I freaking out?

Well, Gwen's birth was traumatic. There was no nice labor and delivery room. No water birth. No time to relax. And it was very painful. She was a 9 pound baby with a huge head. I'm really not a fan of "land births", but yet, I have done it three times before.

Leo's birth was my first "land birth", meaning no drugs. Ok, I had a shot of something right there at the end to take the edge off, but I did not have an epidural. I had a crappy nurse that wouldn't listen to me, and I suffered for 1 1/2 hours not being allowed to push because of tiny bit of cervix not fully dilated. When she finally listened to me, and let me push, I was able to deliver Leo. But I was in terrible amounts of pain. The only time I felt like I was going to throw up while in labor.

My next "land birth" was Dexter's. This time, I was allowed to get in the tub...down the hall, I wasn't allowed to deliver in it. My water hadn't broken, and he was born in it. Pushing out a bag of water and Dexter was hard. I remember hitting the wall and just wanting to give up. This time, my midwife was amazing and listened to me and helped me. But I still had annoying nurses.

But Gwen's birth is still fresh. I mean, she was born just last year. My midwife is still talking about her birth. And I hit that wall, where I just wanted to give up, I remember the pain, and how my midwife really didn't know how to help me. But she did listen to me and let me deliver how I needed too. Gwen wasn't coming out without help from gravity.

So, here I am, remember all my non-pain relief births, and I'm freaking out. I'm scared that I'll end up in that small room again, without water to help with the pain. I'm scared that this baby will be huge, like Gwen, and how hard I'm going to have to work to get him out. I'm scared that if I just can't handle the pain and get an epidural I'll let myself down. And my midwife. And Steve down.

Maybe my anxiety is caused because I know that this will be the last time I will have a baby. And I just want to do it right. The way I want to do it. But I also know that it's not about how I give birth, or manage the pain, but just the end result. A healthy little boy.

Most of all, I'm just scared of the pain that I know that's coming. I'm scared of hitting that wall. I'm scared of not doing things right. Whatever that means.

Looking back, all of my births haven't gone as I had planned. I always wanted a natural birth, but Jake was causing problems, so I got an epidural. With Zoe, I had my water broken, and stalled, so I was given pit, couldn't handle those contractions, and got an epidural. Teage, I was bleeding, so I was given pit and an epidural to help speed things along.

When I first got pregnant, my SIL was pregnant as well. She was planning a water birth, and I thought that was a joke. Funny, how things can change in 10 years.

So, I'm freaking out over something I can't really control. I can't control how many mothers go into birth. How this labor is going to be. How big baby will be. All I can do is control my reactions to the pain and how I deal with it. And apparently, I'm having issues with that. Having anxiety over this is so stupid. I'm not a first time mom, I know what's going to come. I know how I'll handle the pain. I know that I can do it. I guess the question is, how do I want to handle the pain? Water, or drugs? I know that Steve will support me know matter what. I'm sure my midwife will be fine with whatever I pick.

I don't want to be one of those mom's that get's depressed, angry or upset because she didn't have the birth that she had all planned out. Things happen, and you have to be willing and able to go with the flow of events. Trust me, giving birth in a triage room that could fit inside a labor and delivery room, standing up, wasn't what I had in mind at all. But I did it. And it was amazing.

Maybe I just need to change my attitude. To remember what all this is for. And that it's amazing. It's a miracle to bring a baby into this world. It doesn't matter how he gets here, as long as he gets here. And I know that after the hard part, the endorphins will take away all the pain.

And there we go, the end of my therapy session. Here's hoping that this works and tonight I'll be able to sleep as good as I can. I don't need to make myself sick worrying over something that can't be changed or helped.

And it's a.....

BOY!!!!!!!!!

We found out a few weeks ago, that our last little bundle of joy will be a boy.

I was hoping for a girl, but about two months ago, I got a kidney infection. Which, I only get when I am pregnant with boys. So, I knew he was going to be a boy.

And I'm ok with that. I think I've always known that this last one would be a boy.

Now we are trying to pick out a name. We have a few favorites, so it's just picking which one feels right.

As for the kids, only Zoe seemed really upset. She REALLY wanted another sister. I feel bad that we weren't able to do that for her. But at least she has Gwen. Zoe asked me if we could have another baby after this one. I laughed and said, "No. We are done with this one." She wasn't happy about that either. But has come around to the idea of having another baby brother.

The boys, I'm not sure how they feel about having another boy around. I think for the most part, they are ok with it.

So what does this mean for my schooling? Well, I'm almost done with this last year. So far, I've kept my 4.0, and it looks like I'll be getting another 4.0 this quarter. I'm pretty happy about that! I'll be taking Summer, Fall, and Winter off. By Spring quarter next year, baby will be about 6 months old. Which was how old Gwen was when I started this fall. I'm excited for a break, but sad to be losing a year in schooling. The friends that I've made this year who are wanting to be nurses, I'm sad that I probably won't end up in nursing school with them. But we'll shall see.

What about Steve? Well, he turns 34 tomorrow. (hehehe, he's almost in his mid-thirties now!) He's excited to just be having another baby. I don't think he likes to think about this one being our last. He's in denial. That's ok.

I'm at the half-way mark now. Baby is looking great, and I'm starting to feel lots of kicks. I can't wait till Steve and the kids can feel them too! That's my favorite part of pregnancy.

This year is flying by. I just hope that October comes quickly. I'm not very patient, and I can't wait to meet this little guy that's going to complete our not so small family. :)

Cheers!

Lucky Number 7

Well, the time is finally here. I'm pregnant with our last baby! (well, I hope it's the last one, but I'll do whatever the Lord wants me to do)

We are super excited that this is finally happening.

The kids keep asking when we will find out if it's a boy or girl. FYI, the end of May. Happy Birthday to Steve! They also want another sister, although Teage thinks it will be a boy.

As for me, I'm doing better. Morning sickness hit me hard a few weeks ago. But, it has gotten better in the last few days. I don't wake up every day with the urge to throw up. And Ginger Ale is my drink of choice now.

Oh, which reminds me, I've been Coke free since New Year's Day! (Ok, I had two small Cokes a few weeks ago. Left over from making Costa Vida pulled pork. I couldn't let those go to waste. And I only had the small Coke once a day). I'm pretty proud of myself for resisting the Coke.

Anyways, baby number 7 is due in October. We're super excited for it to come. I'm ready to be done with having babies. lol! 

Cheers!

2013 In A Glance

Wow! It's almost 2014 already?!?!? Where does the time go?

I have sucked at blogging. I just don't have the desire to do it anymore. Maybe I'll get the bug to do it again, sometime. But for right now, I'm just focusing on my schooling.

Anyway, so here is the obligatory year in review blog. Enjoy! 

January
The kids, Jake and Zoe, went back to school. We were busy with getting things ready for baby Gwen. Steve was still hard at work. 

February

Leo turned 5. He was so ready to go to school. As soon as he had his birthday, he asked if he could go to school. He was really disappointed when I told him he had to wait until September. I had a baby shower for me and a friend. It was a lot of fun! Thanks ladies!

I got my craft on and sewed a quilt for baby girl and a carseat cover.

And was still pregnant. The last few weeks are always the longest.

But everyone was still super excited to have baby come. We were all stocked that Gwen would be a girl!

March

I went into fake labor twice. The last time I was really mad at everyone. My awesome mother-in-law came the first time we thought I was in labor and stayed until after Gwen was born! My mom came on the 9th and stayed until the day after Gwen was born.

The last pregnant picture. She was born the next day!

My dad came the second time I thought I was in labor. A surprise to everyone. I'm glad he came. He watched the kids and got them off to school, while the grandmas and Steve and I had a baby.

Gwen finally came (two days late!) after a twister that landed a few miles up the road. That sent everyone into labor, and I had this baby girl standing up in a small triage room. 9 pounds of per joy! Read about it here!

April
Was spent getting use to the baby. Jake and Zoe had spring break a week after she was born. Grandma Marilu came back and helped out for a bit longer. It was nice, because Steve couldn't take time off, it was his busy week. The kids all went back to school and I got in the habit of caring for four kiddos at home! Leo was a great big helper! 

May

Steve turned 33. We noticed that Dexter's hair was getting really curly after his first hair cut in March. The kids and Steve spoiled me for Mother's Day. We finally were getting used to the routine of baby Gwen. Steve's little sister got married, and we went up there for the day. And then spent the weekend with Steve's big sister. After the wedding, we went to some camp ground to play at the WWII bunker. It was a lot of fun, and now we want to go camping there next year!

Grandma and Grandpa with all the grand kids!

June

Dexter turned 2. I can't believe he is 2 already. It's crazy! Steve and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary! We got a weekend away, camping at Leavenworth. It was a blast. And Gwen did great! Some friends of ours scored some free tickets to see Weezer, so we got a baby sitter and went with them. It was so much fun! And Gwen slept throughout the whole thing! School ended for Jake and Zoe! And summer break finally began!

Tummy time and a little help from Olive

Weezer!

Testing out the camp chair for Gwen in the front yard.

July

Is always a busy month. We started it off with a visit from one of Steve's favorite Sister missionaries from his mission. It was a blast to show Portland to them! We went to a ward member's firework show. It was a lot of fun! Teage turned 4 and Zoe turned 7! The air show was early this year, but we still went to it! We love the air show!! We also got a visit from my brother. He is doing all that he can to get back into shape, and is looking really good! Way to go Duane!

Front row seats baby!!

August

I took Jake and invited a few friends for a fire station visit at the beginning of August. This was to help Jake get his Wolf badge for Cub Scouts. We finally went camping with the kids! To our favorite place, Cape Lookout. Only to be rained out and we ran away a day early. I turned 30! We got ready to watch Aggie football. We went camping with some friends to Zion's Camp. It was a lot of fun. But we are sad they are moving this next year. Steve two older brothers got married in August. One, had a celebration reception a few weeks later. So we went to Ellensburg for that. And stayed the long weekend (Labor Day weekend) in Moses Lake with Steve's Dad and Tana. We also had a bet going on how Steve would look with a mustache. You be the judge!

Zoe lost her first tooth!

Playing in the rain before we ran away in the middle if the night. This marked the death of our canopy. :(

Go Aggies!

September

I decided I wanted to be a midwife when I grow up, so I enrolled at the community college to start working on my generals. I've got ten years of schooling ahead of me, and this just the beginning. While at Grandma and Grandpa's, we went fishing! We got a lot of fish and the kids had a blast! We made it back into for Jake, Zoe, and Leo, to go to school! Jake is now in 3rd grade, Zoe is in 2nd, and Leo is in Kinder!! They love going to school and hare working hard. Teage, Dexter, Gwen and I hang out. I'm doing online school, so I get to be home with these lovelies all day!

October

Was super busy for us. I was in full swing of school. My parents came for a two week visit. Where, my dad built me some awesome stuff! Lockers for the kiddos and an entertainment center! The kids had a blast at Halloween. And scored lots of candy!

November

Another busy month! We got Sister Missionaries and I have been busy going out with them, feeding them, and giving them rides. It's been a blast having Sister's here! And we fed them Thanksgiving dinner. We contacted their parents and made them their favorite pie. Steve's Mom, step-dad and Grandma came down for Thanksgiving. So, it was a full house! Jake turned 9! He got his Wolf badge done in the summer, and is now a Bear. And Gwen is now eating solids. Although, that is doing bad things to her poops. We're working on working that out.

Jake TARDIS cake

The Sisters :)

Steve was doing no shave November. I like him better without facial hair!

December

I made it through my first quarter! I got my grades and I did great! A 4.0!!! My first ever. The kids are all doing amazing in school. Zoe is still behind in reading and writing, but is working hard on improving. We are hoping that she will catch up this year. Jake and Leo are kicking butt and taking names. We couldn't be more happy with how well they are doing. After finals, I worked on a Christmas Tree Ornament Advent Calendar for the kids. They loved it! And I got it done a week before Christmas! My parents came up for Christmas. It was so nice to spend another week with them! Gwen is starting to cruise around stuff! She got a walker for Christmas and is LOVING it! We also added to our family. Two new guinea pigs, named Thor and Loki! We all love them!! But, they are still scared of us and the cat. Ha! Now we are getting ready to bring in the New Year!

Our house this year! It doesn't look awful this year!

So many stockings!

Tree number 1 (the family tree)

Tree number two (mom's tree!)

All decorated for the holidays

The advent calendar before the ornaments were done

All up!

Merry Christmas!

The kids LOVED all their hand made hats from Grandma Marilu. I only got half the boys pictures taken though.

Our new members, Thor and Loki. Thor is the yellow one and Loki is the darker one. :)

We have been truly blessed this year. It went by so fast. I can't believe there is only a day and half left. We are all looking forward to 2014. We have so big things happening. Hopefully, we'll add the last baby to our family, I'll keep doing well in school, as well with the kids. We are hoping that Steve will get a promotion this year (fingers crossed, he put his name in the running for the control position before Christmas. We are hoping to find out sometime next month, if he gets it or not), Zoe turns 8 and will be getting baptized in July. Teage will start school in September and Jake will be 10! What?!?!? 2014 is looking to be another great year!

We hope you all had a very Merry Christmas! And have a very Happy and safe, New Year!!

Love to all!